All the pills you said made you my friend...
Are memories and scars in the parts noone sees...
You value yourself like a billionare values a dollar....
I see you like a homeless person sees a sandwich...
Worth more than anyone knows or can understand....
Its not the kind of love that makes any sense.....
We are not what each other plan or brag or wish...
But like air food and water the things deadman wish....

The way it is is not the end i saw before the last kiss.....
You are the last line of defence before a broken heart.......
A lifetime ago i was your prince...... your still my forever....
Why and what are just words against the promise.....
My promise is that I am always the answer for your struggles......
I love you like i just saw the hope in your eyes.........
And my heart breaks every time i remember my mistake.....
I cant be more forward than asking for your hand......
As mine shakes I cant be anything but reserved.....
You are the love I cant answer but with a sonnet.....
A perfect girl a minute in heaven that you let me believe....
6 years later I wont let you go... Lifetime is a weird conversation....
But sit down and talk... Ill hang on every word....
because you may be the voice that trumps what Ive heard....

I remember when she would always chase me....
Like the times she would never let me be....
I remember she was a problem an obstacle to fun.....
When she would ask me why she wasnt my number one....
Oh i didnt have time... Ill be right back....
Then she would call crying... What a baby a hack....
I told all my friends  that she was a joke....
Another clinger only good for a poke.....
Then I got no call... To tears beating on phone....
I guess she got tired of being left all alone....
I only  thought that she would always be there....
Even if she left what would i care...
Turns out I pushed her way too far....
Never told her that she was my bright shining star....
My sun.... My world..... The reason I breathe....
Now i get it... A pain I could never concieve...
Just like sand she slipped through my hand....
All she ever wanted was for me to understand...
That she was rare.. A diamond among Stones....
Now i guess its me the one left alone...
She gave me my shot...  My one time chance....
At a love that compares to the greatest romance...
Then  it was too late.... to her house i ran...
But she had the look meant for me... In the arms of another man...
Now I know im not dumb... Im actually very smart...
I can accept that this was never  her fault....
Im to blame... I broke my Heart....

Hate is a strong word that musters a listened repetivness....
Why beat the same drum must get tiring or you feel old...
Truth be told I cant hear you.... Out of cherished choice.....
Your distant taunts make the best of your lost voice....
Where I am a person worthy of kindness and affection....
Will be left in your lies of perfect perception...
You can not hurt me I can finally leave by decision....
Well i guess you can have your won mission...
Ill be gone and you can love your Korean joke......
Be left at night to ***** and tokes...
While you hate and say in not the perfection you chose...
All i will leave is the sound of a door ill close.....
Behind your hate and constant disaproval...
I built a machine capable of my removal.....
That is all no more words no more promises....
Eventually everyone will get sick of absorbing your losses....

Its been a while... Since words could play rhythym to my mind
forgotten is a word remembered but left on a thought
So i could express the minds melody with vocabulary intelligence
But I havent changed the letters and vowels all lead to the same disaster
Just a keyboard scientist at work in his lab of chaos
Being the monster he zapped with too much knowledge and education
Rhymes dont make enough sense to say I TRIED
But beauty is a sentance away in the mind of a poet.......
And tears are streaming from the face of most....
Our words dictate the world most cant see or concieve....
To write is like a breath our words beat like a heart....
They cant be translated into anything but your understanding.....
but being understood is not why I write
This is my soul left somewhere with a pen or a spreadsheet....
I have nothing to hide..... Open book seems too cliche
But as you read the poems in my mind
I cant say you dont know the real person behind them......

If he said i was in his image....
He may have been hungover.....
I wish i was at that party....
So a forgotten bro shake was neccessary...
I appeal to the ones whos vision is not clear....
So as we share a bifocal to see the reality.....
like Corey Hart i will wear my sunglasses at night....
And laugh like Wierd Al at the parody of your opinion....
I guess deep inside I refect the side of me no one want to see....
But i guess im in luck I never wanted your appealed acceptance....

If i could say the most of my thoughts in ten words.....
The words would be a simple puzzled strike...
A lash out on the grins of content fools...
"Believe while you dream attrocities
              Not attainable to
               broken hearts"....

Listen to strained comments that emit from my lips
Or let me hear the top 40 sounds of bewildered innocence
Lay down your arms and admit we were never enemies
Feast on the taste of my kiss as we become fluid lust
In the light of my windows jealous gaze
You reflect the moonlights hypnotized flicker
As my hand lies on the sheets surrounded by your skin
Grasping dear fate allows the reality of time to drift into oblivion
Breathe your beauty against my weak armour
Sigh and become my greatest sin
Laughs perish into a certain goodbye
But before cruel fiction takes you from me
Ill ask a miracle from an angel in my possession
Allow this to be my nightly heavan so I can gaze into your eyes as we drift into forever..
Let love compromise the walls built around my heart
May the impact of your beauty take my breath entirely
Surrender as we both lose our minds because Insanity describes moments
If forever never knocks again than may our tonight remain a rare mistake played by cupid...

I hope your 3am laughter still resonates from somebody else's bedroom....
I pray you seek comfort and try to hide within his arms......
I know he will watch you prepare your beauty unnecessarily.....
I hope like me he gazes at your beauty as the sun comes up and your fast asleep...
Brushes the hair from your face and kisses your skin.....
Knows every curve of your back or scar on your canvas....
How you can be the most beautiful.... when your mouth is full of pizza....
I should have said something when you were still listening to me....
It was still a mystery as to why you chose to love me.....
I hope one day I can love you again but for now my love ...
Your finally free.....

Till we meet again , Love is all I can leave you with....
Nonaa

Scream so ur voices in my head cease to reveal scarred passion....
Lend me a hand to remind me of the nights I held u tight .....
Simply combine my selfishness with ur broken heart...
I never imagined u hurting when I abandoned hope......
Well I guess cockiness of counterfeit feelings became a joke...
My eyes burn now from the crystal tears down my cheek.....
Its not because I remembet loving you .... losing u made me weak...
But u didnt leave me I broke my heart.....
So maybe kiss my cheek while he waits and I fall apart...
Enjoy it love its what me and you could never find.....
And if you became happy with someone else... I dont mind ...
No more nights of cold shouldered sleep
No more fantasy life or impossible promises to keep....
But when u ask me why im sitting with a smile on my face....
It will be because your happy with him and finally found your place....
Love u Nonaa ..... This is just me Realizing what I lost....

When I leave Us ... Maybe its Not so lonely being just i....
Youll be you and Ill be me ......  
Not like I wont think of Us ....
But now You are His ..... And you don't believe in Us
I left You with Us and left being just me...
Well we'll meet again when You wanna be us....
And maybe well see If it was worth being Me ....
Will you still love Us like Me?....Will I take you back?...
I Guess we"ll see......
Time will tell my  love for now I will wait.... last one k go be you .....

A knock at my door of hope left a message meant for my heart...
A picture of the life I know with a forcast of a storm I seen slowly start....
"To whom it may concern the jurisdiction of your trials cannot be placed
Like the jury will deliberate a guilt contained in your face
Exhibit a thru z all have your marks and are known to the truth
A charge of negligence cannot be lessened because of ur youth
Prior records all will be weighed
But a bail plea is yours to be made
You can be placed at the scene of your crimes
The evidence is too strong to be wrong every time
May I suggest you settle this with a letter you should have sent from the start
So a restitution payment of pain dosent break your heart
I assume this notice will be enough to make it clear
That you will not be allowed near the ones you hold dear
So as a counsel to your cherised estate
Please don't tempt the supreme court of fate..."

Pardon me while the words desperate angst replays it's rythym ......
Sheltered sounds emit from tortured interior selfishness.....
May these climaxes reflect the confused voice in my head.....
Sympathy is a heading somewhere in the hallmark catalogue......
And real men don't cry so I try not to think about it all......
No sounds can reflect where I am behind these bloodshot eyes.....
Like life somewhere said wait here and like a fool I stood in its pain....
Now desperate grasps leave scratches on the exterior of loves embrace....
Suddenly someone reached my varied intoxicated plain.......
Now that my pedestal has been toppled by fateful facts I am able to face.....
The future of my projected attitude and artificial behaviors seem foolish......
This is my therapy and an inner voice not permitted to escape.....
So with sincere apologies and poetic pardons excuse my confessions....
I ask nothing from these just that if I leave it here it no longer festers my emotions..
And with an open heart I accept your words because poets can only understand...
That beneath all the words there is a life somewhere writing.....

Seems like the nite claimed another homie ........
When did life equal  " ***** you owe me!"
Youth blasted difference over a current narcotic debt.....
What is the pain we haven't seen yet?
I hugged mothers..father's. ... sisters..... brothers......
Seen kids crying alone underneath there covers......
I learned later colors no longer shine.....
If there not flaggin the right one they're no longer mine....
The terrible thing is I got out with a grin...
Like being away absolved all my sin.....
We gangsta we hard we don't give a ****......
That is till one of our loved ones finally gets hit.......
So while you gain respect and become a baller.....
Take the ones closest too you and price them a dollar.....
Because every move you make will make there lives cheap....
Is it worth the painful nights you hurt so much you can't even sleep?
Fast money and hoes lifestyles of the ****
Only put you further into the grave you proudly dug....
I don't have an answer I'm not wise enough to get out.....
But read these words and you'll know what it's all about.....

A day is not the same without you now....
Like i remember days before that....
I close my eyes not because im scared....
They are now floodgates against incredible torrents....
I used to be able to figure out "why?....."
Now its just a flurry of pain....
A familiar shot to the gut....
I cant miss them anymore.....
I cant say the worst is over....
Everyday it seems worse than the day before.....
Oh sadness my dear friend...
We can never be enemies....
Cause i know you would **** me.....

She is painted in Do not Touch signs  That stems from the Caution tape that now holds her heart together....
She hasnt smiled with glee in years now her Smirk is as close to genuine as I can see....
She lets her hair down around me and fills the room with memories of a better time When her beauty was still maintained....
As I lay next to her I hold her close to make her feel safe So nightmares I cant comprehend stay outside our embrace.....
She wont close her eyes when we kiss like she needs to believe someone actually shows her affection...
How her hands feel weathered and strong like she tried too many times to hold onto comfort .....
I think she takes what she wants only because the world took so much from her without permission...
Her emotions are on a switchboard of needs she controls at will and her needs are only escape routes now....
Everybody tells me to run away from her and save myself but I cant be her next reason to hurt herself.....
I wont be the next evacuee from a disaster she never asked for and only grew when people turned there backs...
Why cant people see the beauty under her armour or see she dosent belong in the places she ends up?
She is beauty wrapped in pain.... Laughter muted by lies..... And judged only because she learned to survive....
She....... She is not broken to me... She isnt the picture everyone paints... Or the rumours they twist out of spite....
She is the scared damaged angel .... that needed love.... And trusts me to hold her every night....

She's so close to me so many times before she leaves me stranded on cloud 9 alone....
Then smiling from someplace I never see she sees nothing but ways to make me feel small...
Once it seemed to easy to me to be her everything with a lot of difficulty...
Now complicated measure mean I'm someone not on her side
And she sees me as knight in rusted armour  caused by laughable tears...
Yet I stand near the fire and absorb heat destined to scorch my soul
Whole and alone I seem so distant only inches away ...
And another day seems so painful and I'm totally defeated...
But she begins a battle against me while I smile and kiss her eyes closed
So I don't have a bad memory... and begin my descent into her hell...
Will my loyalty and care be enough for her only time will tell...

simple words
simply amazing....
subtley genious..
quietly outspoken...
decievingly obvious...
broken but so together...
simple words are the only way to describe..
An indefinable anomaly that is you...
Say more nonsense its the advice that gets me through.....

I wanted to make this something special....
To show her that I finally expressed myself.....
That time you said....
"You never buy me anything...."
Oh now the gift is bought....
Im nervous.....
Could this really be it....
Oh look there she is....
My hands are shaking... My foreheaad  sweat drips on the letter in my hand.....
Maybe flowers would have been a nice touch??
No lets not get carried away here....
Ok lets not beam with happiness... After all this is serious.....
After five years you are gonna say those words....
Wish her parents could be here....
I get down on one knee........
So she dosen't have to stand... She hates standing....
And look her right in the eyes..... hand her my gift.....
An official looking letter... With a Logo of a law offfice....
Put my hand out...
Oh oh....... She thinks this is something else.....
Better tell her those three words... She opens the letter...
Her smile turns to tears....
She looks at me and mutters "Really?..."
Yes sweetheart.... I finally committed...
Thats my lawyers name...
He says you cannot use my daughter against me anymore.... Oh heres those three words....
"Im leaving you...."

As I stand here with hat flat brimmed
A nervous snicker mistook for a grin
Let the words fall out my mouth past my chin......
I won't  look past the spotlight there is only the dark
Like everyone's vehicles are in overdrive and mines stuck in park .....
It's the handful of prescription pills from someone else
A demon on my chest like you've never felt
A desperate anger that turned way before help
The reason I don't even recognize myself ......
It's been in me for a while it invaded my smile
Turned every forward step into a mile
Beat me up and made me feel like a child. ...
I dare not speak it's name... it turns into a label
Make the society look at me like I'm unstable
And the chance of success is pulled off the table
The enemy is within this clouded reflection
With too many faults I cannot mention
I lol when I hear people say it's all for attention
So with a fleeting glimpse into the hell full of tension ......
Depressed means finally not getting pushed down
Like deflated balloons belong with a clown
So before you go blast my name all over town....
I could be you... you could be me
Walk where I've been see what I see ......
Be truly alone with a room full of "friends"
Is it what makes you happy guess it depends .....
Depression has thousands  in its terrible army
At the end of the day it will only be myself that harms me.......

Sunrise and drunk sweats make the day seem futile....
Shaky hands bloodshot eyes and last evenings breath now standard...
Uncomfortable rooms in rented homes make me tense and upset....
When can I go home or at least be blended in to my surroundings....
She the last thing I can call mine lays on our sad mattress ...
And the day begins with a shot of don't remember chased by a drink of they won't notice....
But I'm not gonna be a pity party of one so I put up my ******* and hide behind expensive lenses ...
My friend and Doctor is now my only thought ...
So I can start this day with no thought of the things and people I forgot...
Please guide my actions and disregard my anger....
Because I'm tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a stranger....

Is this leading to where destiny projected
Lifetime ago was a memory now barely collected
Motivation  is currently only a currency in hand
It's grew a life now only I can understand.
I can't seem reactive or distanced at my state...
Moving towards a future I once thought was great
Is this what I am becoming or a gross mutation
Where I can't draw the line is success or relation
Great men had to pay dues I assume this is a percentage of success
While I slowly gain more it seems have have less and less
Charity and kindness are the cards up my sleeve.
But **** it success you can now leave.....
I'm a failure a peasant a beggar a child....
Unwilling to conform crazy and wild....
You see me at a distance and that's where you don't comprehend
That I have all I need I will always win in the end.....
A measure of success is not a numbers game....
It never said a promise of glory or fame.....
Be your own promise the person loved ones believe
And success will be yours.... never to leave .......

As the world became a time like before
Choice and desire led a war with my character
I am not a follower but am led to infinite sin
A source of compassion may change lifetime lessons
Without a shoulder or hand weights do nothing but keep you motionless
Surviving and growth are cousins in a nobel family
Lucky to be near the embrace of a family I know well...
As I survive to fight a battle against the odds
I wonder if growth became content with my standing.....
Now I see the two as twins from a mother called arrogance
Symptoms of failure and disrespect seem to make my choice clear
Like a plant grows toward the sun in harsh conditions
It does more than survive it reaches for the warmth of simple comfort...

I hate the way an "Unfriend" can bring you to tears....
The non "Like" of a photo is equal to death.....
The way a "Tweet" is not meant for birds...
How taking pictures of yourself is now a thing....
The words typed by phone...
Is now a way to make you feel alone...
Now i'm not even old i grew up with this...
But for a world now at our fingers....
I think we forgot how to use our feet...
To walk to our loves...
To simply say words....
I am not a hypocrite i know its what i do....
The world has changed to make things easy and simple....
But a thing like love hasn't changed For a while....
Everyone is always on line saying "Anonymous" things....
"Liking" memories they never took part in.....
"Poking" at someone to get an Emoticon response...
I guess a technological advance.....
Means a human feeling recession...
I guess if love was a valued currency...
We would both be broke somewhere...
Between Happiness and Forever.....

Like every night draws me in like I found warmth in the dark....
The thoughts of what can never be seem less intense...
I can't see all the things I know now I'll dearly miss....
And imagine I'm already gone and all that glitters isn't gold...
Now never walking them down an aisle grants a whimper...
Or being anything but a burden before I say goodbye....
Or now knowing that my goodbyes will only echo in empty rooms...
How I tell myself it's just a bad dream and avoid sleep at all costs...
Now fatigue and disrepair are more evident everyday...
Must be a design of some sort because I leave nothing and no one behind...
And answers that I now know didn't vindicate or hypnotize
I am not going to heaven ... I already know this well...
But compared to my life and an eternity in hell....
I guess the pain isn't over which is worse only time will tell...

Days like this seem far too common now..... when the tears show up uninvited to my party's where I masquerade as content...
I can say I used to own someone's love... now I can barely afford to rent...
The days where the only strange comfort are broken words on tattered sheets....
About the world I once remember. ...  before it was pulled out  from under my feet....
Smoky interiors cloud the clear vision of outside happiness.... empty bottles and half empty cups now only melted ice....
I swallow the drugs like painkillers while it feels my hearts getting squeezed by depressions rusty vice...
Your expectations Weigh down the hope of ever being up once more......
 So before I can hang up my phone I'm off to *******  score......
What happens when you can't pretend the day is gonna end in any other way than a hundred days before...
When your mind tells you it ok to drink too much take another line.... You won't do any more.....
Lost intentions become untamed inhibitions and depression turns to anger....
You become confused about why you end up this way, was it sadness about something or are you ******* at a loved one or a complete stranger......
Either way you go home to a castle where the only damage on its walls were caused by its king.....
And the place I try to remember now doesn't cause me to be happy like it used to bring...
Believe me when I say that all this isn't because of you.... I am not worthy of placing blame on anyone but the enemy in the mirror...
I let the cracks in it grow so I don't have to see myself clearer....
But if I am really the cause of all this pain than watch me **** myself with the poison I ingest....
Because while you can't let me leave and this is the only thing I know... For all of you I only wish the best......

I cant recall the curve of your body....
I can only see the bend of your smile...
How at night I never slept more comfortable....
On a single bed close to you....
We danced on linoleum dance floors...
With appliance audience.....
Endless selfies together....
Everyone called me.... "Us".....
We saved the planet every morning....
By sharing a shower... Where I know we got dirtier....
The way everyday i picked you up from work...
You ran into my arms like a child....
I knew you since we were small....
You were my sisters best friend....
You became mine....
I still love you... And probably always will....
My dear sweet Terri- Annn....
You are my reason for believing in love...
Keep my heart it was always yours...
And if you want to dance or laugh...
Ill be here in the kitchen with arm extended....
To tell you a joke....
Because i cant remember the curve of your body...
But i lived for the bend of your smile....

The edge is what the words meant to our juvenile minds
You came like a milkman of crazy like I paid you a subscription
Because the married voice of our desperation may be rocka fella
Don't mean we are gucci chanel postes of imatation handbags
But I sit at the end of a dinner plate admiring your constant behavior
And wondering how a high school misfit still views a. Past excuse as a comment for hate
Might be strong and smile but worried actions equal a cold shiver
A snuggie is the present warmth left by infomercials
I won't say ur the crest of a ohs blue...
But I still appreciate a ******* like you....

Write like a G is the only way I know now
Like the hustle and flow movie is my life.....
A dollar out of a dime when i dont have a cent theory
Makes sense when I see my credit
But all that material paper isnt the goal
A beautiful life i created is my only success
So if I ever make a dollar out of this sense....
It will always be hers.... Thats my theory.......

Carpal tunnel wrists are the result of Inexplicable weekends....
Ads on Flyers remind me of you now.... Like i didnt already feel weak at the sign of a million other daily reminders....
My smile retreats again away from a world I can only describe with a snicker.....
Anger mounts the forfront of the grind against days before you held me hostage again....
But the way you hold me I hope I never wanna be rescued.....
Soft sorrow is the way I can make believe this wasnt a mistake ......
Tired and alone again the vices are now a sure way to make this just a memory...
So ill sit alone and stare at the dark hoping the light from your love guides me through....
And youll never know how each letter i type makes me feel closer to you....
Love U Babe.....

I have to believe these useless words I write are a passage aimlessly pointed towards success....
That the repulsive looks are destined for the past only to replay the taste of bitter judgement....
Wilting sunlight dances across my desk as my words always head for darkness.....
Learned behaviors are just the starting point towards greatness.....
My lust for popularity is gonna be just a checkpoint on the way to my love of written word....
As I look back at the life i left to the fruits of my craft I realize....
Only I appreciate where I am and where Ive been...
And I neither care or hope to make you understand my poetry.....

I could steal your car... Before you stole my heart....
Thats when I felt  "Our"  love truly start....
I looked like hell....My eye black from fights...
Before my darkness was engulfed in your light....
My weapons of hate kept always near....
Being with you... I forgot all my fear......
My backwards hat... The way i used to dress.....
I must have looked Stupid....... Now i dress for success...
Jail wasn't just seeing my crew.....
It was a hell  that kept me away from you....
My "*******'s!" and Angry stares....
Are now opening doors.... And pulling out chairs
The respect I  "Earned"..... Being told " I Must..."
Means nothing now.... I only want your trust....
Break and enters now a thing in the past...
Because you entered my heart and I want that to last....
Loud music to endless Screams.....  
Are now quiet whispers.... Having you in my dreams....
Being an object of someone elses fear...
I know what im scared of... Not having you near...
The concrete heart I used to never feel...
For the first time feels vulnerable... Open and  Real.....
All my girls.... My one night stands...
I now tell them all .......Im your "Man".....
Ive been stabbed... Beaten.... Ive been shot....
Losing you would hurt worse... Your all i've got....
I no longer see rivals and want to attack...
I know that you truly ......"Got my back".....
No more white rags to feel I belong......
Your what ive been missing all along....
No longer do I want a connection to "crime"...
I just wanna be with you..... All the time....
I cant believe that your not scared of my past....
I am terrified.... me and you wont last....
Because before you were a "hunny" a "shorty" A "boo"
Now I dont have a word amazing enough to describe You...
To you I was never a  GANGSTER..... I was only ever DAVE...
And to me you were an ANGEL... who deemed me worthy to SAVE.....

Today I miss you.... Dont know why?.....
I Imagined a day without tears.....
Today I missed you.... I am Reminded.....
I hoped you would still be here....

Seems like torture when you see me now ...
like a dark corner is more comforting than me....
You will hold my hand and let me in briefly...
but longterm promos are no longer available ...
Mostly im crushed that you like most fed me hope...
But no time for sadness because we are now going slow...
you say ur liking our past more than you will view future..
Like it is of no concern to others where this liffe leads
just hold me tonight and remind me how it felt....
to finally be able to say im going somewhere now,,,
thst she is mine and nothing will tear us apart ...
But then the part i enjoyed most ..
the idea that i could finallly heal my heart .... i

If I can get this pain on paper...
Maybe if my words could heal the hurt...
My sorrow is now in nouns and vowels...
The letters all look sad to me...
Every period seems so final...
Like it will stop forever...
I wish i could say I don't hurt any more... period....
Why cant Grief be like a poem?...
A quick  way to not be ok....
A series of words that you know will have an end...
But I guess some poems read like a book...
Maybe this one has a happy ending...
But for now its the saddest thing I could ever be part of.....

I'm sorry if I cherished a moment you might have missed
Like all the memories I knew I risked
Caught with open laughter or with closed fists
People all around only kept us ******......
Shadows and light laughter evaded our youth
Grown redemption and nervous acceptance and  truth .....
Lights and carols...... December lies too much....
And only kept sanity provides life's rush...
A dollar a gram couldn't be much cost
But behind the curtains I became lost
Out the window....My  dreams I tossed...
Broken and bent hell born and sent...
Becoming back from Superman to Clark Kent
Desperately trying to Pay  pain for  rent
Outside the only thing that ever meant.......
Safety and warmth.... the place I feel home
Now is a reminder of the place I will never own....
Don't have a number don't try to phone ...
It's better off if ended up all alone

I don't know bottles comfortable stagger  its rewinds forgotten pain....
pollution of my veins now seems futile tense heartache chisels truth...
nicotine and ashes cloud the space I only visit on occasion....
headstones see my lies better than catholic crosses....
like a pornographic life I see it all uncensored and coldly explicit...
mental illness becomes far to clear thru self medicated tolerance...
a slam poetry intervention shines a spotlight on my failures...
I don't like the lifestyle or to be nested in hipster categories...
insane logic or a genious with dyslexia can be pointed at me blindly...
it really dosent matter if pain receptors became weak it was only a defense....
but in a science of space and matter... just give me some space and I promise you wont matter.....

Paint me a picture of ur pain so i can blend it iinto something beautiful.....
Break every plate glass and emotion over my stupidity so it eases the pain.....
Stare into the cell u are creati g by the actions of wifi wounds u deem harmless....
If i cant remember and you cant forget what was the exact moment we believed......
That thru this madness of chaos I have faith youll never leave...

If words could believe what I write than the sound of breaking hearts may dictate beauty.....
Childish bickering turned into angry adultery measured by teenage angst....
Sometimes became never opposed by guaranteed indecision.....
When hands felt electric now only memorable sparks......
Eyes never melt they only lock on angry frozen failure......
Buried feeling now never see what there absence pollutes .....
Storms are constant warnings of devastating damage.....
What and where is the feelings of my arms keeping love safe....
A memory of the shine in your eye is the pain I can't face.....
All I know is soon this will be lost
But times I think maybe it wasn't worth the  cost.....
Liars face truths to barebones to deny
Strength is measured sometimes in the tears you will cry.....
Being lost means you finally found home.....
And being with "everyone" can make you feel alone.....
Money now creates bankruptcy of feeling....
And being grounded in pity means you have no ceiling. ...
Loneliness can be felt when your with the wrong forever....
And painful memories are the ones you most treasure....
I got lost in pain and truthfully could not tell....
That without her in my life I was living in hell......

Tears and tired eyes now became her gaze....
Clouds of vapor and cheap cigarettes are her constant haze...
The anger behind her madness begins to blaze....
And opening her mind reveals her pain soaked maze...
She acts like signs of childhood evaded her grip...
And all the ones she trusted did more than just jump ship ....
So she finds a shield and takes her pill to focus her trip...
And into her oblivion and forget it all I watch her slip...
She sees me as she quits her fight...
And it's me and her against another night...

They said stay away like I was allergic to her presence....
Whispered quiet warnings of her guaranteed disappointment...
Lied about her intentions so to make her untrusted....
Made her a villain in my "story" and wrote her off...
But when she got close she made me feel like I was addicted...
Her presence made her whispers seem so priceless ...
Now she seems so trusted I intend to make her mine...
To me the. Story became about us if only for a chapter...
And now addicted to her love I could almost say....
She made me live happily ever after ...

asia is the victor of manual labour in croatian tale
a breadbasket of rice left the loser without weight
another favour is a un agreement towards aliied habitat
so a currency isnt the clear way to a refuggee camp
the sheep will someday overpower the treason
but for now lay in the shadow of a communist state

Belief in your eyes is not what I see when all I hear is lies....
A familiar taste of hope is watered down by the touch of our skin
It feels so wrong and still makes me shudder when your kiss was a gift
I kept the reciept so I can refund the action for my full emotions
You act like our feelings had a lifetime guarantee...
But look at it closely and you will find Made In Chaos somewhere on the damaged package.
But if you really wanted my consumer report
I'd say the best thing about us is the limited appeal we had on the market

Anger now consumes my happy carefree misfit.....
To fit in I now became the serious carbon copy socialite....
They are the pinnacle of success every platinum promise I believed....
Valet my motivation to the parking lot of lies....
I'd rather get high and count change in a cup holder.....
Because when I changed it made me forget the things that count....
I sleep rarely because the drugs are now free...
Struggling for the dollar now became my motivations fermentation....
I hope like a fine whiskey it only gets better with age.....
And one day I can get back in a beat up car head to the back road. ....
Crank our favorite songs and mix it with cheap beer......
This is not a place poverty perceived.....
But I guess now it is a place I can't leave.....
Wars inside ask me who I really am a foot in the door or menace to society?
A foolish happy drunk or a serious miserable member of sobriety?
Maybe a balance isn't a bank statement or a lifestyle choice....
Being as loud as others only takes away your voice......
I guess watch the quiet ones with little effect on the other cattle....
This life is a party to enjoy not a painful battle.....

The songs u sing the bottle left with poisons memory
I hear you like a siren of anger so I aim my ship at disaster
The rocks of a cliffs breaking tide entice my broken sails
But a safe port I cannot ignore as I weigh the options of pain or survival
I will go down with this ship no matter its fate
A proud captain is my title and my crew abandons ship
So with my last strength I see only indecision at the helm
Let the current lead me to safety rather than rogue waves to death.....

He says the way he was is what I see
The lonely words break my heart
Like a cpr course is the thing I wish I took
To breathe the life back into him when he smiled uncontrollably
The man I am can be hurt same as him
He still says the things that make me wince
A heart transplant of hope comes in a box
Its marked 12 budwieser or 25 cigarrettes
Its ok as long as I wait for your recovery
I know that your hospital of pain was only the beginning

Losing a friend does not mean **** to me
Friends are made at bus stops and bars
People are easy to replace because every corner has one
But if you called yourself brother then I cant understand
Money is your defence...  Keep it I thought I was deeper...
Yet ALL my brothers laugh at me today
**** em they sit basck and watch success play my fiddle
Laughter is all they have now and stories of a former me
Your memories wont fade I shut the door on you and all the Memories
I can walk faster than the hope I will forgive you
But **** it you made your point..... I wont answer you ANYMORE
Dead to me is the way i will leave it......
And on my headstone it will say "Missed By True Brothers"

Petals flower born cannot lead you towards myself.. Cocoa boxes and Stuffed childhood Were Lies by Society....
I feel you like entire eclipse grasps the sun .... I would still allow your light to shine through me.....
Gravity is the only paradox of understanding that keeps me grounded when we contend our acceptance...
Id lie and take a million years for the only sure hope in my world full of broken promises.....
And you will never know how i kiss your forehead when you sleep because i hate me weak....
Or when I break at times when i subtlely call my anxiety into question and you answer....
Like every time I stare at myself I tell myself I dont deserve you...
Soo when you finally hold me I fell off my mountain of pride to comfort my inner demons ....
And sometimes I lose myself in you and I cannot shelter the blow to my false comfort anymore...
So chocolate and pretty sonnets hallmark your memories of my love?
Because my heart greatly grew once you only stared into my eyes...
Men dont say that your truley there weakness but Id say you became my strength...
Valentine id talk and take your hand because With every moment your hands in mine....
I realize you were the first love that made me shine....
Love you Babe....

This is for the imperfect drunk...
The hopeless ******....
I too have been the bottles *****....
Outweighed by a gram....
I seen the world at ground level....
Because shame kept my head heavy like lead...
The world had so many ideas that were spoken in meloncholy tones.....
With so many answers how could i fail.......
As i hurt myself one more time I reached for a band-aid.....
But with tears and pain in my eyes all i got called was failure....
Like a bruised muscle i nursed my broken soul...
And when I realized I no longer wanted superficial assistance....
It was easier on my pride to put down the evil....
Because the lies people fed were spoken taunts....
it may not have a "Why" or a " What"....
But my question is" Why" do you like to judge me when im weak.....
And "What" is the answer that will make you happy...
This is not "What" makes me happy..
"Why" cant you see that??

I seen nim again that sad looking man...
He stared at me with wonder....
Or was it disgust i cannot tell....
Maybe he should clean up...
The world will hate him less....
And a brushing of teeth will allow him to get close....
Looks like he has enough barriers...
He is not the suitable shade of accepted...
His tattoos make him a dangerous felon....
The lost look in his eyes means he cant be trusted....
If the rest of the world could see what i see......
That he tries harder and harder everyday....
Because his daughters names are tattooed on his neck.....
They are the reason hes tired...
14 hr days leave every late night worth it...
Because a midnite playdate is his only reward....
A lonely soul who recently lost his mom.... his dad....
And how a friend may be all he needs....
But burying his last one four yrs ago has made him scared.......
Now he is facing a world without any back up......
He is the only protection for a family that means everything....
And has a girl who maKes him feel like nothing....
Someday i hope to not see him so down....
But as smile at him...
I realize this whole time...
That sad man in the mirror is actually me....