I'll fall asleep soon
and when I wake up tomorrow
I won't remember what I had for breakfast this morning
or how the aches in my feet felt
or the exact color of the grass on my old jeans

But when I wake up tomorrow
I will remember sharing breakfast with you and the sunrise the day before
and the moment you yelled "RACE YOU," right before we ran barefoot down the middle of the old country road behind your house
and I will remember the rush of the air and the sound of your laugh as we rolled down the green hill with our eyes covered

I'll fall asleep soon
and I cannot wait to wake up next to you

come here
limbs laced in cotton sheets
my bottom lip between your teeth
tell me the blood drawn tastes like cherries
when we both know it's made of tar
trace a world map on my hipbones in bruises
mark the capital cities with your fingernails
millimeters deep into flesh
let your breath on my neck tell me stories
about who you are and where you've been
your mind spilling ink on pillow cases and skin
and with the left side of this mattress weighed down
let me pretend your hollowed bones
are more than a momentary home

I want to know you
I want to know your favorite book
(even if it’s Curious George from the first grade)
I want to know what foods you can’t stand
(so I can pretend to make you eat it)
I want to know your favorite subjects in school
If you can or can’t sleep with socks on
were you a trouble maker when you were little?
the songs you sing at the top of your lungs
and the songs that make you sad
do cheesy pickup lines make you smile or roll your eyes?
I want to know who you want to be someday

the good, the bad, the ugly

I want to know you
as a real person

I want more than what’s on the surface
I want to see beneath that

I promise I am not here to scratch
I just want to see
who you really are

I'm not bitter. I've bit my bottom lip too hard twice too many times, but I still wonder why my lips are bleeding. I've said few too many prayers to a God that shut me out before I even reached salvation in the first place. I've swallowed too many handfuls of dirt and sunflower seeds in the hopes that something beautiful will grow inside of me. I'm sad with a boy that loved me so much that it hurt him, and I'm sad without him. My windows are nailed shut, but the curtains won't stop blowing. I'm still trying to figure out how many times I have to get drunk in a church parking lot before I build the courage up to tell you I'm sorry. God speaks in tongues, but I was only ever taught to bite mine. Okay. Maybe I am bitter, but I have the right to be.

I guess the scary part
is that I have no idea if we're in the same water
or if I’m the only one sinking
and you’re using me to hold yourself above the water

maybe it’s true
maybe you are a mistake

lord knows you wouldn’t be my first

but if you are
you would certainly be the deepest cut

maybe we’re only thinking about the now
maybe we’re being reckless

the total existence of us together
just might be going against the way the world turns

it could very well be true

but the question i must ask
the one we must ourselves

is
is it worth it

here and now
do we care if this is a mistake

because i tend to think
that happiness is never a mistake when you are in the moment

here and now you are what i want

and quite frankly my dear
i don't give a ****


say what they may
about what the future may or may not hold

you might be a mistake

but you will never
be a regret

I cannot escape you
even when I try

You’re always there in the shadows
waiting for lyrics from The 1975 to bring you out

Like a constant ringing in my ears
replaying conversations and memories

My days used to be spent with you in my head
and smiles on my face

Now they are filled with empty thoughts
trying to cover up your reoccurring presence

And oh god do I dread the night
when there is nothing to busy myself with

And I am left helplessly vulnerable
to the feelings that suffocate me

Drowning in our last night together
loathing that I can still hear your voice say my name

There is an agonizing and gaping hole right in the middle of me
where you once were

And even though there is such a lack of you
you are still always there

I cannot escape you