I did it!
...Well for a week or so
Partial credit?
...I tried real hard though

Or at least this is how I feel during sobriety
Rather after I have just ended a short stint
I drift off and become a member of my own society
Get quiet and hope the world will take the hint

I really can't handle myself or how I misinterpret things
I'm lost in the translation from my head to the real world
You'll never know the pain the memory of you brings
I was lost and found, nothing and everything all because of a girl

I never did it...
And never will!
I only hid it...
Have you had your fill?

I genuinely hate this situation
I put myself in isolation
To honestly see what I am to everyone
As I thought before I am no one
Days of silence could turn to weeks
Yet no so called "friend" speaks
I am lost within my own contradictions
As were my initial predictions
So here I sit ****** up off something
Knowing all I'll ever be is nothing
I can barely see what I'm writing
With my blurry vision and this dim lighting
But it'll all be over soon I hope
I'm so far past trying to cope

I miss you so much
Even though you're still here
But we're out of touch
And I'm caught up in this fear
That one day you'll walk away
When all I want is for you to stay
Soulmates destined to be apart
And it will always break my heart
That I never really had you
The one person that made me new

In my darkest nightmare
In the mirror I stare

I see my mouth stitched shut
My eyes glazed and wrists cut

No one around to see my pain
My tears and muffled cries in vein

Because I am more alone
Than I have ever known

Feeling nothingness gripping
Feeling my life now slipping

I whimper one last time
I write my one last rhyme

Lie on the floor awaiting death
And take my final fading breath

I hope you're sleeping well
Because I surely can't
When you're gone it's hell
This is just an exhausted rant
About how much I miss you
I'll fit right in with the so called poets
Crying in writing and feeling blue
Knowing that no one will know it
But I'll drop another line
About how my heart is on my sleeve
And that I know I'm not fine
Every time I have to leave
I'm sure I'm stealing from someone
Because all writing is a crime
Everything has been said and done
There is no new line or rhyme
But I hope mine hits close to the heart
Pulls out some passion hidden
Lets you know I can't stand being apart
And that every line is a gift given
In good conscience and spirit
I know my ears are ringing
But do you hear it?
All these recycled notes I'm singing?

There's too much in me to get out
I don't expect you to know
What all of this is really about
All I can do is try to show
My deepest and most serious intentions
I don't expect you to understand
All of this pain and all of this tension
Life has far too many demands
For me to try to comprehend
So I search and I wander
Looking for the means to meet the end
But all it does is continue to make me ponder
Why I continue to do this
What's the purpose?
How do I get through this?
Is it worth it?

I somehow enjoy the pain
Of countless needle ******
Like I love to watch the rain
As it falls on my window and sticks
The outcome worth the process
So much more than I can express

These are the nights I used to drink away
Sitting alone in my prison cell
But I am trying to stay sober every day
Still stuck in my own solitary hell
I want so badly to break free
I want to let loose all my dreams and nightmares
For everyone to see
But I honestly don't know that anyone cares
My skin itches and my body aches
And every day I hear that abuse calling me back
To stay here and stay safe is what it takes
To keep it all from fading to black
I struggle to even think that I can make it
Through this trial I choose
To continue to fake it
But I can't afford to lose

This bottle is my baby
This smoke is my lady
These rhymes are my therapy
Need my shades just to see
My eyes stay low
A soul you couldn't possibly know
The word rehab makes me laugh
My self-medication helps me with my craft
At this point in my existence
I lack any sort of persistence
It might as well all be gibberish
Honestly if I had one wish
It would be to never gain my sanity
Because I already lost faith in humanity
So this craziness keeps me somehow hopeful
These substances make me vocal
Breaking the levee to let the words cause a flood
My own thoughts and emotions boil my blood
I could never aptly describe this concept
Even after years of searching I'm inept
This person isn't even slightly reminiscent
Of who I once was and is now so distant
I am a shadow a ghost
Afraid of what I desire most
My effort has only ever shattered me
Beaten, broken, and battered me
Though silence accomplishes very little
I am stuck somehow here in the middle
Of constant outbursts and pure withdrawal
As is the definition of my constant fall
Into depression and anxiety
Only worsened by 'sobriety'

Girl you've got me crazy
Heart racing and head hazy
With thoughts of "I love you"
Could you ever love me too

I want you to warm my soul
Please come make me whole
I want to warm your heart
Never let anything tear us apart

These are such silly feelings
That seem to fill my head
They send me reeling
Remind me of passionate words I've read

I only wish I was half as eloquent
Or brave enough to say
The words I know I really meant
Maybe the time will come one day

Until then I sit here and write
Amused by my own anxiety and nerves
It's just another late and lonely night
Sitting here wishing I could trace your curves

Lazy imagination and a
rushing mind
I try to shine light on
the thoughts behind
These vacant stares
and shifty smiles
Like you know I hate you
but would let you stay awhile
I'm dececptive, receptive, stressed out
and so simplisitic
But these images are so perverted
yes I'm so sadistic
Trippin' away in my own
******* basement
Noddin' away to this muzik
content to feel complacent
My mind ebbs and flows
entranced in ink
As it floods the pad it is
everything I ever think

Save me
I can't
You see
This rant
As crazy
My mind
Is hazy
Please find
My solution
In confusion
Each line
Only two
Not fine
Without you

We spend so long
Telling kids what not to do
Warning them of what is wrong
What is "bad for you"

"Don't drink alcohol"
"Don't do drugs"
They drive you off the wall
They make you violent thugs

This method makes me furious
Feed them information
Then tell them not to be curious
Wonder what's wrong with this nation?

We don't let people be
Be themselves for once
So *******, sincerely, me
You legalistic dunce

So close to falling off the face of the planet
I wouldn't ever expect you to understand it
I'm in my soul's embrace with eyes closed
I'm entrapped in these beautiful prose
I am safe here in this bliss
Where I can't remember what I miss
No I'm not jaded I'm fully aware
How long will I be gone before someone cares?

You changed my life in so many ways
I struggled to make it through the day
Before you walked through that door
And showed me what life was for
I could never explain what you mean to me
I could never describe all the beauty I see
Your smile reflects my soul
To hear you laugh makes me whole
Nothing could ever be better
Than when we're together
Every moment every minute
No matter how you spin it
To me is pure bliss
With every little kiss
Every whispered word of affection
Strengthens that connection
You're what I have missed for so long
And all I have is this simple song