You try to justify
That a high mind
Cant find a way
To understand the pain
Of another

Can't control me with guilt any longer
Because a high mind is no wronger
Than a sober one

If anything
When my brain is chemically altered
I'll have way more ******* sympathy for you

stability only lasts so long
when at any moment i could break
                                                     myself into pieces

presently, gently wading,
floating on the surface

presently
waiting

dragged beneath myself
devoured by the beast
pulling me

down
          down
                    down

to a place inside myself that i have not yet discovered
a place even i dont recognize

is it self harm if you dont do it on purpose?
am i hurting myself if i want it to stop?

im a depressed maniac
BANGING!
BANGING!!
BANGING!!!
on the door to my cranial corridor

im a manic depressive
slipping
              slipping
                  ­          slipping
into my grave

a grave that has been dug
for me
and by me

i **** myself on the inside
only to awake in the hell i swore i just escaped

bring it back around again
just to open up the can
earthworms call omnipotence
flying chickens have no fence

easy as it goes and goes
blithering mind seize the soul
granule stimuli reap my face
sweaty palms bound in grace

I'm drenched in the stench of yesterday
And flies circle my head
I'm stale
I'm mouldy
I hold no value
Hair coated in grease
Dirt under my nails
No reason to expell any effort
Laying in self pity and dispair
My scabbed over wrists bring back memories
To last night
Which I still reek of

the problem                             the problem                            the problem
with people today                   with people today                  with people today
is                                               is                                              is

when we look at art                when we read a book            when we see a miser
we see the paint                       we see the words                    we see the shell

not the painter                         not the writer                         not the resident

plant the seed
beget the tree
protect the greed
neglect the free
comprised of thoughts
of two, rest, see
reprised and taught
idolatry

a chromatic eye now strips me
how long will we see it this way?
that which we acquired quickly
it trickles down day by day

i know that a movement ripples
i know that a payment trickles down
i know that a little by little
the ceiling will come crumbling down

Yeah,
You guessed it,
I ****** up again
But by all means don't
Let me ruin your zen
Cause I'm not like you
Don't do the things you do
Don't ******* resist it
When I say ******* too
The way you live life
It's a pitiful wreck
Yes, I know that I'm different
And I'll break your **** neck
I don't care if your mom
Is a **** and a drunk
I don't care if your dad
Has been gone for 6 months
If you push me around
I'll push you right back
But when you're on the ground
****, you can't take it back

Cronenburglars stole my world
For the love of pretty girls
Cross dimentions, time and space
Somewhere that I have no face

Master what is thy command?
Tell me of your righteous plan
Bring to me the cattle's spore
You do this and nothing more

If you wish to spare his life
You must make a sacrifice
Dont you worry 'bout your wife
We'll make sure she sleeps tonight

Viscera comes raining down
Every city, every town
Diseases spread and do enlist
The pirates of the pancreas

Take me through your portal
Make me feel immortal
Student turns to teacher
Otherworldly creatures
Bureaucratic robots bleed just like you and me
If you're seeking answers I will give you eyes to see

Tonight I tell you I’m not worth ****,
Day after day I mope and I sit,
And I think of how ******* disturbed this all is,
Life continues around me, but no, I insist,
That this cynical, worthless, despicable hole,
Is what I've become,
I’m losing my soul,
Each day, a new way, to set the pain still,
Who’s the one with the gun?
I'm the one they should ****,
And I cling to whatever my cold hands can find,
Each morning, another ******* hill to climb
So I smoke it away,
I take to the blade,
I bleed out my sorrows,
Im not ******* okay,
And I just want to die, I wish I would die,
And leave all the struggles and ******* behind,
And you tell me its selfish, it makes me feel worse,
You were my rock, turns out you’re my hearse,
You see scars on my skin, and you tell me to stop,
*******,
You're my reason to put more on top,
You’re so fake,
I don’t care that I “could have it worse”,
Don't disparage my suffering,
I'm left with this curse

Black sky, open wide
God is dead, crucified
Screaming death, rotten lies
Learning how it feels to die

Dope fiends crawl to ******’s smack
Got my black tar leavin’ tracks
Spoon and needle of the horse
Numb my feelings of remorse

Across your face, the lines entrenched
Secreting corpse, bitter stench
Bleed to death on this park bench
My stomach now begins to wrench

Touch the bruise, lick the wound
Pick the scab, become attuned
There's no need to be afraid
Everyone dies
Anyway

Floored
Box-spring
Table sugar don't look the same
But the nose knows no bound
Bounty
Hunted
Need a hit, smack,
whatever
Don't care hit me

Needahitneedahitneedahit its my fault
Iggy pop rock
***** of speed

Intravenous **** throw a party body's just a  canvas for splatter usurp a twerp and burp
hairy don't mean unkempt just a choosy bide hang low
Sell sell sell don't use sell use use use use use
Give up start over swimmin

sorry ma'

I haven't slept in 24 hours
I'm almost out of cigarettes
My head is ******* pounding
I miss you

Every time I smoke a cigarette,
I imagine that it’s you,
So I can breathe you in,
And taste your soul,
And I blow you out,
Just to long to breathe you in again.

Swine breed tapeworms
Filth and leech
Creatures lay firm what they teach
Mindless kindness makes you weak
Go now, turn the other cheek

Mother, choose who lives and dies
Weaker kin must lose their lives
Only one queen bee per hive
Only one can life survive

i cant enjoy this
i wish i could

but every time i finish
i wish i had never started

my nail beds
are a bed of nails

****** and painful
and entirely unenjoyable

i pull out a cigarette in the name of self destruction
making my way over concrete carpets
in search for something to light up my veins

looks of disdainful condescension are fired through me
as i dig in my pockets for my white bic lighter
that i so desperately need
to start my day of agreeable self destruction

i reach my man and pull out a *** of coloured paper
i throw it away on nothing
i melt it down
i spike my vein
and i dissolve
i am falling
into the world around me

this amazing, wonderful junk

I was never at your mercy
                                       Your guns were never aimed at me

In this empty room
Blade in hand
Cold, and numb and senseless
It feels like these walls are my worst enemy
But they've been here since the very beginning
And will be here until the very end

Freedom by the merchant hand
I don't expect you'll understand
Got my ticket waded
Pass and pocket
Try and knock it
Zoning so I lose control
**** like this just dont get old
Can you feel it come now?
Talking so loud
Standing so proud

Would you give it to yourself?
Would it get you feelin alienated?
Or would it be the only thing that makes you come to?

Grown up in a smaller town
Had no way to get around
Then I caught that 8 ball
Hit the white wall
Brace for the fall

Would you give it to yourself?
Would it get you feelin complicated?
Or would it be the crystal that brings you your clarity?

i know a knotty girl
her strings are all unfurled
from deep within her heart
emerged a poison dart

i know a topic line
the old one with no spine
embrace the ball and chain
disgrace her all the same

see you growing weaker still
but he can't and never will

i know, a simple death
cointreau and cigarettes
for reasons unbeknownst
he can, but she still wont

Swollen eyes
Porcelain thighs
Mesmerise
Timid guise

You are the one
Who clears my eyes
Who heals my brain
Who calms my mind

Forgo the steps
And **** the lines
Unlike the rest
They're all so blind

Correct the source
Maintain your high
And be the only thing worth holding in my sky

I've got a rubberface
Rubber arms, rubber taste
The sloshing pit I make
Does more harm than I take
Peel my eyes one layer deep
And fry the slivers up to keep
I weep, a creature feeds the creep
What you perceive is just skin deep
Crusty crisps of cornea
Sell big in California
But I must warn ya,
What you see is more than bargained for ya
Limping gait on limp old limbs
Swollen canister to rim
Go with him, a restless whim
Bare witness to a songless hymn

all my friends are dead
to me
to the world

whatever, they're all dead in someones eyes

i'll **** myself in the eyes of the world
i'll **** myself in my own eyes

but i could never end my life in the eyes of my friends

im not an artist
a writer
a poet
a musician

****, im not even a person

im everything you've made me out to be

i stand for more than this

i lie down for nothing

no time for recess
your lunch hours over soon
again, i'll regress
back to where i was before i made it to the moon

i'm grounded, bound to my heavy head
and now i've found it pounds even when i'm fed
when it ticks so loud that i'm filled with dread
all the wounds cry out every drop i've bled

Tired of my mind killin me from the inside
I don't wanna live don't wanna die so I guess I've
Gotta make a compromise to get me through
Lobotomized and sodomized, a cauterized wound
I'm infatuated with the things that ****
I just can't decide upon the red or blue pill
My afflictions give me everything I need
Deny the accusations that I'm driven by my greed

I don't wanna **** but I appreciate homicide as an art
I don't even know what I stand for
I can't even find a place to start
I don't wanna live, but I can't think of any way I'd like to die
So I guess I've gotta compromise
Create another wound to cauterize

i dont understand why i let you confess
all the things i’d inevitably contest
i cannot explain why i can feel so stressed
my emotions are so still, ungrown, repressed

you only let me hurt myself
these wounds secure your place in hell

you can only show the things you loathe, detest
shrink me down to what you understand, success
my explosive temper is a second guess
under my control, suggestion, hate, contest

You never were the one to wait your turn
Blaming me for every bridge you burn
****** me of all for which I yearn
A pupil pilloried will never learn

I tried to rectify my own
Now I’m left petrified and cold
And I believe I’m in a bind
Can’t seem to find my nevermind
The weight of late is getting hard to hold

Vacant eyes that search but never find
Often open but forever blind
Lose perspective as my thoughts unwind
This borderline suggests I’m not your kind

cabin fevers gonna put me out my mind
every lines a border wall too ******* high to climb
every day is all the same, the same old ******* walls
“everybody feels the same”, well that’s no help at all

let me out!!! let me out!!

so bored so bored so ******* bored
i’ll never get away
wasting, wasting all my time
i’m wasted every day
runnin round in circles like a rat stuck in a cage
this ******* book is blank i wanna tear out every page