i was born all naturally
formed in a lax factory
im actually
a hack with ******* in my nose, practically,
every day,  haphazardly
stumbling home, half asleep
i cant tell whats happening
vision begins blackening
im whack like kriss kross
crack like rick ross
major brown boy to houston
be like, "yes, we have liftoff"
dont like me when i'm *******
cause *****, i'm bruce banner
or maybe i'm bruce wayne
either way, i got mad manners

tearing down walls like berlin
preaching like its a sermon
potential begins to burgeon
i'll cut you up like a surgeon
killing in place of coercion
so you better lower the curtain
my head and my body are hurtin
so tell me how quick does the world spin?

i'm taddling on ya, you can call me a toddler
but the snitchin n' **** is somethin im never fond of
and i never grow up, cause i'm the neverland smuggler
peter pan turns into one of my best customers

i never grew into my head, im not cocky
never had the eye of the tiger, im not rocky
growing up i never got in fights or caused a lotta ****
but presently im screaming "**** the world", i've got a bone to pick

i've gotta problem and i think its the probable cause
you hold me captive, keep me trapped in your facets of laws
looks of repulsion are what cause me to brandish my claws
constant compulsions reminiscent of prodigal flaws
i've gotta problem and i think its the probable cause
see im a goblin shark i'll sink in my nautical jaws
im not a joker im a jester with lesser facades
wrought with insomnia cause drugs are american gods

membranes bleed in classic fashion
seep into my brain with passion
pump my heart with fuel and tension
feeling like a villains henchman

******* baby, how did i know?
one more chance to powder my nose
i see whiter than the snow
and i dont know how far i can go

mr rogers asks for entry
everything gets past the sentry
powdered sugar makes me antsy
for whatever suits my fancy

im too focused for my brain
all the colours look the same
bow to gods that i dont need
if it'll cause my nose to bleed

******* baby, how did i know?
one more chance to powder my nose
i see whiter than the snow
and i dont know how far i can go

******* baby, how did i know?
one more chance to powder my nose
i dont know how you could appose
i'll just lay here taking several blows

i need you cause i want you bad
the sweetest girl i've ever had
is whiter than the winter's snow
i love it when she's in my nose

oh, i've been told to get in line
that my whole lifes a waste of time
but i've got everything i need
as long as i can do the deed

******* baby, how did i know?
one more chance to powder my nose
i see whiter than the snow
and i dont know how far i can go

******* baby, how did i know?
one more chance to powder my nose
hardly straight, no arrows bow
an early start for whole new lows

Tonsils set aflame
I can't complain
I've only got myself to blame

i feel like someone else
i cant remember
though these bones paint a picture
that i know i've seen before

i can see, curiously
all the fallen leaves beneath my feet say,
"hey, i've got a real big thing to show you"

i'm lookin through the trees
and they're talkin back to me
they're sayin things that show me how it needs to be
and i'm lookin into me
i’m seeing things i dont quite understand
but i'll be ******, if i dont dig deeper

i feel like somewhere else
it seems so familiar,
and with the breath of a dragon
when the wheel of a wagon
gets a turnin dont ya know the world just keeps goin' round

i'm lookin through the trees
and they're talkin back to me
they show me why to question, who i seem to be
and i'm falling into me
and feeling things i cant quite comprehend
but in the end, it'll all come back to me

Push into my concave
Ripple off your hollow skull
Never met a fond slave
Lookin through a swallow hull

File down for plaster
Skinning clean your mended bone
Bringin down the rafters
Furnace of a heavy home

Call a little blow away to rock yourself to sleep
Soil over forty fay and sow just what you reap

**** the seed of prosper
Four entangled righteous ****
More than you could foster
Still, you might be over hill

Sonny won't you crawl away to somewhen I've not found
Crankin down the bank shaft cause its rollin rollin round
Caught another big one in a dental floss noose
Sell em to the butcher maybe he can get some use

Nothing in particular
Just high
Addicted ****** ****

**** my liver
Kidneys
Dissociation is the key

I've spotted the freight train
Have I made it?

Bring me there I beg you
Spoon me
Me, the spoon, all me

Drink DRINK like a FISH

pop pop pass percocet
C-c-c-c-c-cocaaaaiiinneeeeee

***** ****** bored, dumb

**** my LIVER AND KIDNEYS
Dolla dolla nose job **** a stuffy
**** me on a tuesday, sneez sick puppy horsey

Cant finde me
Kant fine me

Run run run run run baby, yes ya do
Explain but not excuse

Substitute kkkills as much
Methadopamine or a xany ***** one night
Dextrahydraphetamine, ketamine meta-clean

Don't try. Understand to
Completely

Every spring runs dry
       **** son, 'least enjoy the high

my guilt makes you feel guilty
and my pain results in your tears
can i not feel my own emotions
for once?

if i bleed
you bleed

but that's not how i want it

empathy
is no longer empathy
when your wrists bleed
at the sight of mine
stained with crimson

im the ******* half-breed ******
go ahead and pull the trigger
you cant take my standing vigor
tell me that im just a ******

stop talking
and dig another moat
now tell me, do you need another ******* scapegoat?

yours is big but mine is bigger
if im the grave then you're the digger
so if in this life you're the rigger
then why am i the ******* ******?

scarred markings
assailants i cant see
i took a look up at the sky and then it hit me

con descension ripped us off
little girl has blown her top
herbicide on life's corn crop
i can hear the brain cells pop
life looks good before the drop
wade and wander through the slop
**** yourself to make it stop
quiet, or i'll call the cops

You've sold your soul
To the earth or so I'm told
That's pretty bold
For someone 18 years old

Rise and fall
Your sprint has since slowed to a crawl
You've got some gall
To hand me off like old dolls

You're ****** kid
You're so ****** kid
You're so ******* ****** kid

I've lost far too much to care
From afar, you touch the tear
Feelings marred, I clutch your stare
I've lost far too much to bear

Cigarettes begin my day
Better yet, they singe me grey
I could bet on what you'd say
Please just make it go away

Can't you see that I'm in pain?
Don't you hear me call your name?
You've just got to stake your claim
On the boy that never came

When the sun returns, my dear
Don't question what I'm doing here
You knew that I would one day steer
My way back to your jagged spear

So on the day that neither know
Be sunny, grey or white with snow
I'll deal out the fatal blow
And on our separate paths we go

fight the need to pull the thorn, **** yourself to be reborn,
live your life in fear of death, clinging to your final breath
harm done even when you win, pride is such a deadly sin
count me out or count me in, til the day the world wont spin
fine me for my will to be, tax the squirrel the use the tree
sell my insides, scamming me, nothing in this world is free
shaping, taping back together, taking, raking all your splendor
faking, making us pretenders, facing, gaping black forever
bring me down and ream me out, fill me up with hate and doubt
tender fetal origins, generations' collagen
lets go out and hit the town, shoot one up and knock one down
binding, winding, finding sound, listening to my heart pound
bursting vessels 'round the socket, ball it up into my pocket
flyin higher than a rocket, once you've tried it, try and knock it
asking nice to get inside; soiled, rotten, blushing bride
with her hands between her thighs, only wishing for surprise
see our circle dissipate, seems i've found you just too late
all im left with is my hate, and the need to procreate
lose your temper, mind and soul, listen to the blackness roll
deaths compile and raise the toll, what secrets does the future hold?
wretched roaches writhe and run, while rancid tyrants toll the sun
leeches, peaches, pears and plums, **** me when my birthday comes

it is my everlasting dream to leave this vice i was born into in the most silent and unnoticeable of ways.

When you told me which tea was your favourite, I drank it every day and imagined how your lips would taste. When you told me your favourite song, I played it on repeat, wondering exactly what it meant to you. When you told me your favourite colour, I tried to find pieces of you in the sun and the flowers. When you told me you loved me, I tried to find what you could possibly find in me that is in the least bit beautiful.

Your lips taste like cigarettes and your thighs feel like porcelain and I just can't decide which I love more

my heart punctured as a foot by broken glass
i reek of dried *** and my own rotting flesh
the scales of mother's womb cool the flaming mold
***** needles filled with rat's ****
picking my fresh scabs from lit cigarettes and pencil sharpeners
my tongue blackened from ink and tobacco
i taste the fungal poison which comes with death
and i sleep in my bed of satin and rusty nails
while tomorrow fills my nightmares
i awake in a puddle of secretion and sweat
breathing death into my lungs
as if welcoming an old friend
one last time

calloused hearts and bleeding fingers
harmony only achieved by sacrifice
the pure must stain their porcelain shells
and the broken
will scatter the ashes
the springtime brings new birth
as the flowering genesis of uterine obsession
but black boots and harsh words
may destroy this new beginning

in life and death dichotomy
wandering nomadically through purgatory
searching for contentedness
and rejuvenating rebirth
only to find myself further imprinting
old footsteps
from past and present life

Fill my dreams with tear gas butterflies
Killing queens and monarchs cross-eyed
All I've seen are things you can't hide
Apocalyptic hypno-landslide

Hallelujah
**** the sinner
Don't forget to pray for dinner
Your whole life is in his likeness
At least you know you're dying righteous

Praise the hand that does enslave
Bow down, proclaim, "Jesus saves"
Against my will, I'm taught your ways
Now I decide your judgement day

Antichrist, eclipse the sun
Liberate cerebral function
Hypno-landslide, smoking gun
No masters, gods, or holy son

***** your finger, slit your wrist
Obedience is your weakness
Comply and gain eternal bliss
But kingdoms like this don't exist

Hello, my name is David Phlegmister. I am much too self-aware. I also have no ******* idea who I am. My intestines twist and turn just like yours. I think I must have a pretentiously metaphorical tapeworm. Everything I do or say is backed by either anger or curiosity, and in spite of this I am somehow not in jail. I try too hard. I don't try hard enough. I care too much but I still don't give a ****. I wont tell you I'm hungry even though I havent eaten since yesterday. No, really, it's fine, I'm not hungry.My hands and feet are too big for my body.
Seriously, *******, I'm not ******* hungry
I drink black coffee and smoke cigarettes but I swear to god I'm not an egotistical existentialist. My mom tells me that I'm too skinny but dont worry I'm not hungry. Smells **** me up.
I can still smell your perfume and I can still smell your *****.
Your feelings dont matter because we all die eventually.
Boo hoo, get the **** over it.
Everything you stand for is a lie. God isn't real, your government hates you, status is meaningless.
Jokes on you so **** yourself.
I'm sixteen years old in an Aberdeen-esque hellhole.
I'm a highschool dropout
My old school was a cesspool of AXE body spray and ****** ****.
My friends all want to **** themselves and I don't blame them.
I'm an ******* in my own right, but I don't know about yours.
Im still waiting for someone who doesn't have to fix me to love me.
I whine and ***** about whiney ******* and wonder why I hate myself. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be a ******.
Reality is not, and will not, ever suffice.
It will never satisfy.
Never bring contentedness.
Theres no denying that I will be hooked on whatever unrefined, kidney-****** junk I can get my filthy hands on. Marijuana got boring fast.
I hate routine. I hate sameness. I feel too ******* much so I punish myself for it.

I AM NOT A ******* PIECE OF ART

I'm your aborted ******* son.
My fingernails are too short.
I lie to people who care about me
and I don't know if its for
my sake
or theirs.
I'm the elephant in the room of conservative christian right wing baby boomers.
I CANNOT and WILL NOT do what is expected of me.
I don't fit in.
Thank god.
Don't wanna be a starry eyed, brain dead statistic.
Sometimes I don't sleep on purpose just because I don't deserve to.
I don't owe you a ******* thing. I have nothing to prove and nothing to give.

**IMNOTHUNGRYIMNOTHUNGRYIMNOTHUNGRY

The smudge of ink that is left when a mistake can't be completely erased
Just another failed attempt
Another rough draft
That's what I am
I think that if someone were to finish erasing
I could be rewritten as something much more beautiful
A better version of me
A better choice of words
Maybe if I could erase myself
You could recreate me more beautifully than this first edition
You could create me with the abundance of loveliness that you hold
Where I am "flawed"
You could write me as "fascinating"
Where I feel "ignored"
You could describe me as "engrossing"
Where I am "alone"
You could instead write "loved"
I want you to change me
Mold me
Shape me
Recreate me
Replace me with a better version of myself

I am sorry
I am apologetic
I am regretful of my actions
I am contrite
I am repentant
I am remorseful
I am compunctious
I am so
so
sorry.

scabby matted hairy patch
sour incandescent colour
crabby splattered scary ******
our adolescent mother

sores are sordid, sold and scorched
broken out in carmine stain
***** implores on my front porch
smokin' bouts of welcome pain

beaten, broken, ****** and used
spanking, pulling, thrusting, please
me, i want to be abused
**** me and fulfill my needs

woke today, with an ache in my head
seems to me, i’d be better off dead
it’s safe to say, the candle’s burning at both ends
ive ceased to pay, these consequential dividends

i know ive made the same mistake a million times
but if i have a hangover it’ll be all mine

A nagging, stinging hangnail,
A self inflicted pain,
Although, unintentional,
I can't help but complain,
Regretful of my actions,
Blood-rimmed fingers swell,
Though I feel a certain traction,
Toward this pain as well,
Taste buds clothed in nicotine,
I watch the candle burn,
And as the flame,
Extinguished,
Smokes,
I fade away in turn

silence sight
eyelids, translucent
terrestrial extras exhumed
reveling in revival
planting placid plateaued plates
herd-conformity in place of fascism

enter the beast

on the flip side of 50/50
unjust equals harbor resentment
clipping thorns to spite the roses
sunbeams encased and entangled
misguided light
might travel, through night
harrowed neo-liberalism
clusterfucked hippies into redundancy

"can you feel it now? **** im high"

conform to eradicate conformity
individually divided
arguably arrogant
and surely surreal

seminal sediment
choking on the grains
7 hole wall
on a backslide ride
carry rest on your shoulders
on your chest, holding boulders
crank down the bank shaft
hold er closer going down
crack rock
dark bock
framed my **** on a pulpit
golden toothache in wall streets jaws
tripping over roses
in a cold hand hold
rancid apples, candied roaches
shackled down, tenfold

The wrench of consequence so breathin overseared
Like hangin vultures of your crystal fear
Tar-blooded genesis can't seem to take your load
For when the oversee of canon road

I cant see
Thru the sludge
Hold to you
A silent grudge

Dilated open eye corroded second heart
Born of a silken mother caring dart
Sure difficulty may be lasting for a fie
Worse recognition of the other lie

I cant see
Thru the sludge
Hold to you
A silent grudge
Sewn in haste
And mended bare
Seems untrue
A false free dare

do i matter enough for my death to be an art piece?
will i just be one of 3,600?
what matters more, life or death?

cant have one without the other
like a child and a mother
so **** yourself just like your brother
and give thanks for one another

bring me some ******* clarity
                                                      do i matter?
                                                         ­                    or was i just inspiration
for a poem about how many boys loved and lost you?

                                     DO I EVEN ******* MATTER?!

im lost with no foundation
and im drowning on my own two feet
if its any consolation
it makes it really hard to breathe
i cant even think of you
without it bringing back the pain
of when i mattered
and the drugs
and i
just mingled in your brain

i called you in california
talked until the sun came up
and now your life is figured out
it feels our past is all made up

until i really meet you, friend
i guess i'll never truly know
was i an object of amusement
or the pain that helped you grow?

Roll over, rub the sleep out
Light comes on and everything is grey
My mind's eye's warning, "Keep Out"
Already, I'm fed up with today

Don't wanna open up to me
Cause I ******* woke up like this!
Can't keep my mind from roaming free
I woke up like this!
Can't say a word to you so I
Can't even ******* look at you cause I
Can't believe I'm back here again, cause

I! Woke! Up! Like! This!

im a second rate ****
down on my luck
teenaged angst hits
with the force of a truck
and i realize
im so ******* contrived
im no good with a pen
theres no light in my eyes
i couldnt care less
how i look, how i dress
but your critical manner
makes you seem so obsessed
just shut the **** up
im down on my luck
and i'll knock you down
with the force of a truck

carried away on a 16 load
very deranged, come seven fold
ferry across the sick ones, cold
nary a loss, enlist from gold

labian lunchbox, kat skratch eyes
clitoral conquest, fantasized
cranial entry drawing nigh
flora, fauna running high

you're lotus-*****
structural frailty
lotus-*****
****, swirl, hail me

SCAR SCAR SCAR
its your choice, your voice
SCAR SCAR SCAR
invoice for your worldly possessions
SCAR SCAR SCAR
****** you with cold obsession
SCAR SCAR SCAR
draw blood from the warm thighs and cold hands
of little girls

BRUISE SCAR CUT SCAR SCRAPE SCAR SCAR SCAR
look me in the ******* eyes
bleed me a river of *** and tears
DESTROY ME AND YOURSELF
make me your prey
VICTIMIZE ME
VICTIMIZE ME
VICTIMIZE ME

perfect doesn't matter if you can't love
                          but love doesn't matter
        if it isn't perfect

that's why there's scars where scabs used to be
                                  perfect doesn't matter if you can't hate
hate doesn't matter if it isn't
                                    mindless

nonsense
                                     gone fence
                                                                              con cents

perfect doesn't love if it isn't matter
                             matter isn't perfect if it doesn't
                                              LOVE

one two three four five six seven, eight nine

one who sees your knives picks heaven, hate mine

                                                  I love you like Lasceration

look into my eyes
and tell me what you see
now feel the pain from everything
you've ******* done to me
just like a deep sea dive
its a pressure that wont end
if i ever reach the surface
i'll still end up with the bends
i'm drowning in the drink
while i'm choking on the stink
i'm kept up every night
bleeding in the kitchen sink
so every time you see me
passing by from day to day
i hope you recognize my eyes enough
to know i'm not okay

i want to bleed until i'm beautiful

the more my life flows from the rips in my flesh
the closer i'll be to the only way i can be pretty

i want you to love me like a cassette tape

passionately and wholly, burning in your soul
until the tape unwinds
and you have no more use for me
use me up, and spit me out, baby

i want to cry myself to death
i want to scream and bellow and wail until there's no sound left
no more tears to cry
no more whimpers to squeak out
and the anguish is so much i can feel it in my bones
and i lay there dry heaving, my stomach sore and my eyes puffy and red

                                                and i look at myself
                                                       you pathetic ******* coward
                                                               real men dont ******* cry
                                                                       cover your arms, boy.
nobody wants to see that ****.

i want to die, you ******* idiot. there's nothing beautiful about that.

i've lost more people than i realized i had to lose

I feel the splintering shatter,
my heart breaking as the words leave your mouth,
cutting,
bruising,
burning me,
far worse than I could ever inflict on myself,
eating away at me,
from the inside out,
so I try to release it from me,
by freeing the pain through a **** in my wrist,
knowing that it will never truly leave me,
and awaiting the very next night,
another cut,
another bruise,
another burn,
trying to remove the everlasting pain

i wish i could have touched you while we were still in love

in sadness i find my comfort
the familiarity of sorrow keeps me moving
maybe not at quite as fast a pace
but moving nonetheless

in cigarettes i find my comfort
as i light one after another
remembering how you tasted
when we were addicted to us

in the razor i find my comfort
when the sharp steel blade is pressed to my skin
opening, splitting, cutting, bleeding
i say "you deserve this, you deserve all of this"
i drain my wrists of my sorrows

in violence i find my comfort
i cannot allow myself to display weakness
so i turn my pain and anxiety to blind rage
smashing and splintering and screaming
my knuckles ******* hurt but thats okay

in sadness i find my comfort
its the only thing that's stayed
through it all
just me
my cigarettes
my razor
my violence
and my beautiful, wonderful
sadness

i would very much like to end my life
such simplicity
a shot
a cut
a drink
such a pitiful end to such a pitiful existance

mud slinger
skeeballing on the window
pulled artificial hair growth
climbing over nothing
toothpick pantyhose
brought another one down
wonder how so
caught a big one in a dental floss-noose
any other time wont be the right one
wrinkled lifespan sizzles in the saucepan
chewed bone drops
tell alice "bite me"
cold and weathered toys still work nicely

I hate these ******* walls,
And this floor that wont support me,
Your roof is no shelter,
But an excuse for fascism,
**** your self righteous,
Jesus-*******-Christ

You're a ******* ****,
Wont stop for months,
Force your **** down my throat,
*****, respect me just once,

*******, you're no mother,
You're just more ******* proof;
I'd rather die, freezing
Than live under your roof

Clairvoyance to the point of insanity,
Insistance upon peace of mind,
Look past your charade of vanity,
Its okay to say you're not fine,
You've heard of this thing we call heartache,
Its something you know better than most,
You say it was only a mistake,
But you're crying the tears of a ghost,

sometimes when i miss you
i leave red stains on the insides of my sleeves
and hot showers make me flinch
sometimes when i miss you
i lie to myself and say its your fault
that you're not here anymore
sometimes when i miss you
i make myself ******* hate every
ounce
of your *******
being
just so that missing you
doesnt hurt so much

how can you expect me to believe you
when you tell me im beautiful
when your view of beauty is so clearly skewed
and you dont see the beauty in yourself
dont tell me im beautiful
when your eyes hold a story i could read through and through
but you think that they arent pretty enough
god, please dont ******* tell me im beautiful
when your lips are my ******
and dont tell me im beautiful
when you cant tell it to yourself

it hurts me eternally to think
that any day you could drop me
just leave
walk away
abandon me
forget me
and it would only take one close look at me
to realize that you could do those things
without the slightest hesitation

who needs talent
when you've got funds
                                          money
                             moolah
who needs passion when you have cold hard cash?
a sensitive artist seems so brash
who needs skills when you've got dollars?
practice time like bantha fodder
who wants abstract when you've got concrete?
tangible things are worth more, my treat
who needs art when you've got funds?
who needs bullets if you've got a gun?

Pen to page, my pointless proverbs
Kettles on, forgot the water
Wasted time is wasted space
Letdown, seems its all it takes
Clean the *** and purify
Only me, myself and lies
Canopy of granule paste
Gagging on the rancid taste
Chorus warbles into gain
Amplified the great white plain
Stale thoughts of how and why
Leave my memories mystified
Boiled river's steaming stew
Bubbles deep inside of you
Cankers soar across my lips
Leading these into abyss
Candy coated carmine stain
Sway the crowd to your disdain
Pen to page, my pointless proverbs
Dont know why I even bother