Through these past four years that I've known you
I've come to realize something.
I don't truly know you or know if you still do care about me.
I know I mess up, and I can be an idiot at times.
I know that I'm annoying and a bother.

I'm sorry for hurting you, and I'm sorry for hurting everyone.
I don't mean to cause harm or trouble, I just simply want to help.

Maybe its because I feel helpless at times.
Maybe it's because I feel like I have no worth to my loved ones.
I feel like everyone is just annoyed by just my presence.
Maybe thats the reason why I've tried to distance myself,
I don't want to hurt my friends anymore.

Everytime I look at her, I feel as though we are growing apart.
I know that I might be wrong, but it feels like it,
I'm sorry.

I know I'm sorry about a lot of things.
I'm sorry that I made you mad.
I'm sorry I've hurt you.
I'm sorry if I seem like a total *****.
I'm so, so sorry about many things.

I shouldn't have good friends like them.
I should be alone.

Do you still think of me as a friend?
I'm just so worried that something bad between our friends will split us apart.
You can take this however you want.
I'll always be here for all of you.

I'm sorry that I'm not the bests of friends...

Who am I?
A girl who tries to be the best friend that she can be?
Am I a girl who gets sad too easily?
Or am I just a girl with a fake smile?

What am I?
A girl with the greatest friends?
Am I a girl who is just like her father?
Or a selfish girl with no feelings?

Who or What am I?
Am I just a disappointment to my family?
Am I just a girl who just cries a lot?
Just Who am I?

So many secrets I’ve kept,
So many lies I have kept away,
I’ve tried to be the best,
But I keep being a mess up and a mistake…

I can’t tell you..but I’m having enough of keeping so many secrets,
Secrets, secrets, secrets,
I can only hold so many secrets, I can only hold so much,
Please help me

I’m slowly going mad with these secrets…
Secrets, secrets, secrets.

How can I be fine?
When you tore my world apart.
How can I be fine?
When you left for her.

How can I be fine?
When I was foolish enough to believe you?
I will never be fine...
You've took my heart.

And broken it beyond repair.

Hello? Can you see me?
How are you?
Oh wait...you’re not looking at me.

I’m sitting here,
Watching everything,
Hearing everything.

Everyone isn’t talking to me,
But I try to talk,
Looks like I’m a gust of wind.

Can’t you just talk to me?
Tell me that I’ve been noticed,
Tell me that I’m here.

Looks like my words fall on hollow ears,
Oh well….its fine,
Even though it hurts… I’m use to it.

“****”
That's just a label for me,
A simple stereotype.

Am I a ****?
No, not really,
German is just in my blood.

You haven’t met me,
You never understood,
So stop calling me that one label.

I’m more than just a label,
I’m a human,
I have a heart.

In the shadows,
Creatures move,
Visible eyes glow,
Coldness fills the air.

In the shadows,
Voices whispering,
No words understood,
Evil laughter echos the air.

In the shadows,
Someone is lurking,
A presence surrounds you,
You feel invisible hands at your feet.

In the shadows,
You’ll never know what lurks,
You’ll never know if there is a demon,
You’ll never know if the light will ever turn on.

Voices surrounds the dark nothingness,
Laughter, cries, screams,
Try to understand them as you may,
You won’t be able to comprehend.

You first see a girl who is curled up in a ball,
Crying, mumbling, calling herself “fat”,
Don’t look for her heart,
Its been left behind with her past lover.

You then see a little girl,
Laughing, giggling, smiling,
Don’t talk to her,
She’ll never speak to strangers.

Next is a girl with a poofy dress,
Happy eyes, goofy smile,
Don’t speak anything sad to her,
She want to keep others happy.

There is an evil female,
Hateful, dark, smiling evilly at you,
Don’t try to even talk to her,
You’ll find yourself in the afterlife.

Finally you see a normal girl,
Smiling, being goofy, being ‘normal’ right?
What if she is wearing a mask,
Hiding the horrors behind the smiling masquerade?

The mask finally wearing away, breaking off,
Showing you the true scars and sorrow hidden,
Showing you how crazy she is,
Showing you who she really is?

Dear someone,
Can you hear me?
Can you see that I'm here?
Slowly slipping,
Through the darkness.

Dear Someone,
Will you help me,
Will you stay with me?
And never leave me.

Dear someone,
Save me,
Before it's too late,
Before I lose myself,
Before I stay in the darkness.

Dear someone,
Please help me,
Help me through this,
Help me drive my darkness away,
Help me live.

I fear,
For what's to come,
I look around to see if he is there,
But he isn’t there.

I fear,
That one day he will come,
I’m now living in fear,
I can’t find any peace.

I fear,
I’ll never get away,
I’ll never find peace,
I’ll forever live in fear.

I fear,
I’ll lose myself,
He will never leave,
He will forever follow me,

*I fear,
That no one will save me.

Hello my dear,
Have I seen you before?
Perhaps somewhere in another land,
Have you heard of Wonderland?

I live in such a place,
I have strange friends,
I can see that you don't understand what I am saying,
My dear, we're all mad in Wonderland.

One of my friends is a hatter, who has gone mad,
Another is a grinning cat who disappears a lot,
I can see that you think I'm bonkers,
My dear, we're all mad in Wonderland.

I am mad too, for I talk to myself,
Scolding myself for doing idiotic things,
I slayed the Jabberwock,
My dear, everyone is mad in Wonderland.

Three misfits joined together,
One is a ******,
The second is a depressed outcast,
The third is a suicidal reject.

The ****** was forced to ****,
She didn't know any better,
The ****** found the real killer,
And made him pray to God.

The depressed outcast didn't have friends,
No one came to talk to her,
She felt pain and sorrow,
She keeps it down by making red lines on her wrist.

The suicidal reject wants to be accepted,
But no one wants her,
She keeps asking why no one loves her,
So she keeps trying to meet God.


Now the three misfits will forever be together,
Only counting on each other,
The ******,
The Depressed Outcast,
And the Suicidal Reject.

No,
Thats my final word,
You can't do anything about it,
You have no power over me.

No,
I'm not doing as you say,
Your just talking to a gust of wind,
No,
You will never tell me what to do

I never knew,
That'll be like this,
My dark world,
Has a light.

I thought that you lied,
That you were joking with me,
I didn't believe in you,
But I should have.

I'm so used to liars and cheats,
That I locked my heart,
And I didn't trust another,
But you didn't let go.

You meant what you've said,
You kept me close,
You protected me,
You loved me.

Now my heart is only for you,
You finally won me,
You are my light,
In my world of darkness.

Around and Around,
A carousel of chaos,
Not stopping,
Not slowing down.

Up and Down,
Like a never ending ride,
I'm tired,
I want off.

Around and Around,
Up and down,
No stopping,
No laughter.

Around and Around,
A nightmarish game,
An never ending ride,
The Carousel of Terror.

What if...
Everyone got along,
Would there be any fight?
Would there be a sudden war?

What if....
Every day is never boring,
Would there be any complaints?
Would there be any agitation?

What if...
The parents and children love each other,
Would there be any abuse?
Would there be any suicides?

Just think,
"What if,"
So many questions,
And yet so many outcomes.

I look at the person,
The one who's staring back,
The old reflection,
Of who I used to be.

Colorful clothes,
Happy eyes,
Innocent and pure,
A perfect mirror.

Now I'm different,
Dark clothing,
Brokenhearted eyes,
A shattered mirror.

7 years of bad luck?
Not me,
I'm a lifetime of bad luck,
An unfixable shattered mirror.

Can't you see,
How much you mean to me,
How I need you with me,
That you're perfect

Can't you see,
That I smile rarely,
That I'm breaking inside,
That you will never care.

Can't you see,
That my heart is shattered,
That I'm slowly dying,
That I'm crying secretly.

Can't you see,
The scars on my arms,
And *a noose around my neck.

I can't believe it,
You're almost gone,
Out of my life,
Forever.

I can't believe it,
After all of these years,
Of being with you,
It's all coming to an end.

I won't say "I'll miss you",
Because that will be a lie,
I'm finally happy,
I'm finally free.

Free from the lies,
Free from the hatred,
Free from the hurt,
Free from the countless abuse.

I can't believe it....
You're not coming back....

How can you be so heartless?
To someone who looks so scary,
To someone who is so lonely,
To someone who is so kind hearted?

How could you be so forgetful?
To someone who is forgotten,
To someone who no one sees,
To someone who needs one kind look?

How can you be so wrong?
To someone who people judge to quickly,
To someone who wants to be truly loved,
To someone who needs to show that the rumors are false?

How dare you be so cold and cruel?
To not hear my cries,
To not care about my feelings,
To not listen to my opinions?

How can you laugh?
At someone who is different,
At someone who wants to be accepted,
At someone who is a human being?

Left, Right,
Up, Down,
Backwards, Frontwards,
Everything is scrambled.

Like a labyrinth,
My mind is scattered,
I'm lost and confused,
I can't understand.

As I wonder,
My sanity is slowly going,
I'm saying things that people don't comprehend,
What has become of me?

I'm wondering thorough this labyrinth,
Not knowing the exit,
Praying for an escape,
Forever stuck in my own scrambled mind.

Tic-Toc, Tic-Toc,
The clock plays it's infernal tune,
No care whatsoever,
I wish the clock will stop.

Tic-Toc, Tic-Toc,
My stomach turned,
My heart dropped,
My eyes began to water.

I stare at the man before me,
The man who did wrong,
The man that caused me grief,
I look away, not wanting to look at him.

Tic-Toc,
I closed my eyes,
Listening to the ticking,
Wishing for it to be over

I'm slowly dying,
I don't want death,
How long do I have left,
Until you arrive?

How long will it last,
Being without you,
Not able to see you,
Not able to hug you.

I'm slipping into comatose,
I may not ever wake up,
I need you beside me,
You make me whole and complete.

Wake me,
Tell me that you're there,
Tell me that you'll never go,
And you'll keep me safe.

He chooses his victim,
By any tragedy,
No one can see him,
But only his victims.

He loves his job,
Though sometimes he gets bored,
The victims are full of fear,
People  call them crazy from Paranoia.

The Death God doesn't stop,
He will roam around this world,
Choosing who dies,
And how they will die.

Nothing.
I feel nothing,
No feelings,
No love.

I want to feel something,
I can't feel any love,
No pain,
Not even any sadness.

Numbness,
Thats all I feel,
I want it to go away,
My heart longs for happiness.

I keep wondering in this world,
Where am I?
What is this place?
It's wonderful, yet peculiar.

As I follow the white rabbit,
I meet strange people,
I must try to find the rabbit,
My mind is reeling with questions.

Everything isn't what I was taught of,
A smiling cat,
A never ending tea party,
And a dragon.

The queen is quite beautiful,
But she is like a childish brat,
This is bizarre to me,
I want to go home.

I can't find a way out,
Am I going to stay here forever?
I miss my family,
I want to leave Wonderland.

My feet are dangling,
My arms are scarred,
My heart wants you,
My mind wants death.

I need you to help me,
Help me survive a day,
Help me get through hell,
Help me stop crying.

I can't stop shaking,
My love for you keeps me at bay,
I need you by my side.

Help me through this nightmare,
Help me stop the pain,
Help me in this world called hell,
Please help me...

I can't decide,
Life or Death,
I want to die,
But I can't lose you.

As my life gets harder,
My love for you grows more and more,
I can't stand being away from you,
What should I do?

To die or to live,
I can't decide,
You make me happy,
While my life gives me hell.

I love you,
I hate my life,
I want to stay,
Yet I want to die.

I have to go,
I can't stand much more,
Everyone is sleeping,
This is my chance.

Keys in one hand,
A pipe in the other,
I unlock my cell door,
And bolted to the exit as fast as possible

The guards cant catch up,
I open the door,
At last!
Fresh air!

I secretly celebrated my freedom,
As I ran into the darkness,
Not giving a chance to breathe.

Not looking back,
I'm never going back there,
I'll hide in the shadows,
Celebrating.

Banging doors,
Insane laughter,
Sorrowful cries,
Agonizing screams.

I cant stand this,
I might as well be dead,
My mind is all over the place,
I can't think.

The phycologists think I'm nuts,
I'm not crazy,
I want to be free,
I want to leave this Insane Asylum.

Black hole,
Echoing my name,
Tempting me,
Watching my every move.

I dont want to fall,
But it's dragging me,
I'm screaming for help,
Bit its silencing me.

The Dark Abyss,
The Dark Abyss,
The name echoes my head,
As I fall into my death.

Cheater, Cheater,
You player,
One way I'm here,
The next she is there.

Cheater, Cheater,
Tell me the truth,
Do you love me,
Or do you love her?

Cheater, Cheater,
I can't decide,
Should I leave u,
Or should I stay?

Wishing,
That's what I'm doing,
Wishing for hope,
Wishing for peace.

I look at the brightest star in the sky,
Sitting alone in the black space,
I closed my eyes,
And wished for the pain to go away.

You dont know,
How much I love you,
That I'll risk my life for you,
Of how much you mean to me.

You don't know,
How much I'm hurting,
Trying hard not to show it,
Keeping it locked away.

Dark as night,
Misunderstood beings,
Most feared creature on the planet,
Shadows.

People hate them,
For their dark features,
People love them,
For their mysteriousness.

I wish people can understand,
That shadows aren't scary,
Their just hard to understand,
Why can't they see what I see?

He is a mystery,
No one knows his name,
People wonder who he is,
The man behind the mask.

He's there when you need him,
But not there when you want him,
He's silent like a grave,
The man behind the mask.

Never showing his identity,
Keeping the mask on at night,
He'll never show his face,
The man behind the mask.

Remember me,
When I was free,
When nothing made me upset,
When no one broke me.

Remember me,
When I was happy,
When people didn't judge me.
When I wasn't a broken music box.

Remember me,
When I didn't use a razor,
When I didn't call myself "fat",
When I wore happy colors.

Please remember me,
When my life wasn't upside down,
When I loved the way I am,
When I din't want to end my life.

Black and White,
White goes first,
Black goes second,
Welcome to the game of Chess.

Knights,
Bishops,
Pawns,
Kings and Queens.

You have to think carefully,
You better not lose any of your pieces,
You have to beat you opponent,
Welcome to the Deadly Chess.

I'm still here,
Waiting for you to see me,
Hoping for remembrance,
Praying in the dark.

You left me,
I'm alone,
I can't see you anymore,
Have you forgotten me?

What did I do?
Why don't you see me?
Am I nothing but a shadow?
Please remember me.

I need you ro recognize me,
I need someone to see me,
I want you to know me,
I dont want to be forgotten.

Invisible,
Lonely,
Hateful,
Sorrowful.

Most people dont believe them,
Most people do,
It doesn't really matter.

They went to be heard,
But yet they are afraid,
They are forever stuck,
And they can't get out.

Day to Night,
Birds singing to owls hooting,
Dogs barking to wolfs howling,
Night lamps on to off.

The sun goes down,
The moon comes up,
Everyone going to sleep,
Everything is silent.

Night to Day,
Everything is bright,
Everything is glowing,
And birds sing.

Day to Night,
Everything is dark,
Moon is glowing,
No one is awake.

Angles crying,
Someone good has died,
The Angles sing a lullaby,
To lead the spirit to heaven.

The Angles cry,
For a person who has done wrong,
The Angels sing a lullaby,
To wash the sins away.

The Angles cry,
For a girl whose lost everything,
The Angles sing a lullaby,
To comfort the little one.

The Angles cry,
For someone's who is going to die,
The Angles sing a lullaby,
To put the knife away from the boy's neck.

Plastic,
That's what I see,
Everything is fake,
Even me.

I act like everything is fine,
But that's plastic words,
I'm broken to where I can't be repaired,
I've become plastic.

Plastic,
I only see plastic,
I feel like no ones real,
They only say plastic words.

I only see plastic,
And I say fake words,
I can't tell anyone,
They won't believe me.

One flip of a coin,
And chance will decide,
To either live,
Or die.

Now dont be afraid,
It's just chance,
Justice's friend,
No harm to anyone.

But you need to be punished,
For the crimes held against you,
Chance will be here,
For your judgement day.

Chance may be kind,
Or unforgiving,
You won't know,
Unless I flip the coin.

Hello!
Wanna play Pretend?
I'll be the hero,
And you'll be the villain.

My old playmate,
She really didn't known how to play,
So she had to go,
And now you here.

So lets start the game,
You've got ten seconds to hide,
I'll give you a head start,
Ready, set, go!

Flames everywhere,
Sulfur fills the air,
Tortured souls cry for help,
Welcome to Hell.

You can't escape,
Lucifer won't let you,
No matter how hard you try,
You'll never escape.

You shouldn't have sinned,
For now you're never forgiven,
You chose your fate,
To be stuck here with the Devil.

Welcome to Hell

Full of rage,
Full of fury,
Not showing any mercy,
Everyone's first nightmare.

It's God's wrath,
Giving everyone a chance,
Either pray for forgiveness,
Or pray to be saved.