I never told anyone
about the hate that came first that night-
the hate that boiled in your eyes
your chest moving quickly
as you stared down at me through oceans.

I never told anyone  
about the hate that I felt
as I stumbled backwards
from hands on my chest.

I never told anyone
about the hate that made my eyes cold
and my voice hot
and my fingertips electric
as I handed back what you had thrown at me
with the force of ten beers
                              four shots
                 and your big warm hands.

I never told anyone
about the hate that made my eyes leak
and my brain spin
as I put you to bed,
avoiding bruises
as I tried to take off your shoes.

I never told anyone
about the hate I heard in my voice
when I said the words out loud-
sounds I didn’t recognize.

I never told anyone
about the hate that burned a hole in my chest
right where your head rested
when you woke up scared
in the middle of the night
and pulled me close.

I never told anyone
about the hate that crawled all over my skin
in between me
                           and
                                     your arms.

It started with a spark
A fleeting amber
Sometimes we fanned it together
Other times you left me to keep it going.
It grew... blazed brilliantly
then you left me with this blaze
and walked away as I burned
God did I burn
It was as painful as you are beautiful

Get angry with me
yell at me, hit me
do your worse.
no matter what happens I will always love you.
I will always be there
I mean look at you.. how could I say no?
We can fight and make up
what is not to love?

Your dexterous brain hypnotizes me.
The gassed venom erupts from your thoughts and strikes mine
leaving me with helplessness and a dim light.
With temptation in mind
but never in your heart,
I am constricted with the fake,
shedskin love you've given me.
And you squeeze tighter and tighter
until I finally give up hope.
You devour me whole.
Then slither to your next meal.