last night it was exactly a year ago it happend
there were sad words leaving my pencil, I wrote a letter
a letter to say goodbye to everyone who once loved me or didn't

I was dancing with the demons in my mind, it was good
I was singing songs with my shadows, songs with the broken ones
and the devil was watching me from a close distance

my socks were ***** and the ***** bottles were empty
I don't even remember what happend to me that night

all I wanted was to create art when I woke up that morning
drowing in pain and tears, I wanted to make a painting
a painting with sad colors, like grey and black and navy blue
a masterpiece filled with my blood, my pain, my empty emotions

it were the pills I swallowed that night to keep me from falling appart
it were the blades rushing over my veins that made me feel alive
all these lose things, all these things, the visions of monsters, the pain
all the tears I cried that night, the alcohol I drank to keep me calm

but still it was your beautiful smile that haunted me, killed me
your pretty eyes and wonderful angel face that made me wanna live
you were all I could think of from the moment we first met, forever

it was you and only you.

it is 4:30 in the morning and I should be sleeping
the thought of you keeps me awake, I dont know what to do
the words you spoke to me are repeating themselves in my mind
and Im here laying on my bed thinking, how can this be real life

did he meant what he said this time, was everything he once told me true
or was all of this just a lie and he is just trying to play with me

the only thing I know right now is the fact that I cant sleep
because everytime I think of him it makes me wanna die
my stomach hurts and I want to rip my heart out, break every bone

and he knows he can do these things to me, making me feel this way
and I know I can make him feel the same way, just by looking at him

I dont even remember why I fell in love with him in the first place
maybe it were his eyes, oh yes it were his eyes, his brown reddish eyes
or maybe it was his attidude or his smile, his humor or his short temper

now its 4:42 in the morning and I wonder do I want this
do I want to wake up to him every morning laying next to him
do I have the patience to deal with his anger and the way he behaves

he is everything I wanted but nothing what I needed, nothing

I think Im just afraid to close this chapter of my crazy life
I like him being around to watch over and make sure I do the right thing
it always felt safe having him, asking me those uncomfortable questions
he always made me realise what I was doing and how I was feeling

this boy was my first love or maybe he still is a little

and it wouldn't be fair to play this game with me because he knows
I am the one who is going to lose

it was yesterday when the screaming started
there was blood on the floor, your mum was crying
I can't remember the last time I saw you smile, happy
you once told me this story about angels, about demons

this boy never felt like he belonged here, this was not his home
the world we live in is so beautiful, so wonderful but not for him
darkness always found it's way to strangle him when he was alone
thoughts about falling appart, breaking, terrible thoughts about dying

it was at night when these creatures came to haunt him
the innocent soul of this boy couldn't protect him, never
almost every day when the moon met the nightsky, the stars
it was time for the monsters to wake him up and torture him

the tears he had cried were expressed in different types of scars
no single soul in the world could understand the way he felt

it was yesterday when the screaming started
there was blood on the floor, your mum was crying
and maybe I wished you had took me with you, above

you once told me you wanted it this way, it needed to happen
you were so afraid, so scared of these monsters in the dark
your own soul was playing sick little games with you

so tomorrow will be a new day and I will be there
alive and breathing, for myself and for you darling
and every single day I will be thinking about him

this oh so lovely boy with his brown eyes and beautiful smile
the boy who got haunted by demons, haunted by himself

I always thought he looked like an angel
and now he is one..

if I could give my life a color I would choose the color blue

the bruises on my body are telling stories my mouth never could
waking up at 5 am in the morning, tired and afraid but still smiling
a smile you created everytime I think of you, making me feel complete

and if there comes a times you want to leave than maybe you should
I learned that you can't make home's out of human beings so I shouldn't  
but please before you really go think twice about this and stay with me

I always loved the fact you made up your owns songs and melodies
you played the music on your black guitar, songs about stars and rain
riddels about how you wanna change the world, about how you feel
this girl was her own kind of person, she was so special and so beautiful

and again it's 5 am and I can't stop thinking about how I need you
breathing without you being near me is a lot harder than I imagined
the world loses it's color when we are not together, the world is grey
not that grey is a bad thing, we need to learn how to live like this..

my bruises speak a thousand words, my scars do too
but all the words they have ever spoken need to be our secret
I need to protect myself from the world and everything in it..

but please don't stop loving me
even if the demons are getting closer..

she wrote poems about me, with passion
it was the same way I wrote poems about her

she saw the world just like the way I saw it
a dark place where you need someone to light it up
happiness was easy to find when she was around me

and everyday I wonder when is this girl going to leave me
and everyday I beg to god to make you stay a little bit longer..

I know you think I dont need you as much as you need me
but the truth is I do, I need you more than the moon needs the sun
I want you and only you, I adore every single part of you, oh you

humans need someone to share their life with, to keep them alive
and I want you to be that human more than I want anything else

the mornings when I wake up next to you, are so lovely, dreamy
the nights when I fall asleep next to you, hearing your heartbeat
every minute we spend together feels like living in a fairytale

and I never want this to end.

I would descirbe this girl as a piece of art

the color of her eyes was not from this planet
details that could never escape my dark twisted mind
the little mole on her face and the piercing in her ear
small things a stranger, a friend would forget about

there were some reasons why I wanted her to leave
but there were so much more reasons why I needed her to stay
the fun we had together, the memories we made, the tears we cried

nights like this when I get really lonely, I dream about you
it's 3 am and I can hear your voice whisper my name, I freeze
the stars are telling me you are coming home soon, am I dreaming
I can't wait to see your pretty face again and to have you in my arms

life is so beautiful and I would never complain
but Im missing a piece of myself and that piece is you

our love was so right even the angels wanted it to go wrong

ineffable.

suddenly everything reminds me of you

the stars in the night sky, how they twinkle just like your eyes
stupid love songs on the radio and empty bottles of cheap alcohol

teenagers who were craving for a little danger, crazy adventures
to end up in bed totally drunk, telling each other jokes and silly stories

being able to finally say that someone is in love with you too

because darling I could watch you for a minute
and find a thousand things that I love about you

no words can describe how much you mean to me
and how happy you make me feel, every single day

we lost our thoughts and forgot where we belonged in the world
The only thing that mattered was us being together, forever.