Wilder

Wilder Aug 2020

Hey
I didn't realize this was
What it's like

Sitting
Next to you
And you're trembling
It's quiet

You know,
Your boyfriend came to get me
Told me in a hushed voice
"[She's] having an anxiety attack"

I paled
I should've researched what to do
But I sat there
Next to you

He handed you a rabbit
I remember you giggled
When it tried to eat your necklace

It was quiet
Soft smiles and trembling
I couldn't help you
I didn't know how to reach you

I didn't know that this
This is what it's like
I've seen this

Quiet
Trembling
Deep gasping breaths for air
That doesn't help

Quiet
Thinking
(I have to go)
(I've had this)
(I had gotten worse)
(Panic attacks)
(Anxiety attacks?)
I feel like sobbing

It's quiet
You smile
We both pet the rabbit
You stop trembling
I don't.

My friend had a really bad anxiety attack recently and I just remember watching her and thinking "if this is really bad, then what are mine?"

#quiet #trembling #smile #panicattacks #anxiety #attack #panic

Wilder Aug 2020

Positive

Please give me something sweet
Something nice
There's not much of that in my life

I hope for the positive
Only do the negative
It's nice to see flowers untainted

(This was in my drafts. The date on this was Aug. 2019. kinda seems finished though and I like it so I'm posting it)

#positive #negative #flowers #nice #untainted #sweet #life

Wilder Aug 2020

I will be me (soon)

Tell me your secrets
Don't worry, I'll keep it
After all, I've managed to keep my own

Boys are noticing me
Could a girl maybe notice me
Instead?

Yes I know I'm pretty
(I'm gorgeous actually) No,
My shirt doesn't give you permission
To stare at my hips

Stunning
Iconic
Wish she
Would cover up

Get your eyes off my face
Get out go away

Stunning
Iconic
A modern
Temptress

- call me a ****
I dare you

Give me a crop top
Clean eyeliner
This is only to prove
None of you deserve me

Call this an exaggeration
Complete exploitation
A collection of not-quites
Piled into a finished
Song

So I'm sorry for trying
To fix in the bubble
It wasn't a bubble
But a box

Don't tell me you love me
You can't possibly love me
You don't even know me
I'm just a face for
Your ideals

I don't agree with you
"We're still friends after this,
Right?"
-
Gods no

Does God know

How you hate his creation

?
-
"Yes, of course we are!"

Bite your tongue
You don't have time
To drop these people in
Your past

Keep friends close
Keep others closer
Wait until you're older

Can I possibly wait any
Longer

Anyway. This is a complete disaster
(I'm starting to notice a pattern, poems about girls are short and sweet, poems about boys are messy, incoherent and inconsistent)
Also the title is supposed to be a play on "boys will be boys" but it's kinda subtle idk how I feel about it yet.

#boys #secrets #gorgeous #stunning #deserve #exaggeration #box #love #friends #wait

Wilder Aug 2020

How can something so beautiful be a sin

Sometimes I wonder
How someone could ever call something so incredibly beautiful
A sin

Check your bible my friend
Your translation is twisted
We're all sinners

Equal in the eyes of God

Did you forget
His entire thing
Is loving us All

So say it's a sin. Tell the world how you hate us
(Hate is a sin)
Say you're not one of "those homophobic people"
But tell me it's wrong
Right to my face

My friend, you've become
My enemy
But I will love you
(God says that's something we all should do)

So I will pray earnestly
For the day
You realize I'm "one of those awful sinners"
And maybe you too
Will understand and accept my God
(Because he accepts and loves Everyone)

Until then,
I won't tell you if I get a girlfriend
(But I swear I'll love her)

And I'll expose your children
To all the "horrors of this earth"
(Because I believe they're beautiful)
And really, how could anyone call something so beautiful
a sin

"Love covers a multitude of sins" (:
(Also this is the fourth poem I've posted today? I think? So oops didn't mean to spam, just have a lot of feelings today) :D

#love #homosexuality #homophobia #girlfriend #beautiful #pray #god #sin #sinners #bible

Wilder Aug 2020

I thought I was done with you

I.
I got
So ******* hung up on you
The highs, the lows
Everything was you

So far
I was completely smitten
Every word was lyrical
Everything was you

II.
And I
I thought I had moved on
From all the pain you left me with
But still I saw
Everything was you

III.
Do you remember, how my friends
Were your friends
And our friends always spoke of how
Great we were

Do you remember, how my friends
Weren't your friends
The second I said it was over

They still say how
I can do so much better then him (you)
I'm a thousand times better then him
(Everything is still you)

But in the aftermath
Before their questions were answered
They still spoke of how
Wonderful we are
We were

So I'm sure they're lying to me
Do your friends lie to you
About me too?
Do you still have friends, after
I took our friends
And made them mine?

IV.
I called it a
Mutual ghosting
That neither of us wanted us
But I really thought you wanted us
I still don't know why you let me go
But I said I wanted to let you go

My friends asking me who I like
And I Have moved on from you
Surely I'm done with you by now

V.
I've started seeing girls in the street
God they're beautiful
(Like you were
Two, three years ago?)
Girls are pretty

I thought you were pretty
I thought I was done
I thought I was fine with the way we left us
I still write about you
Surely I'm not done with you

VI.
Sometimes I wonder if I ever really liked you
Or if I just wanted to be your friend
And my friends called it affection
I'm not really sure

VII.
I know I could've loved you
We were perfect in every way
Except I didn't have any trust or love
Because I was scared of going too fast
We were comets
If we got to close surely we'd collide

I want to be done with you
There's empty pages in front of me
I'm ready to write on them
As soon as your ghost leaves me
Please leave me
I want to be done with you
I want to move on
We were barely an us
How does that warrant this obsession
With how beautiful it was to talk with
You

A collection of scattered thoughts about the only person I've ever solely written multiple poems about.

#done #you #him #almost #us #pain #friends #girls #pretty #comets