your cries break my heart
and I hold you close until
you whimper into sleep

my gentle swaying and rhythm of my heart
guide you to sleep

my daughter,  I hope someday you
discover that the Divine Presence
holds you safe and close like I do

There will be times
I will not be with you
But remember that God
is always with you

you may not know me
face to face,
but you and I have connected
heart to heart through words.

Our lives are woven together by
the tapestry of words,
and into a living breathing poetry.

you and I are no longer strangers,
but fellow poets and sojourners
on this journey of creation.

Last night when we were both drunk off of gin and lust,
you told me I was like the song "ruca" by sublime.

I'm not your only one- but I'm the best one.
And I laughed at that.. Me being the best.

But you said it was true and I could see the sincerity in your eyes.
Baby.
You aren't my only one and you aren't my best one.

But I still burn for you
and when I'm all alone and on my own,
you're the one I think of.
That won't change.

You told me I'm a naughty girl,
a bad girl,
the worst.

That you can't handle me.

That in another life this could work
and I would be solely yours and you would be solely mine.

But what I do when I leave your place is none of your concern.
And truly- you don't want to know.

You call me a mystery and
I will always stay that way to you.
Again.

It's better that way.
Forever burning for you.

I have never once liked him.
I have lusted for him, and I have desired to hurt him.

I have never once loved him,
but oh, how he has haunted me in my daydreams.

He either deserts me or envelops me at night.

I would move close to him in the early morning,
give him a solitary kiss on the forehead,
on his arm, on his chest;
wherever I felt he would let me touch without pushing my lips away.

He would grip me from behind,
roll us over and kiss me only to get inside of me.

At one point, I thought this was the same thing.

He calls me mystery, wild child, baby blue.

He is turning me into an apology of this girl.

I am baby blood lust.

A single digital phrase
makes me throb, makes me warm,
raw-
hungry,
inarticulable:
the hunger, the thirst, the clawing through
his hair push him against
the door
with
force.
There was a glistening in the room,
a hard glaze
puncturing every moment
like a swift knife, brute
yet gentle the way
the stinging sharp
cold blade feels
against the seal
of
skin.

You were the sun, I was a flower
I looked up to you to learn, you set me free to bud
You kept me warm through windy spring nights
You taught me to grow through golden leaves falling
After storms, you crept from behind the clouds to help me dry
When snow fell, I was buried beneath the ice and you brought me back again
But once the summer came, you blazed so bright I couldn’t see

The sweltering sun, my sweet sun
I took your light, your love, and I blossomed
Then I grew, only to realize you would always be far up there
I took too much and waited, wilted and grey in the end.

I LET YOU WALK ALL OVER ME LIKE I WAS YOUR LITTLE DOORMAT AND I LET YOU PUSH ME AROUND AND PLAY WITH ME LIKE I WAS YOUR LITTLE TOY JUST SO YOU COULD FEEL THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF HAPPINESS BECAUSE I KNEW THAT WAS A FOREIGN CONCEPT TO YOU. I LET YOU TREAT ME IN WAYS YOU CLAIMED TO BE AGAINST; THE THINGS YOU SAID TO ME AND DID TO ME WERE OKAY WHEN THEY CAME FROM YOU BUT UNACCEPTABLE WHEN THEY CAME FROM MY END. YOU KNEW I WASN'T GOING ANYWHERE AND YOU HAD BEEN TAKING COMPLETE ADVANTAGE OF THAT KNOWING I WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU. I LET THE CIRCUMSTANCES YOU FELL UNDER BECOME THE EXCUSES FOR THE WAY YOU MADE ME FEEL; I EVEN MADE EXCUSES FOR MYSELF. I SLIPPED INTO A STATE WHERE MY INSTANT REFLEXES WERE SECOND THOUGHTS AND GUILT AND I BEGAN TO FEAR THE WAY YOU FELT ABOUT ME BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE REASON YOU ENDED UP HURT AND YOU'VE GOT ME INTO SITUATIONS I WANTED TO AVOID AND PLACES I DON'T WANT TO BE AND I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO TELL YOU THIS AND IT'S TEARING ME APART.

t.m.

i have given in
to the soft crackle of old vinyls
harmonizing with the
rain tapping on my window;
it is a song unlike any other,
the lyrics engrained into my mind
and the rhythm in time with my heartbeat,
slow and steady

i am bathed in the glow
of scented candles and
strings of lights
strung up between windows and doors and open drawers;
wrapped in vanilla and white light,
enveloped in warmth
and drenched in dimly lit happiness

i am alone but never lonely;
on nights like these i lay awake
in sync with the crackle of vinyl
the soft patter of rainfall
the flickering of tiny flames
and the peace i have found
in simplicity.

t.m.