I often ponder on the foundation you made for me.
Wondering how or why you could do such things.
Living a lie within a lie.
Over and over.
Till the wall you made came crumbling
Showing another.
Wasting countless nights and hours trying to understand.
But after leaving and learning
I’ve come to a conclusion.
I’m here to live.
Not for you to control.
There are still some nights where I’ve come to old habits.
Hours and hours of wishing
That I could gone back and told myself
It isn’t you
It was never you
Sometimes it’s just the person.

You share my blood, yet for so long
We never quite saw eye to eye.
You still grasped my hand and held it.
You never let go.
A twin, I suppose, is what you are.
A mirror image of me, a dream-self.
In a richer life. One full of lustrous adventures.
Marching down a cobblestone street;
Sipping sweet secrets in a foreign land;
Fighting the enemy, calling out in triumph.
Perhaps you are a lesson, maybe a vision.
One that beckons me to go further.
Calls to keep growing. Becoming.
For four fervent years
We have shared our hearts, every fiber of our soul
Has bled into each others veins.
And when the day comes, please know.

the last time I wrote my hair was shorter,
copper, colourful and vivid.
I wait because that’s what I was taught to do;
you bleed until what you crave consumes you.
until your head is afflicted by the fervid, dark feelings.
when I crawl around my every day, I find pieces of you.
in plantain chips and Plato.
in wool coats and white coffee mugs.
it's impossible to tear myself from you.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.

my picket fence
is ablaze
the white paint
begins to flake
as the fire
of my thoughts
uses its flame
to burn me down
plank by plank
theres nothing left
nothing left to hide
there's the burnt house
that I am
doomed from a previous fire
I could not contain

I guess
I'll go back to poetry
now that
the real thing is ending

It's hard to lose touch
when you finally found it
hard to imagine
being content
staring at computer eyes
and typing can never
replace her flesh and blood hand

yet the reality is we must part after meeting
so brief the moment
so unsweet the parting
I may write a poem full of tears
I may tear this **** keyboard apart

trying to make it all real once more
her feel her heart her love for me.

tHE DRUGS use me
You transfuse me
blood of one pact
Meat of one bone
Alive after blood
After blood is gone