I felt ******* horrible for leaving you. Horrible.
Remembering how you picked me flowers and surprised me with junk food on my bad days, being so sweet.
-But then I remember-
I felt ******* horrible when you abused me. Horrible.
Not just the kind that leaves bruises, but the kind that made me question "should I wear this?" you were so rude.
-And then I remember-
I was supposed to marry you. White dress, friendsand family, dancing an promises. you could never keep your promises.
-Sometimes I remember-
I was supposed to call you, every time I drank- even though it wasn't even enough to get anyone drunk, because if I didn't and you found out, you wouldn't speak to me for a day, sometimes even two.
I remember smiling, giggling and laughing with you, but that didn't happen much.
But i ******* remember every reason I frowned, cried, and screamed.
I felt ******* horrible for leaving you, horrible.
-But then i remember-
How to love myself.
Original. Written in September 2017