real
loneliness
is not
necessarily
limited to
when
you are
alone.

You make me frustrated -
Frustrated that when I look at you
And think to say I love you,
The word falls short
Like the shortness of breath you cause
When your eyes connect with mine

It frustrates me that
You make me feel
What no dictionary has a proper word for.
So how then will I convey
The stutter of my heart
When you whisper my name,
Making all the world just fall away,
Till it's just you and me?

Tell me how I'm supposed to let you know
That I'm nauseous with bliss when you walk my way
And that I'm shivering and rubbing and holding myself
In a futile attempt to escape the cold
That comes when you're gone?
Tell me how I'm supposed to, in one phrase,
Light the understanding of your consciousness
Like you light my life with your presence,
Getting you to see that I don't just love you,
But that you frustrate me?

In this you once felt superior
But now, nothing but inferior
Once filled with confidence that now is gone
Your writing is nothing compared to Shawn's

You used to be full of inspiration
Only now to be bottling frustration
When you wrote, the words would just flow
They just came to you - where'd they go?

You're reaching out, searching for them
Delving into your mind, biting your pen
Calling to them to stop hiding and come to you
Asking them to express like they usually do

It's easy now for her; she's a champion
Leading a glamorous life so unlike what you live in
You sit there, struggling through the day
She spends her days in amazing ways

But forget about her for just a minute
You lead different lives, different muses in it
When you're reading her work, don't compare
It's not a competition; You have different things to share

You look at yourself - how silly you've been!
Your poetry speaks the condition your heart's in
You say you lost your inspiration?
Look at everything you've just written

You're a champion all your own
Because you write the feelings that are yours alone.

I sit down with you
So willing to hear
Caught up in your web
Just knowing you're near.
I catch myself often
Getting lost in your eyes
Put my hand to my chest
As my heartbeat multiplies.
I cling to each word
That you speak to me
And hold on like it was gold
Whatever the topic may be.
Speak all night and I'd still be sold
Talk about anything;
It would never get old.
I'd listen the whole while
And sincerely care
About what you say to me
I'm so thankful you're there.
The night reaches its end
We go our separate ways
But I'll be dreaming all night
About what you had to say.

I remember the thunder
Cascading down your spine
The night that you told me
Our love was now all mine

I remember a bang
Then nothing else
I watched you
The magician
Work your last trick
And out from your hat
A serpentine

How could I not have heard the cries
How could I not have read the signs
Howling wolves come late at night
Procure their next delight

I was a paper plane
And you were the eye of the hurricane
I was a skeptic slip
And you were the robe beneath my feet
I was a butterfly with a fear of falling
And so you clipped my wings

You were the ink
Spread out on sheets of unused paper
Line after line
Stroke after stroke
Vestal canvas
Tainted over time

Now I grab your fingers
Now I run away
Now I'm swirling in slabs of sapphire
Falling wave after wave

Now I'm crouched beneath my sink
Crying
Now I load old pills in my gun
Take aim
And fire
Cremate all of
My desire

Now I walk on all fours
Primal
Sleeping on the debris
Of my defeat

And watch you sheathe your two front teeth to taint your next great masterpiece