Losing you proved harder than
I'd ever imagined.
So I took the memory
And pretended it never happened.

I buried you,
In the corners of my smile,
And hid you in the gaps between my teeth,
And every once in awhile,
I shone you,
In an attempt to conceal my grief.

I bottled your scent,
And put it in my pocket,
I captured those enchanting eyes
And placed them in my sockets.
I tuned your name into the beats
Of my heart,
I sewed you perfectly, into me,
So as not to tear myself apart.

I took that warm touch of yours,
And carried it in my hands,
I took that soothing voice,
And placed it into bands,
That I laced through my hair,
So when my levels of despair
Reached boiling point,
I'd never forget, that you were there,
That you had always cared.

I took your reassuring grasp,
So I'd never walk alone,
I kept your number,
Tucked neatly in my phone.
I took your kind and gentle ways,
And reinforced them to myself
As the days,
Passed by.

People told me I should start to let go
And I simply replied
With the answer of no.
Because letting go,
Means losing all of you,
And call me crazy,
But that I could never do.

Goodbye doesn't always mean the end
Like a broken heart that can never be mend
Sometimes it means a new beginning
Forget the past and start believing

Say goodbye to the guy that broke your heart
Goodbye to the memories that tore you apart
Goodbye to the girl who was never been smart
Goodbye to the place where it all starts

Remember there are things we are better without
Like relationships that will never work out
Stop thinking and living the past
Instead, tell yourself "It will be the last"

Everything happens for a reason
Like winter changes to another season
Welcome a new day with a smile and say "hi"
Because sometimes, there's really good in goodbye.

Today is the yesterday that you'll regret throwing away tomorrow.

She sleeps there in the chambers
The morning light caresses her
She paints a picture of serenity
As if time has stopped to appreciate
A perfect painting of sleeping beauty
Braided tresses lies across her beguile heart
Like a serpent entwined across in slumber
Her lithe body, breathing in perfect harmony
Creating a trance like milieu
Her beauty is mesmerizing, the faint glow captivating
Only covered with a sleep linen
The languid morning doesn't dare to wake her up
Pillows are cajoling her and being indulgent  
Her unfading beauty mesmerizes me
The sleeping beauty rests there in grace
As I quietly trespass into her dreams


Amitav...

And people wonder why I struggle to sleep
My answer
I forgot how to count sheep
After the night you sliced up my dreams and threw me into relentless nightmares.

Why is it so hard
for us to accept ourselves as we are,
and yet so easy to pick out our
imperfections and scars
and allow them to taint and tar,
combine and define
the picture we paint
The person we are,
and the person we believe we should be.
The staged presentation
we allow others to see.

The clocks came to a halt
As our conversation cracked and fizzled out,
And there was no longer a need
To scream and shout
Because with our arms wrapped the enemy
Of our lover, one another,
We were once again complete.
But you were never willing to accept defeat.
The silence became intoxicating
As it seeped through, caressing the entire room
And fed up with the waiting,
Done with all the slating,
You got up and left
All too soon.
And our only goodbye was the mixture
Of our scents,
Your whiskey breath and my stale cigerettes.
That danced in the air.
The fire inside of me began to smoulder
And the devil on my shoulder
Lay down at rest.
The night grew colder
As day drew through the blinds
And reality burst through, in dark colours, amongst the leaves
And the gentle breeze from the window
Awoke me to its short sharp scratch.
As I came to realise
You were never hear
And really it's been three years
And  I'd spent the night showering myself in my tears
And grieving a loss that
Had been and gone
Many years ago.
The clocks started ticking again
As I accepted the reality
And the formality it came with.
As I dressed for work,
I buried all of the confusion
Anguish, pain and hurt
Under bright red lipstick.
Your favourite colour.
And though I knew what I knew
Before I left
I still turned and waved goodbye to you.
Our memories crammed inbetween frames
On the Mantel piece,
They say coping gets easier
Of those deceased
Tho I have my reasons to question
Such ideation.
It's been three years,
And the house is still the same
Everything is similar
Except now I'm classed as clinically insane.
I guess you could say,
Your death, tore open and apart
My cell membranes,
Leaving room only,
For damaging remains.


And the job I'd got up and dressed for
And the night id stayed up and present in
Wishing, to see you once more
Were both fantasies,
Dreams I'd formed
Tho I wasn't dreaming
And my my mind is screaming
For you to not be gone
And it will never stop
Until we are at peace as one.
So the sun may shine
And the clouds may break
But me, I will spend the day,
Laying under our duvet
Wrapped in yesterday's memories
Of you and I
And I will sit and cry and wait
For fantasy to overtake reality
Because its hard to understand
When the two are so blurred
That I have no clue
If I can do or undo something that's happened
When there's no pattern
Just confusion.
Evolution of a broken mind.
And if I dig deep enough
Consolidation in you I find.
Despite the constant reminders
That you're gone,
Baby I'm still holding on.

Less and less of me
is familiar, and
the more I think,
the less free I'll be,
the stranger I see
in the mirror isn't me
as much as my behavior
isn't me. Insane;
To Be Or Not To Be.

Who I am isn't characterized well
and the choice isn't plain.
Are we even given a choice?
If I am, I'll go insane.


If not, I already am.

I am
A wolf among the sheep

They walk noisily about
Silently I creep

I walk as they do
I wear the same clothes

I meander my way through them
My prey will never know

The real me isn't so grand
This costume I wear is part of my plan

I'm not here to help you
I don't want your love

I am going to eat you
With teeth stained in blood

This proverbial palace of pen
And paper has room for
Exactly as many as
We are.
Together.
People of Parchment, welcome.
Move in.

Poem has room for your every letter,
Each one of your feelings, all
Pleasure; all hurt.
It's diary, -hallways that go on
Forever-
That you can explore in your mind,
It is birth

Of things that you love, that you see
Your own features in.
Thoughts fit for sharing with minds
Like your own.
It's channel for channeling, channel
For handling the things that arise,
You are never alone.

It's words to the pictures of love
That you witnessed, it's tellings of
Hardships you had
To withstand.
It's more discriptive of lust and of
Pleasure than movies you watch in
The dark with
Your hand.

The Palace of Poem has room for
Each poet. The doors are unlocked,
See the sign: "Vacancy."
Interiour's custom, your personal
Taste as design, and don't ask:  
It is perfectly free.

In here there's no grown-ups,
We're children; just taller.
No bedtime, no said time to eat or
Come home.
In here you can choose to create
When you're crying, or laughing or
Tickled or cut to the bone.
-
It's a palace fit for the Kings and
Queens of Expression
That truly live in your
Every
Mirror.

There were ways and there are ways
Ways chosen by you, and when ways choose you
Different from the usual ways
Or the most crowded ways, which everyone takes
The pathways to leading to a way
Erratically, frantically, rushing towards the common way
You are just another one amongst the crowd
Crowded ways, where you do not get a foothold
Barely managing to be pushed along the way of beaten path
An addiction, to find the seemingly easier way
For, our minds have become concrete, like the pathway
Concrete thoughts of about the way of the world
Trampled dreams and losing the way, leading nowhere
A distant goal, which is more like a hallucination
We sway this way and that way, influenced by the common ways
Becoming wayward, and dropping off midway
Clichéd as it may seem- ‘to take the road less traveled’
It’s now time to carve a new way, which is your way
Trust your instincts, and walk away on the pathway, to reach your destination




© Amitav (Radiance)

Again, I saw you standing there today
Still i cant find the words to say
Cant let out a "hi" or "hey"
Not even sure if it's okay

All along i've been following you
But when you look back I dont know what to do
Will you ever know this love is true?
Or will i remain forever feeling blue?

If only courage is something you can buy
Then maybe I dont have reasons to lie
About the words that came out as a sigh
Dont want to keep this until i die.