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We're not damaged goods
Maybe we're just lonely people
I told my mom about events from my past,
events that shaped my bitter bones,
memories that will forever last.

I regret telling her
I had no friends until age 9
and that people would tell me
that they wish I would die.
I should have never informed her
that when I was young,
the pain people would bring to me,
tell me that I would never feel love.
I wish I didn't let her know
of the words people would constantly throw
my way.
How I would beg the teachers daily,
to not force me to go out to "play".

I was so ashamed
of the 12 grades of toucher,
until the day I was finally free.
But unfortunately,
all this damage,
it has taken far too much
away from me.

Now I am uncomfortable,
knowing that she now knows
everything I have kept covered.
I don't like people's concerns,
it makes me uneasy when they care;
I become smothered.
I really like you




I like you so much
It hurts sometimes



When your not here



I'm so scared of losing you



You have no idea
You
There's so much I could say I don't know where to start. I like how much you care for me and I don't know why you care for me so much or how  deserve you but I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am. I like how protective you are of me you always have my back ALWAYS even when you can't be there you're still there for me through messaging me. I like how you message me good morning just to check on me and see how I was and if everything was alright. I like how you messaged me every time I go on road trips and tell me to stay safe everyday and message me when I'm travelling there and home and make sure I get home safely every time we walk somewhere at night. I like how you made me keep that promise to keep me safe at night. I love how we tell each other stuff and how I can trust you with anything and I can tell you anything. I like how we fight about the silliest things they aren't even real arguments just us joking around pretending to be mad at each other when we're not and one of us sneaks a look at the other and smiles and the other person catches us and we know we can never be angry at each other. I love how we share the same morals and i don't really know what to say there's too many things I like about you. I like the way you hug me slowly and tightly and you don't let go for ages long enough for me to feel your warmth and appreciate the moment and even long enough for a small conversation in each others ear. I like the way you say goodnight to me it helps me sleep with ease of knowing I still have you.  The truth is I'm scared of losing you so scared I've never been so scared of losing someone in my life. I need you in my life I can't lose you not now not ever please never leave. I'll miss your touch, your icy fingertips touching my knee comforting me making sure I'm alright, I'll miss being able to sleep on your shoulder feeling your warmth on my cheek and you softly talking to me so no one else can **** in our conversation, I'll miss the way we put our arms around each other and walk together to protect each other, the way you whisper in my ear and scare the **** out of me to point out some imaginary thing in the bush when it's dark just to scare me so I get scared and bump into you so you can laugh and put your arm around my shoulders and we'll laugh together, I'll miss the way you sit closer to me when it's cold and offer your jacket to me, I'll miss your quiet comments in my ear when we're watching plays together, I'll miss our stupid little conversations when we're mad at each other but still want to talk but we're not really mad at each other just pretending to because you know I can't stay mad at you if you flash your big cheesy smile at me and you know it gets me every time, I'll miss the way you look deeply into my eyes when your looking at me and talking to me so please never leave or a part of me will leave with you
Sad
I'm sad
I don't know why
I do
It's a lot of things actually
The fear of losing him
The fear we won't be close anymore after this year
If he leaves after this year
I'm not ready for that
I also don't know what to say to her
To ease her mind
To make her feel wanted and that I care
She's my best friend
But I can't  tell her
I'm still afraid of getting bullied
I'm still afraid people are judging me
All the time
It's painful
I'm confused
Hurt
Scared

**BROKEN
I do not want to talk
I want to feel better
Be it cuddles
Kissing
*******
Anything
I'm going to ***** up getting there
Make mistakes and lose people
Hopefully it's worth it
I'm going down the path again, knowing cant stop me
I desire you
To know you
Every last piece
To be the arms you run to
The lips you long for
I want to kiss you
Bite you
Tease you
And leave you begging for more
Desires are fickle things
She made me ,you know.
Remove blades from their housings
And sheath my soul.
Drive knifes and daggers into her back.
Part the flesh from bone.
Coward she cried. But gritting her teath for more
Shed lie here on on my bed. Or sprawled across the floor
Shed block my paths out.
My routes through the doors
She would make me harm herself
When she couldn't any more
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