You're 'heroes' aren't real people
They're drawings and hopes and tales
Real heroes are the ones that help
They're the ones that really care.
Now, don't get me wrong,
Superman is great and all
But he's really just a figure
Just strong and buff and tall.
Batman, Spiderman, they're figures too,
Their stories tell ones of crime
But I know some even better ones
Some stories really worth the time.
It's the kids that don't get noticed
The ones that are left behind
You can't put the name to face,
But they've been there this whole time.
Everyone comes before they do,
They're ready to make a change
They help, sacrifice, volunteer
And you always found it strange.
Does it seem so weird, now?
Have you grown up and seen it for real?
They're the Superman, Batman, Spiderman too
They're the ones that helped people heal.
Remember that day you dropped your books?
Remember when you felt so alone?
It's those kids that helped and lent a hand
They're the ones that should be known.
So next time you pick up a comic
Even you, in your growing age,
Superheroes are the ones in real life
Not the fighters on a page.

Empty hands and love wasted
Wasted, the state of being wasted
Drunk on love
Or high on life
Perhaps intoxicated with the idea
Breathing in the fumes of both
Hookah and happiness
Crushed up pills meant to calm anxiety
Only calm their mind
Not the body, not the syncopated motions
Not the actions in which they're partaking
Crushed up pills, crushed up souls,
Uppers and downers so that maybe
While their mind is numb,
Their body sure isn't,
Maybe for a moment they don't have to think
About what love actually is.

There's this special seed inside of us
That glitters, shines, and grows
Planted by an equally special person
One that everybody knows.
The one that woke up early this morning
And downed their coffee for the day
While you dig out your favorite shirt
And they keep their nerves at bay.
The person that decorates for new children
Hangs up posters and note cards
Tacks up the yearly alphabet trim
And clears the weeds from the school yard.
Stands and greets equally nervous kids
Hands them name tags and a book
And hopes that their anxiety melts away
To be excited like they should.
The history and math books open
Pages are assigned
They're there to help you through it
To make problems easier to find.
To journey across another dimension
Of equations and butterflies alike
That prepares you for ACTs ahead
And tests that you'll probably dislike.
Well, that's all fine and dandy
All these books and passing grades
But what's more important is the seed inside
That's planted in your brain.
The seed that fuels your drive to learn
Creates a light to help you grow
Makes you crave another book
Acquire everything there is to know.
And I know a certain farmer
That specializes in these seeds
Who wants to make you reach the top
So you'll realize everything you can be.
These farmers go by 'teachers'
The most amazing you can find
Because of them, I try to be my best
So I thank my teachers for their time.

You're the wind the blows the treetops
It rustles through my hair
The hand that touches my shoulder
Quietly, you are there.
You're the story left unfinished
A poem left untouched
For 20 years you fought alone
20 years escaped Death's clutch.
For 14 years you held me
Through plays and concerts all
You filled up puzzles and read the books
Alone, you stood so tall.
You told me all the stories
Answered that question many times
Why I never did see Grampa,
Why I never saw you cry.
You showed me all the pictures
Played Santa on Christmas morn'
We made fruit salad on holidays
You've loved me since I was born.
Not once did I say goodbye to you
See you later, kiss goodnight
I'd see you in the morning
Bananas and donuts under the counter light.
You were a genius in your own way
But never flaunted it so
You taught me games I'd not thought of
You loved me more than you could show.
We offered you a guard dog
A cat to spend your days
You never were an animal person
Dependence is not your ways.
You got home from bingo one night
Laid down to rest your head
Your sister woke to call you
Somehow, you weren't out of bed.
From then on you hid your voice from us
Never to be heard again
Tests and cards and flowers, too
Not one, not two- more than ten!
Leading up to then, you'd had enough
Enough for a lifetime, I suppose,
Because one night you took your final breath
Your cheeks lost the color of rose.
I've never been the hugging type,
And I handle sadness on my own
Crying in front of others
Is something I've never been shown.
The next week had been quite tough
But your sister was always there
Your sister, my Nana, the only one
She told us she would always care.
We said goodbye, a final one,
I tried my hardest not to cry
I'd only said goodnight my life
Not once have I said goodbye.
Sometimes I wish we got you the dog
Maybe we'd share another morn'
I love you for the rest of my life,
The one I miss and adore.
It was the night you'd not return
None of us know why
But now we know you're happy
Playing bingo with Grampa in the sky.

I sit by myself in my bubble, alone
Sitting like this, the only way that I know
I choose this lifestyle because I know the way
A way like this will make my good heart stay.
I have watched from my house, watched the whole inside rot
While the outside stays gorgeous, the inside is not
Like a pretty cake exterior, but interior- it's mold
Everybody seeing it tricked that it's gold.
So here in my bubble is where I will stay
And here I am content to watch the children play
I stay inside to avoid the Roman Carnival
I am often compared to a bird, no, not a Cardinal.
And somehow when I'm needed I magically appear
I come to the rescue when it's danger I hear
My footsteps go unnoticed, it's silent indeed
I come out to assist when people are in need.
Other than that, I stay safe from the idiocy of this town
If there was an award for hypocrisy, you all win the crown
Your obliviousness I have not come to bare
So my innocent soul I will definitely take care.
I will not understand how you simply don't see
The man that you killed just left his family
And you're blind to the man that taught the young ones
Meanwhile you're pressing charges for fun.
So here in this bubble my residence is at
I'm making a choice not to be a victim of that
And if my staying inside just makes me a fool,
Do you honestly think that makes you more cool?
Because I know you inside- who you really are
Adults training these kids to reach for the stars
You hypocrites don't even know what to say
When the children grow up and get too old to play.
Oh yeah, the stars, you haven't touched them yet
My little bubble of privacy I am willing to bet
That you haven't even climbed outside this pretty little town
Haven't gotten better than this mold and this crown.
So continue that life and living your lie
I'll stay inside my bubble and watch the child cry
He can see the cruelty just like I can too
These children know me by the name of Boo.

They're scarier than the monsters
In closets and under beds
They're more terrifying than aliens
It's the demons in your head.
They go by names, they live through masks
Come out to say hello
And no matter what drugs you take or ways to leave
They'll never truly go.
They stick around to start some fun
They're college kids at heart
Pranks are pulled, and heartstrings too
They'll push you back to start.
They hide behind emotions
Grab at the locks put on the door
Open up to raid your thoughts
Scream and cry for more.
Loneliness kicks like a child
If you put him in timeout
Anger punches if you look at him
He's set up to knock you out.
Jealousy seduces every single little thought
But looks best with lingerie
Envy kisses the tips of your nose
To set your happiness astray.
Greed just covers up possessions
He carries blindness all the time
Sadness fills you up with grey
Sits down and makes you cry.
Fear plays in dark, dank corners
Her dress has cloaks of black
Her dress spins, and with colors- twirls
Until she's ready to attack.
They've got different names and synonyms
Actually, they're all the same
Doctors call it something else
So they don't take the blame.
Just stick it to the demons
That take refuge in our minds
Call them out, evict them now
Your sanity is running out of time.
Don't worry, darling, you're not alone
They've got a hold on all us too
Kick them out and lock the door
Don't answer when they yell 'boo'.

We mill around
Just walk and talk
Meet and greet
And "I miss you!"
Hugged each other
for much too long
Overlooking the elephant in the room.
Pictures shared
Hellos, goodbyes
"Oh dear, I love you so!"
We laugh and cry
Avoid closed eyes
And ignore the elephant in the room.
Groups together
Sharing, staring
Forgetting why they came
Push it back
And out of their minds
Just forget the elephant in the room.
The reunion goes
Just well as planned
Cards and flowers
All dolled out
Show your respect
And pay your dues
All because of the elephant in the room.
Walk out in step
A pretty little line
With tissues and people in tow
A reality check
For the comfortable ones
By yours truly, the elephant in the room.
Sick of flowers
Of hugs and sorry,
Don't forget the pity, too
A little reunion
For the ignorant ones
Who are too scared of the elephant in the room.
Come home sick
Empty and shallow
Shaken and rocked to the core
Left too soon
Well- you did, not them
It's just that dead body in the room.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I want for nothing more than to bury thoughts deep
Escape the wretches the day has brought
The wars, the sadness, the world has wrought
If I pass away in peaceful sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake
No more days should I have to ache
For this world has kept me far too long
It is time to hear my mellow swan song
If my soul is pure enough before morning wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
The four corners to my bed,
Surround me with the utmost dread
I know there is nothing left for me
My soul is nothing more than a sad story
I'm sorry for whatever path my carriers must tread, to the
Four angels round my head;
Who should know that, in life, from my troubles I fled
A noble life is not one that I chose
But I'm ready for an ending, for angels, I suppose
One to watch and one to pray
So they will carry out my day
I will never see the morning light
I planned for dying on this night,
These angels will keep my suffering at bay, thankfully, there is
Two to bear my heavy soul away.

I could tell you a tale of a princess
But that would be wasting your time
These sad stories and love songs
Are empty promises I've come to find.
You can tell me a story of adventure
Where the superhero is an underdog
They came up from the back roads of nothing
Nothing like 'The Princess and the Frog'.
That's got an adventure, of course, it's a shame
Don't worry, I've thought it through
But they all end with happily ever after
Nothing like me and you.
I guess you could have an ending like that
If you lived forever inside
With a bubble, in silence, no talking or games
You can't always be happy if you tried.
So continue to tell me a tale of normalcy
A tale sort of true to my life
Tell me a tale of excitement
A gun battle, a hero with a knife.
I'm not looking for violence, no
Just something other than a dress
Princesses here don't go walking around
In nothing other than their best.
We don't ever get carriages
The princes don't come crawling back
We fall in love on our own time
Get out, just cut us some slack.
Society makes us to be porcelain dolls
Just replica Barbie and Ken's
Perfection doesn't come in a box anymore
Perfection is a group of brave men.
So tell me a story of those heroes
The ones that have been though it all
Don't tell me the story of a girl and 7 boys
Tell me a tale of the ones who stand tall.
Take me on an adventure into real life
Help me with the brunt of everything
Show me a princess and prince that has fought
Not the ones who just sit around and sing.

Have you ever felt like nothing?
Have you ever lost the time?
Have you drowned in empty lately?
Did it beat you till you're blind?
Do you trudge along these no-name streets
With stores robbed like your heart?
Did you visit there where you grew up?
Did you think about your start?
Did you pass the house of your old best friend
Who grew up and out of you?
Did you think, one day, that you did that?
That you forgot about him too?
And did you walk into an empty school
With drawings on the wall?
Did you see the children all went home?
Notice the system fall?
Did you feel it all just wash away
Like the sand at your favorite beach?
And how empty were you when you saw
That young woman no longer wanted to teach?
How lonely were you when you heard
The sound of silence fill the streets?
Did you sense the houses left-behind?
Hear no children's feet?
Was your heart so broken that you didn't get
You weren't alone all along?
Did you get so sad that you forgot
The sound of the people's song?
Have you ever felt so lonely
In a place you know longer know?
Have you understood the pain
It takes to feel so low?
Do you know you're not alone?
You know the kids aren't at home?
Did you see the streets are buzzing now?
Not what your emptiness has shown.
So have you ever felt like nothing?
Have you ever lost the time?
Well, I'll have you know that it's no more
That it's all just in your mind.

Your generation is defined by definitions.
'This generation', this new-fangled bunch of hooligans
Cut out and put in the oven,
Lives pre-formed, based on premonitions,
Put into the system and cranked out
Made up of numbers and tests that really define who you are.
'This generation' that you have given a set of rules
A set of molds to fit into
To pour their lives out and 'better the world'
Shaped with your all-knowing tools
Scissors that cut funding to the parts that maybe,
Perhaps, might make them an individual.
Because here, no, here we don't have room for individuality
But we sure have room for this assembly
Your freedom of religion, speech, and freedom to assemble
No room for that, for fear of immorality
We don't have time for originals, we don't have time for strays
I'm sorry that you've got ideas, Generation Y
But this is the generation of time constraints.
We've got technology to innovate, an ozone to fit
Communities to build and lives put at risk
But that's not as important as what's in the now
No, not as important as these tucks and nips
We've got to put you under the needle
Even after we swore, 'first do no harm',
But this isn't going to hurt, I swear
Well, maybe not on the outside.
Look here, Y, you'd be better off compliant
To fix our computers and drive our trucks
To turn off your TVs and just trust us
To read the chapter and finish the assignment
Because to us, you all learn the same,
To us you are still just a number
Even if you think you're out when you graduate.
So what, you graduated the system,
And it's done it's work on you
Have your daddy pick the college and your mama pick the sheets
Pack your bags, you're ready for the big world
And that's exactly what we made you think.
Generation Y, you are fitting into the molds we gave you
We tried to crank you out in groups of 300
And we did
You were never allowed to be original
And you weren't.
Generation Y, this cookie-cutter, uniform
'Glued to technology', uninterested
Group of 'stupid' teenagers
You were forced to unify
And forced into corrals, thereby,
Forced into lives we've blessed you with.
I swear, by my very intelligence
That we're good by you, good by the world
In evaluating what we need
Where we need people
Hopefully creating a society less-gnarled
Generation Y, you may hate the population
But you are the population
And you are what we told you to be.
Your lives were pre-formed from day one,
So, please,
Sit down, shut up, finish your definitions,
And stop asking why.

I see you in the halls sometimes
And thoughts go through my head
Memories flash, I'm taken back
Suddenly I'm filled with dread.
It's not some bad memories, no,
It's really only you
I wonder if you remember
Do you remember like I do?
Those talks we had, times we shared
Was it really just a show?
You were my friend, keyword were,
Tell me, why'd you have to go?
I miss you, dear
You're all I got
I know you're gone, and maybe you're glad
Listen dear, just know I'm not.
I lost a friend, a confidant
My very best and all
Just know I still remember
When I see you in the halls.

Can't sleep
But I wake up
In a dim lit room
From lamps on the street
Can't move
But my arms will sink
Into the covers
Where I don't have to think
Can't yell
'Cause quicksand is thick
Down my throat
I'd rather give in
Enveloped by blankets
Swallowing tears
Dying like this
I'm facing my fears
Of death and the darkness
I'm deaf and I'm blind
Get me out of this hell
And more importantly,
My mind.

The news that I'm not getting better
I would say is entirely true
If better is not crying at every last thought
And news means it hasn't got to you.
It travels too fast for me to catch up
Which I say like I wanted it to
But I never thought I'd decline like this
That I'd push away my one of the few.
Tonight I'll have dreams of my laughter
And wander around houses of glass
Resist all impulses to break down the walls
With the sticks and the stones of my past.
I'll regret all the choices that I ever have made
Apologize for what I have done
Shove feel-better statements down my plugged-up throat
And accept that I might as well be shunned.
I'll lock myself up in this mountain of glass
Look through glass that I'll wish you won't see
My appearance is enough to explain to you
I'm too broken to convey any feelings.

These late night poems, when I get down to thinking
More than under-the-sun dreams
I'm calm and under the influence of darkness
My ideas have been ripped at the seams.
Because right here, in the dark of the night and the clouds
I have seen when there's nothing to see
Right here in my lonesome with no one around,
I have been when there's nothing to be.
Under the sparkling ***** of gases billions of miles away
I have understood the silence and innocence
The way the stars are simple messages of being alive
I understand my mortality, in a sense.
No, I'm not taking acid or any drugs,
And I haven't even downed any beers
However, I'm under the influence of stars
Glowing ***** of gases for another million years.

You are not condemned
To the confines of life
Nor the sounds of being locked in
And hit by dirt
You do not belong
To the flowers they send
The wishes they write
Or the tree they plant in your name
You are not prisoner
To a shallow grave
And a shallower gravestone
Not even to the duties you left behind
You have not been claimed
By the years you will not see
The tears you cannot dry
Or the hugs you cannot return
You are not captive
To the sounds and words
That defined you
Or the way people shaped you
Because you are free from condemnation
From the clutch of sickness
Free to leave and wipe the tears
And hug the ones that hesitate
To throw the dirt over the years
You are free from prison,
From proclamation,
From captivity and condemnation
To help and to inspire
And to free others from a prison
Of grief.

Tell me now what time it is
Now I'll ask your dog the same
Not because they don't understand
No, they don't even know the day.
It's occurred to me that humans
Are the only ones that know our fate
We're the only ones that even care
Animals only care to procreate.
I've come to senses, got the math
And now I really see it all
I know exactly just how long I'll live
Know the memories I'll recall.
My fish doesn't know it's 11:32
And the giraffes don't get New Years
The only thing the rabbit worries about
Is The Turtle and The Hare.
We're the only ones that worry
About how soon we'll reach the end
If we're reaching to the heavens
Or if we'll be condemned.
It's solely us that understand
Our own mortality
Manatee's haven't got a grip
Time is our own insanity.
And if you boil it down to the very end
Ignoring all the rest
Time steals our mindfulness
He committed a real, true theft.
So now if you'll join me in forgetting
That I'm human and I will die
Let's forget that Time is really there
Escape with me, if you don't mind.

Stupid Kohl's commercial
Poking fun that she's not here
It'll be a lonely Christmas
Without Mrs. Claus this year.
They decorate the woman's house
With golden garland, lights
Hang the diamonds from the tree
For when she comes home that night.
It's like they knew she wasn't home
But I guess her home is now up there
She can celebrate with Grandpa now
I just wish they were still here.
No more Santa ornaments
Or stockings hanging low
No more fruit salad parties
Or reindeer food  in the snow.
I can't seem to fathom it
That I must make another wreath
That this year you won't be helping us
No more Christmas specials to see.
So when I have the jingle bear
And I play the song for kicks
J-I-N-G-L-E Bells
I'll cry at the memories that stick.
I really love the holidays
I'd love them more if you hadn't gone
Enjoy your Christmas with Grampa, please
And play me the jingle song.

He noticed the little things
Like how she would cry and grip the steering wheel
Pull over,
And pinch the inside of her palm
As if trying to reignite the fire that her tears put out
How she held on to her skin so tight
That the tips of her fingernails changed from rosy pink
To a suffocating and painful ivory
How she would cry and cry
And how she would wait until her palms bled
And how she sniffled one last time,
Wiped her palms on her pants
How every time she did this, she drove home silently
She noticed how he could not say a word
How he must be utterly repulsed by her
By how turned around she gets
He must not be able to react to her abnormal ways
Of dealing with copious amount of stress and anxiety
She noticed the little things
Like how he wouldn't know how to take care of her
How she was trapped
How she couldn't pinch herself out of this world
How she didn't want to die,
But simply cease to exist
How she knew she couldn't ask him to help her
"Can you pinch me out of this world?"
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"You're the only person I have that brings me back
When I sometimes pinch myself too hard."
They also failed to notice the larger things
Like how he held her in his lap
And let her pinch to make her stop crying
How she brushed his hair back when he couldn't stop
How they kept a box of tissues in the car for moments like this
When the other would need to pinch for a while
To make the crying stop
To deal with this abnormal way of coping with things
To make the other remember
That it might not be so bad to have someone to help you
Get out of a pinch, after all.

All the spoken words I've ever heard
And every journey written in pen
Gorgeous conjunctions and beautiful sentences
Are one combination of a 26 letter alphabet.
We are a mix of A's and T's, C's and G's
And not just the mix of scientific bases
But the actual letters make up a person
With a personality and a body and a face.
Every book to ever grace your hands
And every poem the danced in the mind
All the 'I love you's and the 'I regret nothing's
Every 'I miss you' to have been spoken in time.
We make friends with a combination of syllables
A different mix of two 'l's, an 'h', and two vowels
We end relationships with the horrible g-double o-d-bye
Quitting it all and throwing in the towel.
And somehow we overlook the simple fact
That everything we have ever been and will be
Is somehow linked together with these 26 sounds
Every fiber of our everything and piece of history.
So that little song you learned long ago
To the tune of one sparkling little star
Remember that every letter you know today
Makes up every fantastic piece that you are.

What in whoever-the-hell's-up-there name am I doing?
Who am I to question history?
Follow the lines of this directed system,
Make yourself appear kind and gentle enough
To be accepted into afterlives put forth by humans
Who waste their here-lives mauling over what if's-
What if they're right?
But whoever the hell I have to **** up to, God, what if they're wrong?
Do I risk my spot among the great
In order to live the life I want to while I still know it's real?
I cannot question the tangibility of this world because the key word here-
Tangible- tangible, I can feel you, I can feel the grass
And I can feel these people and because you are real
I am not alone.
I cannot depend on something that isn't tactile, that isn't tangible
Because I cannot touch what I don't know
I cannot touch what can be speculated as unreal.
But who am I to judge what is real and unreal?
If there is nothing unreal to depend on, no god or supreme beings,
No something that is controlling my very being,
Then why do I chew on the idea that it could be real?
Tell me, what constitutes something real?

So I'm traveling the road today
I think, "Why did I want to leave?"
I carry with me some clothes and toys
And baggage you cannot see.
Understand, sometimes, I get so sad
So low I cannot get back up
So buried in hopeless thoughts and dreams
Drowning in pointless stuff.
This is the reason I'm alone right now
In a room full of people by myself
This is the reason I am leaving today
For more than the reasons I can tell.
And hopefully this baggage I have
Has made plans for not coming home
I really don't want it following me
It's his turn to really feel alone.
So I'm traveling the road today
I think, "Why did I want to leave?"
And then I remember it's a beautiful life
And that this is not what I want to be.

I lay here now with tear streaked eyes
And with tear streaked eyes did realize
The words I speak are in my head
I'm going to die here in this bed.
He sits and waits, sits and watches
And on the glass his nails make notches
They pass the time and wait till it's right
He's going to **** me on this night.
He speaks no words and his mind is a blur
I know he moves but I've not seen him stir
Right now he's sitting outside my room
Waiting to bring me face-to-face with Doom.
His nails are long enough to cut me from there
Long enough to force me into a silent prayer
His skin is sickly gray and comes out in patches
And from his ****** scalp his hair detaches.
His body is long and very strung out
His frame is bruised and beat about
His eye sockets are a 'beautiful' scarlet
Beautiful if they weren't making me a target.
What made him stick to me is still a question
I've never even shown him any aggression
I've let him stay there and watch me sleep
But now he sits here and watches me weep.
He's my secret admirer, but no secret anymore
I thought his spirit was just folklore
Did my faith in his nonexistence make him stay?
Can my faith when he's here make him go away?
Apparently not, for now he's coming in
I lay here still with the moon showing his grin
He sits in the corner, watching me still,
I see now his teeth sharpened with a drill.
He's teasing me now, and I know this is not fair
I've got to keep quiet, I'm not consciously there
Maybe if I'm 'sleeping' he'll leave me alone
But I'm prolonging the inevitable, his eyes are locked to stone.
I'm not getting out- I've accepted this now,
But his pride in winning is not something I'll allow
You see, losing is not something I take lightly
And dying with him I will not do politely.
Now that I've seen this coming for a while
I've kept my escape hidden in a small little pile
I'm not getting out of here, and he can watch me as I die
I'd rather off myself than let him win, I won't lie.
I swallow the pills and he creeps towards the bed
He tilts up my chin and gets a good look at my head
I watch as his smile turns angry and frustrated
Because for all this time he's just sat and waited.
I've foiled his plan and I knew all along
Now I know he'll never be strong
Those shiny red eyes are the last thing I see
I've won, he's not gotten the best of me.

You know the rags and riches
I went the other way around
I thought that I could handle it
I wouldn't make a sound.
And I thought that it'd be okay
If you loved me more and more
But I wasn't good enough
And I guess I was a bore.
But today was her birthday
The first time she wasn't here
You couldn't have picked it worse
To tell me, 'Just move on now, dear'.
So when you told me, I sat and thought
I've lost everyone so close
That I ***** up everything
I'm not fine, nobody knows.
I was eating dinner with my mom right next to me
Said 'I'm not feeling right'
"Oh, you'll be fine honey."
sigh Nah, this'll be a long night.
I crawled up in my bunk
To sit, lay down and cry
Repeated bad mantras
About how bad I want to die.
"I'm sorry, sorry, sorry,"
Oh, I said it a million times
I'm sick of all this now,
Just hoping I'll be fine.
Trudge into the shower
To wash sorrows away
Play some music loud
Maybe forget about the day.
"Things are getting weird, things are getting tough
Nothing's making sense but you keep on looking up
They tell you to be true, you're trying every day
You keep it on the real, still you gotta find a way.
To make your mama happy, to make your papa proud
You gotta turn it up but all you hear is turn it down.

Sometimes I wanna cry and throw the towel in
They try to beat me down but I'll take it on the chin
And everywhere I go the people are the same
They just wanna know that everything will be OK.
Things are getting rough, turn it back around
You gotta turn it up when they tell you tone it down."*
With this song on repeat
I work it up to say
To tell you I'll be done
And that this is the final day.
I have a few kind words
After one long horrid time
I mean the kindest way
*******, and in the worst kind.

We are absolutely infinitely miniscule
Incredible at making insignificant changes
We are great thoughts grazing the tips of greatness
Horribly brilliant, not labeled for taking
We are so secretive and sensitive
Sly secrets mixed with fatal feelings
We are superficial, skin-deep, shallow, sketchy scars
Stories of struggle and sadness and adventure
We are tissue and tears and thoughts
Made up of toughness and heavy-duty human
We are the little light whispers of lovers
Grinning when greeted from special people
We are muscles and cells and logistics in biology books
All rolled up into one beautiful ball of humanity.

Streets as hot as metal
Where bodies turn to ice
Bullets litter cracked sidewalks
That broke the sad stoplights.
Laughs flood through the fences
With shattered slides and dreams
The man passed by this every day
With feelings that tested seams.
Every day, the same old thing
Drugs erupting from the bricks
Graffiti covering an old cafe
Crime makes this city tick.
Another young kid crying
For he hasn't got a home
Another car's been totaled
The wrath road rage has shown.
Another playground built again
Trying to make the town look clean
He can't ignore the orange jumpsuits
That stick around to plant some trees.
Blood stains here and flowers there
Take a stroll down Contrast Street
Ignoring grimy street vendors
Cause he's heard they've got the creeps.
Another gun shot in the air
Another cry for help
Another pretty restaurant
And people trying to convince themselves.
That maybe it's not happening
Someone will come along who cares
Someone else, take care of that!
Me? No, don't you even dare.
So I guess this can just keep happening
These walking contradictories
You're defeating your own purpose
We're losing, don't you see?

You know something happened
When every teacher walks into the hall
And a shared, scared glance sweeps across everyone
When your friend walks into the room and tells you
And the teacher brings you into a class of strangers
To tell you how much you mean to her.
You know something happened
When she starts crying and telling you
That she can't sugarcoat it even if she wanted to
And when you walk into your next class
And the room is silent
But the teacher didn't tell them to be.
And when there is a staff member at every corner
And when there is silence in the halls
And how you didn't even know him
But it makes you sad as well.
And how every stranger to walk in the building
Could feel the tension in the air
And how you turn the corner and see your youth pastor
And how you can't even tell your best friend how you feel
And how the silence shows you that through tragedy,
We are one.
And how the silence told me that we unite through feeling,
An unspoken feeling,
A silent tribute throughout the halls
Throughout the day.
And how you see the sadness, the tissues and hugs,
And how you wonder if that's how he felt
Before it happened
Before any of us felt this way
And you wonder if he felt this feeling
The beautiful high school quarterback
With everything seemingly perfect
And you wonder if he felt this way-
numb.

She's got something in her pocket
It belongs across her face
She keeps it very close at hand
But I fear it's been misplaced.
Lately, I can't find it
She's lost it since, it seems
The smile of her Brownie days
When she was young it gleamed.
Little girl with butterfly pins
Her pink dresses and toes
Is now the older, different girl
With deep dark nails and clothes.
Little girl with changing mind
Well, that may be true today
But the little part is long and gone
Now she's got more to say.
She thinks about the world right now
How it's all so sick and old
She understand how people work
Without having to be told.
She tells you what she thinks right then
And stresses all too much
She misses how the old days were
Even though she's young and such.
She's lonely in a different way
Where the people are still there
She's sitting around her favorite ones
This feeling is not rare.
She had something in her pocket
I hope she finds it soon
I want to see her smile  now
I want her to feel new.

Flames will fade too,
Burn bright and hot until a smolder
Until fleeting breaths of wind or water
Put out it's last embers.
And I, I am this fire
Ceaselessly burning,
Incandescence,
Flames twirling,
Dancing as if nobody had extinguished me yet
Until someone does.
Until the water is splashed
And my fire dies.
But as oxygen is to flame,
Willpower is to determination
And my embers will not be put out
I will burn what has given to me until incineration.
I ingest this wood, these obstacles,
As a hungry child
I engulf forests for breakfast
Because fire is natural
And you cannot tame what is wild.
You can douse the coals after my destruction
But I can rip through your town
I will sear your very existence
To the ground.
I can be put out, as if I was never there
But the grass around me
And what I have left in my path
Is not the same, nor will it ever be.
Oh yes, embers die, too, you know-
But keep in mind that while you may strike the box,
I'm sure that you never lit the match
With the intent to start a fire.

When I travel, I find home.
Home is so strictly defined and constricted
****** in, forced to **** in,
Constrictions put forth by suffocating friends
Where small towns tighten the rope
It has placed around my neck.
I am the dog on the leash that is surrounded
By every tree and every ball in the biggest park
Who is tied to the tree and forgotten
Beaten and told to stay.
We grow up being force fed the idea of thinking small,
Staying small, working small, living small
But this world is too big to live small!
I travel and find the people that I call home
I find the shacks and shanties and weathered souls
And every single person you and I will meet,
Mutual or not,
Knows something that you and I don't know
And if that doesn't spark enough curiosity,
Get out of the house.
There is so much to learn and so much to absorb
And maybe your house is your home
Everyone, at some point, has a home,
Some just travel with you,
Others you have to find.

Turn on the television to see families in war
All this fighting turning into a bore
What you see is a backdrop, the setup, a show
These producers are scumbags at the bottom below.
Relationships and scandals to match your delight
You really want to know what they did last night?
All of this is to fill up that useful time
Useful, I guess, but this exposure is a crime.
Do you really even care how her dress looked that night?
Is it a big surprise that he got in a fight?
Does it matter in the end that he's sold a million records?
Is that little fact really true, or just something you heard?
We're all entertainment, all actors in a way
Your life is now open and you're on display
You've entered the business, you've gotten the part
As of this moment, you're at the bottom of the charts.
But don't you lose hope, you'll get up there somehow
They'll take your normalcy and amp it tenfold for now
You're the face in the crowd until you make your name
And secretly we all want those fifteen minutes of fame.
It takes a while to get there, a strenuous time,
The prize at the top might not be worth the climb
But, hey that's your choice- it's your faults that they want
So make your blemishes pretty- get out there and flaunt.
Give them your smile, your secrets, your lovers
You can hide all you want but it's too easy to discover
The media is waiting, darling, go say something witty
Be charming, don't forget, they love something pretty.

She wakes up in the morning, undignified
The night before, she closed her eyes,
Hoping not to see light again
Wishing the future would all just end.
Apparently she's trash- been told that all her life
Burying her thoughts, layered with stress and strife
She goes unnamed because nobody asked
Wishing again she could change the past.
Throughout her life it's problem after another
Only true best friends being her dog and her brother
Even then, she was certain, they did not care
She was changing her clothes and fixing her hair.
The little girl with dolls and pink in her room
Changed into a teenager- the workings in bloom
Had to grow up too fast and learn way too much
She quivers at the thought of wanting to be touched.
Her mind has evolved into ways we cannot see
Feeling like unwanted is less than she wants to be.
She's expected to be great, given jobs, another goal
No longer independent, it begins to take a toll
Her style grows more darker, her music takes a blow
Poems, art, and music tell you more than she can show.
Imagine going swimming, strap some weights on to your thighs
Put cement blocks on your ankles, sink quicker than you realize
Carry the whole world on your shoulders
Weigh your arms down with some boulders.
Now imagine trekking to the deep and the water inching up
You're in the real world now, not swimming in the bath tub
And now you're there, eye level, staring at Death's door
Turn back around to see that there's people on the shore.
Yell and scream and shout and them, "Hey, come rescue me!"
Acknowledging your presence is all it'll ever be
They look you in the eye and turn around and laugh,
The water in your eyes is tears (at least, more than half).
Pulled farther into the ocean, crying- punch and kick
They've got to come and save you- it's just one cruel trick
But soon enough you get it, they're not coming anymore
They'll leave you standing on the porch and Death's door.
This metaphor is her own, a story that she told
And now we know she'll preach it until she's growing old
Right now she doesn't get it, no, she cannot truly see
She's stood at the porch for a while but never got the key.
Easily she'd go in, if she'd just search real quick
Barge in his door with one easy flick
Right here she is not ready, there's brightness up ahead
Slowly her arms are emptying less and less with lead.
Even when she was drowning and nobody helped her through
She swam back up to live it, to live for me and you
She swam back up for the future and artist or writer
She swam back up because up above,
instead of darkness- it was brighter.

From the golden streets of ancient Greece
To the cobblestone in Italy
These crumbling walls are breaking down
And open to set me free.
I want to leave this decrepit town
These weak and feeble streets
Escape the horror of my ways
Running too fast for my feet.
Maybe visit the Grand Canyon
Get back to New Orleans
For my cousin and her new baby
Drink in all these sights to see.
Michigan's pretty, but Flint's getting old
This ****** and crime needs to stop
Among all the violence and tragedy,
I've been clawing my way for the top.
But it's hard in a place so sad and angry
Where nobody seems to care
That's why I'll leave when I get the chance
So I can say I won't be returning there.
Please put the address on my box
And label it 'away'
That's the only place to go
Here I cannot stay.
I'd be leaving precious memories
Goodbye to summer, too
Maybe I'll find a better one
Or find a different you.
See ya to the teachers
That put me on the way
And adios to the people
That didn't tell me to stay.
I'll come back and visit
One day when I've been far
I'll have stories for you
Via planes and trains and cars.
I'll come see a football game
With the band I used to be
Reminisce on falls together
And call you up to see.
Because maybe you have left here too
You have the same old dreams
We were so alike, you know,
Wanderlust lovers, it seems.
I'll finish up what I have here
For now my dreams will wait
Get out and see the world with me
It's a chance I have to take.

It's not as easy as you think
It's really one big scare.
They'll tell you what you want to hear
In hopes that you don't care.
"We're not that dumb-
At least, I'm not.
Nice try, you get me here."
But listen, man, I understand
Sit down, let's share a beer.
Let me explain- I know it all
You can't hide from me anymore
And, actually, you know the truth
Their opinions make you sore.
Not only do they say it
They marinade it- give it a coat
They cook it up all nice and sweet
Before they shove it down your throat.
You have no thoughts
You're not you're own
You're the checker in their game
Let's show them who we really are
Let's show them why we came.
Secretly, they fight to lose
And they've never really won
But have you since been listening?
They don't talk just for fun.
See, they don't wrap it up
They strive to keep you waiting
Don't worry, son, it's not your fault
It's all part of their training.
Armies are built, families- lost
They've planned it all along
They know just what they're doing
And you must decide who's boss.
Which commander do you follow?
Is it freedom, is it lies?
Have you seen under that pretty mask?
Have you seen through their disguise?
It's time to fight- the war is on
The gear and armor ready
Pick your side, just take your time
We're here and holding steady.
So it's your choice,
You've got it all-
Fight or stay at home
Just remember what they've done to you
Let's make our presence known.

Every time
A car saunters by
In the blistering heat
Breaking up the visible waves
And making my heart skip a beat
I think of how unholy I must seem now
Only because you simply
Cannot, will not
Just leave me alone.
I'm shutting myself in
In my house, in my mind
Because I am so afraid
Of confrontation with you
Of interrogation
Of your judging looks and incriminating comments
That make me feel even worse
I'm scared to go back
You have scared me out of religion
Out of believing
You have shut me in
Like you tried to shove me into the doors of your church.
Every time a white truck
Pulls into the driveway across the street
Of just how everyone is a sinner
How you have tied me down there forever
How lost I am, when I know right where to go
How you shut me in and secured the doors
Removed my comfort and injected paranoia
Just leave me alone
In my shut-in mind
Because I do not want to go back to your church.
*******.

'Sweet dreams!' they said
'Yes, you can sleep,
Darling, rest your little head.
The world's a scary, scary place
That's sometimes filled with dread.'
Sweet dreams I dreamt
With pretty homes
And people seem so happy
The smiles bright
And no more tears
Had it really looked so sadly?
But when I woke
I woke to find
The people all too shabby
Such little smiles, all the tears
It never looked so sadly.
'Sweet dreams!' they sang
'Oh, you'll be fine,
The sounds will ring out loud
And in those dreams that you can hear
The voices will be proud.'
Sweet dreams I dreamt
Of voices clear
And angels singing high
They sat above the treetops
On white clouds in the sky.
But when I woke
I woke to find
The voices all too scary
The singing gone, the chorus lost
And sounds no longer merry.
'Sweet dreams!' They showed
'No need to fear!
The pictures, how they move!
Look at all the gorgeous light,
It's coming from the moon.'
Sweet dreams I dreamt
Of shining clouds
And stars above my head
The angels sleep, they doze and gaze
And sleep on angel beds.
But when I woke
I woke to find
The moon no longer there
All the angels couldn't sleep
And people didn't care.
Sweet dreams I dreamt
I heard and saw
The people all so clear
Turns out some dreams are really not
What they should be here.

If friends and courage were a game,
I'd be losing.
If ******* up was the tryouts,
I'd have a guaranteed spot.
If the lonely kids were a team,
I'd be on varsity.
High school
And the sports in it
Is such
a
drag.

If a losing varsity team would allow it,
I'd rather take one instead.

And then it all started to happen
With the sickness and the stroke
And the long
winding
stupid road
That I would take to get you out.
And after it happened those silly roads
Decided they wouldn't guide me anymore
And my long
winding
stupid feelings
Weren't really mine anymore.
And while we were driving out the driveway I'd known
Where you stood out the window and waved
And the long
winding
stupid driveway
I realized I might never see again.
And I have your class ring on my bony hand now
Where I can't tell if it's '57 or 2
And the little
gold
stupid writing
Makes me feeling the guilt of having not asked you.
And I'm afraid to put the annual flowers out now
Where I'll see the dates go through 13
And the long
winding
stupid dates
Are really the saddest I've seen.

These old memories that stick like glue
Bonded like some impossible atoms
Are flowing in some unstoppable rain
That never leaves but tends to stain.
These old songs I hear again
The ones I skipped on 'shuffle'
Are playing and I hear it now
The lyrics haven't changed the style.
These pictures that I throw away
Old pictures that bare your face
Are ones I cannot bare to see
In these pictures I don't see me.
These old shirts I've come to hate
Shirts that held one special date
Are rotting in the trash bag now
Your memory just makes me smile.
These old memories- I remember them
I realize now I'm free at last
I don't have to just live them anymore
These memories- well- they make me bored.
This wasn't a love song, no, not today
I'm better off without you, babe,
'Bestfriend? Sister!' Oh, such a lie
I hope one day you will realize.
You'll see me soon, out there, famous
And you'll be stuck in the clouds, dazing
Remember that when you miss me, dear,
Those memories are all that'll be here.

The empty space that sits and waits
Spaces sit so bored and cold
We left and locked up the house today
Left one way I've never known, without you.
The empty spaces on the walls
Grow more useless every day
Calenders have lost their date
The numbers are growing old (like you did).
The empty beds are in the rooms
And there's a perfectly good one
But nobody has the nerve to sleep there
So the mattress cries, and weeps- it dies (kind of like him).
The empty closets once filled with doodles
With hearts and names and numbers
The numbers from my mothers childhood
That are probably disconnected (like yours).
The empty fridge that held our meals
Endless containers of coffee creamer
And seemingly reappearing bologna
Contains just a solemn old fruit cup (kind of like us).
The empty chair that was your space
I sat in about three times today
Where you sat and we did crossword puzzles
Quiet yet interesting puzzle books (just like you).
The empty house that sits and waits
Watches the garbage bags being taken away
Watching us discuss prices and family problems
Watching us secretly mourn in our own silent way
Of cleaning out your already empty house.

Never have I been so sane to realize
I am so insane that I am the only one to see
That this insanity is what makes me sane
This person I have come to be.
I've unlocked the key to an x-ray machine
And I can see all these broken, cracked bones
I held this here picture to the blinding light
Society is what I was shown.
And I am insane because these powers I have
Are blessings and weights in disguise
Because I understand these broken up cracks
That people have hidden from our eyes.
And I am insane enough to think it will change
Some cement and maybe a crutch or two
That a cast can mend up such a sad little world
It can change because I have thought it through.
I am sane enough to come to terms
With this is a world that a splint cannot fix
We live in a place that is too far broken and gone
We're too far insane in this mix.
And I am sane enough to figure it out
That I am merely one singular soul
A singular, broken, and determined little girl
That's insane enough to make the world her goal.

The only thing worse than being bored
Is why
Because there's a world of things I can do
There is a backyard for me
And a field behind it
And a perfectly good road to walk down.
I have a dog
And a pen and paper
And papers that someone scrawled on
So I can immerse myself in fictitious problems
And imagine mine don't exist
But I have the audacity to say I have some.
There is a universe to study
Languages to learn
Math to ignore (because I hate it)
Religions to think about
And a ceiling that is in desperate need of staring at
Because it's been a few days since I've done that
But somehow
I'm being compelled to tap little squares
On a fancy opening book
With signals being sent and people waiting to read it.
And somehow
Even though there's all these amazing things happening
People meeting people
Crying, laughing, hugging
Exploring, calculating, and doing what they love
I am sitting here
And I am typing
And that's just what I want to be doing.

How tragic it is to be a thinker.
To have such a remarkable ability
To possess something that creates
While, in that process, destroys.
I associate with a group of thinkers
With no clear place to direct our ideas
So they bounce around in our heads
Gaining force and speed
Becoming more and more painful
Until you can label our brains
As a weapon of self-destruction.
I associate with a group of thinkers
Who have thought themselves
Into pits of depression
Because numbers and endless possibilities
Never stop filtering through their head.
How sad it is that I associate with people that I can't help
I am friends with people
Who have driven themselves into introversion
People that have too many thoughts to collaborate on
But have catapulted themselves into the depths of their own mind
An entirely too frightening place to be
On your own.
How tragic it is to be listening to your friends
Evaluating his state of mind
While you sit in the back of the car
And stare at the analog clock on the dashboard
Thinking about different number combinations for 12:36
That 1x2x3=6 and 1+2+3=6 and 6-3=2+1 and 6/3=2+1
How tragic it is to associate with a group of thinkers
With no clear place to direct their thoughts
And to be a person who cannot pull their friends out
From the murky waters of their own mind
Let alone herself.

She'd started watching 1950's informational videos.
You were accepted for being outside the box
And she was everything except in it.
Class president kids used to be reviled
Elections were exciting, polls came in,
And now... now what was it?
Something she should be ashamed of.
Because she cannot dance in a short skirt in front of a crowd
But instead because she plays the music
For the girls in the short skirts
Band uniforms like shells she can hide inside
Because while it's not something the other kids love,
It's what she loves.
Tennis dresses like skin without makeup
Student council shirts that finally fit,
That she feels like she can finally fill out
Unlike the jeans that she can't.
Golf jersey tossed aside, brushes and pencils picked up
Volunteer work piled in
Piling into the plays and new experiences
And acceleration, constant growing,
Growing out of shells that she used to love
And gaining skins that she loves even more
Looking back and seeing that the girls in short skirts
On the sidelines, on the gym floors,
Had not shed anything yet
Had not grown.
They were walking, she was running
Toward the end of high school, toward a goal,
To see how high in the sky they could get,
To see how high in confidence and compassion she could reach
They shed clothes, she shed skin and shells
They were permanent, fearing change
She was evolving, embracing it.

I haven't decided if he's bearded and white
If he's Asian
Or maybe African American
Or we could be praying to a one-eyed,
One-horned,
Flying, purple, people-eater
And we wouldn't know
Because what if that happens after we die?
Unless you're like the miracles from the books
Where you die and talk to God and come back
Or if He talks to you on a regular basis
Or maybe we have it wrong and He prefers to be a She
And we wouldn't know
It's out of our realm
We don't know
And you can't tell me what I need to believe
Because we're both still trying to figure it out
Because we are people
And most of the time
Questioning exactly what I'm being told not to question
Seems like exactly what I want to do.