There is a difference
between the normalcy of a love caught up in flames
and a love that sets your heart ablaze

I was third degree before I realized this mess
I was unrecognizable -
tender burn victim
silver melted into my chest

There is a difference between being held
and being haunted
running to your lover
and only being called on when you’re wanted

I was worn down to the bone
my ankles broken and bent
before I learned to stop showing
how little to him I meant

There is a difference
between adoration
and  clearing his name  with fearful vindication

I was blind for most of my days
running with the blindfold
pulled securely over my face

There is a difference between accepting love
and loving the acceptance you get

I was dwindling down to my foundation
all the things he never meant

There is a difference between healing
and bandaging the wounds
There is a difference between how he loved me
and how perfectly you do.

And the biting turned to bleeding
the fist bumps into beatings
I am awake in my nightmare at 2.am.

Beast in the bed
back of the head
take from me while I’m asleep
use my body
piece of meat
Waking
Walking back to that bad dream
of all that time I spent sleeping with the beast.

Just what I needed
just when I fell
the smoke from my wounds still rising
my body unwell

Brought back to my hometown
with  misery on my back
found what the summer was mourning
loved all the things that I lacked

I sit perched on hot summer high wires
swaying in warm dusty winds
watching those who cannot fly
and I pity them

I have a choice to sit or slip into the blue
I have two choices
and you only have you

That place with cracks in the
earth-
ripping itself apart
that's where you are

When I lost my body
I was nineteen
It fell through the mattress and into the neighbors kitchen
Sloughed limp from their breakfast table

When I lost my body
everything was black
and it slipped through the floor boards
mother's back

When I lost my body
it no longer belonged to me
tags ripped
seams split
marked down to free.

I can still feel your hands reaching back
pulling my ribs apart
a meal
Somewhere from before where you still exist
sliding the meat from the bones
of the women you loath

A monster
gnashing teeth
withered down to dull stones
You have done this many times before