You wrecked me, you made me a mess.
I can't believe its been over two years since we met.
And over a year since we stopped talking.
I ended it, not you.
Well, I guess it was kind of mutual.
But nonetheless, you wrecked me, you made me a mess.

You told me I was special, that you wanted to be with me.
Played me with your words, tortured me with your lies.
What else should I have expected?
We did meet on Tinder, but that means nothing, does it?
But here we are, you wrecked me, you made me a mess.

I was swiping left and right a few months ago and you popped up again.
New picture, still attractive, still the same **** I knew before.
I immediately swiped left, but did you swipe right?
I searched you again on Facebook, to see how you're doing.
It just reminded me, you wrecked me, you made me a mess.

I'm glad we never ******, I'm glad it was just fooling around.
Obviously I wasn't anything you actually wanted.
Maybe you just wanted someone to **** with their emotions.
If that's so, you're **** good at it.
But what else is new, you wrecked me, you made me a mess.

Go ahead, treat the other girls like they're worthless.
Taunt them with your lies.
Tell them you want to be with them the same way you wanted to be with me.
So here I am at 11:37 thinking about you because;
You wrecked me, you made me a mess.

Looking back at it all, you were never really a friend.
Reading through all our messages - they were all one sided.
"I don't have time for friends" what a ******* way to end a friendship.
2010
That's when we met. I thought you were going to be the perfect friend, the one I could and did tell everyone about. We would Skype everyday, text throughout class, and all in all, you were always there to begin with.
When I met you in real life for the first time on my sweet sixteen, I knew this friendship was going to last forever.
2012
It didn't.
I get it, I was childish, but you even more so for ending our friendship through a text message.
So ******* for all the promises you never kept, the secrets I shared with you, and the friendship you gave me that clearly meant nothing to you.
Now
I don't know what you're doing with your life, but I hope you're happy. I just can't help it, you deserve to be happy.
But what you don't deserve...me.

I can't help but think that part of me loves you.

But we know that, I do love you. But this feels different, like a different kind of love. Something I've never felt before, something I don't know how to feel.

I'm scared to love because I'm scared to lose.

I can't love more than I do because I've put so much forth towards the relationship we have now. But I can't help but think that part of me loves you.

I miss you more often than not, I love the times we are able to talk, and even better, FaceTime.

But I can't love you. I just can't.
And if I did, I'd most definitely be friendzoned by now.

There's just something to you. A caring, kindhearted, wonderful human being with a special soul.

But I just can't love you, I can't.

These are things I want to tell you, but instead keep hidden deep down inside. Because I can't love you.

Yet, I look for pieces of you in every guy I meet. Every guy I'm interested in. Hoping they can be as amazing as you and give me all that you have. You treat me right, you treat me like a lady. You encourage me to follow my dreams and tell me when I'm being insane.

So maybe there is a part of me that truly loves you, more than I do now.

But I can't love you like that, I just can't.

I don’t know why you left me, and I guess I never will, but all of these feelings are dawning on my mind.
These feelings of “I’m not good enough” and that “I’ll never be good enough” because you left.
You left me at one of the most fragile points in my life an I had never felt so alone.
You swore to me that you would always be thre no matter what, but instead of upholding that promise, you ended our friendship with a text message.
Not only did you leave me with these feelings, you also left me with trust issues.
I never thought I’d be able to trust anyone the same way I trusted you again. I went into college skeptical of everyone, trying to trust people, but I just couldn’t trust anyone the same way I trusted you.
You made a part of my life ******* **** because you had to be selfish and claim that you didn’t have time for friends, but oh how Facebook shows your lies.
And a few times I’ve caved. I messaged you.
But now you’re really out of my life, but you’ll never be out of my mind because you’re in my memories.
Saying you were never there would be a lie because you did indeed help me through my toughest times.
But of all this bad, you showed me something good. You showed me that in order to be able to trust I had to find myself and when I finally found myself, I found someone better than you.
Someone I know won’t leave me, someone who literally has no time for anything, but still makes time for me.
And I found this because I found myself.
All those countless hours crying, hoping you’d come back into my life or that you’d give me closure, those hours led me to some amazing people in my life.
So thank you for breaking my heart, thank you for pulling me in and leaving me hung out to dry. Thank you for teaching me that the people in my life that truly care are the ones that will never leave.
*Most importantly, *thank you for letting go.

I thought you'd be different, I told myself as I lie awake at 2am
So many different qualities I found in you than I hadn't found in anyone else
I was hesitant to talk to you, since you didn't really fit my type
But I was so glad I did, because you turned out to be amazing
Or so I thought
We spoke everyday for hours and hours
Never wanting to go to sleep so the conversations would never end
I was lucky enough to have been able to hang out with you twice only to be left with a hug and a delay in our messages for a day or two
We kept talking as the months went on and eventually I went back to school
The texting faded, just like it had with everyone else
I felt like history was repeating itself
When we did talk sparks flew like they always had and it was back to not wanting to say goodbye
And even getting to FaceTime with you made my day, er, my week
But now I'm done
I'm done being the first to say hi
I'm done being the only one to put in the effort
Don't complain to me that you were so lonely on Valentine's Day because we could've done something even though I couldn't have been there
I honestly thought you'd be the one person I wouldn't be writing about
Yet I always wake up at 2 in the morning thinking about you and what we could've been

"I'll always be here if you need me."
The last words you said to me.
But I need you now, so what am I to do?
I just sit here, wondering, what would happen if I messaged you again.
You said you didn't have time for friends, but you've graduated now, maybe that's all changed.
You made me so many promises,  so many promises that are no longer promises.
Does that make you a liar?
I guess it does, and that's the last thing I'd ever want to call you.
You were always there when I needed you, that was never a lie.
But ever since December 28, 2012, I felt like I've needed you more and more.
So how can you make up those promises?
How can I know if anything has changed?
I'm too scared to reach out to you because I know I can't deal with being shut down again.
I miss you.
I miss our friendship, whatever it may have been.
I miss texting you in class when I was anxious.
I miss the feeling of skyping with you the night before we first met.
I miss you running through my door on my sixteenth birthday to give me the biggest hug I've ever gotten.
I miss having you at my side 24/7.
I miss surprising you at school when I was still home in high school.
I wish you never left my life.
So, I'll always be here if you need me.
That's not a lie.