It’s clawing at the back of your head
And you can’t shut it out.
The pain is neverending,
The voices won’t stop.
It just stays where you can’t escape from.
The very back of your mind,
While always looming at the forefront.
Your thoughts storm in your head
And all you want is silence.
A chance to escape this hell you made.
Inadequacy is your one fear.
Your attempts and trying isn’t good enough anymore,
But you don’t want to give in yet when there’s still so much to do,
So much to see,
So much to try,
So much to experience and live for.
It eats and tears away at you.
There are times where its worse than ever and times where you can tame it.
There are just certain things that can set you off,
Without you even knowing.
An ache settles into your heart and you’re clueless as to why.
How much can you endure before it’s too much?
“I don’t know.”
You never know until you do.
Contradictory maybe, but true.
Anxiety clouds your thoughts and plagues you with doubt and uncertainty.
But is it enough?
You’re a bird trapped inside a cage.
Constantly beating against the bars that surround you,
The bars that are your depression,
Your ever-looming fear of the unknown in this effort to get better.
No one can hear your screams but you.
There are some days that are better than others.
There are some days that hurt.
Some that heal.
Some that rip you apart from the inside out.
Some that feel like nothing could sour your feelings but it’s all lies.
Indifference is a blessing.
Ignorance is a curse.
Knowledge isn’t power, it just makes you feel worse.
Being too depressed, too suicidal, too manic to function is draining in the worst way.
Sometimes you just want to be happy but that isn’t always the case.
Sometimes you just want to cry your heart out but it’s just a waste.
Sometimes you want to live and survive; sometimes you want to die and end it all.
Living for something or living for nothing matters not.
It’s the functionality, the purpose you serve to yourself that does.
This too shall pass but alas, in its fleeting moments it is almost unbearable.
“Maybe,” you say, it’s but a whisper.
You know that you’ll be okay someday; just not today.
Let’s try again tomorrow.
There's always been fear for the unknown
There's always been weariness for being a part of the unknown
Yet what we don't understand is that sometimes fear can be irrational
Fear can be all-consuming
Fear isn't always justifiable
The only way to conquer fear is to embrace it
The more you deny it
The more it controls you
We fight and strive for very little in the end.
The results we seek never come easily and because of that,
We become at war with ourselves,
Seeking some type of short-term goal
And we are satisfied with just that little.
I choose not to take my anger out on you.
You choose not to make assumptions about my actions.
Yet you cut me down and we're back to square one.
Crying both together and apart.
Maybe one day we'll be stable again but until then,
This resolve is okay for now.
This battle isn't our forever.
Have you had a dream that felt realer than reality itself?
Anything that you touched or touched you felt so surreal?
Somebody calls you, you may not know who but you hear it clear and true.
The steps we've taken in the paths of our lives are echoed in the realm where fears lie and all we can see is our own consciousness,
And the path I've followed 'til now would have kept me from falling so deep into this current darkness.
The darkness that is depression, the monster that stays throughout all, even our sleep.
A majority of people have seen this pitch-black inkling in some form,
And I believe it shouldn't be feared as it is but I've got no control over how bad things can get.
It would be silly to say "I'm okay" because that's a lie we hear every day -
But here I am, dying so slowly, but so surely that it's quite disturbing;
Being able to see yourself become nothing more than a hollow shell as you let it eat away at you.
So all we can do is sleep.
Try for dreams. Instead of nightmares.
Yet, no matter how hard we may try, there's always that thought of sleeping an eternity away.
*Sleep until you can't wake up.
For dreaming is your final stop
Have you ever wondered about your own mortality? What is ahead of you in the depths of Limbo while you continue to wait for a 'judgement day'?
Humans are vulnerable to such thoughts obstructing their minds. Everything becomes clouded before it turns into a blur. Then you are no longer.
Mortals spend their time going through a routine while we cast down to watch, much to our dismay.
You never know what fate has in store for you, so don't complain. Do not fret nor worry. Time is all that matters. The twisted hands of two for to forever interlock in the dance of Death and Life. Never shall such beings intervene.
Raven eyes set bright and clear as snow on nights of ice and dew.
Ebony feathers drop with a platinum glow amongst their linings against the lighting of the moon.
A ****** crystal and cerulean gem that shine so bright together even if it isn't natural for such shades.
Balanced, are the world of the living and the world of spirits. Pureness and corruption are never to overcome one another. Balance is key and the key is a truth you still have yet to find.
The clouds are weeping for you,
Awaiting for the time to surface.
Can't you hear the raging storm outside?
Can't you hear them calling for you?
No matter what I say,
No matter what I do,
There's no way for me to save you.
Is it wrong to not fear death?
Am I wrong to not have the same belief as others?
I don't discriminate unless you push me to the point of showing you your own flaws.
They say the truth is ugly.
They say it hurts.
I see it as the only way to actually face reality.
Honey you're dying,
There's no use in crying
Though I hear your screams
As I watch you bleed.
They once called me the Crimson Scourge,
A queen of the free.
But that was me.
Each passing millennium and I'm left without.
A dying breed and here you stand in doubt,
But never leave me in my lonesome
Because it kills me and makes me stronger.
You wouldn't want to see who I've become,
You'd hate me like they did
And would wish me dead.
You gave your lives for me and I have disappointed you.
They say, "Weep child, for you have lost everything."
Others have said, "Stand mother, for we give you our faith."
It has been seven millennia since I've last spoken to you
And now I have my last favor to ask,
"Could you ever forgive me for letting you be my hearts?"
— The End —