I love to read
books, ordinarily  
people, uniquely
you, especially

I love to watch
romantic comedies
and you
the way you smile and scowl, when you think no one is watching you read your favorite book

I love to listen
to music that makes no sense on the surface
and to you
the laugh you let loose when you beat me in Mario Cart for the tenth time, too late at night

I love to feel
my favorite blanket, clean and fresh out of the dryer
and you
your body pressed up against mine warm and strong, as we hide from the thunderstorm outside

I love to love
the simplest parts of my happy life
and you
because you are the happiness in my life
and without you
my happy life would not be

I cannot escape you
even when I try

You’re always there in the shadows
waiting for lyrics from The 1975 to bring you out

Like a constant ringing in my ears
replaying conversations and memories

My days used to be spent with you in my head
and smiles on my face

Now they are filled with empty thoughts
trying to cover up your reoccurring presence

And oh god do I dread the night
when there is nothing to busy myself with

And I am left helplessly vulnerable
to the feelings that suffocate me

Drowning in our last night together
loathing that I can still hear your voice say my name

There is an agonizing and gaping hole right in the middle of me
where you once were

And even though there is such a lack of you
you are still always there

I cannot escape you

I wanted you to be
the one in the car beside me
sitting still
watching the lights on the freeway
pass us by

speaking quietly
words about ourselves and each other
using stories as a reason to stay
there in the moment  

I wanted the way you can hear someones smile
rather than see it
I wanted you to be one hundred percent mine  
just for that short amount of time

I wanted you to be a simple pleasure
a single simple moment  

I wanted you to be something you were not
for I came to realize

you were not simple at all

maybe it’s true
maybe you are a mistake

lord knows you wouldn’t be my first

but if you are
you would certainly be the deepest cut

maybe we’re only thinking about the now
maybe we’re being reckless

the total existence of us together
just might be going against the way the world turns

it could very well be true

but the question i must ask
the one we must ourselves

is
is it worth it

here and now
do we care if this is a mistake

because i tend to think
that happiness is never a mistake when you are in the moment

here and now you are what i want

and quite frankly my dear
i don't give a ****


say what they may
about what the future may or may not hold

you might be a mistake

but you will never
be a regret

I'll fall asleep soon
and when I wake up tomorrow
I won't remember what I had for breakfast this morning
or how the aches in my feet felt
or the exact color of the grass on my old jeans

But when I wake up tomorrow
I will remember sharing breakfast with you and the sunrise the day before
and the moment you yelled "RACE YOU," right before we ran barefoot down the middle of the old country road behind your house
and I will remember the rush of the air and the sound of your laugh as we rolled down the green hill with our eyes covered

I'll fall asleep soon
and I cannot wait to wake up next to you

I want to know you
I want to know your favorite book
(even if it’s Curious George from the first grade)
I want to know what foods you can’t stand
(so I can pretend to make you eat it)
I want to know your favorite subjects in school
If you can or can’t sleep with socks on
were you a trouble maker when you were little?
the songs you sing at the top of your lungs
and the songs that make you sad
do cheesy pickup lines make you smile or roll your eyes?
I want to know who you want to be someday

the good, the bad, the ugly

I want to know you
as a real person

I want more than what’s on the surface
I want to see beneath that

I promise I am not here to scratch
I just want to see
who you really are

I guess the scary part
is that I have no idea if we're in the same water
or if I’m the only one sinking
and you’re using me to hold yourself above the water