Last night I found the ring
you gave me last April
when you learned about my collection;
the growing obsession. . .

It feels like the kind
you find at flea markets
by mistake,
but you buy it
because no matter what else
you look at
it haunts you, the unknown story
is captivating.

I don't think it was
originally yours
and you're not someone
I can see at a flea market.

But of all the rings
in my collection,
the one from you
is my favorite.

So someday
when my collection goes off
to someone else
the piece from you
will go to a child
in my family,

maybe a niece
or a nephew,

and I will whisper,
"This belonged to someone
someone I love once knew,
I kept it safe for so long,
I saved it for you."

With a deep breath
I will add,

"I don't know
where all the scars
came from,
or if you will like it,
but I hope you
at least understand."

...****...
someone's here to visit
they want to know your name
..............Ding..............
Everybody's outside waiting
we have creativity to show you
W...H...O...O...S...H!
Somewhere the wind is racing
sharing all it's secrets
with the ever present rain.
.......Drip.......
Come on, get up, we have
people to meet...
....................Drop...
Drip...
...........Drop......­.....
................................Drip...
...Drip...
........­..............Drop...
Follow me to a place
unlike any other
across the seas of Time
and Death's lingering breath
Ding...
..........****..........
We have arrived
somewhere indescribable
C...R...A...S...H...
a world caught between
your moving melody
and nostalgic notes
.......Dring.......
Dring...
................****...
This is all your fault
you got me lost within
myself craving
more of your blissful

perfection

Smile for me my darling,
smile pretty.
Show your joy to the world
and keep doing what you love.

Come on, look this way,
pick your head up ***,
pretend you don't worry
and dry your eyes once more,
show us why we live.

Smile for me my darling,
smile pretty.
Pour your heart out
remind us what beauty is.

We want to see you,
to know you the way
your tongue knows your teeth.
Smile for the camera Babe,
look this way

and

smile pretty.

This time Alice is searching
for the Mad Hatter and has
all the muchness she could
Ever dream of.

Its just that he left
Wonderland without
saying goodbye...

Or rather she was forgotten
there, left to watch it all
fall down around her
as she stands so completely

Alone.

Cheshire erased everything
except me. He took the queen
all her heads and hearts,
Even the real story that
belongs in this book
trapping me within blank pages.

And if you find this
I am sure you will

Understand.

Its just that I thought you
should know I am
going to use these pages
for something new
with very different
characters and a world
you will never see.

And someday when this
becomes a classic you
will remember how you had
your chance, but you chose
to walk away without leaving

Anything.

Welcome to Wonderland
my Mad Hatter, I'm so
displeased to announce
that none of it ever existed

Dear You,

As much as I like to believe
you will never see these words
life has a funny way of proving me wrong
at any given opportunity. This being said
you have brought me to a much more
joyful place in my life than I can remember
being in a while.

With you words just flow
so much easier than they can be written,
every love song ever written has some sort of relevance,
and stars shine brighter than ever before
just for us. Maybe that is just because
of the love I have for you, and maybe
it's the way the entire world lights up
when you smile or how everything laughs along
when you do.

Whatever the reason,
I am so very glad you are
part of my life. So many people
have spent countless hours telling me
that I deserve more than what I had
in the past and I finally see
what they meant by that.

So thank you
for finding your way
into my experiences.

I love you.

The stranger has chocolate eyes
......and
...........a crooked smile...

He lost his heart a long
..... time ago
............. To a woman who lost her soul.

I wasn't looking for trouble this time
.... But
........... it found me anyway.

He called me Sweetheart, Baby
..... for a while
.......... Nothing ever lasts too long.

We thought we were butterflies
....forgetting
........... that they fly alone.

He was crazy, I knew it
.... Yet
....... That never seemed to matter.

Then one day things went
...... too far
........... when he overstepped boundaries.

He thought it was fun
... to embarrass
.......... girls like me.

Now I'm glad he's gone
.... Because
........... he stole my wings.

I know you can't hear me -
no one ever can.

That's why I scatter my thoughts,
comments, and ideas all over my world
for the few people who actually care
to find at their own leisure. I know you -
you are genuinely curious, that's why you
have found my every physical hiding place
and mental cottages and libraries
holding the only known dictionaries of
my own special languages. I know you -
you have already realized that most of this
is meant for a specific little group of people
who don't even try to understand
what I am doing. Not the way you do at least.

I know you can't hear me -
no one ever can.

That's why this will wait here for years
and years, looked at by hundreds -
maybe even thousands of people none of whom
will quite get it and then you will go scrolling through
trying to catch up on what you missed
when you refused to care because it just hurt you -
I like to say I know you, but the sad truth is
I only ever knew you and that has long since ended.

I know you can't hear me -
no one ever can.

When you are scared or worried or upset, remember:

There are a million faces
in a million places
waiting for you to show
yourself and what you know.

Come with me
we'll set them free
just like they need
all humans freed.

From the demons past
and sorrow's blast
of powerful tears
that you taste for years

Come with me
leave this be...
we are stronger than this
stop neglecting the kiss.

It's simply life
absent is strife
as we go about the day
knowing we'll be okay.

Nothing to worry about,
no need to shout.
Follow me, you'll see
you too can be happy.

Come with me,
one, two, three,
somewhere I've found
a place safe and sound.

Along a never ending path
I was walking without hope,
there was no reason to hurry
so I trekked on a while.
Until I came to a fork
in the road, I could take
left or right, either or,
then I saw a spider
strolling along side me.
He looked at me and smiled
"where are you headed?
Which will you choose,
cause one wrong move and
your life you will lose."
By his voice I was taken,
a spider that could talk
oh my, so not right in this place.
"Well, which way would you go?"
I mocked with anger
feeling the heat of deceit.
"That I cannot answer,
because this path is yours,
I already lived a full life,"
He answered speaking
more than just wisdom.
"Then why are you on
the same path as me,
running away like I am?"
I asked enthralled in rage
that spider was
wiser than even I.
But I turned left and he stayed
back, lingering in the silence
my rage paralyzed his words.
Before I got too far along
I turned back with a smile
thanked him and walked on.
Only a few moments later
I arrived in the land of
candy cane trees and
bubble gum skies.
Thank you Mr. Spider,
I am happy yet again.

There are seven billion ways to view the world,
Of all I find yours the most beautiful.

Carnation hues blinding you now
Ao you don't show your pain,
Why you hide
......there
I will never know.

Seven billion people live and breathe,
But your breath puts on the best show.

Ebony clouds the words
You do not wish to say
That makes sense I
....., suppose;
They don't seem to understand.

So of all seven billion lifestyles out there
Yours is the one I would like to learn.

Dark sandy eyes and lime thoughts
With azure meanings
Make it seem as though
You found a perfect
.......paradise,
I wish I could join you.

Because there are seven billion things wrong with the world,
And I promise you will never be one of them.

Cherry smiles and lightly
candied hearts fill this
Deep, dark, and dangerous
World, but not our milky
......paradise.
They just don't know it.

One day seven billion people will leave us
Not you and I, for we will live forever.

Golden promises fill your mind
As we face each day,
Just remember someday
We will scream, "oh my god,
.....THIS
Is paradise and it feels
So ******* good!"

You said that we
are doomed to be ******.
Because apparently,
somewhere along the way
of secret phone calls
at two am and
kisses out in the rain
before the school bell rang,
and all the secrets that we told,
and all the blood promises made,
we never thought to ask
each other for our names.

So we called each other
dreamer and star,
but star, I miss you.
Star, I love you.
Star, you are the brightest
star in my life and
I think that maybe,
just maybe somewhere
between our runs at dusk
and our walks til dawn
I might have fallen
in love with you.

But now you are gone,
and here I am, all alone...
waiting for a hero
that will never show.
Why'd you have
to meet the knife?
Why did you take your life
that night?
Why did I fall for someone
I knew would never stay?
Will I see you again one day?

Even after all this time,
you are still my password,
the face staring back at me
every time I check my e-mail,
a voice whispering words
no one will ever say to me
as Sleep comes
to pull me away

gently.

They tell me you are gone,
that you won't be coming back
it's not like your vacation
across the pond or the summer
you moved back home.

You left clues for me
as you contemplated whether
I was strong enough on my own
or not, I see that now,
words and stories of hope
or encouragement
to hold me up in your
prolonged absence.

But they don't help me
because you were the kind
of person that changes a girl
without even trying.

Even after all this time,
you are still my password,
the face staring back at me
every time I check my e-mail,
a voice whispering words
no one will ever say to me
as Sleep comes
to pull me away

gently.

And if you are reading this
as you always did, I just hope
you know I miss you so
much more than words
can ever

explain.

Even after all this time,
you are still my password,
the face staring back at me
every time I check my e-mail,
a voice whispering words
no one will ever say to me
as Sleep comes
to pull me away

gently.

They tell me you are gone,
that you won't be coming back
it's not like your vacation
across the pond or the summer
you moved back home.

You left clues for me
as you contemplated whether
I was strong enough on my own
or not, I see that now,
words and stories of hope
or encouragement
to hold me up in your
prolonged absence.

But they don't help me
because you were the kind
of person that changes a girl
without even trying.

Even after all this time,
you are still my password,
the face staring back at me
every time I check my e-mail,
a voice whispering words
no one will ever say to me
as Sleep comes
to pull me away

gently.

And if you are reading this
as you always did, I just hope
you know I miss you so
much more than words
can ever

explain.

And I'll keep singing that song I wrote for you
even though, you're miles and miles away
but it's a twisted dream in this kinda world
where nothin' ever goes your way.

You will not wait for me and I understand that,
really I do, it's just that caged memories
and ghosts 13 cents short of a bus ride home
are more painful to hold than you'd think.

See, a wannabe husband's promise
is almost never enough and he always finds a way
to replace his perfect girl right before the day
she says yes and the fairy tale begins.

So I'll keep singing this song that I wrote for you,
even though, you're miles and miles away,
and it's been almost a year
since I was replaced by her.

The lightning will flash
so thunder can pound
but I know that I
know I am safe and sound.

Although I do wish that
you weren't quite so far
because things would be
warmer if I were with my star.

I miss you night and day
I wish things weren't this way
so maybe I'd know the truth
and what you meant to say.

The wind will blow
so the drops can fall
but I'm alright even
though this place is small.

God wouldn't let me
die just because a storm
surly he wouldn't take me
before she is born.

She will be good,
she will grow up strong
as soon as this passes
and I hear a better song.

Love, come find us,
we've always waited here
get to us please
we're losing to fear.

The lightning will flash
so the thunder can pound
but this time I don't think
we are safe or sound.

The devil's promise is all
I can remember
about our lovely summer.

So many midnights in
Rome running around
waiting for stars
that would never
show up on time.

All our confused illusions
painting a new sceen in
such an ancient place,
as we laughed with such
tenacity in the streets,
only to smile at all the
strange faces frozen in
that hillarious horror.

Or that afternoon
we were sitting outside
sipping coffee a little
too bitter, and that mad
man walked up to you
with his cryptic message;

"Watch out when she
cries, love never
causes tears so
perfect."

When we just looked
at each other in
confused amazement;
what exactly did
he mean anyway?

The memory book is
covered in a velvet
crush plum color that
reminds me of the shirt
you wore on the plane
trip home.

As hot as the sun was
and long as the days were,
I hope you still think
of it as fondly as I do;

Honestly and truly I
am pretty sure we
fell in love that strawberry

summer...

Being with you is like dancing on water
inside the darkened theatre of death
like playing the part of a college student
just trying to get through initiation
with some stupid frat or sorority
I know I don't belong in, but join anyway
just to shut my parents up again.

It's like playing with money in the middle
of the busy streets found in places like
London and New York, but of course you -
you wouldn't understand an analogy like that;
you've never been anywhere have you love?

'Cause you're just another caged songbird
singing for someone else's freedom
instead of your own cause that's what lovers do
when they're in love. But I have to say,

I love being with you - it's like dancing on water
and playing with money; watching strangers
turn their heads in awe and screaming
words they don't even agree with in some kind of
falsified disgust because that's what happens
in death's theatre and on the busy streets of
places way too big for their own good.

It's something so unique,
something completely different from everything else
I've ever known and I think it's time you knew that.

The sun rose early today,
birds sang freely, roses danced,
and asked about you

"I need to take a shower
before doing anything else,"
I inform my mother as she unlocks
the door to our tiny, temporary
studio apartment of a home.

"That's what you teenagers get
for trying to wash your hair
with Chinese food," she laughed.

As I slipped into the bathroom
and out of my clothes I answered,
"That's not how it happened!"
I tried to brush my hair clumped together
with sweat and sweet and sour sauce
from last night's left over dinner on the road.

The brush couldn't get through
the mess so I let the water
have its way with my brunette locks
until finally the suds and conditioner
were able to work it out for me.

As the soap made its way
down my porcelain skin I ponder
why teenagers have to be so bold

and what I've gotten myself into
this time. When the sound of bottles
crashing from the shelf pulls me
from my thoughts I turn the water off
and pull on my Joe Boxer shorts and
the XXL T-shirt swallows my frail frame;
she asks if I still smell like fried rice.

"I hope not," I giggle and crawl into bed,
when we turn off the light the room
is filled with two words said by both of us
in unison and dreams of being a
mother myself someday fill my head.

~ Good night

I will never understand why you
Do the things you do. Or why I
Just cant ever seem to help you.
But I am glad you are in my life,
Even without talking, I guess I
Know you are still ok by the feeling
In my heart every time you
Cross my mind. Is that enough
To know thzt a person means
More than everything to you?

Anyway I just wanted to say
I miss hearing from you. I love
You so very much. Have a good
Evening please. Oh and don't forget
To remember me so I can
Remember not to forget you.

With love,
Your dreamer forever

It is time
to forget
me

Fragile.

That's the only word I can think of
to describe the life I live and the kind
of person I am. There's only so much
to a lonely, old soul that anyone else
would ever even dream of

understanding.

But you, you know that already,
don't you? You come here daily
ready for your next does of my
thoughts bittersweet like the coffee
you sip as you read as much as you can
before the alarm for work goes off.

It's like you can't feel anything
for yourself unless you know what
I've been feeling lately, as though
you are only numb until I interfere
with your days. . .

Fragile.

That's more than who I am,
it's the life I live and the people
I love with every piece of my
shattered heart beating profusely
beneath this scarred chest of mine.

It's why these words sound so good
to you, why you think you understand,
even though, I know you don't. So don't
bother pretending, it doesn't make me
love you anymore than I do as is. But
don't worry, you weren't exactly meant to

understand.

There's nothing wrong. At least nothing I know of.
The tears just don't like my eyes. And my mind
is tired of developing blurry pictures -
its such a waste of energy.

My shadow sits against the wall wondering when
I'll hand her off to a decent conversationalist,
even though walls will never talk and floor boards
just complain. I know it's all fun and games to you,
to them, to everyone else, but my mind just can't
pick up on that - just can't grasp why something
so cruel could ever be so funny. There's a person
stuck in the mirror staring back at me,
they say it gets better, but they've got the devil's
famous grin buried beneath countless layers of
make up and lies.

That stupid voice in my head, the one deeper than my own,
the one everyone knows to ignore - everyone that is but me,
reminds me just how tiny i am in this great big world. It's like
my mind doesn't know when to stop, the pain brings more pleasure
than the strangers calling me pretty as they offer to
buy me some fruity drink down the block (I love the look
on their faces when I end downing **** stronger than their own.)
there's nothing wrong. At least nothing I know of.

I just woke up today and realized that i'm not who I thought I was.

That I'm not who you think I am.

I am just another
impostor
in your bed.

There's nothing wrong. At least nothing I know of.
The tears just don't like my eyes. And my mind
is tired of developing blurry pictures -
its such a ******* waste of energy.

My shadow sits against the wall wondering when
I'll hand her off to a decent conversationalist,
even though walls will never talk and floor boards
just complain. I know it's all fun and games to you,
to them, to everyone else, but my mind just can't
pick up on that - just can't grasp why something
so cruel could ever be so funny. There's a person
stuck in the mirror staring back at me,
they say it gets better, but they've got the devil's
famous grin buried beneath countless layers of
make up and lies.

That stupid voice in my head, the one deeper than my own,
the one everyone knows to ignore - everyone that is but me,
reminds me just how tiny i am in this great big world. It's like
my mind doesn't know when to stop, the pain brings more pleasure
than the strangers calling me pretty as they offer to
buy me some fruity drink down the block (I love the look
on their faces when I end downing **** stronger than their own.)
there's nothing wrong. At least nothing I know of.

I just woke up today and realized that i'm not who I thought I was.

That I'm not who you think I am.

I am just another
impostor
in your bed.

Off in a place
with walls of secret words
carpeted in sheets of moonstone
and a ceiling of thatched sunflowers
resides a girl.

This is not a place
for an ordinary girl,
who parties till midnight
and runs off with boyish men;
no, no, no.
So she is not an ordinary girl,
who acts then speaks.

In fact, for being
a red head she hardly speaks
at all. She has crystal blue eyes,
and the body of a ballerina;
though she has never been athletic.

And in this place
she hides.

Away from the chaos
of family or friends,
away from the pain
of broken hearts and
lost wishes.

Her voice is strong
though her will is weak.
People take her for granted
and leave her on the street.

But this place is hers,
to weep and to think.
Too bad I am her and
it is in my head...

I will not break on your shore
but I will rise with the tide.

And I will be there
everyday
only I won't be there
ever.

You can have my soul
just not my heart
because soul break is less
likely than heart break
and even though it hurts
so much more it kills you
taking you away
from
everything.

And right now
that sounds good
to me.

It's not that I
won't love you
or that I can't
trust you,

I'm just not
going to hurt

anymore.

For anyone.

Ever.

One by one the nreaths we take
Define the way we love and
The experiences we make.

Two ny two the pieces fall
Out of the ruins and into place,
No longer have we lost all-
Proof is the smile on your face.

One by one souls find their home
Build them up and thrive inside
No longer hiding in worlds unknown.

Side by side we take our stand
here we are forever free.
Living in a new eternal land
Simply made for you and me.

Too bad its all a dream,
One big living lie,
Like dinner of ice cream.

I watched from the comfort of my bed
as rain drizzled down my frost painted
window in the dead of winter's night.
The silky sheets below were red
with golden flowers, before I fainted,
ready to give up the fight.
When I came back all was white and black,
however nothing else made sense
and I was lost in a new technological world.
In came a women who gave me flack
then a man erupting in lava, hence,
me screaming even after my head swirled.
A moment later the man came back in
smiled and said, "you are radiant as the sun,
you are sweet as nectar of a daisy,
why are you here in this crazy place?"
"I am nothing, this is the hell I must live in,
besides I am gloomy and have never had fun.
I'm arrogant and so pathetically lazy,"
I answered and eyed the scars dancing on his face.
He chuckled and gasped, "YOU?! Really in Hell?
I can't see that being something real,
so quit the act and come with me;
I'll show you something, you don't wanna miss."
"Never has my life gone well,
all my life pain was all I could feel.
Just **** me, set me free
and okay, as long as its not bliss."
I responded and crawled off the cold table,
I shrugged and followed quietly,
well as quietly as I was able.
He kept joking and I laughed more than slightly.
Eventually, we got to a room
with no lights gleaming, had a bed and two
beat up chairs somewhere in the space.
He smiled again, though sly now, evil beginning to loom,
"Come on, sit down, I've been waiting for you,"
I did as he said, a moment later we were face
to face sharing a passionate kiss,
that tasted sticky sweet, and lasted forever.
"I told you it wouldn't be a miss, here's true bliss,"
He smiled with darkness in his soul, time to sever
all today's memories from my ****** up head,
because then he vanished and I saw
the real hospital and colors again
it was the beginning of nothing, so ta-ta
cause here's the end of something that isn't something at all.

I've watched him beat you
day after day
I've heard you cry yourself to sleep
night after night
I've heard his false words
he doesn't love.

You defend yourself to no avail
alcohol's too much
He's really confused ***,
he is lost.

I've seen it all babe,
it's not over
there's nothing I can do
I am only
plastic wrapped in silk
only for you.

I've seen the blood you let
stain your wrists
I've felt the chill in the air
when he's around
but I've been there too,
it'll be okay.

I'd stop it myself
but I'm merely a doll
propped up on a shelf.

There's roses still in a prettily painted vase
sitting on my desk wilting away as they
cling to summer memories long gone.

After all summer came to her end
months ago when winter claims the lands
and froze the crashing waves as they
stood at sea waiting on us to return

once more.

Locked boxes fill the room each one
with something dead inside trying
to live again in the nostalgia tainted heart
of the collective soul you call "God".

And everybody needs you, no matter
what they say, I'm still pleading Time
to take me away. But when I get my wish
when Winter finally wins, I need you to
promise me one last thing,

Signs will be flashing and people will be
calling your name day after day and
all will say the same three words. Ignore them.

The exit is this way.

'Twas once a beauty
In a world so cold -
A light giving way
Through clouds so bold.
I once chose love
Over that fearful life
Drama of friends killed me
So did vengeful strife.
Here I now stand
Oh, so mighty and tall
Kindness can be
But famous not at all.
To all now
My name shall be known
Madison Kuhlmann a star
More precious than gold and stone.

What is with today's world
when everyone feels like
everybody's nothing,
because magazines
and television plauge
so many minds
daily.

Theres fire and ice
everywhere you look,
but its far more
Noticeable
within each of us
longing to put
our spark
out.

No one goes to the
mirror anymore to smile,
"There's the reflection
I admire so much."
Though they should
all of us are so
beautiful.

It's gotten so bad
that driving past the
high school I saw a
cathartic scarecrow
just waiting to
influence more of
us to be like
her.

What is with today's world
that we can't be satisfied
just by being ourselves?
Why must they make
us feel so small
when we know
that we are truly
amazing.

Staring out the window at the lucid storm
fingers lightly tapping the blanket,
I wonder what tonight will bring.

Dreams to inspire love?
Fears to remind me of sorrow?
Messages to guide me in hope?
Something new to try, for experience?

The block on my ideas stabs me
oh God, my life's so boring.

Moving to the floor, my back against the wall,
feet sliding along the wooden floor boards,
pen in my hand getting slippery, losing
my grip and my captive mind running too.

Thoughts begin racing, legs collapse,
pen dances on the floor, imprinting new thoughts
forever and ever, for all to see.

I only hope the future owners
don't get mad at me...

What can I say though,
the inspiration comes and goes
I just have to follow the flow.

I wish you could see the way
passers by stare every day;
Babe, I wish you knew
Just how everyone loves you.

You are beautiful and so fun
Cant you see your souls our sun.
When you laugh you sparkle and glow
You are amazing, dont you know?

Pretty girl wont you please smile
or simply sit and chat a while?
Everyone around here loves you
we all just wish you knew.

Love is when
you can look at anything
and instantly think
of them.

It is when you
wake up next to them
even if it is only in
your mind.

And when they
make you smile even though
you barely want
to breathe.

This, this is
just loneliness.


Lust.


Infatuation.

There's a locked box sitting in my closet.
It's decorated with pictures of us
and all the people we've ever
wanted to be. Written in scratchy
letters and tear stained ink
are your very best quotes.

As much as I love that box itself
I think you should know what
is dying inside the belly of
that beautiful beast. All the
nicknames unwhispered
between the protection of
night and warm sheets
gone unsaid -

unheard

for so long.

The promises unkept
and shattered dreams.
Scenarios and lyrics
you recited in my dreams
as comfort are lingering -
caught in silky
spider webs.

Guitar picks and letters, pencil drawings and
a colorful ring. And at the very bottom
of that sad, lonely box, folded sweetly,
tucked safely beneath everything
else my soul weeps. Withering
away as it promises to

be better

in its next life.

I'm trapped behind a person I want to be...

I'm trapped like the person I wanted to be
like fireflies in a jar on a stormy night -
like caterpillars longing for flight

There's the person they all see
and then farther down is
the one that's really me

I'm ugly, stupid, and fake
like plastic dolls, robots, and
castles made sourly of cake

There's a mask - only a mask
so why can't I take it off
I feel like an actor alone in the cast

I'm simply not myself
even the mirror will agree
it only sees a doll on a shelf

This really isn't me -
look closer and you'll see

Dear you,

I borrowed your jacket while you were asleep in my bed,
I found the keys to your bike in the pocket. So I went for a drive.
I just needed a night out with the stars, a shot of change
spiked with hope. I had no idea that fresh air would be
more addicting than your kiss or the way your voice sounds at 4 am.
honestly, I thought I'd be back my morning
and I'm so sorry I wasn't.

Love,
*

P.S.

I'll bring you the keys and your bike but
I'm keeping the leather.
For now.

With ribbons twisting in her curly blonde hair and
a sparkle in her eye she watches her dad stumble
into her room so he can kiss her good night.

"Daddy, walk a little straighter, Daddy,
you have to be alright. Mommy says the sunrise is wonderful,
but first you have to make it through the night."
she whispers, her arms reaching out.

She hears little voices outside, in the hall,
as Sleep gently pulls her away and
the surroundings begin to fade.
Every day things are fine,
it's when the stars are out that the
quarrels begin and mommy's heart
breaks just a little more.

Safely dreams come to the rescue
taking her to new lands
of ice cream and candy, with castles
made of flowers and she's the princess
with unicorn friends and shadows that
don't come out to scare her
as children tend to find as they play.

In the morning, daddy comes in
with a smile plastered on his face
and an air force suit draped over his arm,
"Sweetie, I'm going away for a while,
I hope that's okay. Just remember,
I'm always here in your heart."

As she begins to cry as all little girls would,
he notices the sun coming in from the window
it looks like a hallow above her sweet face.
He remarks how painfully beautiful such a sight is,
and as he hugs her one last time

the words escape her mother's cinnamon lips,
"Do you feel better now?" before walking him out
and locking the door.

We view the world in blacks,
grays, and whites while you're
the one who noticed color as
you look back.

We only drink the words
that others say to us
and somehow you managed
to become each of them.

How does that work,
how were you so special?
So beautiful, so wise?

We wanted to learn
from you and truly live
and it's a shame you're gone
we merely wish to see
the world through
your bright eyes.

Just give up,
Stop caring -im a lost cause.
Just forget it,
Love kills - i want to feel strong.
let sadness take me -
And happiness fade so far away.
Let pain feast up
Make it last forever, please.
Listen to me -
I dont need your love.
Watch me closely -
I am okay without you!
There are places Ill never go
Experiences Ill never have
Believe me- im good with that.
I like the way
Sadness tastes.
I am addicted to
This pain.
Just give it up already
Im a lost ******* cause.

Truth is lemon juice
on a freshly cut wound,
you don't understand it
until it's happened to you.

People saying "it's okay"
are the ones that start
the war between me and myself
it's tearing me apart!

Truth is bitter-sweet chocolate
straight from Japan,
it's so tempting to a weakened
soul, one without a biggest fan.

Maybe thats only the case
when you feed on lies
so you can fool yourself
then silence your useless cries.

Truth is a tourniquet
that could save us all.
Truth is only ever a friend
that always forgets to call.

Sometimes
I fell I know how much
. . . you love me. . .

I feel like
sometimes you miss me
. . . . . . . and that hurts you. . .

Now
I am a monster
. . . . . . for scaring you away. . .

Sometimes
I want to love you
. . . but I can't. . .

Sometimes.

Listen to the thunder,
hear the steady beat of the drum.
Watch the lightning,
as it dances across the ebony sky.
Advise the warnings of the rain,
they are wise, much wiser than I.
See the trees sway,
in the cool, crisp breeze,
as though they were praying.

The flowers will thank you
for your kindness.
They can sense emotion
through the Earth's vibrations.
All the bugs will
soon come out to play,
for they love a moistened stage.

Little kids will splash
in the crystal muddy waters.
Moms and dads will fight
uselessly against the games.

I will be smiling,
maybe singing.
Rain helps me think,
it led to this piece.

When it's all over
the sun will shine yet again
inviting birds to chirp
and butterflies to cloud the skies.

And this is our fabulous world,
it's nice to know we haven't
destroyed everything that once was.

I know it's not poetry.
I know it isn't a story.
But maybe it is prose
or maybe it's a song.

Don't tell me it's not real
don't say it isn't right.
I really don't care what you say
this is for me, and you - not you!

I'm lying in a river
drowning in tears.
I'm climbing the mountain
facing all of my fears.

Don't say it,
I know what you're thinking.
I am who I am
and you can't stop me...

from expressing

Someday you are going to understand
Why it never worked or felt so perfect
With anyone else.

You will be given back every pen you
Have ever lost and everything you spent
So long being unable to say.

And when that day arrives you will set sail
Utop the world's most brilliant ocean
Waving goodbye to the shallow shore
Of loneliness you have grown so
Fond of.

There will be a new song stuck on repeat
Inside your already crowded mind
And a fire in your heart that will
Never go out.

At that moment Love will be
In your grasp. This is true love
This is it...

Everything you have ever wanted
Will soon be yours.

I don't know who else to write this to
you seem to understand me
more than others try

so I am going to pour my heart out
to you

now.

I hope that's alright,
but you're the kind of person that will say yes
to anything

so long as someone's emotional well being
will benefit. And I promise
mine will

So dearest diary and closest friend,
I hope all is well in your world
because in mine the skies are grey
the clouds refuse to move away

I miss the sun
I don't remember what a smile is
I feel trapped in my own being

pencils with lead and pools of ink
just don't know how to convey
the things I feel right now

my thoughts eat themselves
before I get the chance to think them
and I am breathing enough to get by
but it's only just enough with no extra space
to breathe.

I don't understand it either,
there's nothing at all wrong
everything around me is fine,

but I need to say something
in hopes you will have the cure
I need more than ever before

being alone is a choice
but
loneliness is a disease

and lately:

I am more alone than ever before. . .

While I don't expect you
as a book with uneven lines
and coffee stains or a person
with a life to live and your own fears to face
to understand this or to help me at all

I don't know who else to write this to
you seem to understand me
more than others try

so I am just here on your door step pouring my heart out
to you.

Cuts and scrapes
Colors and patterns
Stars and stripes
All make me who i am.

Dash of this
Pinch of that.

Look here
Awe there
Never see another
Just like me.

All born of
Flesh and blood,
Ash and stone...

Raised with rules,
Regulations, and schools.
Good and bad
Whats wrong or right.

But we all shine
Different in our
Own light.

I found mine
Among the earth,
Where is yours?