Can you imagine what would happen if we could have everything?
I'm still watching the stars and the moon, waiting for you to breathe.
The days feel like decades, I'm stuck in the moments when you were next to me.
Even if I wasn't the one you were smiling for,
Even if I wasn't the one you were looking for,
I wished at the very least, you were happy.

---
you just showed up
unexpected,
just like the snow
started falling this morning
maybe with a tiny bit of
fear mixed emotions
but still with
that magical
thing you have
all over you.
that magical  
thing that makes
my heart beat
as fast as
hundreds of horse feet
on the race track,
and my hands
shake like
trembling leaves
having not the tiniest
chance, to stick to the tree
on a stormy day.

but,
just like the snow,
always
somehow, some day
melting
you
just
disappeared.

and wishing for
you to forever stay
is like
wishing
for snow
never melting.

fire and brimstone
and a grotesque attempt
at spontaneous combustion,
words crawling out of throats
and
hands, trembling
and
body, trembling, all over
and
sheer force of memory
splitting through rationality
until a bomb deteroriates
everything we used to
love,
including myself.

flatten your tongue
slip it between your teeth

n.

your little lips
forming an elipsis

o.

put them together
and may you declare
a word you’d so carefully deny—
no.

you spell it out
on table tops
shout it
from the rooftops

and when cursed hands
seek to defile your shrine
may you exclaim
"i am mine"

I always end up
Self-destructing, leaving those
Close wounded or dead.