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3am
IDS Mar 2020
3am
๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜จ๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ง ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ. ๐˜ˆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ง ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏโ€™๐˜ต ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ช๐˜ต. ๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ด๐˜ฉ. ๐˜ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ถ๐˜ฑ ๐˜ข ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ฆ๐˜น๐˜ค๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ด.

Why

You are subconsciously afraid of the change that will come from going from reaching out for what you genuinely want. You relate freedom to happiness, which is something good. It doesnโ€™t matter whether the change will be good or bad, your ego is afraid to change.

Why

Your ego likes the status quo. Right now youโ€™re alive and well and your ego wants to keep it that way. I believe evolution has given us an โ€œegoโ€ precisely for that reason, self preservation. It had a quite logical purpose back when humans were hunters and stuff. They had to be afraid of everything that was foreign in order to stay alive. Not anymore.

๐˜๐˜ด ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ข๐˜ง๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ฅ ๐˜ช๐˜ง ๐˜ ๐˜ง๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ญ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏโ€™๐˜ต ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ? ๐˜ˆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ง๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ? ๐˜š๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถโ€™๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ต, ๐˜ฃ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ?

๐—•๐—ฒ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜๐—น๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—ฎ๐—ฝ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ต ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ณ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ฎ๐˜๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ธ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—ณ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜€ ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฑ ๐—ผ๐—ป. ๐—ช๐—ถ๐—ป ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐˜๐˜๐—น๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ด๐—ฎ๐—ถ๐—ป๐˜€๐˜ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ณ. ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐—น๐—น ๐—ด๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐˜„ ๐—ฒ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—ฎ ๐—ต๐˜‚๐—บ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ณ๐—ฒ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜. ๐—ฆ๐—ฒ๐˜ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ณ ๐—ณ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฒ. ๐—™๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐—น ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฝ๐—ฝ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜€ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚. ๐—Ÿ๐—ฒ๐˜ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐—น๐—ถ๐˜๐˜๐—น๐—ฒ ๐—ธ๐—ถ๐—ฑ ๐—ณ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ต๐—ฏ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ธ๐˜€ ๐—ธ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜„, ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚โ€™๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐˜๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ผ๐—ณ๐—ณ ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜„. ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚โ€™๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฝ๐—ฝ๐˜† ๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ, ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚โ€™๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฏ๐—น๐—ถ๐˜€๐˜€๐—ณ๐˜‚๐—น. ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚โ€™๐—น๐—น ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฑ๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐˜๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ถ๐˜. ๐—ฌ๐—ผ๐˜‚โ€™๐—น๐—น ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐—ธ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ณ ๐˜„๐—ต๐˜† ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฑ๐—ปโ€™๐˜ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ธ๐—ฒ ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ฟ.
IDS Mar 2020
As human beings we pursue happiness when itโ€™s only ephemeral. Abiding to unrelenting woe to attain brief junctures of contentment is mundane and nowhere near rational.

However we wouldnโ€™t know how to enjoy sunlight without nighttime; paradoxical complements.
IDS Sep 2016
Days flash past my shadow
Unable to distinguish your face.

Missing someone is overestimated
An individual can't be missed
But how you felt in his presence
Will subsist.

Love conquers as endless matter
Thus exposing your heart is key,
For a new world to perceive.

An unknown yet
familiar ardor rushes through my veins,
I thence forsee you're present but somehow
Gone away.

Humankind around neglected you
Trust is reasonably locked into your gut
Disowning is no option,
Neither patronizing you;
Been there myself.

Dark nights
Dark thoughts;
Disoriented your head,
But reincarneted who you are today.

Don't contemplate there is no better.
Stand high on your feet,
Drown yourself on memories
That once made you
Complete.

Perhaps I'll never be your future,
Perhaps my existence to you is nonsense.
Straightforwardly;
Merely knowing you're no longer lost,
Will be my cue for moving on.
IDS Dec 2016
Heart pounding nonstop โ€จ
Feeling I ran sixteen milesโ€จ
Can't seem to decifrate โ€จ
Where your affection liesโ€จโ€จ

Querying who am I โ€จ
Long term silence prevailsโ€จ
Things are better off left unsaidโ€จโ€จ

We used to share friendship
โ€จNow there's nothing leftโ€จ
Wondering where will you travel
โ€จAfter all this ravelโ€จโ€จ

Observe along your space
โ€จRecall your whereabouts
โ€จBack when you were just โ€จ
A young teenagerโ€จโ€จ

You had company,โ€จ
Someone who caredโ€จ

That feminine corpse,โ€จ
Would outsource every fiber of her soul โ€จ
To see you wholeโ€จ
Sadly you saw her as
โ€จAnother to add list of friends role

โ€จMeanwhile her heart beat off adrenaline โ€จ
And nothing moreโ€จโ€จ

Retaining secrecy,
โ€จDevoted to destiny,โ€จ
I'll exit knowing there's nothing else to do,โ€จ
But to patiently wait for a propitious finale.
IDS Mar 2018
My existence in his life vanished long ago
Now I write this poem to say Adiรณs

There wasn't much story to tell,
"How can you like someone who you've never really got along that well?"
The first time we met I saw something worth the pain;
Flashing light aching to be found,
Lived upon himself

Years tormented me
Forced to conceal what I felt underneath
Until I found what I thought could be it;
Secret poems to forget him

Felt secure my words wouldn't reach him
Needing more to feel appeased
Staring at the button line spelling "S.E.N.D"
I slide my fingertip and hold tight onto it,
Cataleptic of the fuzz I would tremble myself in

He's persistent in knowing my name
Yet there's nothing else left to say
All this anxiety drives me insane,
Thought I was over him somehow,
Suddenly all this sentiment runs back
I want to scream, I want to cry
Why can't I tell him goodbye?

As mystery this will remain
Not willing to shatter what's left
Hoping all this will soon fade away
I open my heart and truely say:
Please stay away.
IDS Mar 2018
A response is what he needed
To rest serenely
Strong-minded as if
He called her constantly,
Texted ceaselessly
Formulated a poem
To portray what he discerned
Desiring to identify her
"Tell me your name so I can
thank you how you deserve."

Her sight wandered all over her dorm
Was she really thinking of
Unveiling her storm?

Her lips arched straight-up
"There's nothing to lose"
Is what she naively thought

Her name now appearing on screen
Along with her heart, mind and peace
She knew it was the end
To a never being fairy dream

"A friend would of been great back then"
Who said there's nothing
We can do nowadays
Now her secret is out
Million questions pending

He knows her name now
The shield is now below her vow
He seemed thrilled at first
He's no longer captivated
He didn't like what it displayed

"Thank you for the poem"
That's all he said

No more texts were sent
He used to reply without saying mer
Now he's no longer immediate

Nodding he lowered his sight
Deciding not to move forward
But to leave all this situation burried
Along with her light

He ached to find someone who cared
She was available at all hours of the day
What made him so blind
What prevented him to realize
She was someone to confide

She didn't shed a single tear
She knew there were risks
Not a propitious ending
But at least she now knows
He wasn't worth it

Outlasting her thoughts
She pursued a goodbye
Their houses not being faraway
She requested a meeting to amalgamate

Unbiased to encounter his neighbor
He elected to party out
She waited for him all night
Counted every single star
Drank her pain aside
Until her stinging expired

She can now move on
She is now determined
She now knows affection isn't eternal
Closing her eyes she guaranteed
Never letting her feelings
Slip off her finger tips
She's not allowing anybody into
Her now **coldhearted spirit
Any kind of feedback is welcome. Thank you.
IDS Nov 17
I dream of a future,
but the path feels so unclear,
Like a river that wanders,
afraid to disappear.
With each passing moment,
the world shifts and bends,
Iโ€™m caught between love
and what the future intends.

You call me your future,
Your steady embrace,
But I always find myself left in the dark,
searching your face.
You said I could give you a home,
A place to belong,
But can you offer the same,
when your consistency is gone?
A home needs two,
A shared foundation,
A love thatโ€™s true,
Can we build that together,
or is it just me pulling through?

In the quiet of my heart at night,
I find both peace and unrest,
A fire that burns brightly,
yet leaves me second guessing whatโ€™s best.
Cold winds blow softly,
as doubt starts to creep,
Will we find the warmth together,
or am I drifting too deep?

Iโ€™ve been your warrior,
Your steadfast guide,
Fought battles for you,
Stood by your side.
When you fell,
I lifted,
found paths for you to tread,
While you left my heart; Unread.

You met my family,
Stepped into my life,
For a moment,
I thought weโ€™d survive the strife.
But then you went back to your land,
And the silence grew deep,
Promises faded,
and I failed to sleep.

You say we lost a battle,
but not the whole war,
Yet I stand alone,
facing a burning castle,
with everything weโ€™ve built at risk,
turning to ash.
If weโ€™re to survive this,
I need your hands to help me fight,
Before everything crumbles,
and fades from sight.

Iโ€™ve sacrificed so much,
lost pieces along the way,
Carrying us through,
when you couldnโ€™t find words to say.
Iโ€™ve held us up,
kept us from sinking low,
While you stood back, lying low.

Iโ€™ve given parts of myself,
again and again,
While you stayed silent,
stuck in your pain.
Iโ€™m standing here,
unsure where to go,
Feeling the cracks of a love gone slow.
Do I keep holding on,
though Iโ€™m broken and sore?

Iโ€™m from a land where love is loud,
Where hearts are open, and joy is unbowed.
We speak with passion, with all our might,
We stand together, facing the fight.
Youโ€™re from a land thatโ€™s quiet, reserved,
Where emotions are muted,
and love is observed.

So here I stand,
Lost in the fray,
Our future uncertain,
Our hearts led astray.
The war rages on, but I canโ€™t fight this way,
Do I surrender now,
Or wait for the break of day?
IDS Mar 2020
๐ผ ๐‘ข๐‘ ๐‘’๐‘‘ ๐‘ก๐‘œ ๐‘๐‘’
๐‘Ž๐‘“๐‘Ÿ๐‘Ž๐‘–๐‘‘ ๐‘œ๐‘“ ๐‘‘๐‘’๐‘Ž๐‘กโ„Ž

๐—ก๐—ผ๐˜„

I like killing myself
framing insomnia
whereas itโ€™s me who detests sleep
in my dreams
I grasp a glimpse of bliss
fantasizing what I canโ€™t have
confined in a theoretical domain

I like the susceptibility of
being shredded by
other people's opinions
yearning for honesty
even when I know
it's not what I want to hear
๐‘ก๐‘’๐‘™๐‘™ ๐‘š๐‘’
tell me you liked my natural hair
before I dyed it
๐‘ก๐‘’๐‘™๐‘™ ๐‘š๐‘’
tell me Iโ€™m too naive
tell me Iโ€™m too young
tell me Iโ€™m too volatile
๐‘ก๐‘’๐‘™๐‘™ ๐‘š๐‘’
tell me I shouldnโ€™t speak my mind
tell me I donโ€™t fit your beauty standards

I want the truth;
not a sugar coating
Truth will set us free
Truth will enable our true selves
Truth will take us a long way
Her
IDS Dec 2016
Her
Sewn-up into not caring
Modelled dispassionate
Roused into fantasy;
This one time would be
different
Oh naive optimism

His sight grows absent from reality when
he sees her
Leaving me unconsidered
he trades grins with her
With no forewarning
he trails off to her
Consinging to oblivon my presence when
he's with her
Nothing assuredly matters when
he's conversing with her

I'll bid farewell
to those so called feelings
Friends can fracture your
Sole heart
If you keep confiding
You will bruise nonstop
So let me advice you this one time
Become cold as ice
IDS Mar 2018
It destroys my insides,
Not knowing who you are,
So many people I loved,
And so many were left behind.

Now I find my self,
Walking, fighting, running,ย 
Through the pointless journey we call life.
I was once afraid of Death,ย 
Terrified me to the bone,ย 
It made me feel senseless
It made me feel alone...

To come back from death,ย 
That was my gift,
To know there was nothing, was my curse.ย 
Because you can fool your way through life,ย 
But you can't fool death out of you.ย 

It was when I realized,ย 
Not money, power or life itself,ย 
Where as worthy without people to live it with.
It was when I realized,
Love and friendship
Was all I had left,
For I had lost everything, in my endless war against death.

So I changed,ย 
Built my self up all over again,ย 
Made peace with my feelings,ย 
Made peace with the thoughts in my head.
A long hard journey had to be done, for me who was divided in two to be one.
Now I am here, still fighting my way through, stronger than ever, with the heaviest weight too
Then this girl talks to me and makes me feel confused, in times of pain, she was there but who?
Not knowing who she is makes me feel like a fool
She might me who I have been expecting, soon
Or she might just be a ghost from my past, following me with gloom
Who in the **** are you?
IDS Aug 2
Roots once deeply set,  
Now feel distant and unmet.  
Home feels foreign, out of place,  
Restless in this empty space.

Familyโ€™s far in a city new,  
Where finding change feels hard to do.  
Caught in routine that wonโ€™t decay
Desiring a new doorway.

The future is out of control,  
Tied to shifting goals and roles.  
Waiting for a chance or sign,  
To reshape this life of mine.

Restless nights and tangled thoughts,  
Seeking clarity, but feeling lost.  
Caught between the now and what might be,  
In a place that doesnโ€™t fit me.

The road ahead is full of bends,
Yet I hold on as it twists and wends.
Searching for a fit thatโ€™s clear and right,
In a life thatโ€™s still in mid-flight.
IDS Aug 2
Something broke inside the day I found  
The impossible truth that left me bound.  
Not words but actions I craved to see,  
In my quest for love, so endlessly.

"In-love" left me puzzled, torn apart,  
Yet part of me wanted to give my heart.  
To love deeply, fully, without refrain,  
Yet whispers warned it might bring pain.

Why, when love's unmet, do we give more,  
Teaching there's no need to even the score?  
Why let ourselves erode, bit by bit,  
Asking if they love us, waiting for it?

Instead, ask if your love remains true,  
Do they bring joy, or is it through?  
Are you better alone, finding your way,  
Than with someone who can't understand the play?

Perhaps, after all, in different tongues we speak,  
Our love languages after all do not meet.
IDS Mar 2020
I enjoy finding well-structured and coherent worldviews and ideas that collapse my prejudices, ideas, and my vision of the world; itโ€™s uncomfortable at first but the catharsis achieved by being able to synthesize opposing ideas and find common ground where to build new ideas itโ€™s one of the greatest mental pleasures I have felt.

Itโ€™s like feeling that after endless hours of trying to mix water and oil, the solution finally becomes crystalline and gleaming in veracity; to immerse myself in it and then go out to see reality with new eyes.

The main cognitive bias of all people is to discard information that contradicts their prejudices, ideologies, and conceptions of reality because of the cognitive discomfort this new information enables.

We take scientific objectivity as a base, and we accept the linguistic subjectivity and its intrinsic intuitive value; it is actually much easier to achieve a rational consensus in decision making.

Thatโ€™s why we must be very vigilant and look out for rigid ideologies that donโ€™t accept an intellectual confrontation, since they donโ€™t have the capacity to adapt to a reality like ours thatโ€™s in a constant state of transformation.
IDS Mar 2020
โ€œI do not feel superior because I'm vegan. The truth is I am vegan because I do not feel superior to others.โ€
โ€”Michele McCowan.

Itโ€™s more accurately a principle that we shouldnโ€™t subject anyone to our wants and/or needs.

The bottom line isnโ€™t whether we believe ourselves to be better people. The question is not what we are, but what we think, and what we do as a result of what we think. The issue is about ideas and behaviors, not people.

Those of us who reject cannibalism do not think we are "better" than cannibals, do we? We only believe that there are ways of acting that are better than others according to ethics.

— The End —