loud
so genuine it seems fake
temper
cries easily
animal lover
talkative
passionate
overly sweet
accidentally inconsiderate
cant whisper to save my life
non confrontational until angered
giving
creative
hard working
obnoxiously loud and annoying
liberal
avoids messy situations until i HAVE to face them
flamboyantish
scared
loves being feared / having power
hates directly hurting people
anxious
too freaked to apologize
very touchy
hyper

I need to stop being afraid to have feelings
I need to start understanding that other people have feelings that affect me
I need to start showing my love
I need to be nice

i think i might be a horrible person
but i didn't know
^ that is not meant to be an excuse

i am trying to be more humble

but how do you fix yourself when you didn't know you needed to be fixed?

i'm not sure about anything anymore

pour love down my throat.

only your love.

let me float on it.

i will be happy.

let me drown in it.

i will survive.

let me hold onto it.

please.

feel a wave crash in my brain

electricity sparks and I'm excited

my hands shake and I grin

my eyes filled with life

drops of water fall from my heart
to the page

filled with thoughts and emotion and hope and a message longing to be heard

the past either means
nothing or everything
nothing for the future to be built upon
nothing for it doesn't matter
nothing for focus on what's to come
but everything
everything to relive the tears and
crys of delight
everything for those lost to the grave
everything for knowledge that you protect

CARDBOARD HOUSE/walls so high
FLOORS ARE TIRED AND WEEP AND SIGH
SOFT CARPET soaked with blood and guts
FOLLOW ME INTO the HOUSE
slowly see PAINT CAKED ON walls and doors and tables
delightfully terrifying
COFFEE TABLES....legs fall me tremble
WELCOME HOME

devour the
shining, greedy
glass
pop pop pop
blood leaks and swirls
you smile, eyes half shut
glass between your teeth

al - call her! schedule a time! be genuine and kind and talk about events and ideas, not others!

an- ask her about HER. schedule a time! lead the fun but let her know you are there for serious times!

be- bond! support her and learn about her

ca- no sham in appreciation! start things!

ch- tolerance! have intelligent conversations and then ask to meet her dog

d- help him understand right from wrong. always empathize. dont let him drown

e- once again, tolerance. call her!

k- apologize but keep distance. tell the whole truth and nothing but it.

o- TALK to her!dont put her in a position she does not want to be in. take time to form good trust again

v- stop inviting him to stuff/ talking to him and see if he talks to you.

she sobs, deep gasps
the sorrow envelopes her
but she doesn't mind
she's upset beyond measure
but it will be over soon
           she bursts with life, mind ecstatic
she's overjoyed at everything
brightness follows her
she's glowing
but then she remembers
this is a cycle
          she sobs

her lush hair falls to her cheeks
red and LIGHT
light that rushes through the flashlight pointed at HER
her face wrinkles and she CRIES
tears take a leap of anything but FAITH
faith that she won't CRY
face curled into a fleshy BALL
ball of skin and SCRATCHES
scratches got there? who knows HOW
how to COPE
cope with dreams being torn and tossed and thrown and lost

:)

a drop of precious purple sweetness falls
falls into my stained gray cup
glow into the dark
a smile erupts onto my illuminated face
:blue and tired:
tall frame standing in a pink of sick pink moonlight
cheers!!!!!!!
to a story unfinished!
metal hits my quivering lips
cherubs swim around my nose:
swallow death completely whole

you make us both peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I wait on the couch. dead mind.

you tell me it will be ok. you touch my forehead with your lips. white noise.

you turn on the light and leave me to lay. you'll be back. "rest assured" black space.

you take me on a walk. like a dog. we hold hands and see plants. your eyes look ashamed. blank thoughts.

you crawl on the ground

it is dark

cold and
bloodied

blips of teeth flash in your mind

why oh why
why oh why

you scream
but

who is to hear?

certainly not me! I turn up the radio

pan over to you dragging yourself
down the street

unknowing joining the rest

dressed to the nines
you wore only pearls
moonlight dipped around your
deep collarbones
lips smeared
a curve that is far from a smile
but a satisfied frown
emerged
one dog
then two
quite a few more
with lace round their necks
and a smooth hint of gore
they barked silently, painfully
left them at ease
they dropped to the ground
you dropped to your knees

the lightning won't **** you
the thunder will
boom  
eardrums squeeze!
pop pop pop
bust! can't hear
slip in the grass
dropped amongst bugs and wet smells
curl up into a ball and sob
you can't even hear yourself sob!
lungs burst like eardrums
you're a mess
the thunder will

icarus is i
and i flew to close to the sun.

the more love you give the more you take from yourself.

that's alright when the other does the same. you are refilled.

but get too carried away, get to involved, care to much, you each take more than you deserve

you empty each other and scrape out their love till it's gone.

who would be happy then.

I AM A LIVING BREATHING HUMAN AND I FEEL SO DEEPLY AND LOVE SO MUCH

BUT YOU CANNOT CLAIM THAT WHENEVER YOU WANT

AND LEAVE ME IN A PUDDLE WHENEVER YOU WANT

AND BE WITH WHOEVER YOU WANT

WHENEVER YOU WANT

WHILE I MOURN THE LOSS OF SOMEONE WHO WILL COME BACK
BUT ONLY TO VISIT
JUST A QUICK VACATION
A QUICK ESCAPE

"i always thought youd be there"

YOU CANNOT! RUN OFF WITH WHOMEVER AND EXPECT ME TO BE THERE WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE TO FALL BACK ON.

AND IT HURTS. MORE THAN ANYTHING KNOWING I WANT TO BE THERE. I WANT TO HELP. I WANT YOU TO LET ME LOVE YOU.

BECAUSE I DO. SO ******* MUCH.

i am the only once who cares. these girls do not care. your friends do not care. your mother and father care. but i have consistently let you fall on me. and i was crushed in the process

fingers of paper
hair made of lace
mouth closed with safety pins
all a closed space
eyes made of copper
to see only clear

aslee
p
dripping into a timeless dark
quietly
silently
slipping into a mindless dark
breathing heavily can't breath

diagnosed with ADHD?

- feel ******! i cut a close friend off bc of the way she was treating others + me + her general attitude i didnt want to be associated with....but i feel bad for no explanation but i didnt want to make it worse

-love mee!! im so needy! what the ****!

- i have!  like. two friends! and 0 social skills im scared to lose them!

ewwwwwww

amber tinted sun
    falls through the slic es of green
piled on wet earth

little loud screaming birds fly over the valley
fits of emotion
tumbling dashing around inside
their little scrreaaming heads.

  lying in wait for her victim long blonde
dead;y
she sings
happily
high pitch hiding her t.r.u.e. feelings

(sorry guys this isn't gonna be good I just have nowhere to vent so)




you deserve love and you deserve to understand how caring and humble you are.
you stick to your morals.
you stick to your gut.
you don't know how amazing
and I'm not the right person to tell you.
i wish you the best
and i feel like you are unreachable
but i dont know how to reach you
i can't tell you anything about yourself
only because im not the right person.
bottom line is:
i will stick around only if you want me to. but how do I know if you want me to. I don't know whether to give you space or comfort you.
I think we need to talk. but I know it doesn't help. I want to do what is best for you. I can't. I struggle with doing what's best for me.

tic
k tick

pick the lock

boom boom

cutoFF
Ym tongue

bite yours too!

fake fake fake wet
tears
falllllll

chop off my fingers
and
chew ch
ew on them yum

very odd

i can't figure out if i want him to want me or not.

maybe i'll never know.

actually - i know i want him to want me. but if i had him i'd be miserable and so would he.

i want him though he's the worst thing for me.

i deserve you begging at my feet.

i deserve you showering me and only me in love.

because i matter
because i care.

i deserve better.

i deserve your dumb jokes that everyone else hates.

i deserve to get to put up with you.

i deserve you telling me youre sorry

no

not telling. showing.

i deserve you letting me know i am strong and beautiful and amazing.


i deserve your smiles.

a boy/ordinarily simple

a man said
(reach into the hat
pull out a wish)

he did/hasty
he wanted a wish/exited
his fingers tingled and his heart raced

the man snickered/satisfied
(choose)

the boy didn't know what to wish for
he wanted something /what
he asked for nothing

the man (more unfortunate are the ones who are granted a chance to wish for whatever they want and remain clueless as to their dreams than the ones who never get to dream)

the boy wished for a dream/melancholy

though he knew it would never come true

they man refused
the boy cried
(that's life)!

i missed it! it just has to be secret!

its like a healthy drug!

i don't even like you
why am i only happy around you
i  am trapped