Why do I have to be so confident all the time?
It’s as if I’m not allowed to be full of broken pieces
I have to be whole, for someone to want me
But who of us feels whole 100 percent of the time?
Isn’t 90% enough?
For some reason though,
We are taught to hold this all in
“Girls, guys like to see confidence”
“Show a little attitude and strut
           your stuff to grab his attention”
“Make a statement!”
With all the broken bottled up…
….it’s bound to burst.

You may have torn me apart
Undressed me
For all your pleasure
Sang me a lullaby
To get your way
You are a devil in disguise.
Spewing lies as a natural language
The language of deceitful, cunning lies

The hell you put inside of me
I want out
But you don’t have the key do you
I’m trapped within myself
So you’re not the devil are you?
But the devils help.
The only devil lives with me,
Everyday.  **And you don’t even know.

I wanted to believe you.
I wanted to believe all the lies you told me.
I knew you were lying.
I knew from the beginning it was all just a game.
But yet every time you whispered,
Whispered into my ear how beautiful I am,
I believed.
Believed more than the last
That someone like you
Could ever care about me.
But now I know.
I don’t mean anything
To you.
I never did.
Nor ever will.

Your driving with both hands on the wheel
yet you find yourself spinning
out of control .
tell you stop.
stuck in a ditch.
in the middle of nowhere
you wonder how you even got there
you never remember taking these roads
or thinking you would ever wake up
lost and alone.
but yet you're here
searching for a way out
but when the way out is more painful then staying
why get out?
why not just stay.
survive.
but we're human.
always searching for life
something that makes us feel alive.
safe and happy.
two weeks later you wonder
if you made the right choice.
I did.

When your alone
the fear creeps back
reminding you,
your alone, no one knows,
the pain inside, just wanting to
meet one who understands what
its like to be tagged,
and to be the only one with the tag,
some genetic mutation
not inherited, in a sea of people
you, the mutation
almost like your
a science project gone bad.
The stares, the words
all blending into one word,
not remembering all that is said
forgetting the important words
conversations slipping not
remembering
lost.