Blasphemous rumors
spread so thin,
create false hopes
and temptation within.

Infectious blisters
bursting with ****.
Scraping the bubble,
Tension is must.

Finding the lies,
that give us no hope.
Stand very tall,
cut down that rope.

Breathing again,
feeling alive.
No downward spiral,
not going to die.

I write with my pen,
sometimes I just do it.
Writing my muse,
Just call me a poet.

Last night I dreamt I committed suicide;
and it wasn't beautiful or poetic
it simply was yet another death.
I felt boneless and dizzy as I awoke on the dawn
of yet another day.
The sun shone through cracks in my window but
relief never came of not having that dream real.

Last night I forgot to sleep, I forgot to feel;
and I didn't toss around my bed but laid
as a corpse does in his casket.
I felt numb and yet somehow disappointed
of not having someone to scare away this beast.
This beast that clings to my body like a second skin,
this beast which eats away my sun,
this beast that grows with the ennui of life,
this beast which spits on raw wounds of my flesh.
It keeps me caged,keeps me inside,
belittling me and snickering just when I have managed
to get a foot out the door-
so I step back in and close it firmly shut.

Last night I prayed to anyone who would listen
and it was poignant and pathetic because
I awoke to another bright day of laughter from my peers
and I could do nothing but stare from a faraway place
with white noise stuck in my head.

You ripped my soul out
You ripped it clean
Inserted a demon
That *******, FIEND!

You released the evil
You released it whole
Fighting against it
I can't win this war

Why did you do it?
Why did you let go?
I buried the hatchet
Now I am digging the hole

Burning with rage
Burning with fear
It was locked away forever
Now forcibly here

Just leave me alone
Just leave me so free
I was standing so proud
Now fetal with need

You did this to me
You would do it again
Releasing this hell
No mind or no brain!!

I remember the first day,  I walked into class,
At seven years old saying "This will be a blast!"

The classroom was full, the bell did ring
Lessons being taught, so it begins

Recess starts, the teams are split
Standing alone, the last one picked

Slowly it starts, as laughter and fun
but deep inside, I am seeing no sun

The nicknames had started, not laughing inside
but what did I do, starting to cry

Never belonging or being accepted
being myself, I felt dissected

From 2nd to 3rd and up into 8th grade
the bullies got worse, fearing into fade

Freshman to Senior, I thought I was stronger
Hitting my point, it started to boil over

It was one little word that threw me over the edge
Couldn't take it no more, all that was said

I stood up to the bully, on that great day,
all was released, feeling no shame

But it doesn't stop there, the torment goes on
At night, I dont sleep, I just sing a song

That song never ends, forever on that round
it never skips a beat, listen to the sound

Decades goes on, never forgetting the names
What has happened to me? Am I going insane?

These are the first names that tortured my young soul
Always in my mind, but never letting go

So Danny, Robert, Terry and Andy
You are not very special or very well dandy!

Oh Michael and Chuck and Bill, I remember
stand up to call, hell is your number

Chris, Steven, and even Brad
Life's but a mystery,  so why are you so sad

I tried to forgive you deep in my heart
Why did you bully me? TEARING MY WORLD APART!!

Watch him twist, watch him squirm,
Watch him catch the early worm,
See him writhe, see him turn,
He’ll take your soul,
then watch it burn.


© H V Swan

Facing each day or facing my debts
What do I see? But Russian Roulette

Cold steel in my hand and brass on the cover
loading one up, I drop the five other

Placing the barrel next to my skull
closing my eyes, feeling more dull

Pulling it back, the trigger with force
hearing a click, thinking what's more

One more time, the intensity deepens
Do I live or die? My plot thickens

Third times a charm, so I've been told
The click is once more, but nothing, BEHOLD!

Four now five, still nothing but blank
what's going on, its stealing my fate

This is the one, the final shot
squeezing that trigger, I am dead on the spot.