I wish someone would kiss me
the way stars kiss the darkness
   just before it dawns
perhaps then I would know
how it feels to be missed.

My dear, you are rousing
   Exciting and stirring
     Soul searing
       Tear jerking
         Heart pounding
           Earth shattering
             But never mine to begin with.

So you've decided to cut your losses
leave here before it gets any more complicated
and you know I won't stand in your way
love should be voluntary
not a war,
not something I should have to earn
not something I should have to win.

So before you leave,
before you stumble out that door
won't you say something hurtful
make it sting to the core
say something that will singe
and leave a mark on my heart.

Because one day
should melancholy
unexpectedly
breathe life to your memory
I don't want to regret
the ghost of someone
who was gone too soon
like breath
lost on the windowpane of my soul.

You towed your broken down
beat up, used, rusted old
Chevy into my workshop
smelling like crap, and looking a whole lot worse
she had a busted engine
sputtered like a plane
(but not in a good way)
you leaked black oil all over my floors
stains of which I still can’t remove
no matter how many gallons of bleach I use
the radiator, well let’s just say
had seen better days
the interior leather seats were torn
and the once slick body
looked like you had *******
some mafia kingpin
so I spent my days and nights
greased up and elbow deep,
in your muck trying desperately,
but lovingly
to do what a mechanic does best
and I was leaking time
like I owned it, when I could’ve
should’ve found a more profitable fixer upper
I told myself, no convinced myself otherwise
and eventually, against the odds,
fixed you
then some schmo walks in
a bulging from both pockets
from wads of cash
and grabs you right outta my hands
the you I returned
to a shiny beauty as best I could
with the tools I had
well then, maybe I did fix you
I just never realised, I was doing it
for someone else.

The smell of dust lies heavy in the air
like ***** boots in muddy waters.
The pull of the moon is grasping and clinging
as melodious songs drift soft and sweet.
Gently stirring
as lovers heave and sigh in the midnight heat
like pink blossoms on a silk tree.
What is embellished and what is left out
when in the woods we return to reason and faith.
This measure of life is a transcient game, when
an absurd proposition relatively considered reveals
  the moist
   the wet
    the warm
     and almost indefinite ethereal imagination of you is appreciated by all.

I've grown far too old for this body
and dragging these bones feels like a constant battle

I tire of the Venice Beach lifestyle
all the ******* romances,
those hot sandy beaches
and one night stands,
strange sunburnt embraces
and sideways glances,

won't you take me to Paris?
where the skies bleed in colours
with its cobbled streets,
cafés and nicotine tainted prophets
where the dreamers dream deeper
and the kisses are sweeter.

Every night
it is so silent where I lay
that I can hear my heartbeat thump thump thump
in my head
outside a night jar coos
and in the distance I hear an owl call to someone unknown

Every night
my brothers and sisters cower in fear
the only lullaby are the sounds of the bombs that whistle overhead
I can hear their heartbeats thump thump thump
never knowing when one will fall on their heads.

I have loved you
  with 26 letters
and I shall hate you
  with the same.

You are my last breath
the final pocket of air
I keep buried inside
before I die
a martyr
of the brutality of your love
transcended and
transfigured.

Remember that night we stood awkwardly in the cool night air? The half moonlight bathed the streets in a desolate hue as we clumsily tried to appear like we knew what we were doing. So we walk back in silence; both of us lost in our own individual selfish thoughts. Your gait comes off comedic as you try to avoid the cracks in the sidewalk and I nervously pick at the frayed edges of my notebook hoping you don’t notice how my hands tremble each time they brush against yours.

Would it make any difference
if I stood in a field of clover
beneath a velvet sky
studded with stars
that glowed with delight
and swayed to the music
of the rhythms of the night?

Would you believe
that this magik
was made for you and I?

Diamonds that dangle
from the heavens above,
crystals from Gods chandelier
illuminating the path
for restless souls
who toss and turn
and whose passion burns
too hot to be quelled.

And I have loved you more than I anyone I have loved before
( How would I know, as there has been no one else )
Perhaps more than I will love anyone, ever
( And I know for sure )
I set up my defences on the outside, but maybe I needed to protect myself from myself
( But what would you have me do )
When you see lightning for the first time, a wonder out of nowhere
The way it streaks across the skies, like you often streaked across my mind
When every subsequent clash of atoms and eons will never equal the first time
Seeing magik marble across your eyelids, a smile adorns your face
And you know you will never be the same again
( So what of this pain, will it ever subside )
Perhaps a memory can transform into a throbbing hurt
One that comes and goes, like the ebb and the flow of the rushing tide
Or triggered by a smell, a perfume, the sound of laughter
that could’ve been yours, or the way someone holds onto their fork
I never thought it would be you, but now you are a throbbing pain
Unmedicated, unattended but a mass of self perpetuating burning questions
Like neurons (mis)firing and kneejerk reactions
Churning out what if’s and propositions and assumptions and empty dreams
You birthed a thousand little cares that linger at the back of my throat
Causing me to gag every so often
But the mast has been set and this rotting ship will continue to sail
Rickety as she is, she searches for replacement parts
All the while creating myths and legends and convulated stories
This tunnel is long but maybe there is a glimmer of hope at the end of it
I can hold out for a breath of fresh air, something must remain
( But what of those questions that still remain )
Maybe I should have tried a little harder
Fought a little more, shouted a little louder
But you can’t stop the path of a tornado
I stood in front of it and was swept off my feet
And it pulled wool over my eyes, but I still saw the light
Filtered as it was through unravelling strands of thread
Pull, pull, pull
Until it all comes undone.

And so it was
a boy of twenty
too old to know better
  but too young to know any less
fastened together
by bits of broken glass
like an armour of shrapnel
  reflecting light
a prism of sound
shattering the empty silence
because if they were afraid to change
than he was the boy
with the eyes of a last child
  who was afraid of not changing
and there's one thing I hope
he never forgets
that life should be lived
without regrets.

A kiss
but a brief encounter
of souls, through lips,
but how does a moment
contain such enormity
when falling in love
could taste like centuries.

There is a summer breeze
tangled in your hair
and it feels like a California sunshine
flowing through my fingers,
won't you take me with you
so that when the winters descend
I'm not left with just an illusion of you.

And someday
I will hear the tides
that crash upon your shore
their distant song
will call to me
but I will remain marooned
stranded on the ocean of your eyes
because for you
I would gladly leave
eternity behind.

Your touch is like
the flutter
of butterfly wings
ghosting on my skin,
setting off an explosion of fireworks
causing ripples in time
and tsunamis to form
halfway across the world.

Your poems are magik
the intoxication I imbibe
and I would willingly wander
a penniless drunk
if you were to ever tell me
that I was your muse.

Sometimes I hear its rumble
like a call from distant clouds
pregnant with tears
or a whisper carried on the wind
like the mournful call of a wandering soul
I stand exposed and alone
waiting to be kissed
a cleansing rain from the heavens above
soaking me, renewing me
her rough hands caress me and enfold me
my soaked hair whipped across my face
I will stretch out my arms
lean into the madness
give myself into
the only thing I know
that won't take me away.

He granted her one more day of life prepared and served with anticipation of phantom caresses amidst the tickle of spices that teased the senses.

I keep
  falling into love
and walking into walls
tripping over boundaries
    and overstepping limits
I guess the only thing
  you left me
was a diminished
      sense of space.

I collected every sigh
you breathed
while you lay asleep
in my arms

and with each one
I blessed the shadows
and offered a sacrament
to the God
that kept us entwined
in these sheets.

He held her too close and he held her too tight. For him time stood still. But for her, the ticking of her wristwatch never sounded so crisp and clear. She knew he was falling for her but she wished she could silence her inner voice telling her to pull away from that familiar embrace. Holding on for a few more seconds couldn’t possibly hurt anyone. And so she did. She held on tight. Perhaps they both did. In spite of what she kept telling herself, she pulled away. She broke the hold just as she felt her heartbeat thud and thump in time with his. It could not, should not when it was already tuned to that of another beat.

Soul Beat
Sometimes, after a lull
my mind feels the need to remind me of you
and I take a shovel to the dirt
digging up buried images of you and I
and I awake
from a frenzied dream
breathless
and in the seconds I float between sleep and full consciousness
I taste your scent in the air
your fingers everywhere
the warmth of your skin lingers on mine
sweat soaked
my pulse races
pounding like a hammer through my chest
if only I could take a pair of secateurs
and deadhead the hurt and memories you left trailing
like vines around my heart
suffocating me
leaving me empty
gasping for release.

If you would be my own
I would be your escape
and if you should ever need me,
you'll find me in the space
between your shoulder blades
your wings
at your command, waiting for unfurl.

Everything that once was
now a wisp of a memory
tinged with hues of regret
like an eternal kiss,
burled in an angel’s *****
or a kiss goodbye
from a summer lilac.

Young lovers stand in my shadow
I watch them from a shattered tenement window
with glowing eyes they reminisce the places we visited
with you as tour guide sharing the vows and kisses we once kept

as I wander alone down old memory lane
I'm walking past that house we built
where some things are hard to remember
and some things,
                            *I'll never forget.

Real life isn't always perfection
Often it's nervously bitten digits and cracked nail polish.

Real life isn't always photogenic
Mostly it's oily faces and adolescent outbreaks.

Real life isn't perfumed or pretty
Sometimes it's pit stains and bad hair days.

Real life isn't a page in a glossy magazine
Airbrushed and edited to curveless perfection.

Real life isn't about salads and diet coke
It's more like ice cream and pizza at 3 am and fat days spent in yoga pants feeling sorry for yourself.

Real life isn't always smooth sailing
Rather it's more like "I hate you" one minute then "I love you" the next then "shut up, go away" right after that.

Real life isn't fantasy
It's the 9-5 grind and knowing you'll never make enough to afford all the things you want.

Real life is never how you expect it to be
So when you tell me that I'm beyond perfect and that you don't deserve me . . .

What do you expect me to do . . . degrade myself so I'm imperfect for you?

You're looking for salvation
in a smile that could light your darkest nights

a spirit so much like your own
to illuminate the deepest reaches of your heart

someone for whom
you never wish to part

so you kiss different mouths
searching for that perfect taste

the combination tongue
with enough sweet to match your sour

but with every sample
every embrace,

every smile
and every taste,

with the seasons that pass from day to day
it only stings worse

because it just reminds you
of the one that got away.

Curtains drawn
and time fritters away
headlights slice into the stillness of night
a lighthouse searching for souls lost in the dark
punctuating the seconds as minutes pass into hours and hours into days
the heat that mingles with the cool night air
create droplets that inch slowly along misted glass highways
oblivious to you and me
rocking in perfect motion
upon an ocean tangled up in sheets
a mess of limbs and hungry lips
and hands that plunge roughly
causing brows to furrow
angry waves on angry seas
searching for Atlantis within hidden depths
a nimbus of satisfaction flirts around your mouth
cresting into a tsunami
brighter than a flash of lightning
close your eyes
I’ll kiss your crown
we don’t need forever
just a promise of right now.

This train rolls on a railway of thoughts which leads straight to expected behaviors. When every step you take is that of a tightrope artist who has to find the right balance. Ceaselessly trying to juggle between just enough and not too much. But in the end, you have to be resolute and unmoved because you know that in spite of the turmoil within, you are a solo act. Not the main attraction but a side show act. And it is exhausting, all this pretending.

I sought in you
the stars and the moon
but you said your
"I love you"
came much too soon
your kiss sighs 'Yes'
but your hands
they're screaming 'No'
with you I don't know
if I should stay
or if I should go.

I think you’re completely insane. But that’s alright because personally there are not enough like you around. All you longshots and dark horse runners. You hairbrush singers and dashboard drummers. All you wild magnolias just waiting to bloom. And yes, I lifted that straight off a country song but so what? If a song says it better than I ever could, I think we should all don cowboy hats and start line dancing right here, right now. Wouldn’t that be insane? But I’ll bet it’ll be a memory to remember and come back to on days when your heart needs a reason to smile. So come on all you free souls and firefly chasers. All you porch swingers and air guitar players. Let’s put our dancing boots on and shake down the walls that around us. Thank God crazy dreams come true. And thank God for Carrie Underwood.

Sometimes I wonder
if aliens actually existed
and why they would be so twisted
as to want to construct
or rather instruct
making poor Egyptians
with no skin on their bones
into crazy conniptions
to build something out of nothing
into the shape of a well
…a pyramid
it drives me insane
all this intellectual debate
because sometimes
I’m only obsessed about my weight
and why I eat so very little yet still manage to gain
and other times I question my own sexuality
do I suffer some sort of schizophrenic duality
because the only thought on my brain
is how awesome it would be
for one night with J-Lo just her and me
but there are times
when my thoughts are flooded
with a torrent of grays
and I’m left in a haze
at the cruelty of Man
willing to **** a cat
for his own amusement
or spread lies
instead of self improvement
it’s weird that we engage in small talk
instead of taking stock
of all the good that we share
we squawk and we gawk
and it leaves us nothing but shell shocked
so I’ll go back to wondering about my UFO’s
and their platform to the stars
maybe you can look tonight
out into a black night sky
see a shooting star
and wonder if it was
simply a bright light
or an acquaintance of ours.

Perhaps one day
you will want me
the way that I want you,
like a desert rose pining for the rain
like a bruise wanting respite from the pain
like a scientist searching for a cure
like a sinner’s heart wants to be pure.

And I would claim you
like the last lakes of the green Sahara.

Don’t say a word
come sit by the cool side of the bed
smoothe the velvet of your dress
and fix you into something you’re not
an illusion that has been bought
a reminiscense of this past
which is nothing
sober promises and wasted regrets
nothing but an idle landscape
to be revered
alone above an empty mantlepiece
irreplacable
unforgettable
unattainable.

My thoughts tread barefoot
across the terrain of words
that spill nonchalant from your lips.

So am I wrong to believe
that in between each breath you take
is a heaven made just for me?

Sometimes I wait
for daylight to break
but the state of my heart
crawls melancholic, dragging itself upon the cold hard floor
and it drips
sticky like honey
this evenings passage
leaves me mostly aloof
and often adrift.

When you finally realise
that all your precious rhymes
were wasted
on flitting butterflies
you'll walk away embittered,
lonely, and out of time
with nothing but fading memories
like a phantom limb
of the heat that comes
from that someone else's hand
in yours.

If you were a city you’d be an eclectic place to live. You’d be as classy as Paris, as hip as LA, as cultured as Rome and as wild as Amsterdam. And I’d gladly spend all eternity exploring your winding back alleys, city pavements and rolling hills just so I know how the sunrise and sunset look from every square inch of you. So with every step I take, with every new discovery made, let it spell an alphabet from a never ending love letter to the pleasures of simply having found you.

Lay me to rest in your poisoned *****
behind a silver cage
I surrender to you a heart in chains
and when you kiss me
strange wanton delights grow
I am frightened and I'm trembling
but your seduction is slow
as it spreads
a vine of warmth through me
you leave me intoxicated
drunk within a dream.

I smolder
as you edge closer
and as the smoke rises
you take my hand
      and lead me into desire
as the flames lick and engulf us
our paper hearts are set on fire.

All the rivers have run dry
and all the bridges have been burnt to the ground
someone buried the hatchet ages ago
everyone knows but me
won't you turn around, you may see
a whirling mass of rolling ash
and there's me, standing solitary in the enveloping plumes
with hammer and tools in hand
no one told me you can't ever fix a broken heart.

I will hold you
gently at first
and then all at once
till you feel me
my weight upon you
my arms around you
pulling you in
crushing on you
like the dew as it sits heavy upon blades of grass
and before dawn I will leave you
with nothing but a moist souvenir from my lips
a kiss farewell
before the morning light.

When you looked at me
all you saw were my blurred edges
there were no distinct boundaries
no real rights, no real wrongs

and I thought that was a compliment
I thought I finally found someone
who saw me for me
not for the walls that I had put up

I beamed that I was your setting sun
that no matter how bad it got
at the end of your rough day
you'd always came home
to me.

now I realise
how thick was the wool you had placed on my eyes
I was just an excuse
an excuse to use and abuse

you take more than I offered
while promising more than you were prepared to sacrifice
this was your wager of sin
and I was the pathetic gambler too stupid to say enough is enough

well this gambler has folded her cards
I walk away with nothing but the clothes on my back
take your winnings because finally

enough is enough.

A peculiar feeling
like a strange spell
cast over me
and dominates me
it’s a kiss like black magic
and a love like a divine light.

Such is the obsession
the minutiae of everyday life
or could you be a temptation
one much like an ******
coming and going without reason or want.

But the seduction exists
and in the end everything is clear
yet nothing remains
a subtext hidden in a satire of words
ever since Man walked in the Garden with the snake
when hearing your voice
sounds like friction against your skin
but the sentences you speak
sound unfamiliar, foreign and cold.

And love, what is this dagger
which stabs and hurts but does not hurt
a perfect marriage between madness and passion
with both arms tied and my heart bloodied in the corner
hallucinating promises
and straddling broken dreams.

Do not mistake the pebbles
you grasp, white knuckled
in your hands
for stars
glistening in the midday sun,
for as soon as darkness lays her cloak upon the earth,
their shine dims till nothing of it remains.

You make a normal day
seem like an impossibility
when every breath
hanging heavy in my room
brings me back to you
and that humid, balmy night
skin on skin
clinging onto something
as the room spun out of control
restless, needing, wanting more.

I took a walk with you
to escape my mind
your smile was so sincere

In the cool night air you held me tight
but I tripped on a sigh
and exploded like a star
scorching the sky
lighting the dark

And now I exist in the space behind your ribs
and as your chest rises and falls
I'll remain like your last pocket of breath.