When you call at 1 am
vulnerability dangling from every word
your voice stripped down
bare, earnest,
this is when
I love you the most.

The wind howls
and torrents of rain batter
crashing relentlessly
against the stained glass windows of my heart
pouring down in rivulets
as the ghosts of what we were
still haunt me.

Do not mistake the pebbles
you grasp, white knuckled
in your hands
for stars
glistening in the midday sun,
for as soon as darkness lays her cloak upon the earth,
their shine dims till nothing of it remains.

He saw her and tried to look away. He didn’t want her to know he was interested. He was resolved not to be like all the other boys who unashamedly tried everything to get her attention. Instead he acted cool like he couldn’t be bothered even though she was invading his brain like the mist that descends from the mountains on a chilly morning. She was everywhere. She was like standing out in the hot sun with your eyes closed, he could feel her, heating his skin. She was everywhere.

Alone
  and scattered
    and scared
      broken and bound by the world
        you finally find a friend
          someone not of the chaos,
        but tender moments they pass too soon
      and hope is but a flicker
    but you never even tried.

Between countless coffee cups
and pauses in puffs
the silent stares and the idle thoughts
you are here, existing
and sharing the same air
so that my breath exists
as a part of yours
even if
for a little while.

Life has its small moments
commonplace beliefs that have become significant
But your heart aches with wonderlust
to escape reality for a moment
and embark on countless journeys,
cathartic and empowering.

So what happens when someone falls for you?
I am no longer able to be who I used to be
See, I’m fixated on the next step
I’m that someone who’s into you
And I’ll linger on the small moments
and reminisce the fleeting glances
in the hopes that there is something bigger
something much better
waiting in the hazy lazy days of the future.

And someday
I will hear the tides
that crash upon your shore
their distant song
will call to me
but I will remain marooned
stranded on the ocean of your eyes
because for you
I would gladly leave
eternity behind.

I've grown far too old for this body
and dragging these bones feels like a constant battle

I tire of the Venice Beach lifestyle
all the ******* romances,
those hot sandy beaches
and one night stands,
strange sunburnt embraces
and sideways glances,

won't you take me to Paris?
where the skies bleed in colours
with its cobbled streets,
cafés and nicotine tainted prophets
where the dreamers dream deeper
and the kisses are sweeter.

Waiting in the spaces between seconds is like being set on fire but you can’t stop dousing yourself with gasoline. It’s an unexpected rain on a blistering hot day. It’s forgetting about tomorrow because you’ve only got today.

I will never stop saying this. Just in case somehow the wind carries my message to you. I don’t pretend to think you’d ever stop to listen but just maybe, maybe on one of those occasions you’ll have your guard down. And over the din of the music and noise you might hear me. Or maybe in the silence of the night. In between the wake and sleeplessness. I’ll be there like a shadow of something in the past. I will never stop saying this.

I keep
  falling into love
and walking into walls
tripping over boundaries
    and overstepping limits
I guess the only thing
  you left me
was a diminished
      sense of space.

I am lost and weary
a wandering ghost
with vacant eyes
a drunken silhouette
dancing with shadows
in an endless night
whirling in a pool
drowning in the memory
of your crushing kiss.

Sometimes I wonder
if aliens actually existed
and why they would be so twisted
as to want to construct
or rather instruct
making poor Egyptians
with no skin on their bones
into crazy conniptions
to build something out of nothing
into the shape of a well
…a pyramid
it drives me insane
all this intellectual debate
because sometimes
I’m only obsessed about my weight
and why I eat so very little yet still manage to gain
and other times I question my own sexuality
do I suffer some sort of schizophrenic duality
because the only thought on my brain
is how awesome it would be
for one night with J-Lo just her and me
but there are times
when my thoughts are flooded
with a torrent of grays
and I’m left in a haze
at the cruelty of Man
willing to **** a cat
for his own amusement
or spread lies
instead of self improvement
it’s weird that we engage in small talk
instead of taking stock
of all the good that we share
we squawk and we gawk
and it leaves us nothing but shell shocked
so I’ll go back to wondering about my UFO’s
and their platform to the stars
maybe you can look tonight
out into a black night sky
see a shooting star
and wonder if it was
simply a bright light
or an acquaintance of ours.

Your hands
they speak to me
spelling out words
an elegant scrawl upon my skin,
an ****** kind of sign language
leaving traces of Braille all over me.

And I have loved you more than I anyone I have loved before
( How would I know, as there has been no one else )
Perhaps more than I will love anyone, ever
( And I know for sure )
I set up my defences on the outside, but maybe I needed to protect myself from myself
( But what would you have me do )
When you see lightning for the first time, a wonder out of nowhere
The way it streaks across the skies, like you often streaked across my mind
When every subsequent clash of atoms and eons will never equal the first time
Seeing magik marble across your eyelids, a smile adorns your face
And you know you will never be the same again
( So what of this pain, will it ever subside )
Perhaps a memory can transform into a throbbing hurt
One that comes and goes, like the ebb and the flow of the rushing tide
Or triggered by a smell, a perfume, the sound of laughter
that could’ve been yours, or the way someone holds onto their fork
I never thought it would be you, but now you are a throbbing pain
Unmedicated, unattended but a mass of self perpetuating burning questions
Like neurons (mis)firing and kneejerk reactions
Churning out what if’s and propositions and assumptions and empty dreams
You birthed a thousand little cares that linger at the back of my throat
Causing me to gag every so often
But the mast has been set and this rotting ship will continue to sail
Rickety as she is, she searches for replacement parts
All the while creating myths and legends and convulated stories
This tunnel is long but maybe there is a glimmer of hope at the end of it
I can hold out for a breath of fresh air, something must remain
( But what of those questions that still remain )
Maybe I should have tried a little harder
Fought a little more, shouted a little louder
But you can’t stop the path of a tornado
I stood in front of it and was swept off my feet
And it pulled wool over my eyes, but I still saw the light
Filtered as it was through unravelling strands of thread
Pull, pull, pull
Until it all comes undone.

Sometimes you don’t know why you gravitate towards certain people. It’s unquantifiable, something intangible. Like the way they smile and what was once gloomy suddenly seems light and airy. Or maybe when you see their name on your phone, you can’t seem to answer it fast enough. Perhaps they just fill your heart with colours that don’t exist. And when they leave all you can do is trace the outline of the human figure that used to fill that void within your soul. So don’t let them leave. Be the reason they wake up every morning…even if they don’t know it yet.

I followed your eyes
and they have led me astray
help me I'm free falling
like confetti from your lips
won't you catch me
or the winds will carry me away.

If you would just lift the fog that sits heavily upon your eyes you’ll see an azure sky. The birds swim in delight above you and they’re calling your name. And look how the sun kisses your pale skin. Can you feel it’s gentle bite teasing you? Doesn’t that warmth feel wonderful? Just breathe and let the knot that resides in your chest melt away. No one can be sad on a day like today. Open your sweet eyes to a new beginning. I can assure you the dark damp night has finally left your heart.

Thank you,
For making me happy.
For making me smile.
For making me laugh.
For making me cry.
For making me feel.
For being the charming gardener who makes the daffodils in my heart blossom with sweet delight.

I saw an old man today
he was stood on the edge of forever
with a weary smile
he closed his eyes
and whispered a name
before taking a step
into the unknown,

and I swore
I would never be like the old man
but here I stand
with a longing in my heart
and a name tattooed across my arm
the wind she calls my name
like I wished you would a thousand times
and I take one step forward
into the unknown.

A cricket's call
a hooting owl
and the moon it shines
like a lantern overhead

but as you sleep
I lay awake
       wondering,

in who's arms
you're in tonight.

On a starless night
step out into the cold

grasp the secrets held tightly in your heart
and kiss the wild blowing sands

with a deep breath open your hands
let me flow free into the winds of regret.

On nights where a chill
floats on the breeze,
again in my sleep
you come to me,
I remember you
the gap in your teeth
and your crooked smile,
but like a faded memory
you haunt my dreams
staining the quiet we shared
our sips of innocence
and faltering hands.

A night as dark as this and
it feels like I’m not moving.
The endless sea of dark
echoes the malancholy of my heart.
Memories fill the emptiness
with a tinge of sorrow and regret.
The could haves
and should haves
punctuated with everything in between.
There’s nothing left
but a cold shiver down the spine.
The poetics of space will leave an aftertaste
of you and me and how it used to be.

Perhaps one day
you will want me
the way that I want you,
like a desert rose pining for the rain
like a bruise wanting respite from the pain
like a scientist searching for a cure
like a sinner’s heart wants to be pure.

And I would claim you
like the last lakes of the green Sahara.

I shadow boxed my demons
  busted knuckles and bloodied grin
and these hands I cried rivers into
  have all but dried,
I argued every point
  till I was empty inside
a shadow within myself
  but I won't fight a losing battle
just to prove that love does exist
  I learnt to live
and she was the girl
  who learnt to leave.

You towed your broken down
beat up, used, rusted old
Chevy into my workshop
smelling like crap, and looking a whole lot worse
she had a busted engine
sputtered like a plane
(but not in a good way)
you leaked black oil all over my floors
stains of which I still can’t remove
no matter how many gallons of bleach I use
the radiator, well let’s just say
had seen better days
the interior leather seats were torn
and the once slick body
looked like you had *******
some mafia kingpin
so I spent my days and nights
greased up and elbow deep,
in your muck trying desperately,
but lovingly
to do what a mechanic does best
and I was leaking time
like I owned it, when I could’ve
should’ve found a more profitable fixer upper
I told myself, no convinced myself otherwise
and eventually, against the odds,
fixed you
then some schmo walks in
a bulging from both pockets
from wads of cash
and grabs you right outta my hands
the you I returned
to a shiny beauty as best I could
with the tools I had
well then, maybe I did fix you
I just never realised, I was doing it
for someone else.

Your poems are magik
the intoxication I imbibe
and I would willingly wander
a penniless drunk
if you were to ever tell me
that I was your muse.

Did you know
the Northern Lights
they twist, roll and dance
all over the sky
before disappearing
like a gentle tease
without a trace?

But they do return
night after night
unlike you
a night visitor
haunting my dreams
spectres of light
of whiskeyed breath and rosy lips.

You don’t believe in forever
So I guess it was only natural you turn leaving into an art
And you were so good at it, too
So good that I didn’t even realise, that
the first moment you kissed me
you were already planning your goodbye
and what a goodbye it was
It began slowly, quietly as whispers often do
perhaps you really meant it as a promise
but your winter chill touched me and froze me to the bone
Innocently I mistook every gesture, every sigh
as truth
But you were just steadying me for that final moment
And after leading me up the cliff of euphoria
you simply ******* a kiss
and I am free falling
off the edge
No parachute or safety net to catch me
I tumble into the unknown
You’re smiling that smile you always give
Like we had nothing at all
Your face serene

Maybe I should have seen it coming
When you stopped saying “I love you” back
Or did that became just another phrase to utter
when you felt there was nothing left to say?

Swirls in the wind
do nothing to hide
my raging within
and a flower that blooms
is a flower that dies
all the fragile
vivid blooms
that live for just a few hours,
I can’t help but think
what a waste of beauty
living its life
on the same old lies.

A manifestation of my heart when I’m happy. And just in case it isn’t as obvious as a clear blue sky after a storm breaks, you are the reason for my happy. Babe just like these fireworks you are breathtaking and beautiful and have just enough boom and bang to make my heart bounce about in its lonely cage. Your sparkle reminds me I’m alive. And when I’m sad your voice is so loud and it reverberates in my head drowning out the demons inside and clearing away the heavy cobwebs within. So don’t you ever be sad. Because a sad firework could never dance or light up the sky the way you always do with mine.

The ceiling fan
stirs up the night
twirling shadows in the dark
I close my eyes
and feel your heartbeat
knowing for sure
you're out there somewhere
falling asleep
listening to mine.

And so it was
a boy of twenty
too old to know better
  but too young to know any less
fastened together
by bits of broken glass
like an armour of shrapnel
  reflecting light
a prism of sound
shattering the empty silence
because if they were afraid to change
than he was the boy
with the eyes of a last child
  who was afraid of not changing
and there's one thing I hope
he never forgets
that life should be lived
without regrets.

She's magik
and I am spellbound
caught in a web
spun of her beauty in madness,
and if she would believe me
I would tell her that her eyes shine
brighter than the wheat fields
that glisten in the midday sun.

They say that truth hurts
and maybe it should
because sometimes
we need a punch in the throat
something to wake us up
from this drunken stupor
we continue living
day in, day out
like how you walk around believing
that no one understands you
you feed yourself pretty little lies
it starts off hard to swallow
but with time, a lie becomes a fact
and how convincing you can be
and the crease on your forehead
grows deeper with every day
although secretly you have to admit
it amuses you that people even care
maybe it is our fault
our fault for feeding your petulance
feeding it with care and compassion
you must feel so proud of yourself
for fooling the naïve denizens
because well,
snap your fingers
a dozen shoulders-to-cry-on appear like magic
or maybe your boyfriend tells you you're perfect
and you don't have to change a thing
maybe your girlfriend swears your parents are insane
"it's your life, you should do what you want"
***** that,
society itself is wrong
nobody gets you like you get yourself
and don't you wish everyone would just mind their own ****** business
but here's the thing
look at yourself right now
what do you see
you think that frown is cool
or is it really the truth
does society really have it against you
maybe the problem is you
for once have you ever stopped and wondered
could it be that I'm wrong
and they're right
because no matter how irritating your parents may be
they're the only ones you've got
not all parents are good
sure, but what about yours
she carried you for nine months
has she ever asked you for back dated rent
has she ever complained that you wrecked her body
leaving her with stretch marks and flabby skin
has he ever asked for a refund on your education
how about when he had to wash your backside
or when you soiled his shirts with your tears and snot
and you're listening to your boyfriend or girlfriend over them
what does someone you met 3 months, 6 months, 1, 2 or even 3 years ago know about you
maybe,
just maybe
you're wrong and they're right.

If you’re browsing
for choices
go to the five-and-dime store
if you ain’t got the cash
whatcha still standing here for?

This ain’t no thrift shop
this is the real deal
there ain’t no ‘made in China’ burnished on my skin
if you want this
you gotta play to win.

I’m not here
to settle down
but I won’t take a
here-today-gone-tomorrow
type of love either.

I can pick myself off the floor,
open my own doors,
change my own lightbulbs,
and check own my black oil.

I don’t need
diamonds in my bathtub
but don’t think I’m just some old plaything
you can pull off the shelf
every time you get lonely at night.

I am not a phase
I am the whole **** cycle.

Treat me like your princess,
and I’ll treat you like a prince
but if you treat me wrong,
then I’m (not) sorry
but you’re gone.

Wasted too much precious time on Jokers,
it’s time to deal me a King.

This is about a dream
where we sing in bookstores
and coffee houses
thick with swirls of cigarette smoke

maybe we're laying on blankets
on a moonless rooftop night
I'm watching fireworks
exploding in your eyes

with you there beside me
your warmth keeps me whole
as we dig through old photographs

I let you laugh
at how chubby I used to be
it's unusual

you walked in from the cold
and your nurturing smile
makes me feel safe.

You're drinking wine
from the chalice of pleasure
could it be
that to you
love was always
more of an afterthought?

I was looking for A Hero
never suspecting
you were just
another soul fraught.

All the while
I was holding on
while you kissed me
with open eyes
searching for an exit
trying your ****** hardest
to break the ties that bind.

We ignored all storm signals
and scoffed at the rolling thunder and flashing lightning
but when the skies opened and she cried without end
we stood our ground and cursed the Heavens above,
we were never good at building boats
and as the ground shook beneath our feet
we bit our lips, and tried to raise the Titanic instead.

Today I walked past our spot
under the Sycamore where we used to lay
and all at once, those memories
of you and I
came rushing back like a flood.

I watched as they set the skies on fire
and the shadows cast were a golden hue
the violent winds danced with our silhouettes
gamboling in the shade of that lover's tree.

In that moment
you took my hand,
your incendiary stare igniting desires
setting fires
as you cast your handprint on my soul.

We spoke about life together. And after the smiles and cuddles, your expression changed to one of sadness. You were sad about how everything was so temporary and fleeting.

"What about us?", you said.
“Are we just hitching a ride until something better comes along?”

So go ahead, ask me again about how our days are numbered. And I will tell you that this is true. Our days are indeed numbered.

But numbered by the amount of times you hug me from behind when I least expect it. Or the number of hours we spend awake whispering to each other over the telephone. What about the numerous times you read a text from me and smile from ear to ear like a crazed fool. Or all those minutes that have been lost tracing the veins on your hands and giving each of them feminine names. Let’s count the days by the amount of stolen glances we share. Or the secret jokes only we are privy to. I’ll count the days as I count the freckles on your back. And you number yours by the unexpected kisses you give me when no one is watching.

Your eyes have little specks
that look like stars
whirling together
galaxies and solar systems
planets and the unknown
secrets kept
hidden behind heavy eyelids
in them I am lost
like running across a beach of diamonds
and if I was ever searching
I’d think I found
my infinity in you.

I wish someone would kiss me
the way stars kiss the darkness
   just before it dawns
perhaps then I would know
how it feels to be missed.

Let the tears and the clouds explode
scorching you
as rain falls heavy like molten lava
it fills the void of what was once real
an imagined illusion
like dark shadows dancing on walls
and now a rumble like rolling thunder
edges closer
stifling you with its presence
breathe in deep
whilst the deluge fills your lungs
drowning your screams
and everything that once was
the current whips you and it tosses you like a banshee in the night
breaking the silence with a smile and a fright
till left becomes right and up becomes down
till nothing but a broken shell remains
bloodied, dismembered
and disfigured.

Sitting on this window's ledge
I pour myself a cup of rage
and ready with a pen and paper
I'll wait for the unheard melodies
that filter through the silent night
rain down on me and wash me clean.

Curtains drawn
and time fritters away
headlights slice into the stillness of night
a lighthouse searching for souls lost in the dark
punctuating the seconds as minutes pass into hours and hours into days
the heat that mingles with the cool night air
create droplets that inch slowly along misted glass highways
oblivious to you and me
rocking in perfect motion
upon an ocean tangled up in sheets
a mess of limbs and hungry lips
and hands that plunge roughly
causing brows to furrow
angry waves on angry seas
searching for Atlantis within hidden depths
a nimbus of satisfaction flirts around your mouth
cresting into a tsunami
brighter than a flash of lightning
close your eyes
I’ll kiss your crown
we don’t need forever
just a promise of right now.

Real life isn't always perfection
Often it's nervously bitten digits and cracked nail polish.

Real life isn't always photogenic
Mostly it's oily faces and adolescent outbreaks.

Real life isn't perfumed or pretty
Sometimes it's pit stains and bad hair days.

Real life isn't a page in a glossy magazine
Airbrushed and edited to curveless perfection.

Real life isn't about salads and diet coke
It's more like ice cream and pizza at 3 am and fat days spent in yoga pants feeling sorry for yourself.

Real life isn't always smooth sailing
Rather it's more like "I hate you" one minute then "I love you" the next then "shut up, go away" right after that.

Real life isn't fantasy
It's the 9-5 grind and knowing you'll never make enough to afford all the things you want.

Real life is never how you expect it to be
So when you tell me that I'm beyond perfect and that you don't deserve me . . .

What do you expect me to do . . . degrade myself so I'm imperfect for you?