It came in waves, as it normally does.
It swallowed me whole, a monotonous storm of thinned wires and broken teeth.
I shattered them on beer bottles the night you left, I think, but I can’t remember.
It’s been a while.

I remember the day you bumped into me in the liquor aisle.
You were smiling, and you asked me how things were going.
I wanted to drop to my knees and plead for you to love me again,
But there was something holding me back and it made me wonder if you actually ever did.
You told me about what you were celebrating for, how she lights up your world more than any champagne ever could.
No, I haven’t been seeing anybody.
I've seen you a few times behind my eyelids.
I fall apart a little too much.

I found it tedious,
How we were drinking on separate occasions.
I was drinking to rid myself of you for the next 48 hours,
And you were drinking to fall in love with someone over again.
I wish she was me, but you’re probably happy and that’s all I need to worry about.
I care about your happiness a lot more than mine.

It ended in a quick and bitter farewell, and you left with a smile.
I watched you walk away once again and this time I didn't even try to stop you.
Instead I grabbed the sloppiest **** I could find and left.
Somehow your number ended up in my recent calls again.

It has been almost three years since you've left.
I still see your eyes in the sky.
Sometimes, I’ll meet your breath at street corners
And after all of this time, it still lingers.

I stand in front of the mirror; It’s confusing to see,
A thousand faces looking back at me.
A gray haired old man,
A boy of eighteen,
One guy is nice,
The other selfish and mean.
One knows where he’s at.
Another is lost,
He looks for direction
No matter the cost.

One has much confidence.  One insecure.
One gives up easily, and one can endure
The trials and hardships
Inherent to life.
One is dull, plain, and boring
Another sharp as a knife.
One is happy and joyful,
One can’t stop the tears,
That fall freely and frequently,
As he ages in years.

One is satisfied with what he’s accomplished to date.
Another looks at the world with envy and hate,
And wonders why others
Are passing him by,
Should he laugh at himself?
Or silently cry?
One believes in a power,
Much greater than self,
Another, a hypocrite,
Puts his faith on a shelf.

One knows lots of people; One a loner by choice.
One never speaks out.  One revels in his voice,
Tells his story to all,
Who will listen (pretend?)
While they wait and they hope
That the story will end.
One still has hope,
Another hope-less;
One tracks dirt through the house.
Another cleans up the mess.

One looks at the world, poised to attack,
Another seems not to care; he is calm and laid back,
One wants to know more,
One has seen way too much.
One wants to hold tighter,
One recoils from the touch.
There are too many faces,
None of them clear,
So I turn out the light,
I walk away from the mirror.

Seven hundred ninety four miles.
Twelve hours twenty three minutes.

I would’ve said something.
I should've said anything,

but her bags were packed.

Her boxes stacked
in the back seat.

I could only ask,
“When?”

and she told me
“Tomorrow.”

That night she placed my hand
on her stomach

and I felt you kick
for the first time.

Once I was a Hero,
the Hero of my back yard.
My sword, faith and shield were handy,
kept my face unscarred.

I would fly on wings of ravens,
ride on the backs of beasts,
sleep under the Ice from the west,
rise with the Fire from the east.

I saved many fair maiden,
slew gremlins, ghosts, and goblins,
found ancient treasure from past kings,
ran through numerous gauntlets.

I commanded a battalion of knights,
who would shout my name with pride,
I wonder if my people have missed me,
since the day I grew up and died.

I am not going to tell you that life will be easy.
Its gonna hit you hard.
Like a loud slap stung in the face.

But darling,
Don't you worry.
I've tried.
Catching all the pain i wanted to heal.

Those days when disappointment strikes.
Like a stab in the chest.
Say "Thank you".
Allow yourself to reach out for the stars.

Feel the pain.
That's only gonna make you stronger.
And darling.
Don't you ever apologize for the way your smile refuses to stop shining.
Your eyes refuses to stop glittering.  

Be brave.
Fight like a warrior.
And whisper.
You have yet to meet my mother.

"No matter what happens, we'll never be strangers."

Days like this i wonder how you're doing.
Surely we could send each other a text,
but it becomes archaic.

You and I.
We used to talk under the stars.
Laughing till our faces turn blue.

I kept all your gifts.
A polaroid of us.
Memories.
Buried in a box.
Safe,like how you used to make me feel.

5 years ago,
You came up to me.
Like a dream.
The kind that always leaves.

5 years later,
You left me broken.
Like a record.

I watched you grow.
Like a lotus flower that grows out of the mud.
Slowly blossoms and rise above the muddy surface.

Now.
Im left with only memories of us.
Stored away in the back of my mind.

So nights like this.
When i need you most.
I reminisce all the good memories we had.
With tired eyes, tired mind, tired soul.

Just so you know.
If ever,in future you need me.
You don't have to call me.
Or drop a text.

Just run to me.
Like a kid running to the finishing line.
With arms wide open.
I welcome you.

Mummy,you're my plan B.
I wished you knew that.
I wish i could say it out to you.
But these words are sealed.

During my bad days, i look at you.
How your eyes sparkle.
Smile glitters.
All that is enough to make me -remind me- stronger than before.

Some days
I see how your eyes gets heavier.
Body gets weaker.
Hands get rougher.
But you never once complain.

Some days
I see you crumbling.
Like how dried breads turned into crumbs.
So allow me to pick up this pieces
and remold you.

Some days
I watch you shine
Like angel walking by or like sunshine after rain.
Those days you made me feel alive.

We don't share much.
In Fact
I don't share any of my problems to you.
But you know me like the back of your hand. Like a student remembering formulas.

Mummy, you're my plan B.
Cause no matter what happens
I'll always find my way to you.

The one who whom i look up to.
Catch me when i fall.
The one, I'm proud to call
"My wonder women".
Tearing steel door off its hinges.

Anxiety is love's greatest killer.

It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you.

You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.

apollo's dead-set light shines on beauty.
the gushing of blood boils high in the guilty crowns of gored kings.

TO COURT BEAUTY IS TO BATHE IN IMMACULATE, ETHEREAL ECSTASY!

YOU ARE NOT WORTHY.

ichor spills in the cursed name of the light-born.
blessed with the scrutiny to scorch the iciest of hearts.

they sit on their faux thrones, just above Olympus,
with the wide eyes of wander and lust;
the bodies of gold and trust.

they sit high on their thrones,
with their own
black-light sun.

they sit on their broken thrones
stained with the blood of seraphim.

beings of smokeless fire burn away the truth

and we love them anyway.

When I was a kid
I remember watching the comedy channel
Not in my own house, mind you
My parents were too smart for that
When I was a kid hanging out at my friend's houses watching the comedy channel
I remember
A slogan
Time.  Well.  Wasted.
And I remember thinkin'
"Oh!  Yea!  I like that!  Imma sit here a lil' longer!"
I was just a boy at the time and that's as far as the thought got
About a half-hour later we decided time was better wasted building gigantic, man-eating snowmen.
Eventually I went home
I wasted some time arguing with my parents about schoolwork, ate a bowl of cereal and wasted the next 8 hours in a comatose
I woke up to waste the next several years of my life figuring out how to waste the NEXT several years of my life
Somewhere in there someone told me I should do what I feel called to do so I wasted time waiting for a sign of some kinda magicy, Jesus voodoo
While I was waiting I wasted time reading Ecclesiastes and learned about what a waste of time it is to read Ecclesiastes
So I tried filling my time with all the things that weren't supposed to BE a waste of time but then I didn't have any time so I fell flat on my face on the edge of the vortex that is the human condition!
And I cried, "God!"
"Why do you waste your time with a foolish and selfish sinner like me?"
And the almighty, holy, infinitely incomprehensible, incredible God of the Universe replied
"Time.  Well.  Wasted."