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Peggy Upchurch Oct 2018
I look at different people all day
I admire them from afar and take notes
I dress as them and try to fit in
I’ve learned makeup
It’s all I being doing lately
I try to look nice and try outfits more open that what is usual
I enjoy it but I don’t feel pretty or happy
I feel numb
My parents don’t noticed the change
They’re only happy that I’ve been acting like a “girl”
I want to impress strangers that will never matter
I try to get boys to notice me despite the fact I’m not straight
I don’t know why
I think it’s because I want someone to notice me
Maybe even like me
I don’t know
Maybe it’s because I want something
Something to replace the numbness
I know it sounds stupid to vent about such a subject
But right now it’s what has taken over my life
I don’t know what to do
To make it better
I don’t really know but I’ve been going through some stuff but I feel like this is a good place to get it out
Peggy Upchurch Jul 2018
I often ponder on the foundation you made for me.
Wondering how or why you could do such things.
Living a lie within a lie.
Over and over.
Till the wall you made came crumbling
Showing another.
Wasting countless nights and hours trying to understand.
But after leaving and learning
I’ve come to a conclusion.
I’m here to live.
Not for you to control.
There are still some nights where I’ve come to old habits.
Hours and hours of wishing
That I could gone back and told myself
It isn’t you
It was never you
Sometimes it’s just the person.
I wrote this at like 12 in the morning

— The End —