The dreams and the crying and the dreams and the crying and the wondering whatever the **** I did to deserve this. Waking up in a cold sweat, tangled in sheets and emotions that cling to my skin like scars, like tattoos, like you. Who the hell even cares right? Who cares about what I wake up as at two a.m., three a.m., four a.m., five a.m., noon. Who cares when I'm standing naked and still can't take off the things that weigh me down. Who ******* gives a **** about hearing that kind of news and not being able to forget how much it hurts. The knife that keeps on stabbing you in the chest, and you can't feel your feet or your arms or your fingers or your lips, but you can't escape the feeling in your chest -- the throbbing in your chest. My heart is too broken to break is what I used to comfort myself with, and now I can't sleep and now I can't move and now I  can't breathe and now I can't live without you.

I will never let it go
I've been told to dye it a natural colour
So I could get a job
But what is the point of getting a job if you can no longer be who you are

(maybe i'm a mistake)
mistake
mistakes happen all the time

just erase them and they'll be gone
erase the mistake
erase it
erase her
(erase me)

i wonder what being erased feels like
to feel nothing
but not in this way
this poisonous way
this painful way
of feeling nothing

i wonder what it feels like to be nothing
but not dirt nothing
not sludge nothing
not this nothing that stings

i wonder where the nothings go
where the mistakes go
when they're erased

i have to stop running
i run from the right things
and to the wrong thing
or is it to the right things
and away from the wrong things

it's hard to tell
when everything is in motion

can't we press pause
someone press pause
please
someone just press pause

i am spinning and falling
but i don't hit the ground
the dirt
(i am the dirt)

i just keep spinning
and i flip over and over
without touching anything
without stopping
without pausing
(someone stop me)

i keep running
(make me stop
make me sit tight
and stay in one place
make me fixed
not a mistake)

(erase me
erase me and replace me)

replace (me) with the correct thing
the right thing
the finally-makes-sense thing
the feels-right thing
the safe thing
the not-so-crazy thing
the stable thing

(erase me
and send me
to the place the nothings go.)

painting my nails
tastes like kissing you
- george