They say there's stages of grief
But I don't remember-
Making it through those
When did looking at your picture-
Become unfamiliar?
Who is that man?
What is the sound of his voice?
How much did he love me?
What was he hiding?
I don't remember going through
The stages of grief.
But apparently,
It made me forget you

Maybe coping is overrated.

You grabbed the rule book
And ripped it in half
Then you blamed
The other players of the game
For your own misery

You never did like rules.
You created your own as you went
But when things didn't go your way,
It was the fault of others.
And now you're alone.

Cheaters never win the game.

My heart brought happiness
Back to my life
And my mind
Made it go away

It's 12 am
And you're at my door
My chest says yes,
But my brain says, "no more."
You walk away confused
While I stand in the doorway
With my heart in my throat
And the pain coursing through my veins
I'm thinking, "My God, this is insane"
I whisper, "I'm sorry.
You deserve better than me.
You're too pure for this darkness*"
I hope one day you will see
Why I had to make you leave.

I reached for the bottle of whiskey
Because I didn't want to feel anything.
Then I reached for the bottle of *****
Because I wanted to feel something.
Then I reached for the bottle of wine
Because I wanted to relax in the midst of chaos.
Now I reach for nothing at all
Because I don't know what's real anymore.

I poured my heart out
With a pen and paper
Until there was nothing left
An empty shell holding a journal.

I used to be happy.
I used to know what it was like
To feel joy course through my body.
We all did,
At one time.

Then there's the loss
And none of us are ever the same.
Pretenders, I'd call us.
We can fool the lucky few who don't know the darkness.
The oblivious-
They do not know what the world is.

The world is a beautiful, devastating mess
It takes, but it doesn't give
Mounds of dirt viciously colliding and collapsing
To make canyons and mountains.
And yet, some people only see the beauty
Not the destruction

You cannot see the destruction
Without having been destroyed
And to be destroyed,
Is to be lost forever.

*And we just keep on pretending

There's always that one girl.
So used to dealing with horrors
That she's learned to smile through it
She never cries
She always listens
Everyone thinks she is a great friend
But one day she will die.

She will drown in the tears
Of the people she tried to help

No one will realize,
That the girl who had helped them
Broke piece by piece
Because although she listened to everyone,
No one ever listened
To her silent pleas

Dying was never difficult
Living is what keeps us anxious.
We keep ourselves in chains
Even if we are unaware of this *******.
Fighting wars-
Against societal constructs
When the real battle is within all of us.
We lie to protect
We crave attention,
But our guilty pleasure is our loneliness.
We like to hurt
Because secretly,
We like the way it feels-
When there's nothing but emptiness inside.

We're nothing but dust
We're nothing but a speck
In an expanding universe.
Our lives a tiny blip of history.
Dying is the only way we add to the universe
No one will remember how we lived.
We are humans.
The scariest thing in the world-
Is immortality.

Make the most of your tiny blip.