What would happen if I disappeared?
Into nothing, out of time,
all stemming interaction ceasing

There would be the grievances,
ultimately stemming from the fear of it becoming truly personal.
Then the world would move on
With the human idea of time erasing me from existence.

The sun sets and the moon cycles
gravity pulls the earth around.
As i sit with you watching the stars,
I cannot fathom all of those who we have forgotten,
and realize i must come to terms

with the fact that i am a tick of a clock that will pass unnoticeably.  
But if that tick did not happen,
then we could not continue:
stuck in a moment when i did not exist.

If I could dream of anything,
You would have to be it.
You're better than anything else,
I could ever hope to have.

What if I can't tell dreams,
Away from reality.
I may never, want to, ever leave.
However, you are the only thing.
That I will ever need,
And you could never be replaced,
By figment or a dream.

It's truly you that I want,
And all I ever wanted.
But still when I dream,
I want to dream of you.

I feel like I’m a mine
buried deep in the ground
that is easily set off
by a comment or a pound

Something you wouldn’t notice
an action or a phrase
that shouldn’t seem to matter
can set me off for days

I watch the count down on my timer
It helps me catch my breath
The spiral keeps me living
Closer and closer to death

I thought I was a bomb
obsessed with numbers spiraling forever down
so I kept myself away
It’s better if I drown

Weapons don’t hide from their destruction
But that’s all I seem to do
Destroy, regret, destroy again
It’s all I ever knew

Maybe I’m not a mine or a bomb
buried in the ground
Because every time that I explode
It’s never makes a sound

How do you explain the aftermath of battle?
To someone who has never heard of war.
Yes, there is the blood and the bruises,
But I cannot explain how my brain is sore.

Just like you will never unlearn an answer:
I will never un-feel his hands around my throat.
The words were anchors on my ankles,
When to live I had to float.

Your body heals quickly,
And eventually so does your mind.
But you remain changed: a different person
Reminded by scars left behind.

It’s hard to fight the urge
To defend the person I learned to be.
The fight always has it’s tole,
even once you’re free.

When my brain and body fought in war:
I bled and burned and hid and cried.
And now all I can do is apologize
To the person who survived.

I have spent hours upon hours,
looking for the moment where I went wrong.
Did it start with my birth?
Like the first note of a song.

Or maybe I made a choice
Somewhere down the line.
Pushing me down this path
Could I have been fine?

I don’t know when I realized
That I was hurting, in so much pain -
But now I’m constantly aware
That I’m nowhere near sane.

My heart is rotting from the outside in.
Turning black like an apple, straight to the core.
So please cut me open, get it out of my chest.
Get it out! Get it out! I don’t care what it’s for.

Like a balloon popping
Or a sinking ship
It usually hurts your heart
Either a tear or a rip

Sometimes you could try harder
Other times it’s all you got
Left with feelings of regret
Or wishing you were who you’re not

You come to a halt
Like a close of a door
Left wishing and wanting
For a little more

Sometimes it’s sad
And you let a tear slip
Then they fall from your face
Drip drip, drip drip

The glimpse of a smile
Or a crinkle by an eye
Is enough motivation
To give this a try

You say I’m lying
Or that I’m full of crap
Once you’ve even said
I’m as blind as a bat

But I know what I am seeing
And I know it to be true
Do you really think
That I would lie to you?

I need to get this off my chest
Know saying it isn’t a duty
Your laugh, your hair, your eyes and face
Everything that makes you, you, now that’s true beauty