the thing is i hate that i still love you
i hate that i still want your opinion and need to tell you everything and care about what you have to say because the truth is I deserve so much better than you.
you are terrible to me.

i hate that i miss you and i feel like ill die with you

i wish i didn’t care about your happiness because the truth is you’re a bad friend and an even worse person and you don’t deserve to be happy

you don’t deserve redemption or a chance at happiness

i hate you because you made me hate myself

all those sleepless nights and minutes spent picking myself apart in front of the mirror and moments i spent rocking myself in bed at night because i was too heartbroken and insecure is because of you

for one second of your narcissistic life i wish you took a good hard look in the mirror and realized the terrible person you’ve become.

you’ve destroyed all the good things in your life and you don’t even care

one day you’ll be drunk and alone surrounded by people who don’t love you as much as we did and realize that your life is meaningless  and the empty solo cups around you are held by people who really don’t give a **** about you, but by then we will have moved onto bigger and better things

i don’t know how you live with yourself knowing that your heart has turned to ice and no matter how many times I bang on it trying to get through to you it never thaws and I’m the one left wondering what I did to make you forget about me…

i don’t want to see you because of how much it hurts my heart and I don’t want to hear you because it reminds me of how much you took from me and I don’t want to think about you because you don’t deserve me.

i wish i could hate you but i can’t

i’m sorry you **** so much because i really wish you didn’t …

i love u so...

from the beginning of now,
new and beautiful
fields of
time
are growing
but do not rush -
the grass isn’t yet ready
for the weight of your past
and that must not be rushed either
for everything needs time
to get a little bit stronger
you are a process
too wonderful
to be rushed.
you may dream and go gently
and take as long as you need
for those fields
will never
stop waiting
for you

Where does hierarchy begin?
    Is it where the strong is on top,
and the weak step upon?

Where does your dignity be placed?
   Is it where your always be the winner,
no matter what, even it has bitter taste.

Is SURVIVAL really that cruel?
That some of us are just a tool,
a fool for the strong to be cool.

No, it can't be that bad
yet reality is quite sad.

Despite our hard beginnings
Life still is beautiful
that losing isn't everything.

Dignity is placed -
where you respect yourself the most
and Hierarchy isn't important
to where your love is...

© Pax

I don’t care for you.

I don’t care for you anymore.

We had the best time.

The best friendship.

But you wrecked it.


Yes I could put on a smile,

a mask.

But now you know, will you see through?

See through the cold expression?

See through the cried-out eyes?

There is a spark,
in your soul,
that so many
underestimate.
They seemingly
keep forgetting
about this little thing
that we all call air.
That with a little huff
and a little puff
from those soft lips,
you could turn
this entire world
into a living,
breathing,
blazing fire.
An inferno,
made entirely
out of your beautiful
and glorious love,
you have
for yourself
and others.
Therefor,
their words,
can't ever touch you.
I believe that's why,
when they try,
you just smile and say,
"Have a beautiful day."

Perhaps I'll move to the cardboard box
that sits under the stairs.
I'll say I found a new apartment,
one at no expense.
I'll have my own aerosphere
3rd-class postage stamps,
punched into my knees.
I'll get to know the gloves and folds
that package at my skin-
let the corners of the box
soften into different shapes
and alleviate my fears.