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isabel Apr 2018
all i think about is you

you consume my body and my soul

my thoughts are morphed into yours

it feels like you are an extension of my heart and without you I am broken

every time we touch my lips quiver and butterflies dance in my stomach

when Im with you,

everything is heightened

my nerves crackle like summer lightning on my skin

flashes of heat stroke my body like a feather

you make breathing more bearable and singing more sensational and laughter the music to my ears

you are my fatal flaw

my Achilles heel

you are my best friend and my soul mate and my family all wrapped up into one package

sometimes, I ask myself why you are the secret to my happiness

you believe in me more than I could ever believe in myself

with you, hope is in places I couldn't feel it before

when I think about losing you my world becomes less beautiful

the colors are dull

everything is less electric

sparks and glimmers of hope disappear into what could have been

and then I wake up

my heart pounding and my skin flushed

for a second I don't remember

that this is all a fantasy

that you are still

gone

gone

gone

when you left you took a piece of my love

there is a human-sized ache in my side where you were ripped away from me

but then I remember

I remember all the terrible fights and empty promises you slammed in my face

I remember the bruises and the heavy hearts and the angry sighs

I remember all the reasons I shouldn't love you but instead I begged you to stay

but still

I try and grasp and remember that fantasy of you that I dream about every night

I wish to hold onto it and remember it forever

because even on our worst days together

life was still better with you

but then it is gone forever

just like you.
isabel Nov 2017
someday we will be given more

someday i won't wake up crying because of how much I miss you

someday I won't constantly question why everyone continuously proves to let me down when every word I dictate and every action I muster is to make every person in my life happier than they were

someday my parents will recognize the grin I plaster on my face everyday is fake and that hidden behind are shadows of loneliness and regret

someday ill be happy when the sunrises because it means I've been granted another day and when the gentle whispers of dusk emerge ill be grateful for the stars that glimmer among the blackness

someday we will be given what we deserve

someday I will no longer be in a broken home filled with ugly words spewed at each other and twisted lies coursing through each room, poisoning relationships and love

someday all the hours of hard work and those sleepless nights and days spent listening to the rain patter on the windows because that was the only solace to my pain will pay off

someday the tunnel of blackness and the cloak of unhappiness with lift

the days will feel longer and the sunlight will wash over you, succumbing you with the warmth

the nights will be an endless stream of dreams of opportunity and friendship and laughter

the future will be full of new discoveries and relationships

someday you will recognize your own beauty to be the eighth wonder of the world

we will always hope for someday,

wait for someday,

lust for someday,

someday, will one day be today.
someday...
  Sep 2017 isabel
Star BG
The firefly flutters about at night
exposing  bright light into darkness.
Their purpose
to bring flashes to eyes
that ignite dreams.
Their goal to move
with wind on wings
to carry hope
and cleanse darkness before day.
They're little night fairies
meant to send love
through eyes that see.
Dedicated to Jujnu-the Firefly
  Sep 2017 isabel
Evie
a romance that we raised in the summer can only last so long
for when the leaves start falling
we fall too.
everyone leaves
isabel Sep 2017
there are a million reasons not to love you but all i can think about is how empty i am without you

everything you have done to me has made me lose myself just a little bit more

all the compromises of my moral compass and changing my plans to accommodate your needs and

your words hit me like killer rain, tumbling down on me, sending me into a spiral of self-deprecation and insecurity

now when i see myself in the mirror i wonder

who am i without you

because suddenly the girl with the brown hair and her eyes a little too far apart and her smile a bit wobbly doesn’t satisfy the mirror anymore without you on my arm

you have given me a thousand empty promises and forgotten kisses and words that hit like punches that should have made me turn around and slam the door but instead i just stay and stay and stay,

my apologies getting caught in my throat like a bullet, suffocating me until i forget how to be happy without you in the first place

my heart throbs because the fingers you have wrapped so tightly around my heart are squeezing and squeezing and squeezing and my head feels like a giant is sitting on it because suddenly i can’t think about anything but

how sad i am. how hurt i am. how lost i am and somehow no one can lead me back to my sanity except for you but you are the root of my destruction

all of my problems lead back to you but somehow in some twisted-messedup-tangled-type of way you are the only person who can solve them

there are a million reasons not to love you but instead everything i do is to make sure you stay.
  Sep 2017 isabel
leyla
-
i exist somewhere between damaged and ruined,
between fixable and already discarded
my love for you is gentle and invasive,
like the tip of a pocketknife into soft flesh
i am attached to this life by a single thread,
and you're holding the scissors in your hand
love me back make me whole
  Sep 2017 isabel
Sean Flaherty
"I wish I was happier," she
confessed, to me, in-between
puffs and awkward silent
pauses.

"I'm not disappointed," was
all I could say, forcing
back down my throat, the "me too."

We stood there, in quiet,
surrounded by loudness. The other
few, ate, and drinking inside.

Goes back in, she kisses him.
What does he know?
Answer?
More than he's liable to make known.

I can't look at her. If I do,
I'm caught-in-love, and
stuck on the possibilities.
If my eyes can avoid you, my
dreams can stay fantasy,
not just unfulfilled.

She's tired of hearing she's perfect.
She'd rather be told the truth.
but no one that loves her lets honesty in earshot.
And I'm sick of love, lying, and
truth-telling, too.

I wish you were happier.
I wish the path of least resistance laid itself out,
before you.
I wish you'd hold my hand while we walk it, together.

I wish I could make happy,
like some folks brew beer.
I'd pour you a growler,
(On the house, of course)
and laugh at everyone else, while you drink it.

This poem is the list of
things I never thought could
make a difference.
This poem is the litany of reasons why
I think I deserve one
last chance.
This poem is the one I'd
read to you every night, if
it would change your
mind.
It wouldn't. It won't.
This poem bites, the last dying
hope of a beached shark, spying
the wave that could save it.
This poem is the black pods
we once foolishly believed were
shark eggs.
This poem knows I hate the beach,
and brought me along,
anyway.
I started this poem months ago.
It'll never really be finished.
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