I found us
And I killed us.

I shouldn't have.


-- Watercolour

I'm so tired,
So tired of it all.

I'm tired of the sadness and tears;
Of the loneliness and despair,
Of the constant silence and emptiness.

I'm tired of the fear and darkness;
Of the memories that crawl through my mind,
Of the shame and terror they inspire.

I'm tired of the lies and pretending;
Of the words that leave my mouth,
Of the false "I'm fine" phrases.

I'm so tired,
So tired of it all.

I'm tired of the worries and stress;
Of the horrible scenarios,
Of the amazing scenarios.

I'm tired of the headaches and pain;
Of the emotions cartwheeling around,
Of the spiritual and emotional drain.

I'm tired of the heartache and failure;
Of the feeling of never being enough,
Of the quiet before it all hits.

I'm so tired,
So tired of it all.

i finally get to feel your touch
the knife through my heart wasn't what i was expecting,
but it'll suffice

my blood turns to ribbons on ice, and
i'm crying

you've ruined me, and i love you so much

i am a wicked thing, filled to the brim with you, and
every time you're near i pour
out the emptiness

you're killing me, but i can't stop smiling

god won't **** me and you want me dying

It's been far too long
Since I heard your smile
Or felt beautiful reflected in your eyes

The warmth of your skin
Is a vibrant memory
That tucks me in at night

It's the only reason
I bother trying to sleep

Memories taste sour
When waking
From the reality of dreams

The universe is cruel
While love is kind,
Or perhaps that's backwards

Maybe...
It's just been far too long
Since I heard your smile

Mountains or valleys
Quick heartbeats or slow exhales
Who are you to me?

You had every right to ask
And no, no reason why not to
     But you couldn't have known,
     I just felt so alone
And I wanted someone to talk to.

I'm trying to get all my thoughts out
They're clogging the drain of my mind
     I don't blame you for speaking
     Yeah I'm just freaking
Out because I was blind.

'Cause I thought I could just be friendly,
And laugh and make you laugh too
     But things always happen
     When people are chatting
And that lesson is so not new.

So now that you've come out and said so
You said that you'd like to just do this;
     Now you aren't wrong,
     But I knew all along
I just wanted to pretend I was clueless.

'Cause avoiding is the name of my game here
I avoid the past, present, and future;
     I don't want to admit it
     But the way that you said it
Got my heart all caught up in my throat here.

I analyze everything two times
And then analyze it again
     And often I'm wrong,
     But it takes me so long
To realize my mistakes when

I lie to myself, so reality
Stays at what I can accept—
     There's nothing that's worse
     Than that second verse
Of a song that trips me up the steps.

I'm still getting over some feelings
That I had for someone I knew
     He dated my friend
     So there, the end
Nothing else will happen, that's truth.

So please, if you want, give me a chance
You might find that I'm less mature
     'Cause there's struggles I face
     That I would erase
If I could find a big enough eraser.

But if you took me at my word
And let me show you my faults,
     If you still wanted to,
     I'd stick here with you
And maybe try a new waltz.

When the thought of a simple call
To the bank,
Or the doctor,
Leaves you in tears.

When working up the courage to call
Your best friend you just texted,
Or the pizza place down the road,
Leaves you with acrobatic elephants in your stomach.

When getting up on time
To go to class,
Or your job interview,
Leaves you nauseous.

When you sit there ten minutes later thinking
Why does this happen every time?
Or why can't I be normal?
Leaves you feeling like a failure.

Just say "hello"
Nope, that'll leave you wanting to *****.
Smile to them
Nope, that'll leave you shaking and sweating.
Give a wave
Nope, that'll leave you on the floor rocking back and forth.

At the end of the day
When all you can think about
Is how you were so terrified you couldn't move,
Or that you just want it to end and go away,
But knowing that it'll just keep happening

When all they can say to you is:
Just do it already.
Why do you have to make things so difficult?
Get over it!
Can't you ever act normal?
As you learn to hate yourself just a bit more
Each and every day.
As you slowly fall back
Into a downward spiral of depression.

I've been licking sandpaper,
-Again scraping away
The disease.
I let you carry,

There were only icicle covered
Cannibals; bearing hearts of lead.

My anchor to it is gone--

I think-
I think.

-I killed it for fear,
And now I'm sugarcoating-
Poisons, giving cysts.

To lesser parts of me.
Help me--

I would ask the husk of my heart.

Unable to breathe
My heart, in a state of panic
My soul, half joy/ half pain
With the darkness a true void
And the light, divine
So twisted in two
That breaking is imminent
Which survives
Darkness...
Or
Divinity
For to live as two
Is not living