I cascade into riddles
while playing the broken fiddle
Strings bent by my flailing bow,
screeching cat meows
wailing into the still night

But for a second I am forgotten,
closed eyes memories faded but no one is talking,
I reconcile my internal differences
on ketamine and ****,
while sifting through the coke on the mirror.

Hampering visions of self-mistrust,
this place seems all too familiar.
I am guilted into a frenzy of denial and hate,
flaccid feelings designed to rule my mind,
stepping over casualties left in my wake.

The second hand of time
disrupts my calculated and distraught brain,
begging for forgiveness, I am in denial.
Restitution beckons my calling,
trapped in a killing jar all by myself

Where do I turn but to the inside,
feelings drift apart while my heartbeat fades.
Internally drained, stained, and maimed.
It's the useless sense of nothing
that surrounds me

Each night before I lay down,
I swallow four little pills,
two white ones, one yellow one
and one blue one

About fifteen minutes later,
my mind starts to mumble,
Then I stumble into defeat.
Eyes heavy and vision cloudy

My brain is seeking answers,
my fingers start to feel tingly.
The room slowly closes
in on me.

My emotions cease to exist,
tapping slowly on the wall.
I implode with fear
and still I seek no answers

Four little pills
plays dodgeball inside my brain
FOUR LITTLE ******* PILLS
I   I   I   I
I don't know who I am anymore

Cascading down the tunnels,
through damped corridors I go,
It doesn't stop.
Burnt flesh and tempation gone
I left my mind
on a ceramic plate
Then it shatters

Four little pills
disappeared inside of me
No reflection in the mirror to see
I am no longer in your presence
Its time to go

Society's forgotten are covered
in a diluge of lost time
and blue,
with shadows that lurk on broad shoulders
so true.

Their fractured thoughts drift
through the silent city alleyways,
only to be swallowed whole
then they vanish without a whisper

Our eyes turn away
and our minds are turned off
when their haunting voices
ring in the distance,
Shhh listen to the soft echoes slowly fade

With no end in sight,
we seek vengence and violence.
Slammed down with tired thoughts,
laying naked on the black.top,
not a single gaze

Lightning strikes the innocent down,
fracturing the mantle of time,
Struck by the sound
it echos lies and lives
But we leave them to die alone

Someone else will pick up the pieces,
Swept up in the tragedy of life,
It is the fractured souls
that we throw away and
We don't remember them anymore

I am not who I am on the inside.
Thunder clouds and rain storms
contain me on the outside,
my raging vagus nerve is about to twitch
Do you see me anymore?

I'm sitting in a place
where my anxiety and depression
become balled up in a knot
and my own self-gratification dominates
the world around me.

I am right in front of you,
Can you help me?
My darkened shadow cast nightmares behind me
as if
as if nothing else matters at all.

Where am I to go?
Blinded in this sea of madness,
Sealed deep within
my unconscious mind.
I float helplessly
in an ocean of tragic dreams

I am not who I am on the inside,
sifting through these
empty tired days,
I have grown tired,
mentally strained,
physically drained
because I am the one to blame.

The words I saw the other day on the bathroom stall read
"Glorified Prison"

MMMM, Cognitively thinking
to myself.
"This is my life"

In an instant flashback of
bent memories,
I thought about
the year
when
it all happened.
My heart started beating rapidly,
my brain collapsing,
My body drenched in sweat.
I was drowning.
Drowning inside a mental pool
and there was no life ring to save me.

I just stood there,
Mummified to the moment.
My eyes were glazed over as if I had glaucoma trying to stare
through a thick London fog.
Everything was disappearing
in front of me.
I saw it though, in my distant memory,
quickly flashing in front of me, like a shooting star across the sky,
then it was gone.

Gone to a place that I never recognized before.
A place that was out of some sort of bad dream.
That place. That brick house. Pitch black outside.
That kind of bad dream, "the worst kind of nightmare
that you can ever imagine"
and I couldn't wake up from it.
Make it go away!!
Please, Make it go Away!!
I am begging you.
STOP IT!!

His hands suffocating me,
but I could barely feel them
or hardly breathe, none the less.
Breathless in this moment.
I became to numb to my surroundings.
Trapped in my own seclusion
and by my own misdirection.
I was left wondering.

I had no idea what was going on.
Lost inside myself,
with unknown fear,
trapped inside that brick house
of malicious trepidation
and insidious manipulation.
I was being sexually violated
and I didn't know why
nor could I control it.

I was in a poisoned induced
coma of fear.
My mind was twisted
beyond reproach
as he continued his sadistic
and cruel usage of my body.
I was longer a human being,
I was just object for his enjoyment.

Escaping the insanity, I ran!!
Finally free or so I thought.
This mental torture has burdened
me for so long and has taken me down many diluted paths
of mistrust, misguidance
and internal, penalized
grief.
I am became lost unto myself.

I have grown to live inside
this Glorified Prison,
with no release date in site.
The torture that I was subjected to,
will never leave me.
So this prison has become solace.
It has also become my hell.
It is where I put on my shoes
and walk without fear but
it is also where I run away
from things.

Many times I begin to tremble when I think of
that nightmare.
It has become a seeded part of me.
It is who I am.
I am a survivor though.
One day I hope to be released
beyond the walls of this
glorified prison,
so I can finally be free.

Why can I not just leave?
Throwing back bottles of alabaster promises
and sinister ill reprieves.
Caught up in a net of conjugal visits
of past murders, one way drifters, pathetic liars and ***** little thieves.
I am enamored by the poison that
is preached by your careless mind
and heartless sting.
Behind these bars trapped like an animal,
I am all caged up and so please set me free.
Why can't you just walk away ?
instead throwing your insults, your fists
and your sorry *** two faced pleas.

I have become rusty stained, completely drained,
and drop dead vaned.
Gray padded walls enclosed, thrown back hard
with these silly blue pills of
the mentally insaned.
You abused me, bruised me, used me,
and fused me, even God can't
take away my heart felt pain.
Now, stop trying to drive me home
on your *******
mental, abusive, *******, *******
son of *****, crazy train

Can you hear that now?
I believe it is starting to downpour rain.
and I'll say it again to your face many more times
"You are so ******* vain!!"

You think you are better than I am,
with your big, bad, masculine look.
Well here is today's news flash for ya,
Mr. "I Think I Know It All"
"YOU ARE ACTUALLY MUCH MORE WORSE!!"
Oh and one more thing,
Just saying, For Realz,
You are all just one big mouth
with a lot of
"Blah, blah, blah
and
Curse, Curse, Curse"
So you can just go back
to your mommy's house
on the other side town
and steal from her poor, meager purse

I will not be silenced by your idle, childish threats,
your *****, abrasive words no longer scare me
nor will they break down my outer or inner bricks.
My life is not your gambling table,
your poker table,  or your dinner table,
I am no longer willing take on
that deadly life risk.
I will unveil the real mask
of your cruel, ugly world,
so no other can feel the real pain
of your broken, nimble fists.

Today, I fell into a medication nightmare,
because I don't know why, I really don't care
I DON'T GIVE A ****!!
But I did give a dare !

I lied to you about past aggressions,
deep recessions and loud obsessions.
These jagged little pills are in my possession.

I swallow them whole, one after another,
the red one, the blue one, sister or brother,
see you don't know me any more,
So just look away
and don't even bother

These pills are my family, my welcome mat.
They say "HI, how are you, would you like a drink with that?"
They greet me in the morning and kiss me before my evening nap!!

They take walks with me from the cup to the sink,
three minutes later, my mind stops to think,
I stumble around in lucid dreams,
and two seconds later, I dropped that drink.

Body numbed and pill jar emptied
This medication nightmare just reached out
and bit me.
I opened my eyes and could not see clearly,
and said to myself "What day is it, please?"