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Ellen Joyce Mar 2014
Your teeth graze my bottom lip to come to nip
the corner of my smile where you linger awhile
your breath, hot blooded sin, prickles on my skin
till every puckering pore has me begging for more
and your eyes lock with mine as our bodies intertwine.
Help me remember to forget.
Ellen Joyce Mar 2014
The lesions sear like embers
glowing and growing into my insides
malignant and spreading; cancerous.
I claw at myself peeling back cells and layers
tearing through skin to yellowing fat and flesh
penetrating muscle and sinew and bone
tempting, daring my nerves to scream back at me.

The pain has been excruciating
I claw for its root, tearing deeper
hands bloodied and burning,
clamoring to the core of the cause
and tearing those parts from my form
and I'm cradling them tight to my breast
choking, croaking out mama's lullaby.
Ellen Joyce Mar 2014
write this silence a symphony
a song to sing what words do not tell -
seventeen year old arms cradling her stomach
pregnant with a truth who's name she dare not speak
shhhh

paint this darkness a rainbow
a myriad of colours exploding from camouflage -
seventy two years young a drip in his arm
flushed with a pain and a shame held mute

shhhh
draw this prison cell an exit
a crudely carved hole radiating light
ageless frame electrified, like lighting
flashing white in a brightly lit room
shhhh

name this shame like a first born
unapologetic, lung screaming introductions -
mask dropped to a mess of shattering self on the floor
arms outstretched for a help in hand
speak

Vouloir, c'est pouvoir.
Ellen Joyce Mar 2014
She found it impossible to conceive a way to hide the pause,
the pause pregnant with the kicking congratulatory kiss dragging its feet,
holding tight to the symphony of 'why not me?' and glassy-eyed longing.
The joy came in waves; as decades of together subdued the aching -
she reached out to squeeze her hand
its ok
don't be sorry for this - I really I'm so happy for you
You'll be a wonderful mother - I just know it
I want you to have this

And there it is in the silence -
I just want this too

And she'll be there when the sweat is kissing your face,
and she'll take up your cause when you're running in place
and she'll care for your boy, so you can rest,
and when you feel your flailing she remind you you're the best.

Dripping ******* and vaginal tearing are topics for tea
but she can't tell the aching of a womb without devastating a room.
Or tell the secret that she just bought the perfect home for children,
a home she must now cover to hide her own foolish hope.
She sees them sometimes playing in the river of her dreams
and the love swelling daily, bursts at the seams.
But therein the waking reality bites
for this dream is a dream that won't come to life.
Sometimes the silences are worse than the sounds.
Ellen Joyce Mar 2014
And the winds blew out change like birthday candles
burning, scolding heat lashing endings and wishes
with a tongue so sharp it cut glassy tears
kissing back stray hair from flushed cheeks -
the question rolls out like a gurney
how did you flail now?
let me count the ways
the little piggy crossed till the line faded from view
to kick up the leaves of a book
the book that two finger stepped to dreams come true
till Cinderella, beauty faded became a cuckold hen
till the princess found her pea and frigged herself
till Rapunzel tore her hair from the roots
till Bambi, a bullet ******* his gut took four hours to die
till wee wee wee became I and me
till the world turned upside down and inside out
to beckon a day when the question must be answered
to submit to the swaddling bindings of consequence
and pay penance for daring to believe.
Ellen Joyce Feb 2014
one, two polished leather shoe set the beat,
marks the grey tone on the broken cobbled street.

three, four silent tears pour down the face
making widows lace of the sullen slaggy place.

five, six, the count fades to mix with the collective sound
of doors unbolting and the sight of chins taking to ground,
and busy hands stilled to lay respect like paving slabs.

The tall terraces stained with iron ore stoop to kiss the head
of another working class warrior fallen to soon to his bed.
Smoke billowing from cooling towers lays low - scent of '64
dousing wreaths in docker's sweat, a local hero's glow.

The final home leaving, with no kiss from his wife,
in the fanciest car he's been in in his life.
He never expected nor asked life for much,
a job in the docks, the works - a trade or such;
four walls and a roof to sit over his head,
a wife to share his heart, his life and his bed;
a family with whom to laugh and to cry,
not striving for riches, just to get by.

Happy and sated through much of his years,
counting his laughter so much more than his tears,
call him unambitious, plain if you will,
but how many die having had their fill?

Top hat and tails, 53 steps taken and checked
one for each year lived, a mark of respect.
Ellen Joyce Dec 2013
And the sun is rising.
A crisp winter dawn is giving birth to this great city.
Rays of light kissing one way signs with promises amidst the building chaos.
The ear-spitting labour song gathers momentum and breaks into a cacophony
of horns panting, rails screeching, breaks shushing,
crowds pushing, rushing to the sound of can I get a hoagie?
a bagel, black coffee, eggs
scrambled into the pulsating clouds
light with smiles and heavy with the fuming of exhaust pipes
contracting to the crowning of car bonnets and head lamps and taxi cab signs
dancing in a place, to a pace and a rhythm constructed, conducted
by a lone woman in blue with benign brown eyes
leading a symphony of brake light beating, feet pounding, bus groaning,
venders sighing, newborns crying, school bus squealing,
pedal revving, fingers drumming, foot tapping pedestrians building
to erupt in a crescendo of a man asking to buy a cigarette for a dollar
and refusing to accept it for free.
To a heavy building door held open by a New York giant inviting me in;
welcoming me to the raw, ragged, rich, beautiful carnage
of the afterbirth.
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