julianna

Jun 2018

oliver o

sometimes i wonder

what it would be like

if we were still together

and it feels like a dream

not a nightmare

#love #heartbreak #healing #gay #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqiap

julianna Jun 2018

Don’t try to blame it on an anxious mind
You’re doing so good, honey.
Yes, you’re doing fine.
And for the first time in a long, long time you’re mine.

A reminder to myself and others that sometimes you have a toxic mind, but poison has an antidote and you’ll be okay in the end. Like I heard the other day, “If it’s not okay, it’s not the end!”

#honey #mental #health #safe #okay #fine #good #illness

julianna Jun 2018

This Is/N't Flirting

The (waning) distance between your hand and mine makes me nervous.
I am not afraid of touching you, but I'm afraid of what might happen if I do.
I tried to look extra good just in case you were (and you were) there,
but never considered the possibility of my efforts working.
Is this flirting?
It's rather remarkable the way my brain constantly pushes away thoughts that you could (and you could!)
like me.
But, nevertheless, you kept a steady gaze (and smiled, even though you have a short attention span) as I told stories.
And I'm a terrible storyteller.
Not to mention,
You played with my hair, offered to share your drink with me,
And hugged me goodbye for longer than what is normal(ly acceptable).
I've been trying to convince myself that this isn't flirting.
Yet, on paper, it's quite
Undeniable.

I'm quite awkward. And he's quite cute...

#cute #flirt #romance #nervous

julianna Jun 2018

bathtub mermaid.

I'm being bled dry.
The water turns a drip-drip
Over the edge.
My squirming,
Twisted mermaid legs
Shrivel in pain
I'm ugly and deformed.
I gave all I had to give.
So I'm bleeding
And screaming
In this bathtub prison,
But no one will find me here.

Inspired by the song Bathtub Mermaid by Mili... I'm feeling bled dry, stuck in a bathtub. As if I have nothing left to give and I'm just waiting for an end to my slow death.

#bathtub #mermaid #sad #emotions #death #gruesome #ugly #blood

julianna Jun 2018

Parasite

I have a parasite.
It's called perfectionism
It causes me to have overwhelming brain spasms
When you ask me to do something out of my
"comfort zone"
If I try to do it, I have to battle against the parasite.
It says things like:
"This is too hard."
"Give up, it's easier."
"You don't care about this!"
I'm practicing self-soothing methods,
Ways to drown out the little parasite's
Nagging voice.
It is difficult.
It is hard.
But I am stronger, I am the host.

#perfectionism #parasite #perfectionist #staystrong #mentalhealth #strength

Jun 2018

Mya

He said those words like he hated me; funny how we both knew that is was the opposite

"In the end
It's you.
And, **** it,
It's always
just going to
be you.
So,
I'm simply
not going to fight it
anymore.
You're mine."

It's a honey feeling, sweet and messy, to have someone else

Own your heart.
But when it's the right person,
Maybe it's not a bad thing.

Jun 2018

Carina

Journey to happiness

Sometimes you have no reason to stay,
and realize that's a perfect argument to go.
And that taking an entirely new way,
is the sore but single method to grow.

If you're washed-on abeyance's bight,
and you feel decision's heavy heft:
To choose the left where nothing's right,
or go to the right where nothing's left.

Remember it matters not where you proceed,
or which mountain you want to ascend.
It does not matter whether you succeed,
it is the journey that matters in the end.

#journey #trip #travel #way #growth #happiness