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If some of you wonder why I didn't just leave, I need you to hear this.
I told him to leave my house, he refused. If I tried to call someone he would take my phone. If I tried to leave he would block the door.

Why didn't I just ask for help? Oh I did. My mom thinks it's my fault and my friends just ignore those texts; they'll answer any other messages I send them, but not the ones begging for help.

He told me not to tell my therapist, but even when I try she tells me it's just a hard time and we will get through it.

I have given up even trying to leave. I will just deal with this. I can't get out on my own and I have no help. Everyone is okay with seeing me like this. So I guess I just won't make a fuss about it anymore.

Don't you dare blame it on me. I did everything that people tell you to when you're in a situation like mine.

"Why didn't you just leave him?"
Why didn't you help me?
Oct 2017 · 467
I felt ******* horrible for leaving you. Horrible.
Remembering how you picked me flowers and surprised me with junk food on my bad days, being so sweet.

-But then I remember-

I felt ******* horrible when you abused me. Horrible.
Not just the kind that leaves bruises, but the kind that made me question "should I wear this?" you were so rude.

-And then I remember-

I was supposed to marry you. White dress, friendsand family, dancing an promises. you could never keep your promises.

-Sometimes I remember-

I was supposed to call you, every time I drank- even though it wasn't even enough to get anyone drunk, because if I didn't and you found out, you wouldn't speak to me for a day, sometimes even two.

I remember smiling, giggling and laughing with you, but that didn't happen much.

But i ******* remember every reason I frowned, cried, and screamed.

I felt ******* horrible for leaving you, horrible.

-But then i remember-

How to love myself.
Original. Written in September 2017
Jun 2017 · 404
Choose One
We worked so hard to get me to stop cutting
Did you not notice that once I stopped I started lashing out
You tell me you hate that I'm always angry
I tell you I don't know what that's about
I search for a blade every now and then but give up before I can ever find one
Today it became too much so I grabbed the scissors and I make a slit
I know you'll get mad but what else can I do? I either hurt myself or I hurt you
I know this is bad but it felt so good, I'm not angry anymore
I know it's unfair but you have to choose one.
May 2017 · 343
Hearing the toaster pop up and realizing you've been spinning in circles the whole time, with no recollection of the time passing,
Saying "f*ck" while you do the dishes or vacuum because apparently that's a trigger for you,
And don't you dare think about time because you'll spend all of it flailing your arms and hyperventilating,
Hoping you're not annoying when you click your tongue over and over,
And feeling the tickle in your arms hoping they won't judge you for twisting your hand three times,
What the hell do I have? Is it OCD, ADD, or is it turrets?
A mixture of all maybe? I don't know but I need some rest.
Apr 2017 · 1.5k
Opposites attract
A guy who hates cussing with a girl with turrets
A girl with ocd with a guy who's a mess
A guy who likes to wing it with a girl with a schedule
A girl who wakes up early with a guy that sleeps without rule
They're too different to remain together
But maybe they'll be perfect for each other
Mar 2017 · 805
It Ended Before it Began
You put out a cigarette and didn't even take a drag
You stopped a dream and didn't even go to sleep
You turned off the radio before it even played a note
You ended the call without uttering a word
You closed the curtains before the sun even came up
Guarding yourself isn't going to help anything
Mar 2017 · 289
Do you think I'm dressing up for you when you only see me once my clothes are wrinkled, my makeup is smeared and my hair is a mess?
What the hell am I doing
Mar 2017 · 663
I Wouldnt Mind the Crimson
He was a galaxy, she was part of every song
He was in my bed, she was in my head
He could give me the future I want, she can give me the excitement I need
He was happiness and she was pleasure
He was hope and she was nostalgia
Feb 2017 · 390
It's bad when someone who's terrified of the dark goes into the darkest room for comfort,
Like maybe, just maybe, the darkness means they don't exist.
Feb 2017 · 1.2k
Theyre Both Bruises
The hickeys faded as the bruises began appearing
As if we find the bruises on each other more beautiful
Maybe we're meant to be together so that we don't hurt anybody else
Nov 2016 · 3.0k
Don't tell me to get in the shower "It'll make you feel better,"
When you are the one who caused the bruises,
the internal ache,
the tears stained on my face,
the nightmares when I close my eyes,
and the PTSD everybody thinks is a lie.
Oct 2016 · 733
Defend Me
Every person older than me used to tell me that if someone ever hurt me they would defend me.
Over and over this happened.
When the first person hurt me a few people were there in my defense, and made sure I was okay.
Eventually I felt better and,
When the second person hurt me and only one was there to defend me.
But only because of family laws.
Now I get hurt all the time and nobody does a thing. Where are all those people who said they would defend me?
Did they finally realize that I was a lost cause?
Sorry I haven't posted in a long time.
Jun 2016 · 353
Playful Relationship
We have tickle fights until we can't breathe
He puts his ice cream spoon on my back so I'll scream
He picks me up cause he knows I can't stop it
He licks my face when I go in for a kiss
God I love him.

— The End —