Sometimes it's hard
to admit who we are
unapologetically.

Nothing hits me harder to the core
than not feeling heard.

That moment suspended in time
in which I try
to explain just how I feel
and they don't understand
they can't comprehend.

It's not a fault or a point to blame
it's not my lack of ability to explain
it's because they are not me
and she is not he
and we will never be
each other.

I can say who I am,
but from where they stand
a mile, a yard, or enough to touch hands
the distance is too far to for them to see
no matter how eloquently I speak

So I set myself free.

Instead of beating myself up
and saying I didn't try hard enough
it could just be
their own incapacity
to understand just who I am.

It could just be
they can't see me
because they haven't found
their identity.

We are the Pilots of our plane
Navigating this Life
Through the trails and terrain.

When life is kind,
The path is clear like blue skies.
But there are times when our travel meets turbulence,
It can create chaos and a erupt disturbance.

Do we fight the storm, or continue our flight?
Maybe we need ground.
To take a break, and get our bearings down.

When our head is in the clouds
And we don’t know what to do,
Sometimes it’s best to rest rather than move.

The clouds do fade,
The rain doesn’t stay,
Although we might wish things could change,
Good things do come to those who wait.

We are still the Pilots this Plane
Even if our forecast tells there will be wells of pain.
If not alone, then together we will weather
any atmospheric pressure that comes our way.

I have long ago discovered that things turn out the way they should, but it’s from my own resistance and desperation to control, that delays my arrive to the place I was meant to be all along. Still, even though I know this, I still try my hardest to deny the qui sera sera of things. Eventually, I do get to the place of surrender, and that’s when I am most happy, because I can breathe freely.

I only ask of you to aim for balance. No one, not even yourself, is expecting you to fall into another category of extremes. In life we have more than the black and white. I don’t just want you to see the grey, but the kaleidoscope of colors this beautiful world has to offer.

If I ever catch myself criticizing something I don’t like about myself, that is neither a life threatening nor a destructive observation, I have to question my own thoughts and ask if this judgment is truth, or coming from a place of insecurity. If insecurity is the reason, which most times it is, I step out from underneath that microscope in which I stood, and walk into the light of reality. I realize that my purpose in life is not to analyze and dissection who I am, or even other people.

If we can shift our thinking, we can change our feelings. Our feelings control how we view the world and ourselves. Perception has power; it cradles both thinking and feelings.

What is this Emptiness I Feel?
Is it brought on by Fear?

Is this Emptiness,
Or just Space
From the new room I have created?

Triggered by these new feelings of space,
I want to immediately fill it with non-virtuous things.

Unnecessary materials.
Trivial activities.
Unhealthy people.

For the sake of
Not Feeling.

Perhaps from this Space,
I feel something New.

I didn’t create a Hole in me,
I am becoming a Whole new me

Or maybe
More Whole.

I am allowing my Soul to breathe.

Before, my Soul was constricted;
Suffocated and restricted by the
Rigidity in which I lived.

Now that I have abandoned the stringency,
I am left with a New Found Freedom.

And It Feels Foreign.

I want to judge it.
Label it as “Dangerous”
Or “Unsafe”.

On the contrary,
I Need Not Fear Space.

Having Choices and Freedom
Is not only Healthy,
But a True Sign
I am in Recovery.

Perhaps it’s best to not make sense,
but instead trust and accept.

Take it step by step
Without looking for an end.

Life is a process;

You will be led
To where you are destined.