how i wish you were here,
tangled up in my sheets
skin against skin, hands,
tracing the very outline of every orifice the slight
tugging from behind me and the sudden need to have you inside of me
i wish it were all here.
and we wouldn't need to **** like everyone else,
we would make love;
and it would mean something more than just anything because
i love you, and you love me
which means that we'll give each other a piece of our hearts
if not our whole hearts.
there will be fast paces and girlish moans, squirming and
everything that you can both hide and enjoy in between sheets because
i love you, and you love me.
you will touch every inch of my body, kiss every inch of my skin and i will gladly let you
take over me, lick me wherever you want and easily
slide yourself in me because thats what we'll want
and how amazing will it be to make love and feel loved afterwards?
when its all done and the night has finally settled
and the stars take their usual place back in the sky and ill lay
naked in your arms, my ears listening to your heart beat with an easy thump
and you will say nothing but look at me and kiss me, and mutter i love you
and i will say it back;
because regardless if we are naked, or clothed, or fighting, sad, angry or happy,
i love you, and you love me.

-mutual feelings

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dear media;
my body is art.
**** your opinion and your ideals on what I should be
because I am living, breathing art.

my face shows young beauty,
inspiration and awe found in my eyes
and just beneath the pupil, a shimmer of excitement.

my lips have said so much, they seem to be so ripe with the words they speak,
they send daggers
yet stay plump and baby pink.

and what about my arms? they have endured so much,
every cut, bruise, and punch for a lonely night or the feeling of not being good enough.
they allow me to write my words;
hold those up plagued with the feeling of being alone
my arms, they are strong.

my stomach is like a mountain and
next time I'm in bed the man I'm with will understand as he
runs his fingers between every space of each rib and kisses my stomach,
down to my inner thighs and back up again.

and my thighs, still fresh and wild
dangle and jump at the mere sight of adventure
wrap around a mans waist to make him feel better and
kiss him on the cheek with the lips I spoke of before.

my brain will hold and absorb galaxies,
an endless universe unfolding before me and
i will take in each bit and dream of it at night because;

i am ambitious, diligent, strong and talented,
and yet I can still be
soft and caressed and fragile but,
media, society, never mistake my kindness for weakness because
i will take the food you feed me and spit it right out because
my body and mind is worth much more.

dear media;
my body is art,
and you will not be the artist.

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little girl with the green eyes and the soft skin
the one with the ruffled socks and the innocent touch
there are tears streaming down your face.
and as your eyes get puffy and your breathing intensifies
you'll ask yourself why you're even crying.
and among the men and the bar fights and the smell of your dolly friends cigarettes
you will shine the brightest. your eyes, gleaming with hope, will captivate the right man, make him drop to his knees.

and you little girl, wipe off your ***-red lipstick, put back on the cream coloured lace ******* and go back to sleep
do not grow too old too fast;
remember to play your favourite record and read your favourite book.

little girl, I've seen that face before
cover up your honey touched limbs, close your beautiful eyes, do not think of their touch
try not to think of the war raging outside.
and why let any man tangle you in his sheets?
why let any man inside you so easily?
you never felt enough, did you feel like enough, little one?

shield yourself, mask the pain
put out the cigarette, listen to the record
go back to sleep.

-fin

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summer nights, outdoor bar fights, the smell of alcohol on men's breaths
cigarette fumes from her dolly friends and the smell of leather in her hands
***** converse and scraped knees
tired eyes and gentle caressing
tired, tired little girl
getting lost within a big world-.

tangled in white silk sheets, listening to his records
while he fixes them a drink
hair smelling of perfume, her body soft as satin
and the pillows like beautiful pastel clouds
silent shifting and awkward positioning, don't touch her or get too close.
tired, tired little girl
getting lost within a big world.

*******, auburn hair, scarlet lips, soft sighs
brushing her hair over 100 times
little girl, little girl, where are you going?
painted red lips and your pale limbs showing
hair up in braids and your legs lovely but barley clothed yet
tired, tired little girl
return to sleep
don't get lost within this big world.

-the middle

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DON'T YOU SEE
THAT IM SCREAMING AT YOU
TO HELP ME?
THAT MY SOUL IS ROTTING,
WASTING AWAY TO NOTHING,
AND ONE DAY,
I WILL HAVE NOTHING LEFT?
DONT YOU SEE
THAT I JUST NEED
SOMEONE, ANYONE, TO
REACH OUT THEIR HAND
AND FORCE ME TO TAKE IT?
THAT I NEED GUIDANCE
AND CLOSURE
AND BETTER UNDERSTANDING?
THAT I NEED TOUGH LOVE
AND HONESTY
AND, ABOVE ALL, LOYALTY?
DONT YOU SEE
THAT IM BURSTING AT THE SEAMS
AND ONE DAY
I WILL COMPLETELY UNRAVEL?
THAT ONE DAY
I WILL WIND UP DEAD,
AND THERE WILL HAVE BEEN
NO WAY FOR YOU TO STOP IT,
BECAUSE WHEN I CRIED
OUT FOR HELP,
NO ONE ANSWERED.

Dear reader,

Have I mastered the art of being sad, making my everyday living slumbering in dreamland fantasy?  Then my reality is in wintry weathery moments that I feel numb from too much cold. Is isolation my best buddy for the mean time? Well those questions will remain in this journal, to immortalize the moment of my depressing situation.

I brought up the transparent duct tape in placed always for people to see the lively image I pretend. Sometimes I’m tired of the choices and expectations I created. Though I never regret all of them, I just find them depressing for often times I wonder did I really make an awful choice.  Still at the back of my mind I fantasize a positive outcome of all those.

Wisdom grows as you aged, Maturity becomes you and Changes have eaten you. Now I wonder did I totally embrace reality or my life in tune with negativity. Despite all this, I will surely survive and live up to the choices I created. Someday I will surpass this in time.

            Thank you for reading…

Your friendly neighbor,
w.Pax :(