I want to hold your attention
To keep you up at night
wondering about me
I want you to desire me
I want you to want me
I want to make you laugh
To make you ache
To steal your heart
To make you not want to let go
I want you to choose me
Choose  me.
Want me
I want to be good enough for anyone
I want to be better than enough
More than you ever hoped to have...
But I am not.
I never will be
anything more than boring
and ordinary
I hate me
I hate me
I hate me
For not being extraordinary to anyone
To you.
@IrisMaddenPoetry

It hardly matters now
what's been hoped for
in my heart,
revealed in the demeanor
of your words
is the ice cold
unhoped for fact
that you don't.
and maybe you never will
enough.
My presence doesn't
fill up the air
in the room when we're together
so that all you can breathe
is me.
Those dark brown eyes of yours
stray away from my face
long enough for your mind
to wander away
from thoughts of who
you came for,
and my mind is quiet
now that it's no longer
buzzing with possibilities
of staying,
this is all we'll ever be;
two sets of unspeaking mouths
and wandering eyes,
even though at times
the thought of you
makes me nearly
choke the words out
to empty rooms:
I love you.
But you'll never love me
and I'll never be enough to make you.

Rush these days
of restless pacing
of watching the clock
with an anxious heart
waiting to seek reassurance
through your hands
laced with mine
These seconds away pass too slowly
and the hours with you
pass too soon
Life's unfair
and I think too much
maybe I care too much...
- written 12.15.16
@IrisMaddenPoetry

don't hope too high, daydreamer
all good things
are too good
to be true
All disappointment
is too painful
to be a lie
and what's desired
by one
is far from another's mind
so dreams go
unfufilled
and will never exist
as reality.

The sights fly past the windows
carrying with them
the last sounds of your voice
the wind takes away
the rest of your words
my hand has long forgotten your touch
and now I forget your face...
This dark void and time
takes everything
and we will never be everything
to each other
I'll never see enough of you
to not forget
We'll never be more...
07.31.16
-IrisMaddenPoetry

So incredibly bored
So incredibly lonely
No one cares
No one listens
No one wants to
No one wants you
So incredibly empty
So incredibly tired
When will I find it
This doesn't seem worth it
This seems to end in pain
Maybe all this searching is in vain
Want to cry
Want to die
Want to live
Want to find you..
Maybe you don't exist
Maybe my everything in my heart
is a myth...
-Iris Madden

barely conscious
out of me,
A lost of grounding
to bind me to these moments
as i take my daily walk through dreams
past the present,
past all focus
and soon I'm lost
and where is Me?
time and time again
half-finishing thoughts
while starting another,
the memories are hardly grasped
through the fog
of this unexplainable crippling
of mind, of me
as every present moment
becomes the past
no sooner than your hand
has left the first trail down my curves,
maybe your eyes
will fill the blotches
become a cure
and help me focus,
I'll soon be longing
to grasp your fingers
and remember the feel
of their smooth calluses,
relieve the burn in my chest
from the lack of your breath
blowing gently against my face
as you claim my lips,
maybe you'll save me this time
maybe you'll save me...

alone in mind
alone in body
alone in spirit,
lonely soul
and lonely heart.
to sleep you go
and all the words
die on my fingertips,
all the questions
move to take their spots
among things
I'll likely never again
find the courage to ask,
here's to hoping
one day
we'll know.
@IrisMaddenPoetry

...and I'll search your eyes
for a hint that you've missed me
or maybe your touch
was only a dream
from my wildest imagination
Maybe it's only me
who has been longing for you
for what we could be
if you adored me
as much as I do you...
-Iris Madden

We've been sad so long
that happiness scares us
We love to hate
We seek comfort in misery
We scream that the universe
does not want us happy
But we are glad
to be sad
Because joy is always so temporary
At least we can always count on misery
to be there
in the deepest corners
of our hearts.
-@IrisMaddenPoetry

Good surprises
leave me be.
Decent starts are deceitful,
and we're all heartbroken
by the end.
Sometime early
I dreamt of his love
Tomorrow our lips must go untouched,
Today I admitted who I've missed
but she should have just
left me alone as I was,
sparking past hopes
could be a murderous crime
if I had a passion
for anything at all.
My try at charm and wit
a pitiful attempt
to one so charming.
So scared of falling
back into the numbness,
but I'd never realized
how much easier life is
when you can't feel your feelings.
2.2.17
-Iris Madden

Shadows are everywhere.
Against corners,
next to a pair of lovers,
beneath my eyes,
touching a thousand souls.
Shadows tell tales of abandonment
and emptiness
tales of lust
tales of exhaustion
tales of misery
and darkness.
Shadows block out the light
of happiness and holiness
Light that left
when the sun set
on the stories of the lonely
stories of the desired
stories of the weary
stories of the sad.
Shadows bathe us in darkness
hides us from hovering eyes
so we can be alone
so we can sin
so we can rest
so we can end.

our time together today
makes me want
to write pretty poems
and sweet nothings,
doodle initials inside hearts
all over classwork
and notebook covers,
but I can't focus
cannot concentrate enough,
For every time you laughed today
every time you made me smile
every time I caught you staring
every. single. time
you touched me
runs and replays
through my mind
and blocks out
my concentration on anything else
but you,
but us...
-IrisMadden

drown in the hatred
of yourself
as they wish you were
something else
try to be good enough for them
because all you want
is to be wanted
no one's okay with who you are
not even you
bore them to death
with useless silence
and wish you knew
how to make them laugh
how to make them keep you
go back to the darkness
and let it surround you
because you're no better a person
than you were when you left it
still irrelevant
lost and hiding
notice no one
because they'll notice you
and then forget
as you fail to fill the silence
as you fail to fill what's missing in them
because there's so much missing in you
push them away
before they take hold of your heart
and drop it as if it burned them
when it only meant to be a little warm
before they see just how
unfixable you are
cringe in embarrassment
because you opened up
and no one saw what you were showing
cry rivers on the inside
because you'll never be perfect  
look at yourself
and see how you don't matter
you are no one
and to everyone
you are less
wish that mother would have
saw her mistake and ended it
so you wouldn't exist
distract yourself from this reality
before it suffocates you
with its truths you'd rather forget
-IrisMaddenPoetry

I do not
have to tell you
not to notice me.
Your eyes rest,
and then skim right by
...my features barely holding
a place in your mind.
Sometimes
I like it that way...
...but sometimes
I wish to have
some sort of...
relevance
in your life
in your hopes
in your dreams...
Sometimes
I wish
I wasn't so irrelevant
to you...
-IrisMaddenPoetry