what a privilege it is
to celebrate with fireworks.

to hear thundering booms fill the air
and not simultaneously be full of fear.

to have the sky painted
with vibrant dazzling colours -
not the grounds stained
with new shades of red.

to hear the calming whistle
and anticipate a euphony -
not a cacophony of
cracks, bangs, screams and cries.

what a privilege it is
to have never heard the latter.

what a privilege it is
to associate explosion
with new beginnings -
not an impending end.

what a privilege it is
to celebrate with fireworks.

it was the sunset that promised you a new day, a better day
the colour of her smile after she made a silly joke
the adorable giggles she hid and the shy confessions she made

the warmth of her hugs, words and her eyes
it was the comfort that bloomed when she told me 'everything will be okay'. the safety I found in her eyes when I nodded, believing it too.

the sleepy goodnights and cheerful good mornings. it was the orange love between yellow smiles, forehead kisses and red-burning flames of passion

love that was always there, even when the sun went to sleep.

it was the all-encompassing flutters in my chest when we were together. orange butterflies racing against one another.

orange was the colour of her love, like the sunset, that always promised a better day

strip her down
enjoy her
pass her on
use her
rip her apart
then pass her down
celebrate her
strip her down
expose her

until the skin she's just gained
has shed
left on the ground

then pass her down
thinner and thinner
lighter and lighter
pass the parcel
last layer of skin
until she's stripped to the bone
but still

the game must go on

pass her down
pass her down
to be used
one last time
pass the parcel

until she - the parcel -
gives in
and passes

just when you think you've moved on
you find yourself back at square one
with an evolved mindset and mentality
ready to do the same thing that forced you to change
once again.

just like that
we said goodbye

not to leave
but to commemorate
the good times

and to welcome
in some more.

for a moment i lost focus.

i lost focus.
began to forget
parts of myself
that made me
me.

i lost focus on myself.
only to direct it to the
temporary world that
we live in.

for a long time
i lost focus of my mind.

only to focus on the
blur and haziness
that is my life.