maybe all i need to stop this pain is a little motrin.
maybe all i need to stop this bleeding is a band-aid.
maybe all i need to stop this screaming are some ear plugs.
maybe all i need to stop this drowning is a life raft.
maybe all i need to stop this agony is a little numbness.

numbness...


it wears off,  doesn't stop the pain only holds back the flood gates
of sleepless nights and screaming hearts, bloodshot eyes and rejections knife.
just long enough for me to catch a glimmer of hope, a mirage
in the Sahara, so beautiful yet so cruel.  
just as i get close enough to taste
a sweet tomorrow,
the desert sun sets.
and i'm still bleeding,
and you're still
gone.

maybe all i need to stop this searching is a little less hope.

A pretty girl with a pretty face,
the demons she was still trying to chase,
gripping her heart,
and clouding her mind.

darling its all in your head

Where an escape is impossible
to find.

I want to say that I'm getting better,
that  these scars are starting to feel
like the marks of a warrior who has won battles,
but even if the bleeding has stopped, the war is not over.

There are so many days when the sun will come out,
and I can feel its warmth wash over me, and it is
when I am covered by its happy grace,
that the shadow of sadness is cast across the
sidewalks.. those sidewalks where every crack
was a canyon to wide to cross.
My blood stained on every square.

And as I stand on top of that mountain and look down
upon the valley that I had conquered,
i realize,
that my footprints spell your name...

Then there I go again,

crashing
burning

f
a
l
l
i
n
g

falling, right back into
the devils claw.

It kills me to see you with her,
but if when she smiles, your bones
ignite and your heart flutters...
kinda the same way mine does when i look at you....
not even a heart this cold, would ever wish that
away from you.

I'm too tired to consider this good work
My message is simple and then I'll drift off

-I will not feel bad
-I do not deserve to feel bad
-we all make choices, I can live with mine
-it is not my fault, it is exactly the opposite
-I am doing the best I can
-I will be okay

never believed in much
just people
and lord knows they let you down
but maybe you, gripping your holy pages, will find peace tonight
maybe you'll get to sleep.
maybe you don't have to feel like you're going crazy, losing something you never had. maybe.
but me? oh,  for heaven's sake, i am getting by.
i am losing my grip and getting lost in worry and wonder
but i am just fine.

this life was just
a stepping stone
one her way to bigger dreams

her grip upon time
was lose
as the future
lay in
her palm

focused solely
on the hope
that she was
going far,
her eyes fixed,
on the horizon
and her heart painted
in the stars

but darling,
she couldn't
have told me
all the colors in
a smile,
as she never
laid her
head down
to rest
for awhile.

baby girl
when you
grow older,
know the
colors of
this world
show me the
red of anger
and the
vibrant hues
of joy.

spend a lifetime
gazing at the earth
beneath your feet,
you'll find little
pieces of heaven
between,
grass blades
of the present.