Dark night, darker thoughts.
A friend knocked on the door,
he said, move on and let her go.
Become a man she can adore,
maybe then,
but we never know.

But,what if there is
no-one I want to be
nowhere I want to go
no way of letting you go?
Oh, can't you see?
Oh, don't you know?

No more knocking on the door,
all friends left, I am alone.
But,what if they mean
nothing to me,
they're all fools to me,
it's only you I want!

Oh, don't you know that
I would breath for you,
I would **** for you,
I would sing for you,
I would live only for you!
How is all that not enough?

This is a dawn of another day,
and for the first time in life I pray.
In the light of the morning sun,
for the last time in life I sung:

Oh, can't you see
how I bleed for you,
how I scream for you,
how I'm hurt because of you?
I cried for you,
I tried for you,
but nothing is working now.

Maybe it wasn't meant to be,
maybe that, or maybe this
is what I get for once
listening to voice of heart!

I know that
I am dead to you,
I mean nothing to you,
I am only trouble and burden to you!
I am sick of you and sick of me!
This is not what I want it to be.

But really, this is all you, and no me.
I am empty, I can't feel.

I see nothing.
I hear nothing.
I am nothing.

You want to know more
about my dreams?
I had nights filled
with horrible nightmares,
flames burning my skin,
knives cutting through heart,
pit of eternal agony.
Death, screams, pain.

They are all gone.
What was the last dream I had?
I dream of you.
I dream of you
and nothing else.
It was about color of your hair,
the way your face turned red,
when you smile...

And I was there,
sitting by,
feeling the warmth
of your body,
feeling the texture
of your skin,
feeling the gentle pressure
your hand against my hand.

And I was there,
holding you,
so you will never leave again.
We can stay frozen like that,
until our dying day,
just you and me,
and the fragrance of your body.
Everlasting happiness.

But it was just a dream,
just a vision of things,
that will never be.
Just God mocking me.
This sweetness is poison,
I can't let go of it.
I need you so bad,
why did I wake up?

One day, maybe this is the day
I will become thin air for you
when you burn the house to ashes
and step all over it in shiny new Prestige shoes
your chest will rise as you inhale
the smell of victory
I hope you'll choke on it.

Time to forget
myself
There's nothing left
but pain

Cover up
my face
I am the one
to blame

I don't want to see
anyone or myself
all the possibilities
always lead to death

Let me become the dust
like ship in the ocean rust
don't wanna be the lost
although I'm the broken.

I was the one
with the world at my feet
one wrong step
it slipped away from me

I was falling
all the way down
deep into mud
and there I got stuck

I call friends to help me
but nobody cared
their hearts were so empty
they were glad I was there

The world needs some
people down there
someone to laugh at
someone to hate

It takes a long road
to get out of there
and there are shortcuts
to get you right back

Dear survivor
reading this note
I know you have problems
help is on the way.

My heart counts its final beats.
Dot. Dot. Dot.
Then comes silence.
Heart stops.

My soul escaped
this prison of meat
good bye world,
that never cared.

Angels cried
tears of blood,
I thought I died,
but I wake up.

Just Another Dream Ends.
It was a dream,
I get to live,
only to dream of death.

What place do I have in this world
filled with lies and cruelty.
I don't want to be evil,
I feel that I am empty.

How can I love,
when my love died so long ago?
And all that was good in me,
died with it.

How will you make me believe
there is yet some hope?
How can I even bleed,
when all my blood is gone!

Every time I try to reach
out of my own shadow,
I get burn by the light,
like a vampire
******* on someone else's life
and I am done!

No!
There is no cure,
or hope!
I am already dead,
just alive.
I am a broken mirror,
with the shattered glass.

Another day went by
It ended well before it started
All this needless time
All this needless effort
Was it ever worth a try?
Is it better to know pain
or to know nothing?

Not feeling well today.
Like if bomb exploded
in my head.
Heart bursted out of chest,
I'm swimming in a sea of sweat,
so hard to inhale.

Cannot explain,
I just feel so bad.
Inside I'm freezing,
on the outside – hell.
911, I'm begging:
“Doctor, doctor, can you help?”

He examined me,
and looked so pale.
“There is no hope,
I am afraid...”
Lights went out,
the world gone gray.

Then with many words
to me explained,
why I'm such a hopeless case.
Such terrible is my fate,
that my illness name
he cannot say.

But I know the cause and the cure.
It's only one, it is you.
I know you don't feel that way,
But listen to what experts say
“Can be lethal,
can be great.”

You have your methods,
and diagnosis.
Avoiding me, like the plague,
with disgust watching my necrosis,
how with every word it spreads.
But silence?

Oh, your disease of choice!
What a sweet, sweet poison!
It's so clean!
Killing from within,
with everything
you will not say.

What a cancer!
Feeding itself
on deepest fears
and regrets.
But it's not mine, it's yours.
I have a different sort.

Maybe it's leprosy.
Oh, don't you say! I can feel it!
Flesh falling away,
the numbening, no pain.
I must look so grotesque,
like an elephant on parade.

No, I won't get away that easy.
I know what it is
and I have fallen completely:
“Amor Vincit Omnia"
I've been conquered
by love.

No, I'm not OK,
but I guess I'll live,
though know not for sure.
How about you?
What will you do
to me?

My heart bleeds
the darkest ink
your words are too kind
I will not survive

You lifted me up
too high in the sky
above the clouds
sun shines so bright

and shall I fall
I will fall forever
and I hope to die
because I don't want to live without you.

Darkness has come
as I feared
and it hides
all the stars from me

I am looking out
the window
and I try
to reach you

No response
you are gone
and I know
life goes on

To my star out there
in the darkness of night
I am still here
call me if you want

I am sorry, my dear, for everything.
I did not know I could still feel,
this good, this bad,
and all that jazz.
Maybe just human, after all,
twisted and tortured.

You are the prize, and the punishment,
“Guilty!” I plea, guilty as charged.
Like Icarus I fell in love with the sun,
like him I flew too high,
like his, my wings were cut,
and I fall, fall, fall...

I see the rocks as I hit the ground,
my bones and heart are ripped apart.
I cannot fix myself,
In pain I scream the only cure,
your name!
How pathetic, how dreary.

She is all
I do not want her to be.

When I close my eyes
I see you
You occupy my mind
my soul, my heart

I close my eyes
I feel I'm inside out
the tide washes my face
I am falling from your grace

There is a ladder to heaven
that leads straight to hell
and I guess I shall thank you
for shoving me the shortest way.

You locked your doors
there is no more
I bash my head
against your walls
and still you would not listen

An awful screech
when I try to speak
there is no place
just an empty space
where your heart once was

So it all is over
you were drunk on love
and now you're sober
and I am dead in your eyes
why don't you even try?

My love,
You are the only thing I got left,
it has been so long since our last kiss,
and more of it and more I miss.
why did you became so cold?
Or was it me? I never know.

Have I gone astray?
I know now, that this road ends.
Everyone I cared for
dead or betrayed,
tell me, tell me, love,
what have I became?

Was I failure from the start,
or did I fail myself as well?
I have lost my lucky stars,
now the sky is dark and gray.
Unlike the darkness in my heart,
there is some remaining light.

Whatever is out there, keep it.
I will need it no more, I've lived my share,
now it's time for someone else.
No worry, I had more than I could care.
Love and hate and hate again.
I blame no-one, I blame myself.

Don't you worry, my love,
there never was a hate for you,
only love, if love is true.
I can't let you wait no longer,
just a moment, before I go,
before my lips touch yours.

The only one who ever loved me,
you had to leave me all alone?
What to do, when you are gone?
Better you not know me now,
monster and a criminal,
no longer victim, I am the crook.

I know what and how to do it.
Not afraid of death, just of dying.
Should have done it, when I could.
I know you are dead and yet still with me,
I can hear you day and night,
and I shall too...

become.

Happy 4/20 everyone!

One day I will become thin air
my words will only wind whisper
No one will know or care if I ever existed
I wish it was easier to say
how hard is to tell the difference
from being alive now.

What is a star
without the light?
What is the day
without the night?
What is a life
without the love?
Answer presented
at the bottom of wine,
shame I drink Cuba Libre
without citrus, coke or ice.

Like Romeo and Juliet
You told me you love me
and that I must understand:
“Love 'till the end.”

You went ahead
with your plan
of destructive madness,
you left me alone, why did you go?

You set the stage,
smokes and sirens,
You shine in the light,
You are the queen of this night.

Do you care,
or did you care,
that you'll leave me alone,
just on my own. Forever.

Do you know,
that the distance between us,
is just what you create?
I can't let you go,
understand WHAT?

I'll share your sadness,
I'll drown in your sadness,
but I know I can't stop,
you'll just play your part.

Twisting...
Turning...
Pushing...
Pulling...
It tears me apart,
I can't hold on.

Why does it have to be like this?
I thought I found heaven,
but it tastes like hell.
I still believe,
I do
in you...

You,
always on the edge?
Can't you see me down bellow?
I am the roaring sea,
breaking against your cliff,
can't you see or hear?

Always on the edge,
too scared to leap,
too scared to leave,
but what should I do?
I want to go, but I know I can't,
so I will stay, until you throw me away.

See? I am stupid,
like dog with no dignity,
So hurt me, beat me down,
have no mercy!
Even then, like the dog I am,
I will return hiding my tail.

**** me, if you can,
it would be the kindest deed,
no more sorrow, for *** like me.
Nothing good in the future for me,
just past playing on repeat.
So, **** me, please.

My dear friend,
even the Great Wall of China
cannot hide the secret
ancient manuscript of your body
WEAK, WORTHLESS, ****

Truth is hidden
within these lies,
written in blood.
You said you pierced your belly,
but who have pierced your heart?

I believe in power
beneath your eyes
that will heal
even deepest scars
of your lonely soul.

Let me ask
the question of the day:
My dear friend,
have you became
a water buffalo?

Are you even real?
You see, I said “Love is disease,”
and you said “It doesn't exist,”
still, you make me believe.

Is all this arbitrary?
Are we just words,
written in tears by a madman
in books in library?

Who are you, girl?
I asked the sky, it whispered back to me
it spoke about alluring beauty,
that cannot be unseen.

So close and yet so far,
one must ask the God, why?
Maybe it's just a trick of mind,
maybe, but I have to find out.

Let me think and let me dream,
for the sweetest dream there have never been.
Let it linger for a while,
before you say your last goodbye.

And the jet planes,
angelical guardians of intercontinental love,
spread their wings to carry you once more
across the ocean of deepest blues.

Reaching for the stars so high,
that you will touch the heaven,
and gently fall asleep,
tell me, are you dreaming
a dream of us?

Think it's time to play
this little game.
Turn the tables,
make them pay.
Let's see what the universe
will say.

Time to find myself,
my prize, my prey,
my own puppet to play,
to twist and hurt.
Because, what they've done,
I can do too.

I find myself a beauty,
little angel with snowy wings,
so innocent and pure.
Oh, when I'm done with you,
how I will twist you,
how I will torture you!

Sitting by the window,
whispering sweet little lies,
she smiles.
A look in her eyes,
I see the sparkling,
I know she is mine.

I cannot do this!
I cannot break
such beautiful thing!
“I am sorry.”
I leave and locked me in.
You win.

That's the story I'd like to tell,
but truth and that
went different ways.
Truth is we had few drinks,
we talked, we laughed,
and I took her in.

Seeing her naked beauty,
I tremble,
then start the torture.
Her body desecrated,
tainted with my evil.
But body isn't goal I'm after.

What a sick pleasure,
tearing her wings apart.
Then reaching for heart,
I cut.
I felt how her soul darkened,
what was innocent is now not.

I quickly left,
she was still sleeping.
There shall be no cure
for her weeping.
Soon she'll learn
she was mistreated

But I will give her no answers.
She won't see my face again.
How she is?
I will not care,
I will leave her in despair.

I see you
and I know who you are,
you are the one
I was trying to hide.

Go away!
You can't stay!
You will poison my mind!
Not again!

Vision once clear
become so clouded.
I know it's your fault,
You have poisoned my heart.

Go away!
You can't stay!
You will poison my life!
Not again!

I shut my heart
and opened my eyes,
I will break free
from the fog of your lies!

Go away!
You can't stay!
You will **** me inside!
Not again!

No more words,
no more tries
to be nice,
it's all over
this is goodbye.

Flashes of life,
right in front of me,
holding your hand,
creating a memory.

Only this once,
you will dance for me,
Only this once,
the stars will fall.

Crying,
in my memory,
I see you falling apart,
senseless, are you alive?

Black pitch darkness,
screams and silence,
violence and light,
your body erupts.

There is blood on your lips,
and it's so cold in your arms,
the whispers of death
are with us tonight.

Run,
run as fast as you can,
you need to go another mile
another mile until the end
and then it all starts again
give more, push harder, you see
don't you ever stumble, fool
the wolves are right behind you
happy to eat you alive
they feed on your every fall
they grow with every blunder
whatever you do, just move on
never look back
they are right behind you.

I had become
empty space
between lines of your life.
Something you don't mind
skipping.

I don't know what to write,
but you know what?
We can both pretend
I don't exist.
I'm done.