It was something small. In an effort to persuade me you said:
“I barely ever ask you for anything!”
Later you revealed that you felt bad, and that you didn’t mean it threateningly.
I chose my words carefully in my reply.
“I know you didn’t mean it that way.”
Because you didn’t. You never do. But it happens anyways. You are unaware of it, I think.
You’re unaware of how much you ask of me everyday.
Just by being you. Just by being us.
In every stinging word, you ask of me to ignore the hurt, because that’s easier than changing.
In asking me to bear the weight of who you are, and what you plan to do with yourself.
By asking me to be someone I’m not, to be someone that fits you.
“I barely ever ask you for anything.”
Not intentionally, lover, but in my life I’ve never felt so obligated.

Are you okay?
Are you alright, are you fine, are you good?
Are you adequate, are you decent?
Are you emotionally stable, sleeping without crying, smiling because you want to?
Are you breathing without questioning, are you waking up without trying, are you eating without throwing up?
Are you reading this poem right now and thinking no?
Are you thinking for the first time, will I ever be okay?

You will be okay.
You will be alright, you will be fine, you will be good.
You will be adequate, you will be decent.
You will be emotionally stable, you will sleep without crying, and smile for the happiness blooming inside of you.
You will breathe without questioning, you will wake up to a new day, you will eat easily
You
are going to be okay.
So please smile sunshine
It’s a fine new day
To be okay :)

- a.g.

Tell me I’m crazy
Tell me the truth
Tell me I’m hell bent on approval
I slather on pride as a sticky sunscreen to try and hide the scars

Tell me I’m crazy
Tell me I stay up at night terrified
I have everything to be afraid of
Tell me I’m crazy.

I need you to tell me I’m crazy
To tell me the truth
I hide in the shadows and can’t be dragged out
Tell me I’m crazy

Tell me I’m alone
That I’m a singular ink blot in perfect cursive because
Life would be so much easier if I had an excuse for all this
Tell me I’m crazy.

Tell me it’s okay
Because at night when I lie awake
Scared of shooters and secrets and fire and friends
I need to know I have a future
Tell me everything

Tell me everything because
I’m tired of being cast to the side, the footnote of an essay, tell me everything
Because I need to know

Tell me I’m loved
Because when I sit under my desk and watch 10 become 12 in the reflection of the blade I use so often
I need to know

Tell me this is a phase
That tomorrow I can wake up
And smile and make my life
Happy and be normal
Tell me this is a phase

Tell me this is normal
That everyone goes through this
Tell me I’m alone
That I have a reason for this all
Tell me it goes away with time
That I have a future worth living
Tell me this is a phase
That I can be normal soon
Tell me everything
That you know how I feel
Tell me I’m loved
That you feel the same way
Tell me I’m crazy
Tell me that it’s okay.
Tell me the truth.

Because in the shadows I have everything to be afraid of.

How can someone love me if I'm too broken?
If my scars are visible and ugly
If I keep too many secrets unspoken
And my heart is always unhappy

How can someone love me if I'm shattered?
I am a hard puzzle you can't ever solve
The pieces of me are scattered
And i am difficult to dissolve

How can someone love me if I don't even love myself?
If I'm the one who sends trouble
If I'm like an old book stock in a shelf
And a boring girl who doesn't go out from her bubble

So how can someone love me if I'm locked up in a cage
And too broken like a crumpled page.

Please don't let go
What were my hands made for if they're not holding yours?