i held your hand
(shhh)
and you squeezed it
(come here)
its an open relationship
(i missed you)
no one has to know
(i'm sure)
we can share a secret
(lets have fun)
share our sins
(just you and me)
and walk around the important things
(shhhhh)
crunch across frozen grass
(it's cold in here)
under burned out street lights
(so dark outside)
through cracked windows
(your mom will hear)
and whisper naughty secrets
(lets go all night)
find new ditches and alleys
(like stars in the sky)
no one has to know
(i want this)
what happens at night.
( bad )

i wish i could say i'm not good enough for you.
that you deserve someone better,
or that this is a bad decision;
you don't know what you're doing.
or something equally edgy and sad.
but, honestly?
i believe you
and i trust you.
and i love you too.

the beat of my music
reminds my heart of its job
and keeps me alive.

the world spins so fast
that i'm afraid to blink
in case i lose my footing
and fall away to the end of the universe
without you.

His eyes were thick
with unadulterated love
and His arms were a place
that warmth never left.
He is.
yet i could not
call Him
mine.

you are the only reason i'm here today.
i smile when i think about you.
you make me feel genuinely happy.
i care about you so ******* much it hurts.
i feel all of these things and more.
i feel things i didn't even know existed.
i think i  * * * *  you.
but i'll never tell.

"hold your breath, sweetie"

with everything around me
muffled and distorted,
slowed and darkened,
to an intoxicating mush
that leaves me breathless;
how can you expect me
not to want this beauty
inside my lungs?

look around you,
enjoy the hair clips and lip gloss
those moon-shoes and silly-bands.
too-long legs and frizzy hair
are the worst of your problems now
but it gets a whole lot darker,
and not a thing will stop
when you can't find a candle.

oh, you fat little thing
does the smell of pine excite you?
perhaps the fog of apples and spice?
oh, dear little rat
it's all just a dream to you,
isn't it?
that corner sure is lovely
and i am sure you know i'm here.
don't worry
i won't hurt you.
a little company is nice on the holidays, after all.

this tinsel tickles my chin
and makes my arms itch.
i wonder
how long i have to smile
before i throw a rock at this lady's camera
and say **** it
to my christmas card?

a place to burn
the things that muddle
and mess with your mind
leave them to mix
with the charred remains
of yesterday.
burn it all
until what's left is pure
warm and solid bone
complete without fleshy stress
then continue forward
from the fireplace.

vanity is a poison
injected at birth
that festers and grows
until the victim is so weak and alone
and separated from reality
that it can devour her whole
and leave her to rot
as a cold, empty, ghost of a woman

i don't want to die alone.
i crave the touch of another, the feeling of darkness, warmth, security. weight on every inch of my body. a cocoon of some strong, stable arms holding together the pieces of me that want to escape. to disappear.

unknown i follow you
quietly in the dark
listen to your every word
the sound of L's and S's
slipping off your tongue
the curve of your chin
the edge of your jaw
the slight dip in your temple
the arc of your brow
every detail
in perfect clarity
unknown i cherish it
relish in it, even
until each finite drop has been lapped up
by my guilty, relentless eyes

and i vow to you we will be
one together, i give you my heart
i share with you my soul
my kiss, my light, my King.

scream with me into the abyss
feel with me, such a feeling of bliss
a deeper feeling than desire
a feeling that feels, to me, like a fire
come with me our hearts as one
stay with me til' my days are done
when all light has waned away
i will sing my breath on my final day

endorphins flood my mind
bubbling up behind my eyes
in vivid blues, greens, and pinks,
setting every nerve on edge
solid pounding through my veins
pushing lava to the surface
lighting it on fire
heating the soft trails
your fingers leave on my skin.

i don't know how to love you
or if i shouldn't even try.
i don't know how to pull you through
or watch you fall and cry.
i don't know if the world will end
or if i'll ride your throne.
i don't know how to play pretend
or turn you back from stone.
i don't know if you'll be my King
or if i'll fall away.
i don't know if i'll let you sing
or if you'll choose to stay.

sharper than steel
your words stab me
like a blade
slicing through the night
through my heart
carving out the deepest parts
driving them into the dirt
and every single word
every syllable
dries out my lungs
and leaves me on the ground
crumpled up
like the letters i wrote
and as you walk away
i feel the last whisper of hope
seep from the darkest parts of my soul

lost is blue
like the ocean
and your eyes
deep is love
yet solitary
beautiful
broken