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Feb 2020 · 37
betrayal
nevaeh Feb 2020
a friend
who has a secret
a crush
she won't tell me
I am betrayed
it is someone
tallish
brown hair and eyes
who I may
or may not know
oof
Feb 2020 · 49
to you
nevaeh Feb 2020
tyou fuckingsuck yklu sdiocl
Feb 2020 · 109
bite II
nevaeh Feb 2020
your cries of loathe
only further fuel my endeavors
i am a formidable force
and i will not be stopped
i love you
and i will continue
to be a disturbing and affectionate
animal
until you give me
what i want
it is what it is
Feb 2020 · 52
lemonade
nevaeh Feb 2020
he is bitter
and acid on my tongue

with sugar
(sometimes)

ice clinking
on a crystal glass

i want
so badly
to be

but i don't think
i am
relationships are hard
Feb 2020 · 145
what you should know
nevaeh Feb 2020
it scares me to know that you keep things from me. that there are things you don't say. because if you can lie and say you're fine then how do i know you aren't lying when you say you love me? how can i trust that anything you say is real if you can't even say the things that are hurting you inside. whats worse is that you tell him. yes, i have done my own share of such things, but all of that is just physical, it doesn't mean anything. why can you not just talk to me? just, say what it is and i will listen. i may not understand but i will hear what you have to say.

but what you should really know is that i will always be honest with you. because when i start lying to you, i won't know what lies i've told myself

you should also know that i will always love you. even if we separate and bridges burn, you have made your mark and like it or not you will be in my heart forever.

or
if you do change (inside or out) no matter what i will love you. not your clothes or the things you do, but you. changing yourself can't change the way i feel right now.

and things aren't perfect, they probably never will be.
and i told myself i wouldn't do this.
i told myself that you needed to work things out on your own
but i keep telling myself that if i just shove things at you eventually you will understand that i care about you. that you'll forget whatever it is that you can't tell me and just see me and see that i love you but im starting to feel like you never will. if you can just stop making things your fault, stop making things big and bad and just let them be what they are.
im angry and sad and none of it is your fault but i wish sometimes that things were easier than they are
Feb 2020 · 65
losing
nevaeh Feb 2020
she held a fragile butterfly
in the palm of her gentle hand
it wings moving,
not the the rapid flutter of flight,
but slowly, considerately.
her dusty colors shifted
like an oil spill over the heavens.
she tried to hold her;
keep her safe.
she loved her inevitably,
for she was innocent.
she never knew
right from wrong,
good and bad,
true evil.
she only knew the ways of the world;
to ****
or be killed.
this fight
is one which will always be lost
on both sides.

it feels like
everything
is slipping away.
this means something but a lot of it doesn't even make sense to me yet. i have a distinctly anxious but subtle feeling that bad things are about to happen.
Jan 2020 · 263
mother
nevaeh Jan 2020
unholy
women
bear
unworthy
children
you make me unworthy
Jan 2020 · 277
killing us
nevaeh Jan 2020
smoking and vaping and ***
drugs and the internet
television and food
we **** ourselves and each other
we are dying.
based on a comment someone made at me
Jan 2020 · 107
red ink
nevaeh Jan 2020
if i write you
will you love me
if i kiss you
will you kiss back
if i hurt you
will you leave me
if i break you
will you find happiness again

dont give me your heart
because i am clumsy
and i will likely drop it
then step on it
and not even realize what i've done
Jan 2020 · 43
bite
nevaeh Jan 2020
he is a wolf
and i love his bite
i offer him my throat to hold in his jaws
my heart to hold in his hands

        "you bit me"
        "yeah"
        "not your thing?"
        "i don't know"

maybe it is
Jan 2020 · 40
hourglass
nevaeh Jan 2020
he is chaotic and warm
in a cold unrelenting storm
in good health and good time
the blink of an eye
quiet nights and gentle days
my heart roams
and he is better than ever
Jan 2020 · 38
change indeed
nevaeh Jan 2020
i don't think
i will ever do that again.
i know you aren't mad
or upset even,
but it felt wrong
and i don't want it
to happen again.
i want to be with only you. i want to do this right and that felt very wrong.
Jan 2020 · 24
MiSS<3
nevaeh Jan 2020
i fell in love with an artist
he painted me the sky with his words
he gave me the world on a box
and in the box he put flower petals and smiles
i want a thousand but w <3 $ five
Jan 2020 · 36
just you
nevaeh Jan 2020
its crazy if you think i would ever leave you
for some cocky ******* (who only wants ***)
or a pretty girl (who's just a friend)
or Her (who broke my heart)
or any other boy, girl, or creature of the sea
that isn't you.
i
love
you.
maybe were both a little crazy but not that crazy
Jan 2020 · 34
first
nevaeh Jan 2020
i feel like a little kid.
its silly but
even things i've done a million times
feel brand new with you.
i know you would never
be that guy
the one who is only interested
in the relationship
and not the person
but i still want you to like me
even though i know you already do
i feel like i still have to win you over
**** diddly
Jan 2020 · 59
100%
nevaeh Jan 2020
all of you
drive me mad
and the angry things
make me sad
why must we all
be so bad
being hateful to one another
is a new fad
being rude for no reason
is totally rad
Jan 2020 · 106
haunted
nevaeh Jan 2020
it feels like im saying
and writing
the same things over and over
but they are important to me
and i need them to be heard
to be seen
so i will not stop
until i am understood
by all of you
and by myself
sometimes i think poetry isn't for me, but giving up is not an option anymore.
Jan 2020 · 57
ah
nevaeh Jan 2020
ah
my brain
is not prone
to logical
thought.
Jan 2020 · 55
ours
nevaeh Jan 2020
our love may be messy
and confusing
and unstable at times
but it is real
and it is whole
and the way i love you
is yours and yours only
because i have loved before
but the important thing
is that they didn't last
but you,
you're still here.
and so am i
and as far as im concerned
i always will be
i am in love with you. 100% you and only you.
Jan 2020 · 323
bear + bee
nevaeh Jan 2020
once upon a time

there was a bear
who was hungry and lost
and alone.

the bear trundled about a field
of wildflowers
smelling the sweet breeze
and hearing the buzz
of the bees.

one bee landed
on the tip of his nose
she was tired
she hated her job
she felt like she didn't fit
into her hive.

the bee saw the bear
and the bear saw the bee
and they saw each other's sadness.

the bee continued to come to the field
to gather nectar
hoping to see the bear again.

eventually they became friends
and they learned things about each other
the bear looked rough
but he was gentle and kind
and the bee looked small
but her sting was fierce.

the bee loved the bear
but she never thought he could love her back.

she was a bee from a farm
and he came from the woods.

but hope bloomed in the bees heart
when he said
he loved her back
and she vowed to be his
through it all.

she stayed by his side
through the winter when he slept
and in return he stayed by hers
when summers were too hot
and nectar too heavy.

lets get away from this field
said the bear
we can find somewhere vast
and floral and buoyant with life.

the bee went.

they discovered long streams
and slept in dark valleys
and they traveled the world

because the bear loved the bee
and she loved the bear
and they both loved
honey
i guess it's meant to bee <3 i love you bear
Jan 2020 · 50
dislike
nevaeh Jan 2020
im starting
to not like my own work.
or myself,
for that matter.
Jan 2020 · 116
strong
nevaeh Jan 2020
i am
too much
too loud
too exited
too much
going on
i need to

c a l m  d o w n

i have
to let
you breathe.
i have
to breathe.

R   E   L   A   X

calm yourself
you are
being too
loud too
exited
too much
of everything

--
i think im coming off as wayyy too strong. its so incredibly stupid but im trying to change my personality back to the quiet calm person i was 3 years ago because i am too much for myself right now
Jan 2020 · 117
mr. sandman
nevaeh Jan 2020
he is my dream
he's the cutest thing that i've ever seen
mr. sandman
he's a delight
leaving his side is a losing fight
mr. sandman
i'm not alone
i love him from his skin to his bones
thank you mr. sandman for bringing me a dream. he's stuck in my head like the song (which i claim no rights to)
Jan 2020 · 24
spiraling
nevaeh Jan 2020
i don't know what i'm doing
where i'm going
what id do without you
i can't tell when i'm  breathing
if youre leaving
if i'm living
i don't know
what i’
wantttt
i
have no

words.
are you stil here

am i?
Jan 2020 · 24
Scared
nevaeh Jan 2020
i saw you
today
the way you were acting
was scary
like i might lose you

i cant lose you
because i might lose myself

lost in sad slow songs
in a depressive spiral
aren't we all?

whose idea was
to rely so many emotionally
unstable
people on each other?

---
Jan 2020 · 96
I Can't
nevaeh Jan 2020
It's like these words were written by someone else.
I see things that remind of you and they scare me.
You do not scare me.
I am hiding from words which individually mean nothing.
Together they are frightening.
What is this anxiety, why is it haunting me?
Why am I so repelled by what i love?
Because I love you.
I really, truly do.
And I am not repelled by you.
I am repelled by myself.
My own actions and thoughts and feelings.
But that will never be stronger than this.
Us.
im not going anywhere, i dont know whats wrong with me but i canget over it for you.
Jan 2020 · 116
i'm so sorry
nevaeh Jan 2020
why does this feel
wrong?
its not even wrong really,
just odd,
different.
like something has been
broken
almost like we're acting,
but i'm not.
are you?
why do i feel distant?
like there's fog, or a thin wall.
has it always been there?
its feels like i'm choking.
my eyes are dry
but they ache for tears
my stomach aches
for something
i'm not sure.
i think
i'm may be going crazy.
i know you don't need this
not now.
i'm supposed to be here for you now.
but i can't help feeling
like something is off.
i just really hope it isn't me.
i know it's probably nothing, that this is why i can't keep a relationship. i'll be over this bs by tomorrow, but i'm afraid it will get worse. it's like i'm repulsed by my own emotions. i will never leave you, but i thought i should warn you.
Jan 2020 · 69
suffer
nevaeh Jan 2020
he made you suffer
you make me suffer
i make you both suffer
together we are insufferable
but apart
we all suffer
we cannot stand eachother
and yet we are a perfect harmony
of wild and angry and tense and sad
and yet we are happy
a perfect trio
father son and spirit
him, you and i
i love you both
you love us both
he loves us both
we are one
of suffering
and i hate it
by all means a lighthearted poem
Jan 2020 · 33
empty space
nevaeh Jan 2020
looking for something
im not sure what
but something to make me
feel
its you
i know it is
but still
i cant have you forever
not 24/7
and now i have to fill your space
when you cant be right beside me
i dont even have words to say
i just want to be close to you
why do i miss you so much
Jan 2020 · 184
we could
nevaeh Jan 2020
i could hold you
i could gently run my fingers
through your hair
trace lines down your neck
over your shoulder
follow the line of your collar
to the soft spot below your throat
then down your chest.
i could write little words on your stomach
little kisses
lower
i could bring my hands gently down your sides
over your hips
your thighs...
i could make you bite your lip
just the way i like.
i could.
"now my brain is being dumb"  "not as dumb as mine"  "i doubt it"  <3
Jan 2020 · 22
maybe
nevaeh Jan 2020
i slept all day.
after you left,
i thought i might cry
or something
but i just felt empty
its like every good thing that happens
must always end in disaster.
but this isn't over
i dont think so at least
maybe
this will work out
i really hope it does
im really sorry you had to be a part of the disgusting mess that is me.
i dont know
Jan 2020 · 21
sorry
nevaeh Jan 2020
your eyes were gentle and sweet
not the fire i usually saw.
it was strange
seeing you so calm and happy
as opposed to your usual chaos
like how a fire
can bring cities down to dust and rubble
or gently warm a family home
i like you both
and i hope you don't leave
i like seeing you sleepy
when you mumble words
that don't make sense
but i can tell what you mean
i like watching your face
change and react to things i can't see
but i wish i could
i like you
a lot
<3 i said i would
Jan 2020 · 33
carnival song
nevaeh Jan 2020
red blue yellow
blood red
sky blue
teeth yellow
sad song
bad song
i really
really
don't like this song
it gives me the heebies
it gives me the jeebies
its a cute
happy
carnival song
spooked
Jan 2020 · 69
every second
nevaeh Jan 2020
the world is turning
moving and shifting.
every millennia.
but we only get one chance
one life.
and in every life
we find love
and in every second
i find myself
looking for you.
christ im pathetic
Jan 2020 · 20
nothing
nevaeh Jan 2020
i want his words
to keep forever
they make me smile
and it feels nice
to smile.
"the **** are you smiling about?"
Jan 2020 · 200
what ifs
nevaeh Jan 2020
what if the sky went pink
and the birds stopped their chirping
if the world stopped its turning
what if i took your hand
and pulled you closer
if i held you forever
what if i kissed you then?
just before the sun slept
before the crickets sang
and important things
began to happen?
what if
what if we had that moment
that one second
of just
us?
Jan 2020 · 156
skin
nevaeh Jan 2020
I walked alone on a cold night, through trees and over graves, to meet my dancing partner. She was solemn and sweet, but thin, too thin; a skeleton. I held her and we spun and swayed in the dark, under the stars. Soon her brittle fingers were warm and lush between mine, and She smiled: not my smile, but my lips, my eyes and skin. Not me but a ghost wearing my face. Slowly as we danced, her body swelled and filled, thicker and warm. She was smaller then me, her bones too short, my skin too loose on her slim wrists and hips. My own  heartbeat slowed as I felt hers grow beneath her ribs. We twirled under the stars and she dipped me, now light, low to the ground, yet no blood rushed to my cheeks, my heart skipped no beat but lacked one entirely. She gasped, a first breath; new and refreshed, Alive. No air flowed to my lungs, for I found that I had none. She lay me gently on the grass, disturbing the nights dew and wetting my skull. She walked away with all of me, and I wondered if anybody ever noticed that I was not me, but a dead girl wearing skin.
Dec 2019 · 143
before death
nevaeh Dec 2019
lets have quiet kisses
quiet nights
loud thoughts
bold moves
blushing cheeks
sweet words
calm days
lets live
life
before we
die.
i want to say so much but i don't know how and im scared i might never be able to.
Dec 2019 · 22
what if
nevaeh Dec 2019
i just
grabbed
your face
and kissed
you?
i think
i might
like that.
maybe.
Dec 2019 · 74
not enough
nevaeh Dec 2019
is this enough?
to say that i love you
and i really
really
really want this too.
Dec 2019 · 31
just say
nevaeh Dec 2019
say that you love me.
take my hand
and say it.
say that you
want to be more
than what we are.
just say
something
anything.
and i'll
just say
yes.
****** why is this so hard
Dec 2019 · 30
confession
nevaeh Dec 2019
he said
i need to say this now
before i ***** out
but i want to love you
I do love you
I think im in love with you
But im afraid
Of my feelings.
Dec 2019 · 140
dead mans breath
nevaeh Dec 2019
he'd had too much whiskey
and when he said my name
i could smell
the rot and stink
of a dead mans breath
on my cheek.
Dec 2019 · 34
Cinnamon II
nevaeh Dec 2019
a moment
of holding your hands
swaying to the music
of wind chimes
and voices.
tile floors
metal water
that tastes like red
you taste like red.
just a memory, but one i hope i'll never forget.
Dec 2019 · 22
us
nevaeh Dec 2019
us
i want
to be with you
i want quiet moments in the dark
i want soft kisses on my neck
i want to hold you
and let you hold me
and just be
together.
we won't need words or labels
just us
us.
i want there to be an us
forever.
what i want
Dec 2019 · 138
X
nevaeh Dec 2019
X
6 days
is not long enough
to fall in love
with a person.
he is a person.
he has feelings and angers and love of his own.
he is so much more
than a favorite color.
he is more than 20 questions.
even i
don't know half of what he is.
i don't even think
HE
really knows who he is.
and for all i've done
i cannot say
that i believe that you
will ever
love
him.
gahhhhhhh this makes me so mad i can't even
Dec 2019 · 175
manic
nevaeh Dec 2019
i purge every word in my skull

until my brain is all fuzzy

and i can finally fall asleep
Dec 2019 · 119
monsters
nevaeh Dec 2019
there are monsters
under my bed.
i sleep on the floor
because maybe,
if they think
i'm one of them
they would leave me alone.
Dec 2019 · 154
you
nevaeh Dec 2019
you
you are denim and stains
you are safety pins and chains
you are the moon and the rain
you are a heart and a brain
you are all fun and games
you are love,
you are pain.
you are everything.
literally everything.
i know you want to know how i feel. i'm probably just as confusing to you as you are to me, but it feels like i couldn't say all the things that i feel without losing them.
Dec 2019 · 34
Cade
nevaeh Dec 2019
you are
warmth
fire
depth
honesty
everything
absolutely everything
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