It seems like I have nothing to say

until I sit behind the keys
and listen to the patterns
in the silence around

watching the rise and fall
of people in their anger,
in their freedom and joy,
anything they might know

currently.

It seems like I have nothing to say

without reopening healed wounds
that no one wants to read
words without pain
or love so sweet it's sick.

And then I think too much,
I really don't think at all,
close my eyes and feel
the keys quivering so

intently

beneath my delicately
disastrous fingertips
unpolished and broken.

It seems like I have nothing to say

but nothing is something too
and thoughts don't have to
be worth much to be sold,

hence that overused quote
"A penny for your thoughts"
sell them because people
people don't know how
to think for themselves

without poetry,

pain,

love so sweet it's sick,

or inspiration.

It seems like I have nothing to say today,

then tell me,
what did you just read?

Someday you are going to understand
what it's like to wake up to pure cream ghosts
and ebony shadows sleeping next to you
in your bed when you thought you were alone.

You'll get up and throw a T-shirt on,
stumble into the kitchen and start the coffee,
pull a mug from the shelf and rinse it out
notice that's got a plum tone to it -

refreshing from the scene of everything
and nothing with nothing on either side.

Someday you are going to understand
the pain of life surrounded by stark whites
and soulless blacks with your only joy
coming from the passionate purples dancing

across the stage every now and again
knowing they're all you have keeping you
from  j
...........u
. . . . . . m
...............p
. . . . . . . . . i
...................n
. . . . . . . . . . . g.

Mollie screams every night when I put her to bed,
"Mommy, don't leave me! Walk a little straighter, Daddy!"
I don't know what it takes to soothe her anymore,
nothing seems to do the trick to mend her heart's sore.

"I love you, sweetheart, I do,
Daddy always has,
together we always will,"

I tell her as I pull the sheets up to prevent
the deadly whispers from getting to her head;
such a perfect little girl now a destroyed
beauty, what happened here?

Was it the scarecrow she met at the fair this year, with it's wild eyes and mouth frozen in fear; could it have been the way she heard the
ocean whisper when we got lost on the waves?

she only has one life we
agreed and we know
so why's it so hard to live?

When I walk away she is fine, few moments later
He hears her cry as she asks, "Mommy, which direction
is home, mommy, which road will bring me back to you? Daddy, come help me please, where am I daddy? Which way do I go?"

I don't know what I can do
we lost her somewhere
in between hope and despair.

Ode to my teacher,
oh what a wonderful,
delightful, energetic
teacher.

So full of love,
and patient when
we need it most
my teacher.

It's a shame you
have to go before
the rest of us do.

This is an ode
to you - our teacher
to thank you
for your help along
our way.

You are like the tree
and us the apples of
your eye. Love us-
teacher.

We hold you with the
importance of the sun
for we are the plants
bowing our heads to you -
teacher.

we have used similes
and metaphors
just for you -
our beautiful teacher.

Thank you -
really.

I know you remember the way
Your parents called you into
Their bedroom, your mother
Wrapped you up safe in her arms
With tears in her eyes and
Sadness cloaking her usual warmth.

After a deep sigh your daddy told you
That your sister took herself away.
No one knew why, just said drugs
Found her time and time again.

Next you looked them in the eyes
And whispered, "I am here to stay,
Forever and always I will be here."
They smiled as they pulled you in
Tighter, so sure youd meant what you said.

Six months later you're addicted to
Butterfly kisses from a steel blade
And alcohol playing with your abilities,
Forgetting that golden promise
You face your reflection and wonder
Why nobody recognizes you.

Without thinking you punch the glass,
Pick up a shard, slit your heart as you
Murmur some sorry excuse about
Do this here and now, you pick up
Your lipstick and write "Death shall die,
Time shall end" on whats left of the glass.

But before you leave I have to ask,
Is the ghost ship worth it, do you
Really want to leave when so many
People love, want, care about, and need



You.

You said, "see you later,"
I smiled, "Not yet, one sec..."
and stood on my tip toes
putting my lips to yours
praying you wouldn't mind
as I fell back to earth
and you walked away again
without saying a word.

I took my test, I did better
than I was expecting for
shaking so much and
thinking with a cloudy mind
as my heart kept time
to a different tune than usual.

You always said I would be
your first, but as perfect
as it was, I feel like I have
failed you once more and
if I were you, I don't think
I could forgive me for
something quite like that.

I couldn't tell you how long you were gone
or even why you decided to leave, but I can
say with certainty that even the shadows started
asking where you went. The walls wouldn't talk
about you but they started whispering all your songs
as Sleep settled in. And even though I couldn't
give you definitive time frames all of us know
without any doubts that you have been gone longer
than the universe existed without planets and
longer than dinosaurs have been extinct.

We know because your ghost moved in to the study
when the walls turned to glass and the waves
became nothing more than the memories of a memory.

Oh ***, I couldn't tell you how long it's been
since you left, but haven't you been gone
more than long enough?

There is only us now,
we have an entire life
to lead, just for us.
Nobody to please,
nothing to do,
nowhere to go,
except have fun.
All we have left
is us and only us.
But if all we have is
this life time,
if all we have is
this love, our love,
if all we have is
only us;
then I'm okay with
what we have.
Because all I'll
ever want or need is
ever going to be
only us.

You say that you
don't want to
hear it,
any of it.
Not these words
so delicatly spun
like the web
of an ebony widdow
or the rays of
marvelous golden sunlight.
So I guess
you will never
listen to anything
that I say,
since these words
come from my
very soul,
as do those.
I guess I can
never
again say
I love you
I miss you,
or even goodbye.
So I'll just sit
here
and listen to
the sound of your
breath dancing
through wires
and landing so softly
on my ear,
just one last time.
Then you will never
here this crap
again,
or any crap again
from me.

Its so odd to visit the
garden of all out
secrets, where flowers
grow still. Lately,
its filled with an
unusual silence.

Not even the birds'
playful chatter fills
the space anymore.
Crazy squirrels race
through the courtyard,
even that is not
enough for the addict
of normality within
the soul of me.

Maybe if willing lovers
search for me here
they will walk away
before they are
close enough to see
all the excess baggage
you left me with.

I know I looked at you with horrible alien eyes
and that that was enough to hurt you
more than you hurt me by saying
those words. Yes, I was fighting tears
and I swear I thought you weren't able to
see them pushing makeup from my eyes
but I guess everyone gets things wrong
sometimes.

Honestly, I could have sworn that you could hear
my heart breaking from the moon and maybe even
Mars or Jupiter, but I suppose that it's such
a common sound no one would ever notice.

I know I looked at you with alien eyes
so realistic you were able to feel a piece
of yourself dying because you'd finally
proved me wrong.

I'm so sorry I ever
looked your way
in the first place.

There is peace here;
serenity in terrific color,
your music dances but clears
my plagued little mind.
There is peace here.

Whispers walk delicately
across silver tight ropes
in the most perfect way.

Love abundantly laughs here
people hug and kiss
none are cast away
because there is peace here.

Angles tell of hope
Children muse of happiness,
Light flickers softly as
rain drops beautifully fall,
purity envelops those who ask.

There is peace here -
with you.

Well, I left my boyfriend,
back home, this is what happened,
in his very own words.
"One day, my girl got up and left,
she went father away then before.
Hopped on a rocket and off to the moon,
all that's left is her pink dress
and that necklace of glitter,
from the first time we kissed.
I want her to come back home,
I need her more than she'll know,
I miss her all too much.
All I have is her pink dress
and that necklace of glitter,
from the first time we kissed.
I miss her with everything I have,
I love her with all my heart.
Why did she go to the moon?
When will she be back in my arms, again?
She called me through mission control,
and told me she wouldn't be back.
She found a new home.
She said she'll miss me,
and I'll miss her too.
All I have left is a pink dress
and a necklace of glitter,
from the first time we kissed.
Pink and glitter is all I have,
pink and glitter in my hands,
pink and glitter everything I am.

As I stand
at the water's edge,
the warm sand
packed between my toes,
I look out
as far as I can,
hopping that you
are doing the same
thinking of me
thinking of you.
The moon is
just barely
above the ocean,
we are standing
in the only two places
negativity
can never touch.
Because I know
one day soon,
when things are ready,
I will come home
and so will you.
I miss you,
but the serenity
reminds me you
are still alright.
I hope you
have a great night
and know
with all your heart
that I will
forever
love you.

I know you've been through it all before,
too afraid to admit that you loved and lost
forgetting that only the brave survive.

Someone was here long before me,
they took your strengths and poked holes
in them while smelting your insecurities
into permanent scars and doubts. That's
when you put your heart in storage

before the beginning of the world's second end
in hope someone new (someone like me)
would come along and take you for a walk
in the clouds holding your hand the way
it's thought that angels will when Time comes
to pull you away from your last page.

I know you've been through it all before,
you know what it's like to shatter and fall
but not everyone is another pirate

taking advantage of the rare
golden hearted seraphim of the myth
(you and your kind). So please, Darling,

please, let me love you.

You are the oceans
and the seas -

the tree branches and
their leaves.
You are the sunrise

in the morning and
starlight when I sleep -
you are colors after

a rainstorm, your
warmth thaws the
winter freeze.

You are the air
that I breathe -
you are the wind songs

on the breeze.
You are my entire world
you mean everything to me.

As I write this, there is a black rose
sitting on the dresser across the room
from me. Rain is lightly drizzling
from the rooftop. Words are just stringing
themselves along a bland page
that more than likely will never be
read again. But I want it to be read,
I want more people like you to find this
and realize just how perfect your life is -
even when things are not perfect.

I want it to be completely
understood. I want it to be

life changing.

As I write this, there is a black rose
sitting on the dresser across the room
from me. Rain is lightly drizzling
from the rooftop. Words are just stringing
themselves along a bland page
that more than likely will never be
read again. But I want it to be read,
I want more people like you to find this
and realize just how perfect your life is -
even when things are not perfect.

I want it to be completely
understood. I want it to be

life changing.

Everybody needs you, no matter
what they say. But darling, you're
swimming in dangerous waters,
with a fake confidence that they fail
to see past, a single fallen rose
in a city garden lacking flowers
and love. Oh how you remind me
of the muse behind the classics
that everybody knows.

Baby, this isn't paradise, that much
I understand, but you have to make it
okay before it can ever get better. You
have a blank canvass at the turn
of every moment and the people laughing
at your creations just wish that
they could do the same, even
though it's so clear that none
have the same talent.

And you hold on to those red plastic
guitar picks, the ones he gave you
right before he left, as if the moment you
let go you will be face to face with
Master Death. Oh my dear, you remind me
of myself, because it's true, you are.

Just please,
please come back to us
while you still have
the chance.

Someone has an answer
where are they and who?
I need one, don't you?

Usually I write when I miss you...

Today,
I bought albums from every band
you ever told me you liked. They are
all I have heard since I woke up
this morning and I am still not even
out of bed. I see why you liked them
so much. They are good for drowning
out the ******* and giving you something
to think about that you never expected.

Usually I write when I miss people. . .

It's only when I start feeling better
that I swim through their favorite melodies
and fish in the lyrics they once quoted
so dutifully and profoundly at every turn
in the road. Making every mountain
just a little easier to climb and the poison
a bit more subtle as it drips down
the back of your throat into your veins.

Usually I write when I am sad...

this time it's just because I am numb

Darling, listen to me please, I've only got
one week left to make a difference in this old town.
To pick a name to be remembered by and
do something worth remembering at all.
But I want you to know you've already got
a home in this broken, bleeding heart of mine,
a home completely unlike anything else
anyone could possible have. You look like
you are about to cry Darling.

Darling, listen to me please, this
is not the end, there's no reason to cry.

I'll see you again
someday.

Pretty girl, Pretty girl,
you are not yet dead
look my way for a moment
please, pick up your head.

There's something called a smile
you see them every day
don'y you know that your's
is beautiful enough to stay?

Pretty girl, Pretty girl,
you are not yet alright,
just hang in there, someone is
coming to get you through the night.

I know how much this hurts
and you are feeling sorta lost
look my way for a moment
I love you forever - free of cost.

Pretty girl, pretty girl,
what's wrong now?
Pretty girl, pretty girl,
you're broken but how?

Is that your blackened heart,
spread out on the barren ground?
Who is to blame,
and why haven't the pieces been found?

Pretty girl, pretty girl,
dry your eyes.
Pretty girl, pretty girl,
all men tell lies.

You can't go on like this,
we all feel this way sometime.
It's just a lesson learned,
guys like him are only slime.

Pretty girl, pretty girl,
are you okay?
Pretty girl, pretty girl,
won't you come out to play?

They aren't all like him,
there's one who won't let you cry,
He'll love you for real,
but you won't find him if you die.

Pretty girl, pretty girl,
please just smile.
Pretty girl, pretty girl,
pain only lasts a while.

Stand up, come with me,
love is something you believe.
Open your eyes and look around,
not everyone is waiting to deceive.

Pretty girl, pretty girl,
why won't you look at me?
Pretty girl, pretty girl,
what don't you want to see?

It's sad but true,
love is almost never fair.
Though one day,
you'll find someone to care.

Pretty girl, pretty girl,
let's get this heart fixed.
Pretty girl, pretty girl,
I know emotions are mixed.
He hurt you real bad,
to you all he did was wrong.
Girl, he lost a gem,
stop singing that sad song!

Pretty girl, pretty girl,
do you really want your life to end?
Pretty girl, pretty girl,
why don't you let your heart mend?

You will get better,
this is a fact I know.
Smile, have some fun,
your pain will end as will his show.

Pretty girl, pretty girl,
all he is, is mean.
Pretty girl, pretty girl,
go to sleep an dream.

Pretty girl, pretty girl,
you bought their lies.
Pretty girl, pretty girl,
dry your sweet eyes.

What did they say
this time honey?
Was it just play,
did they really mean it?

The clouds are gone,
why sit and cry?
there's a happy song,
can't you sing along?

Pretty girl, pretty girl,
sew that heart.
Pretty girl, pretty girl,
it's not too apart.

Come on girly, smile,
I'll laugh with you.
You've still got a while
not everything is pain.

It's just a little rain,
everything's gonna be okay.
Just maybe not the same
in every little way.

Pretty girl, pretty girl,
get up, please...
Pretty girl, pretty girl.
they aren't all ******.

If you stay in bed
he can't make it better.
So he's got her instead,
is that what you want?

I'm done here,
I've tried, its no use
have no fear
they say they'll stay.

Pretty girl, pretty girl,
I really, really tried.
Pretty girl, pretty girl,
they only ever lied.

I keep thinking that I can write you a letter
with so much love and beauty on the page that
you will not wonder why it never worked
quite so well with anyone else. My pen
has grown to be quite haughty,
she swears it's a task she can
skillfully complete and yet
here we are three years later
and still no where close.

The television went off
The children stopped in mid laugh
The mothers sat drinking lemonade
The fathers ran out of gas on their way home
The dogs crawled under the bed
The cats lept off the counter
The fire between us burned bright
You stood beside me and held tight
I kissed you and the world stood still,
as we danced in perfection

Silence tears at my weak soul
words attack my feeble mind
ice eats my skin away - again

It's so cold here in this white place
especially to those of us with hearts of stone

Longing for inspiration
weeping for freedoms wasted
asking what went wrong - why we're here
none of it helps in the slightest

There has been no sight of sun
in at least three long years

Our loving whispers still linger
the smell of your sugary coffee
clings to me like I did to you
when they dragged me away - again

Nightmares on a rampage - eyes wide open
lucid dreams dead forever - like us

One hopeful flame and security enters
can I have no innocence ever -
have these words truly been forbidden?

This morning you asked me something
and I really didn't want to answer you
because it made me feel like a horrible person.

You asked if I was trying to push you away
like I did to everyone else at school,
you know I do it because you've seen it happen
and my make up started to run down my face.

"I don't try to," I said, "It just happens."
which is true, but I think some people
I wanted to more than I should be proud to say.

You, you are not one of them though,
which is why I am here writing something else
just for you, trying to make up for my mistakes
and as always, it's just too little, too late.


I'm just so confused.



I'm so sorry..

I never thought I could hurt you
being such a strong person,
it didn't occur to me you cared
enough that staying was an option.

Day after day here I stand
watching you stare up at me
from behind your friends laughing
and I hear all the things I
never had the guts to say.

Hold me tight, be my brightest light
come on moonlight tell me things
might be alright. I didn't try to
hurt you, I swear I didn't.

you took my heart away
when you walked to the other
tables, my mouth said just go
I wish you had heard
my heart whispering please stay.

Everyone said that it was ok
they smiled and wanted me to join,
I think it actually hurts them
when I cry. I just never noticed
you bleeding when I cut
and I never thought you could be
my knight in shining armor.

And here I am now, in the library
looking through the shelves
running my hands over the black
sharpie on the bottom of fiction,
"My Midnight Starlight Forever"

such a unique name,
only ever from you to me,
such a painful thought
tears sliding down,
oh what a sight to see.

People watch me
they ask if I'm okay.
Voices haunting making me
wish that I begged you to stay.

I didn't mean to **** us
or the person we became,
but I couldn't stand you leaving
and coming to hurt me, then
leave only to come back again.

Someone had to end the chain,
to be the red stop sign, and I
guess I hurt so bad and fell
too far to try again or again.

I love you as a friend,
I hate you as a soul,
I miss you as a love
and
I am sorry,
I forgot you as a friend...

I know you.

You are so much
stronger than this.

"Hey ***,
im in a place with basically no
internet connection.
just wanted to let you know
that im alright
and miss you.

ill keep in touch,"
you wrote to me not long
before you forgot
to come home again.

But you don't have to be here
to be the person you promised to be.

"If the world were ending tomorrow
I'd make it a point to come
and try to save you," I remember
you saying when I started that fight
and screamed, "NO! You don't!
You don't care! That's the problem!"

then threw my pen at the wall
and shut my computer so hard that
my brother could hear it
on the other end of the house.

But I didn't mean to fight you,
to push you away when I just wanted
you closer than you were.

"only 1087 painfully long days left
i would like to see you, really see you,
i would like to be with you somewhere,
anywhere... so it is true -
they are painfully long days," I once wrote
for you thinking you'd really be
my knight in shining armor

coming to save me from my own prison.
Little did I know you couldn't even
save yourself. I had no idea that you were
all talk and no walk. Now you're gone
and sometimes I forget that I'm supposed to
forget you. . .

You don't have to be here
to be the person you promised to be.

So please come home soon?

Everything about you is wonderful
even the flaking skin and
shattering heart falling so
effortlessly apart.

Could I please have a chance
to pick up the pieces before
they hit the ground? Would you
let me put them back together
better than they were when
we found them at first?

Is it wrong for me to
love you, to miss you,
to want you, when you are
all about someone else?

Is there a soulution to
our problem or will I
just keep on dreaming
night after night waiting
for nothing that really
can't really be something?

Is it wrong for me to
love you, to miss you,
to want you, when you are
all about someone else?

You changed me -
Not the way you'd think-
But you made me happy -
And tickled me pink -

Who are you -
How did you do it -
And what did you do -
Oh, can I tell you a secret -

I think you should know -
I love you -
Please don't go -
Don't you love me too -

Oh well, I'll just stop -
Cause I think I am spewing -
Way to much and it'll flop -
Yes, it's only hurt I'm cooing -

Thank you for it all -
I'm glad we met -
Here, I'll end the call -
Now that I don't fret -

The embers have died
the fire is lost and gone,
all night she sat and cried,
for her, he spent his life to fawn.

She is the girl of any guy's dreams,
tall, pale, and long ebony hairs.
She belongs in the movie reams,
in love with the hero who really cares.

Alone she would hide away,
a ghost girl to the town and all,
at least it seemed that way,
until her life truly did fall.

He would give his life
just for one single kiss.
She would be the greatest wife
of all, she deserved eternal bliss.

So on this bleak, winter night
with strong, howling wind
snow covering the land in white,
each emotionless plant, twinned.

Out he ventured in fright,
filled with hopes to see
his love before she was out of sight,
or deprived of gay and glee.

Something over took
him, when he saw a soaring
raven, on the edge of the brook.
It jumped in the water that was roaring.

Intrigued and enticed,
he followed without will.
On the side was a body iced,
however heart beating still.

The body was his love,
the kind madden of his heart,
whom had been taken above,
despite his pain of her depart.

"Raven, oh Raven,
save him from his pain
and the love he's been cravin'
turn the snow to pouring rain."

This her soul cried
with everything it had;
completely unaware, she had died,
and why he was so sad.

How could he know
she would be alright and fine,
if his love he could not show,
nor could he say, "She's mine."

Don't expect a smile
from one who can only cry.
This pain will be more than a while,
cause now he decided he too must die.

Snowflakes are dancing in the wind
its been a month since you did the deed.
I thought forever your voice was all I'd need,
but then you went and killed yourself.

I went for a walk to clear my head
but the voices came and their message
I could not even dream to do nor defy,
they told me go to your grave and see you're dead.

Onward, I trekked into the blinding snow,
to the tomb covered and laced in flowers.
Yes, I tried to retreat however the voices have powers,
those powers that make a person go insane.

All of a sudden there was a flash of lightning,
a gust of wind that nipped at my very soul,
then rain began descending, calling my name as it did
I looked up and an old couple was down the way, fighting.

"I took my life cause I stole yours!"
The old man said watching as the girl bled,
"No! You listened to their lies and claimed me dead!"
She called noticing the tears welling in his eyes.

"Mads, what was I supposed to do?
It had been four days since you were awake!"
He protested with fire in his eyes, passion in his heart,
"I always said I'd die for you, cause I love you!"

She shook her head, bit her lip, and screamed,
"Wait! You should have waited on me!
Then if I was really dead, you'd be able to see!"
Away she tried to run, but he grabbed her arm.

A moment later they were sharing a passionate kiss,

"Who cares how we once lived? We're together now,"
he smiled as he held her hands in his,
"Let's love and spend death in eternal happiness."

"I was so young and you just left me alone,
so innocent in a world so cold. How could you
even pretend I'd know what the hell to do?"
Her shameful voice cried, realizing now, why he died.

With another flash of lightning covering the sky
the couple was gone and I noticed it was us.
I saw why you left me and that I really am insane,
I dropped to my knees, called your name, and said goodbye.

Thank you for making me happy,
thanks for breaking me too.

You're swimming in dangerous
waters, sleepwalking down the
busiest streets, and trying to
convince us all that there is
another sun, when I can assure
you that there is not.

To you friendship is tears
in the rain, completely
unseen, unnoticed, yet there
to catch you when you fall.

Now maybe you will understand
why I've spent my life for you

just

waiting...

The keys on my laptop are
wearing away, it's not that old.
The screen is ***** with grime
I can't remember at all.
The hard drive is filled completely
with stories and pictures

of only you and me.

Words race across once
empty lines on blank pages
alone in sad books as those
books sit on dusty shelves
waiting to be reminded

of only you and me.

There are thoughts in my head
I never thought I'd think,
things that make me happy,
let me pretend that I am loved
or adored or maybe just wanted,
like in the dreams I had sometimes

of only you and me.

I know you wont see this,
you never really did look
when I asked anyway;
but if for some reason
you've found your way here
I miss the nights

of only you and me.

I miss the way whispers felt
dancing along my neck as
time seemed to stand still
and your arms kept me close
to you as we planed a life

of only you and me.

Really, I think I just wish
things were back to the time

of only you and me.
Of only you and me.

you and me...

I love the way we took turns
inspiring each other by being
exactly who we were and
saying only what we truly meant.

if you come through town again
anytime soon I'd like to take you
for one more cup of coffee
in that little cafe by the park,
we can sit anywhere you like.

I love the way things were for us
when you were still here. And as much
as I miss the perfection we were,
I am completely honest when I say
that I don't miss you at all

(even though I still love you

with all my heart.)

As she packed her last bag and slung it over her shoulder
he whispered, " Won't you miss the zombie babies,
the sour apple kisses, the late night walks
through this ghost town you chose as home,
the pet ninja we named Sam, Hank and Mollie the dragons.
Darling, what about the robots and giants and leprechauns
we used to party with when we were young?
Can you really just leave all that behind
so effortlessly?"

There were tears in his eyes and she had never seen
him cry before, she pulled him close, " Thank you,
I had forgotten when I promised to remember not to forget
just as you couldn't forget to remember me. Thank you,
really, thank you but I have to go."

But how could she leave after being reminded of
something so important to the people she loves
the very most

Twinkle, twinkle little star
Last night I wondered where you are
Nothing is the same now
That youve left us nothing to wow.

Scream, scream little star
Dont you know youre my favorite scar
Left me broken down
Made me a joke in this stupid town.

Rage, rage little star
Why cant I be the one so far
Anything to get away
From this hell begging me to stay.

Whisper, whisper little star
Release us from this world of tar
You cant leave us here
Not when you are what we fear.

Live, live little star
What if love is all we are
Tell us everything's alright
We have you till dawn's sweet light.

In case you have yet to realize it,
you are nothing more than an enigma
shrouded in the best mystery ever written
and never solved. Perhaps that is
the only reason so many people have
begged you for such small pieces of

your tiny,
shattered,
charred
heart.

Baby, I know you can hear me,
I know you left me years ago,
but I cannot accept that you're
really gone so far for so long.

Since I was at your funeral
I saw the body that used to
belong to you all those years
before today. You're deep blue
eyes starred into mine for what
seemed like hours as tears the
color of all my emotions, being
alone to face the royal blue world.

Every night I go down to the
cyan cream river, I sit under
the midnight blue sky and wait
for you to come running down the
hill with your arms wide open so
we could hug one last time under
that faded azure moonlight.

Love, you left me and I don't
think you meant to,

I know because when
I'm at the river bank I can still
feel your arms around me and hear
the words, "you're my friend" and
"it'll be alright, Angel" drifting
through the simple airy space.

I just thought if you can hear me
the way I think you can, you should
know I still love our sapphire
memory book and I love you forever.
smile, where ever you are you are
my Sapphire Angel, without a doubt.

This morning someone wanted to take my picture
for the school news paper and my friends
couldn't understand why I let them.
So I smiled,

"Well whenever people tell me to smile for the camera
I just think of you. (Yes you, the person reading this
right now.)

And people love to ask why other people always
expect you to smile in photographs. And I tell them
it is because we hope that in the future this is
something to smile about.

So I don't understand why you won't smile for me.
Its so much more wonderful and worthwhile when you do."

Oh and by the way, I love your smile
so much.

:)

I am sorry to announce this
but you all need to know that
I am not who you think...

The things I do are dream like
they don't ever make sense when
I do them and afterwards I
can never seem to rationalize them
or understand what was going through
my own mind...

As I sit in this Christmas decorated,
friendly coffee shop filled with strangers
and people I know I have cut too deep
I find it hard to believe that I do
not know who I am anymore.

I feel like an alien in this skin,
waiting to break free of the ridicule,
of the pain it seems I cause so often...

I am scared and weak,
vulnerable even...
I think...

Then again, it's difficult to tell
what is real and what is not.
I write too much in my head,
this demented Wonderland I
created by mistake and it is
beginning to drive me
just a little mad.

So if you are reading this now,
and you think you know me
I am so sorry to announce that
you don't and you never did.

Because how could you know
someone who does not even
know them self?

I just saw a bird, royal blue and pretty,
he's new to life; yet the old women that holds him,
keeps him in a cage of blackened steak.
He is so beautiful, I can't wait
to see him soaring through the blue, blue sky.

But the old lady has a cruel, cruel heart,
she won't ever let him go.
I have got to save him, but how?
He sings a song, every time I see him,
I love him and must set him free.

At the moment he only brings joy to me,
but one day I will set him free,
and he will soar so far away,
only coming home to thank me and bud farewell,
then running off to have fun.

I love him, but the old lady has
changed his cage,
now its blackened gold.
How can she be so cold,
with the most beautiful creature on Earth in her hand.

He needs to break free,
he needs to fly away,
he needs to know he is loved,
he needs to see what he can really do,
she needs to let him go!

Mrs. I think you should set him free,
he needs to spread his wings and fly.
You are cruel and evil.
why do you hold him so tight?
Mrs. you have to let him go.

If you don't I will
one day, when you least expect it,
and you won't stop me,
he is not yours
he's not even mine.

Set him free!
Mrs. you need to let him be,
on his own,
so open the cage and back away,
or I swear I will one day.

I always love when days get
so long and tragically dark that
we believe we can see the stars.

It's moments in life like that that we have to thank
for our growth. I find it inspiring that emptiness and fear
are brave enough to offer us a chance to question
and test our faith - I know what you're about to say
and yes, I am writing this at 2 a.m. while doing that exact
thing (questioning. Testing). But what kind of artist would I
be if I banished my starside rants from these hallowed pages
of clarity and what would I gain from my poetic

therapy sessions if I didn't at least try to make
something more stunning than roses or moons
from my pain? So allow me, if you will, to return
to my point. Because as people - nothing more than
the atoms that form the elements of our societies,

we crave friction and contact, balance and gentleness.
We must be reminded that others out there have felt
what we are feeling when we feel it. We must know
that never in any second of time will we ever be
truly alone. I have noticed something fascinating
in the way humans manage to be stars (fueled
and passionate) and snowflakes (frigid and stoic)
all at once - without ever so much as batting an eyelash

and no matter how horrible we feel or how dark
the sky gets we will Always remain more radiant
than the sun and more complex than any universe.

And it's always thoughts like this
that get me through the days
when I forget how to breathe.